Over the past two weeks:
I went to the gym today and on my way there some guy said, “Nice hat,” as I’m accustomed to hearing, but then he scares me a little when he leans into the door and opens it as I attempt to get to the gym, then says next to my ear, “Take care of yourself baby.”
Going to the wine store last week, “You have a great night beautiful. I hope you have a nice time. Okay? Okay?” I’m hiding in the back of the store basically.
Waiting to cross the street: “Come over and say hi to me baby. Oh, you white girls never want to talk to me.”
Driving slowly: “Hey sexy, what’s your name?”
On a different note, a guy who I asked to walk me back to the station refused to because I wouldn’t have sex with him.
I always want to say something to these men, especially after reading this blog but I get scared. I rush to get from place to place at night just to avoid these encounters but they keep happening. I could tell you that I was just wearing jeans and a winter coat but I’m sure everyone on here knows it doesn’t matter.
– Anonymous
Location: Harlem, New York
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Robin says
I am sorry this happens ,I know how terrible it is to have to deal with. You are not alone .It keeps me in the house instead of being able to take walks or go places sometimes.
Maybe when this behavior is looked at as a weakness not a right or strength then I would hope things will change .But I do not see that happening anytime soon
Sue H says
I’m sorry you’ve had to endure this, especially some so called ‘friend’ wanting you to ‘pay’ for his protection. What a slimeball.
One thing I’ve found helpful is to work out some useful things to say. Even if I don’t use them it still makes me feel more in control. For me it can be things as simple as ‘that’s harassment and it’s illegal’ or ‘back off’, but I usually end up with a phrase ending in ‘off’ or just calling them ‘pervs’. It’s very reactive with me.
Please don’t feel obliged to say anything though. No-one can tell you that you ‘should have done this’ or ‘should have said that’.
One thing I can tell you is that men don’t expect us to fight back, so when you do they don’t have an answer (or their answer is some sort of grunt or a non-argument like ‘bitch’). You know you’re winning when they resort to simple verbal abuse.
I’ve also found that I’ve never felt worse for fighting back, because it’s always felt as though I was asserting my right to be there. I’ve always thought too that if I can publicly humiliate them it may make them think twice about harassing someone else. It’s a way of regaining some of the power they’re trying to deprive me of.
As I say, those are my experiences and I suspect I’m older than you. I certainly have loads of experience of standing up for myself, but I didn’t always. I hope eventually you’ll get to the stage where you can fight back in your own way, but no-one but you can say when, or even if, you will. Just take care of yourself.