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Serbia: Surveying Youth about Street Harassment

October 20, 2014 By Contributor

Our six Safe Public Spaces Mentees are half-way through their projects. This week we are featuring their blog posts about how the projects are going so far. This first post is from our team in Serbia. Their projects are supported by SSH donors. If you would like to donate to support the 2015 mentees, we would greatly appreciate it!

After the political change fourteen years ago, the civil sector in Serbia has been dealing with the transformation of extremely violent society. There are high rates of domestic violence, juvenile delinquency, slow judiciary, inadequate laws and even less adequate penalties, and a society that was not ready to change. These are just some of the problems that demanded immediate reaction. Thanks to consistent efforts of feminist groups and NGOs, we have a new set of laws and certainly more awareness about gender-based violence.

However, these circumstances led to the minimizing the issue of street harassment. Since there was no published survey, members of our group, Equity Youth Association, believed that the right way to start dealing with this issue is to collect the data, first. In Niš, Serbia, there is a University and over 19 secondary schools, so we decided to focus our survey on youth between 18 and 30 years old.

So far, we have conducted a survey in three secondary schools and at two Faculties. We weren’t very optimistic about how open schools and Facilities would be for collaboration since the education system had various difficulties at the beginning of the school year. We have been pleasantly surprised that we haven’t been rejected, yet.

Students taking their surveys!

What has encouraged us the most is the reaction of the psychologist of the school that has mostly female students: “I’m so glad you have brought up this subject. Our girls are completely unaware of what harassment is. And how couldn’t they be? We live in society where it is normal to stare and comment on everybody and everything. They are expecting to be looked at. They are taught that looking good is the only thing that matters. They validate themselves through how many offensive, primitive comments they receive daily. It’s disturbing.”

It was upsetting to hear that most of the described behaviors from our survey are seen as “normal” and an “every-day thing”. But, the fact that majority of girls aren’t feeling pleasant when they experienced these things was an indicator that this is something that can be changed.

Boys were quite honest, as well: “Of course I have done this. What is the other way to approach a girl, anyway? I have to draw her attention somehow. Once she meets me, she will know that I’m better than that.” So, they are aware that is wrong, they just don’t know what the alternative is.

One of the teachers shared her story with us: “During my class, in the classroom on ground floor, a man approached the window and started masturbating. Kids started to scream and he luckily ran away. But, I was so shocked that I was unable to move. When I come to think of it, I didn’t tell anybody about this, until now.”

We have also noticed that there are city parks where usually young people are gathered that are recognized as places where harassment occurs. Strangely enough, even though they are always full with young people, especially during the summer, street lighting in these places is not very good.

There are, as well, a few questions in our survey about the LGBT population, or people who are perceived as LGBT because of the stereotypes. These questions, as we have expected, were the one that have received the most reactions. One of the principals said that kids in his school are “normal” and have no idea what those words like gay and lesbian mean.

One of the girls got very angry when she read these questions. She had marched to her teacher and screamed: “Look what they are asking us. They are probably thinking that it’s ok to be a faggot or a dyke, but I would kill them all.”

The teacher was visibly uncomfortable because of the girl’s reaction and this is how she tried to make things right: “But, it’s not “their” fault that “they” are like “that”. I read about this. Something happens in mother’s body during third month of pregnancy that causes them to be like “that”.”

Living in homophobic society, we were expecting to get all kinds of reactions, but we weren’t prepared for this amount of ignorance. It is more than obvious that we need education among all structures of society.

The last set of questions in our survey is about legislation and the lack of the definition of sexual harassment in public places in our legal system. The students’ answers were rather discouraging. One law student wrote, “Making a legal frame won’t change a thing. Prosecutors are not able to prove there was a murder, let along street harassment. Rule of law is unattainable for us.”

However we are grateful for each and every reaction we get and every question answered. Hopefully, the results will indicate what should be our next step and what could really make a change.

Marija Stanković, Equity Youth Association and the lead SSH Safe Public Spaces Mentee in Serbia. 

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Filed Under: LGBTQ, SSH programs, street harassment

“Do not ever make a woman feel unsafe.”

October 20, 2014 By Contributor

I have never been grabbed by a stranger in my life.

I was walking around in the West Village after work today; talking with my mom on the phone about visiting Georgia at the end of the month. I had my headphones on, but I always keep one ear off, just to stay alert/aware of my surroundings. Even though the West Village is a family friendly, brownstone neighborhood, you honestly never know. Which brings me to this:

As I was talking with my mom, a man, obviously a bus boy of some kind because of his apron, walking in front of me. Did the usual up-and-down as I walked towards him. I kept my head down and continued walking, as I normally do. Because I was talking to my mom and not listening to music, I heard him call me “Sweet Baby.” Nothing out of the norm, usual annoyance.

