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Nepal: ENOUGH!

March 31, 2014 By Contributor

Cross-posted with permission

Enough of being right
Enough of being fair,
Do you even care?

I walk in the nights
Wearing my tights
Wolves around me
With glistening eyes
Ready to pounce
Waiting for a chance

I walk my days through
In my flowery shorts,
Those streets everyday
There, the birds of prey
Gawking like a fool
Hawking through my soul

But you say
That is so fair
I am not to dance,
I’m not to prance,
In my tights and shorts

Tights are too tight for me
Shorts are too short, you see
“Nights are not yours girl,
Days are just fine to be!”

And when I tell you how degraded I feel every time
a stranger calls “Hey Bomb, I wanna F*** you” at me,
You say,
“Maybe you were in the wrong place
at a wrong time
wearing a wrong dress”
You never talk about that wrong person

Then you add,
“Go to your college straight,
go with a friend,
Go to your work straight,
stay quiet, do not fend,
Come back home straight
And that’s the end,
end of your day”

End of your day?
End of My day, you say?

End of my dignity
End of my sanity
End of my capacity
To bear
End of my mobility, my creativity
End of your sensitivity
I say

Dear human being, in what language does no mean yes?
And why don’t you get that I’m a human being too
Just like you
Please don’t make me hate you
‘Coz that means I hate me too!
Dear human being, please understand,
And speak up!!

It’s enough now
Enough of accepting,
Enough of giving in,
The bells of freedom hence ringing
Holding head high
Singing my own song
Of love and life,
Of right and wrong
Flying high in the sky
Swimming deep into the sea
Getting lost in wilderness
Staring into the abyss
Dancing to the tunes of hope

– As I like it!

Enough is enough!!

Smirti RDN works on safe cities efforts in Kathmandu, Nepal.
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Filed Under: anti-street harassment week, street harassment

“This week is already opening up my eyes to street harassment”

March 31, 2014 By Contributor

Cross-posted with permission

This week is International Anti Street Harassment Week, a week that I would never known had existed had it not been for the wonderful Leena over at @justkissmyfrog, whose first two videos on the subject you can find here and here.

Like Leena, I had no idea this week was something that took place but the more I have read up on it and the more coverage that has been publicised surrounding the issue, the more I have been encouraged to speak up about it, by providing a link between the impact of street harassment on our mental health.

So what is street harassment? A few examples include catcalls, groping, stalking, assault, sexist comments and public masturbation. More importantly, street harassment  is a form of gender violence and occurs across the world to at least 80% of women. It degrades females to an undeniably large degree and enhances women’s levels of insecurity and the ways in which they perceive themselves.

My first notable experience of street harassment occurred when I was at least 13 years old (I can’t remember my exact age, but I was very early on in secondary school), and I was walking home from school with a girl that I knew well and a boy which she knew from the year above, but who I didn’t know so well.

I remember at one point of the journey her taking a separate direction to make her way home and this boy and I being left alone to walk the remainder of the journey. At one point, in an alleyway behind my old primary school and in-between some flats he groped my arse and I remember backing away, asking him what he was doing. I can’t remember what happened after that but I remember reaching the end of the alleyway, him having to make his way home and as soon as he was out of sight I remember vividly rushing as fast as I could down to the next alleyway to get home.

The worst part about all of this is at the time, I didn’t think much of it and I thought it was a normal thing to just happen to a thirteen year old girl. Anti-Street Harassment Week has opened my eyes to the multitude of reasons why I struggle with severe anxiety regarding leaving my house, especially without the presence of my boyfriend. I am not by any means suggesting that this event as a teenager prompted or caused my anxiety, not at all, but the fact that over the years preceding this the extreme levels of bibbing and catcalling I receive from cars and strangers as I’m just simply attempting to get to my own house may serve as a slight reason for my constant preference to remain inside within the comfort of my own home. I don’t go nightclubbing anymore or even just out in general without the presence of my boyfriend because I’m terrified of other men seeing me, alone, as an object, to touch and grope as and when they please (which has happened to me in nightclubs and bars before) and being emotionally too vulnerable and anxious to not run from the situation, worried that I would then be followed, thereby causing more attraction to myself.

I count myself very lucky to never have experienced any serious forms of assault, be it sexual or non, have never been made to witness public masturbation and have never been stalked, but I am very aware that this happens everyday across the world and be it minor or major incidents, I am sure I would find it very difficult to find a woman who hasn’t experienced this kind of sexist public humiliation.

