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“I felt really disgusted”

November 2, 2013 By Contributor

I was at a bus stop, waiting for my bus to arrive, it was dark out. I see a man with a hooded sweatshirt and he appeared to be faceless because all I saw was the hoodie and baggy sweatpants. He stood about 5 feet away from me, to my side. I had a weird feeling about him and I looked and he was reaching into his pants, I got scared and thought he was going to pull out a knife or a gun. I was so scared wondering what should I do, run away?! but then I keep looking and he pulled out his dick… I saw and just walked away.

I felt really disgusted. I walked away behind him, where other people were also waiting for the bus. I stood between two older women. I felt disgusted and dirty like I had to go home and take a shower, It made me feel like a piece of meat. I couldn’t believe what had just happened. I had experienced street harassment since I was very young, about 9 or 10 years old, but this has got to be the worst one.

Do you have any suggestions for dealing with harassers and/or ending street harassment in general?

I would suggest that for catcallers, they get called out on their actions, but I understand that is very difficult to do especially because one is always considering their own safety before anything else. for example, I thought that person had a gun or knife, you never know! I usually never make eye contact with men on the street because if I do, most of the time I get the “sexual lustful stare”

– Anonymous

Location: Bus stop in San Francisco, CA

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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment

Cameroon: Safe Cities Walk

October 30, 2013 By Contributor

By Zoneziwoh Mbondgulo, Buea, Cameroon, SSH Safe Public Spaces Mentee

#OrangeDay in Cameroon

Street harassment in this our area is real.  Though often overlooked especially that of police officers who have now become more of perpetrators of harassment on girls and young women dressed in ‘shorts’ , leggings, topless blouse and/ or light cloths.

Some months ago, I wrote a blog post for Stop Street Harassment Mentorship Program on the different forms of street harassment faced by women and girls here in our community.  In this my special edition, I wish to share my #OrangeDay report to draw your attention to three unique stories – there are a lot but I have chosen to share just these three– about street harassment – especially police harassment of girls and women based on dressing choice.

Yesterday, together with three friends, I joined the UN Women in celebration of the global #OrangeDay Campaign, where we did a SAFE CITIES WALK to raise awareness on street harassment and calling for SAFE CITIES FOR GIRLS & WOMEN.

The experience of yesterday was awesome.  It was far more interesting than what I had initially imagined. At least, I felt more empowered and confident talking about harassment as we walked in a group, dressed in our uniform, that’s the Orange T-shirts (and trousers) and on each T-shirt was a message calling for SAFE SPACES for all, particularly women and girls. In total, we covered a distance of one mile.

While doing that, I observed so many things. First, the fact that those who read the message on our T-shirts engaged into debates.  While some (bystanders, including our own friends) asked us what we meant by ‘harassment’, why we were wearing Orange, and who were harassing who? Moreover, whether ‘we think girls / women should be allowed to dress the way they do?”

Another interesting remark was that many of those (but for some few) who read the message made a comment – though not all were supportive.

Recollecting my yesterday experience, brings me back to the three unique stories I promised to share.

1.  Two Sundays before celebrating this Orange day, I witnessed a young woman, probably within her twenties been bullied at the Molyko Junction by two police officers, simply because she had dressed in a short long sleeve gown. This lady was new in town and was just about to board a car to the bus station where she would take a bus to Douala, the economic capital of Cameroon.  This, she said in her unrecorded statement to the police while on detention.

While at the police station, before later been ordered to leave the station,  I had asked the officer on-service to show me where exactly in the law it is mentioned that girls shouldn’t dressed in ‘shorts’ and what parameters/ measurement  tapes do they [as dressing police] use to measure what is ‘short’ and not.

This is the third time; I am at that same police station asking for the same clothing law which says what girls/women must and must not wear in public. I remember the first time I went there; they weren’t able to show me a piece of document. They referred me to Court. The following day, I went to Court and there I was referred to the governor’s office. And so on…till date—no office has provided me with any of the document they claim exists.

2. Some months ago, a boy also laid a complaint to my organization; Women For A Change, Cameroon (WFAC), how on his way home, one hot afternoon, a police officer stopped him, and began bullying at him, pulling him from his waist and dragging him on the unpaved road to a nearby bar in the quarters, and asking him to confess that he was gay. All these because he had dressed in short demi-jean and had long painted finger nails and a carved eyebrow.