Then, he grabbed my arm. He physically put his hand on me, this stranger. Immediately I figured out in a fight-or-flight situation, I’m fight.

I snapped around, with my headphones still on, practically yelling, pointed my finger in his face and said,

“Don’t you dare ever f**king touch a woman without her permission. Do you understand me?”

He froze. And said sorry with his hands up, and slowly backed away. I continued,

“Take this as a f**king lesson. Do not ever make a woman feel unsafe. Do not ever make anyone feel unsafe. Be fucking ashamed of yourself. Learn from this. Remember this.”

And as I was telling this to my brother, he made a really great point. Thank God I had that reaction. Because you never know what people are capable of, and if he had really intended to harm me, there’s only so far you can run. There’s only so much you can do if you freeze up, which is a lot of women’s natural reaction to a physical threat.

I got mad, I defended myself. And I felt really f**king good about it. And I never usually call people like that out, ever.

But the minute you put your hands on a stranger, male to female, male to male, female to male, you’ve got to fight. Because you never know what someone’s intentions are the minute they put their hands on you.

– Rebecca Florence

Location: West Village, NYC

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See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for more idea

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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment

“I have been followed with a video camera pointed at my butt”

October 19, 2014 By Contributor

I used to live in DC and the harassment is obnoxious. I have been followed with a video camera pointed at my butt while leaving a grocery store. I have had guys park their car and sit at the bus stop and harass me to get my number. One time when I was only 16, a metro bus driver in Northeast D.C flicked his tongue at me in a sexual way when I boarded the bus and when I got off of the bus. It made me feel so uncomfortable. I couldn’t believe that a grown man could behave like that even in a professional setting.

– RJ

Location: Washington, DC

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See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for more idea

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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment

“I believe that is a fundamental issue in our society today”

October 16, 2014 By Contributor

The other night I went to visit my sister at her college, and the next night they were having a night out at a nearby rollerskating rink. I went with her and was desperately trying to teach her how to skate so I pulled her off to the side while we laughed at her clumsiness.

As I stood with my sister, an obnoxious guy skated by quickly and turned to face my sister and me as he called, “Hey there baby!” And laughed with his friend as they skated away. My first reaction was to think, “It’s a compliment, just take it as a compliment.” But the thing is, it’s NOT a compliment. Viewing me for my sexuality alone is not flattering! And more importantly, I do NOT have to accept it! I am entitled to my body, and no one else. I am fifteen years old, and that guy was probably at LEAST twenty!

Calling me things like “hot” or “sexy” or “baby or “princess” does not make me anymore interested in you. I hate the words hot and sexy, I absolutely LOATHE them. It is incredibly objectifying to call anyone a name based off of their sexuality alone and how they appeal to you in that way.

The only people who can call me ANYTHING are people who I CARE about, people who I know and think twice about. Not sick, perverted, raving rape culture enthusiasts on the street or otherwise. I wouldn’t even give that guy the time of day.

Optional: What’s one way you think we can make public places safer for everyone?

The first thing we need to do is band together, we need to vow to stand with our sister/brother in the scenario that they are being harassed. The second thing we need to do is educate young boys and men about how to view and treat a woman, because I believe that is a fundamental issue in our society today.

– Brianna

Location: Greenville SC, at a rollerskating rink

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See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for more idea

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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment

“Blowing kisses while licking his lips”

October 12, 2014 By Contributor

I’d like to share my story to show that it happens to men as well.  I’ve actually experienced it several times since I moved here.  And I don’t mean the “faggot” or “queer” kind of catcalling that many gay men experience – that doesn’t seem to be an issue in most parts of this city.

As a runner, I’ve often had men – often homeless – jeer and compliment my “juicy ass,” and, while it has been bothersome, nothing has come close to what happened yesterday.  I was walking home in a hoodie and gym shorts (so I definitely wasn’t “asking for it” – whatever that means) and this guy screams “nice ass” out of his car window.  I didn’t even realize he was talking to me until I saw him waiting at the corner.

He rolled his windows down and began jeering and blowing kisses while licking his lips.  It just so happens that I live at that corner and very stupidly ran inside.  He waited outside for about 5 minutes, backing up to peer in the windows and laugh while I cowered in fear.  I’m kicking myself for not wearing my glasses, so I couldn’t get his plate.

Optional: What’s one way you think we can make public places safer for everyone?

Make the discussion less gendered – it happens to everyone

– D

Location: Washington, DC

Share your street harassment story for the blog.
See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for more idea

 

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Filed Under: male perspective, Stories, street harassment

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