A week ago I decided to take a different route home from University and go instead to a train station which is a 20 minute walk from my house as opposed to the one I usually go to which is a tiny bit further away. I also fancied a change of scenery and a different walk home, learning in DBT recently to challenge my anxiety and to be mindful of my present situation. Upon leaving the train station, I have to walk down a long main road behind my house, next to a reservoir. During this walk home I was catcalled once and bibbed three times from men in their cars.

I remember each time feeling a pounding sensation in my heart where this walk wasn’t refreshing anymore and I just wanted to get home. Each time, the pounding got worse. I walked as quickly as I could until my legs began to ache and only felt safe once I had reached the comfort of my house and had locked the door securely behind me. All because I was a woman, alone, walking down a main road.

Although I experience a large amount of body image hang ups still, well after the years of my eating disorder, I sometimes wonder if 50% of my body image issues are to do with the way I view myself and the extra 50% is to do with the fear of comments from men as I walk down the street. Last summer I attempted to steer clear from wearing jeans and black tights with my skirts if it was a nice day and just step out in a crop top and shorts if I wanted to or a dress with natural tights, or better still a dress with no tights at all. But by doing so it felt wrong, and the main point of my argument is that it shouldn’t feel wrong. I should be able to wear what I like and feel comfortable in my own skin without experiencing jeers and leering from men. It affects the way I perceive myself, my actions, the way that I walk along my street, the way that I look and the way I must look to men.

Interestingly enough, my mother asked me the other day whether I’d be prepared to go running outside in preparation for my Race for Life 5k run this year and instead of being ultimately up for the challenge, I responded by saying it was a ludicrous idea, telling her to think of all the attention and crap we’d attract from passing vehicles. (I live on a main road and consequently am surrounded by main roads). Yet my Dad goes jogging at least three times a week, with no issues whatsoever, because he’s male. I just know how impossible that would be for me, as a woman living in London, to do. I shouldn’t have to feel that way.

This week is already opening up my eyes to street harassment, what it is, and how common it is across the world. I am more than just an object and I am more than the size and shape of my legs, boobs, waist, and bum. I deserve respect by choosing to take a simple stroll to my local shops, not an entity of abuse. I’ve been brought up to just expecting and accepting that men like to ogle, stare, and yell obscenities at myself and my friends and that is really not okay. I deserve my own space, not just as a woman but as a human being. Street harassment ultimately violates my rights as a human.

It’s difficult to say what we can do to fight against the power that street harassment has upon young girls and women. Speaking out about it, you may argue will not change the situation, but it will raise awareness and highlight the message that this issue is wrong and one to be taken seriously, not just one that a bunch of feminists got together to start complaining about (of course, because we’re women, right?!)

We can also educate ourselves and be aware of what to do in the event of experiencing street harassment, and I will hereby redirect you to some excellent articles on how to deal with street harassers on the International Stop Street Harassers Website here, as well as what to do before or after experiencing street harassment here.

I’d also really encourage you to follow @EverydaySexism on Twitter, which is used to document the public’s experiences of sexism and harassment on a daily basis, highlighting the severity of the issue.

Amy-Louise is a 21 year old woman trying to work towards bigger and better things. English Literature student. Blogger and bookworm who campaigns to raise awareness of mental health problems. Currently a retail assistant with huge dreams and ambitions. Charity fundraiser and most importantly, in love.

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Filed Under: anti-street harassment week, Stories, street harassment

“It wasn’t funny or something to joke about”

March 31, 2014 By Contributor

So this is just the most recent thing that has happened. Unfortunately this has happened many times before. I am 18 and still live at home and we live just a few minutes away from a grocery store. I ran to the store to get a few things we needed before dinner. I went alone, like I had many other times.

I was near the back of the store when I turned around and there was an older man extremely close to me. At first I thought I was in his way so I tried to move but he blocked me multiple times before saying I have been following you through the whole store trying to keep up with you. I was pretty petrified to be honest.

He continued with saying you just look really great today, you look so good. I was scared and didn’t know what to do there was people around but I felt completely alone. I didn’t respond or make eye contact I just wanted to leave but he blocked me again. I ended up turning around and practically running in the opposite direction and nobody seemed to notice.

I still had things I needed and I was scared every aisle I went down that he would be there. I got home and told my mom and sister what had happened and that it really freaked me out. I was shocked at how they immediately responded with oh he’s just complimenting you, he’s your secret admirer, they were saying things like this in a joking manner.