3. Sometimes ago, I also recalled witnessing a young educated man, (sadly someone I know) bullied and threatened to pull down a girl’s skirt and spaghetti top. And when asked why he would even think of doing such a thing, he said: “The girl’s dressing was improper” “wearing short-tight fitted cloth on the street was not correct”, whereas, he forgot to realized that he too was wearing a swag trouser that stays under the buttocks and may also be seen as improper because his whole ASS was exposed.

There are many of such examples, many of which end up unreported and unaddressed, especially as those who are to bring justice have also become perpetrators.

I think we need to change our ways, get more serious and work for more progressive and development-oriented issues.  And neither harassing nor detention of women and girls can get us there. These to me, are senseless and focus –less actions!

Updates on this project can be found at: Women for a Change- Cameroon, or via Twitter @zofem.

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“So gross, and so disturbing.”

October 27, 2013 By Contributor

I was walking to our local corner market in the middle of the day when a man driving by stopped and rolled down his window. He asked me where the 210 Freeway was, and when I told him, “No, sorry,” and kept walking he proceeded to pull out his dick (in his Nursing scrubs, I might add) and started to jerk off. He then told me, “He knew I wanted to suck his dick” and became increasingly aggressive/excited. I told him to “Get the f*** out of here” and I walked back a block where I had seen a couple standing.

He then sped off. So gross, and so disturbing.

– Anonymous

Location: Marmion Way and 53rd, Los Angeles, CA

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Important Discussion with GBTQQI Men in D.C.

October 23, 2013 By Contributor

The Gay District says NO to harassment!

By: Patrick Ryne McNeil

On Friday, October 18, I joined Holly Kearl to co-facilitate a discussion group at Gay District, a “social and discussion group for 18-35-year-old GBTQQI men” that meets twice each month in Washington, D.C.

The discussion focused on sexual harassment and sexual violence experienced in public spaces specifically by this community of men in D.C. Stories about particular incidents of street harassment, how these experiences impact the way these men navigate public spaces, and solutions – both in D.C. and beyond – were of particular interest during the discussion.

I was incredibly appreciative for the number of men who attended this important discussion and was struck by just how many of them had stories to share. They underscored for me both how common this issue is for so many men in D.C. and just how many separate venues it permeates – not just on the street, but in stores, at bus stops, on the bus and on metro. And it starts so early. Several men discussed being harassed at alarmingly young ages, well before they identified as gay or some other non-normative identity.

One solution discussed that is specific to D.C. was making sure everyone knows they have access to WMATA’s anti-sexual harassment ad campaign, something that many men thought was really (perhaps exclusively) for the use of women. In addition, ensuring that everyone knows where they can report harassment is critical; one participant who experiences harassment at his bus stop was unaware that he could report harassment at that location, which is in fact an option on WMATA’s reporting page.

Friday’s discussion is one of ten taking place across the United States with various demographics as part of Stop Street Harassment’s national study on street harassment.

My master’s thesis focuses on how gay and bisexual men experience street harassment. To learn more about my research in particular, you can check out my op-ed from this year’s International Anti-Street Harassment Week, or contact me at patrickryne@gmail.com.

Patrick McNeil is finishing his master’s thesis at The George Washington University in Washington, D.C., where he is pursuing his Master’s in Women’s Studies. His work focuses on whether and how gay and bisexual men experience street harassment and how this form of harassment intersects with and diverges from the gender-based street harassment of women. Follow him on Twitter at @patrickryne.

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Filed Under: LGBTQ, SSH programs, Stories, street harassment

“I don’t have to smile for you”

October 22, 2013 By Contributor

I was walking to return a video in my neighborhood, and a block ahead I saw a man loitering on the corner. I knew even before I approached him that he was going to say something to me. Sure enough, he told me to smile, it’s a beautiful day. I ignored him and he continued calling after me to smile and not be so mean. After I returned the video I almost went around the block to come back a different way, but I didn’t want to allow him that much impact on me so I returned the same way, but luckily he was gone. I was so annoyed that I searched for a better response and found this site.

If I had it to do over again, I would stop and say, “I don’t have to smile for you. I’m going down the street and when I come back, if you’re still here, you can say ‘Good afternoon,’ or nothing at all.”

– RS

Location: Ballard neighborhood, Seattle, WA

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