“I did not feel my partner of life was protective of me at all”

Tonight after I finished having dinner with my husband in an Italian restaurant, he needed to use the restroom and I started reading a pasta recipe book from a book shelf just by the corner of the restroom while I waited for him. I was going through the pasta recipes page by page, and suddenly I heard a voice talking to me. I turned around and there were two boys, the taller one was saying something about giving support to some organization, and the shorter boy was holding a box of Welch’s candies. I then realized what they were asking me and said, “No thank you.”

The boys still hovered around the restroom a bit then started leaving, and I went back to reading the recipes. Then a second or two later I felt a hand slap on the right part of my butt. I was actually confused at first, and then I realized it was one of those boys.

I turned around to see they were walking at normal pace as they were heading towards the restaurant door to exit, their backs facing me, the shorter boy holding the box of candies walking in front of the taller boy. I said, “Hey what did you do?!”

They didn’t turn back towards me, but I heard the taller boy said in a very casual way, “Hey she’s mad…”.

A restaurant worker came asking me what happened, and I said one of those boys touched my butt, the restaurant worker apologized and went outside the door, and came back saying he told them to never come back to this restaurant again. A few minutes later my husband came out from the restroom, I told him what happened, and he was shocked.

Another worker in the restaurant came to us to apologize, apparently a manager who was told by the worker that appeared initially about the incident. I said I had no idea why the boys were able to come in to the restaurant. The manager promised if we come again tomorrow night, we’d get a free meal, and that the boys were told never to come back here again. My husband thanked them and we left for home.

We needed to take the New Jersey PATH train to get home. On our way to the train station I was still in shock and I started to feel unsafe, when I exited the restaurant I looked around and wondered if the boys were still around. I started asking if I should report it to the police. I think those boys do pose a risk for the society. And I remembered seeing boys like them selling candies on the PATH train, I feared that they might be actually on the train that we were going to take, but then I thought it would be merely a wild thought.

As we were walking towards the end of the platform, looking for places to sit down and me still debating whether I should have reported the incident to the police around the restaurant, we stepped into a train car and I saw the boys sitting down, one still holding the box of candies. My husband saw them as well, and I said, “It’s them!” and we immediately exited and went backwards to other cars. I was really scared.

I saw the conductor standing around even further back towards the end of the platform. I started debating with my husband whether I should report them to the conductor as they would be a risk for the passengers as well, and my husband said, “You wanna report them? It’ll take at least 2 or 3 hours. You wanna send them to jail? It’s expensive to hire a lawyer, but if that’s what you want to do, I support you.”

For me those are not supportive words, for me those are the words to intimidate and suppress me from reporting, to stop me from telling the world that one of those two boys harassed me. It is unacceptable behavior and he should be educated to stop doing that. I wanted them to stop doing what they were doing, but it never came into my mind that I wanted to send them to jail, or retaliate. I remembered the ads I’ve seen in public, telling women if you are sexually harassed, report to authority. And here I had my husband with me pressuring me towards the exact opposite. I was appalled and hugely disappointed. I did not feel my partner of life was protective of me at all. Instead I had someone that wished to quickly avoid any kind of trouble and told me to forget about the incident.

Optional: What’s one way you think we can make public places safer for everyone?

– More cameras, indoors and outdoors in public places.
– Easier way to report the incident when harassment happens. (I could not find any police on the street outside the restaurant, and I dared not walk over to the conductor since I was afraid I might be seen by the boys on my way there.)

– Anonymous

Location: Barilla Restaurants, NYC