My mom could see how upset I really was by this and I told her how scared I was. She finally realized it wasn’t funny or something to joke about. She said she didn’t want me or my sister going there alone anymore. And since then I haven’t. It is ridiculous that I can’t even run to my neighborhood grocery store alone without feeling threatened.

– Taylor M.

Location: King Soopers Pharmacy 1842 N College Ave Fort Collins, CO 80524

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Check out the new book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers!
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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment

Canada’s Epidemic of Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women

March 31, 2014 By Contributor

By Britnae Purdy, First Peoples Worldwide, Cross-Posted with Permission

Image via Indian Country

Walking home. At night. Alone.

Every woman holds close a fear of this situation – even the bravest occasionally let a “what if” wander into the corners of their mind.

You’re walking home from work because you can’t afford a car just yet – ironically, the same reason you need to keep this job. All your friends were busy tonight, so you couldn’t bum a ride. And public transportation just doesn’t go this far out. You’ve done it before; you know the dangers, but there’s really nothing else to do. More than likely, things will be fine.

When you see headlights coming up behind you, you hold your breath.

When the car pulls up next to you, your heart stops for a moment.

When he rolls down the window, your body switches into survival mode – tensed, pulse racing, scanning the dark landscape for an out.

You steel yourself against the words he and his friends shout to you, throw at you, wondering not for the first time what your skin color, cup size, outfit really have to do with it all. There’s four of them – why do they always seem to travel in packs? You grasp your keys, knowing what a feeble defense they’d provide anyway. Mostly you pray, wondering if tonight is the night you’ll join the numbers – the upwards of 900 Indigenous women who have been murdered or gone missing in Canada in the past 30 years.

Part of Canada’s beauty lives in its vastness. Your ancestors have thrived in partnership with the land since time immemorial. But that vast nature can be frightful as well – there are many places you could take a person where they won’t easily be found.

You wonder if you’ll have time to dial up the police on your cell phone, but the authorities aren’t much trusted by your community – a long pattern of abuses and misplaced authority have eroded that relationship.

The worst thought that passes through your mind isn’t so much what will happen to you, but the idea that your family may never know. The investigation is likely to go cold – if it is even opened at all. The rates are so high in your community that they’ll likely just write you off – your entire life reduced dismissively to one word: “runaway,” or “suicide,” or “overdose.”

The car rolls along beside you as you walk, eyes forward, mind rolling over these thoughts. Then, for whatever reason, your harassers lose enthusiasm for their fame. They decide you’re not the special “Pocahontas” they’re looking for tonight, you’re actually just a “dirty, drunk, redskin bitch” like all the rest. One hollers a final “war cry” and the car revvs and speeds up, the hunters leaving you in the dark with your beating, beating heart.

You call up your sister to talk for the duration of your walk home. She’s not happy to be woken up late at night, but you need to hear her voice. She’ll understand when you explain later.

You rationalize it out until your breath returns to you and the shaking in your hands subside.  It’s normal. It’s to be expected. It will happen again, and at least this isn’t as bad as what happened to your friend or cousin. You’re lucky. You won this battle. Congratulations.

But you can’t help but wonder – what is this life you’re fighting so hard for?

What is a life when others view you less as human, more as prey?

Britnae is currently acting as the communications manager at First Peoples Worldwide, a nonprofit dedicated to supporting Indigenous communities, culture, and rights around the world. Britnae received her BA in International Affairs and Women’s and Gender Studies from the University of Mary Washington in 2013, and is now working on an MA in Global Affairs, with a specialization in Global Health, at George Mason University.

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Filed Under: anti-street harassment week, Stories

“He tries to ‘punish’ me”

March 23, 2014 By Contributor

Sitting in a pretty empty stopped subway car with the doors still open, a man is walking by staring and I try to avoid him. He isn’t even getting on the subway but this doesn’t stop him from standing on the platform yelling into the car at me “Ma’am you’re beautiful!” I feel uncomfortable and don’t want to encourage him so I don’t respond, yet he still goes on: “Ma’am, you’re beautiful! You could at least say thank you!”

I still avoid him, and that is still not enough for him to just drop it, he goes on one more time and now he is annoyed that I am not appreciative of his obnoxious shouts, and he says, “Ma’am, YOU’RE UGLY”.

I couldn’t care less about whether a stranger thinks I am beautiful or ugly, its just the fact that he tries to ‘punish’ me or make me feel bad about myself because I don’t appreciate being hollered at is what gets to me.

– Anonymous

Share your street harassment story for the blog.
Check out the new book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers!
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Filed Under: street harassment

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