Madison Ford, Texas, USA, Blog Correspondent
Street harassment awareness is spreading. A year ago, when I talked about my research on the subject with casual acquaintances I had to explain what exactly street harassment is almost every single time. Nowadays, street harassment shows up in the media often enough that people have at least some conception of what it is.
Every once in a while, I end up having these conversations with people who have actively participated in street harassment. Most of the time these conversations end very well: we have an engaging discussion about masculinity or gender inequality and my acquaintance will express regret for ever participating in harassing behaviors. But this isn’t always how it goes down. Sometimes the people I speak with will admit they have harassed women on the street, and despite the public outcry against the act they continue to do so because they don’t see it as a problem. It’s only a game, women need to just get over it, the same old story.
Now no two people’s opinions can ever be exactly alike, but I abide by these four tips when I’m speaking with somebody who not only disagrees with my opinions on street harassment – but actively participates in harassing behaviors as well. In your discussions with friends, acquaintances, and colleagues – I hope these tips help you keep things civil and on topic.
1) Stay calm. Believe me, if anyone has ever wanted to spit fire during a conversation about street harassment – it’s me. If you let your emotions overwhelm you it will be much more difficult to word a convincing argument on the spot. Whenever your conversation partner says something frustrating, take a deep breath and move on to step two.
2) Remember the facts. Many websites have abundant research with scientific conclusions about street harassment. If somebody tells you that women are overreacting, point them to statistics on sexual assault. We live in a culture that blames the victims for the actions of perpetrators. It’s hard to walk through life as a woman not knowing that, but often it’s a fact that men overlook since sexual assault so overwhelmingly affects women. If these logical tactics still don’t sway the opinion of your acquaintance, it’s time to move on to an emotional argument.
3) Empathy. Everyone who has harassed somebody else has women in their life in some form: a mother, a sister, an aunt, a cousin, or a girlfriend. Ask the harasser how they would feel knowing someone said something sexually violent to the women in their lives. Ask them if they know the alternate routes their family members take to avoid certain men on certain streets or if their family members carry weapons to protect themselves from the threat of sexual violence. Most importantly, remember that this empathy needs to go both ways. Empathize with the harasser. Ask him why he harasses, why he thinks it’s okay, and even ask his opinion on the street harassment research you may have presented earlier in the conversation. By asking someone to truly evaluate their actions, they may realize their impact. But not everyone will – some will resist no matter what you do or say, and that’s where the last step comes in handy.
4) Recognize a lost cause. People are stubborn, especially when they’re feeling defensive. Maybe he’ll change his mind later, maybe he’ll never change his mind. Point is, some people won’t listen to what you have to say. Some people are stubborn enough they’ll wait to change their minds until after you’re gone. If the conversation has gone on for a while and you’re both just parroting the same things back to one another, realize that this conversation will probably not end with changing the other person’s mind. Never look back at conversations like this as if they’re a waste of time – think of it as your own training for future conversations. You’ll learn how to more eloquently word your arguments and you may even learn more about why you feel the way you feel about certain issues. For a while, almost nobody was even having a conversation about street harassment; so now, every conversation is integral to the fight against it.
Madison is a soon-to-be graduate of the University of Texas at Austin studying literature and sociology. Follow her on Twitter, @madiford222.
