Stop Street Harassment

Making Public Spaces Safe and Welcoming

“Want some chocolate milk on the side?”

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I have had to deal with harassment of all sorts ranging from leers to unwanted touching ever since I was a teenager and now at age 31 that has not changed. I used to have to take public transit and I was an intern at the hospital…I had to change my route from the hospital to the bus station due to this autoshop on the street where a bunch of guys would holler and say all sorts of rude and degrading things to me as I walked by. I can’t walk anywhere without having a car honk at me and some loser hanging out the passenger side asking me for my number. One memorable experience was when a guy asked me if I was married. When I replied in the affirmative he went on to ask me if I was married to a white or a black man. When I didn’t answer he said “Must be a white man…want some chocolate milk on the side?”

I even had one guy come and grab me roughly on the arm, demanding my name as I was getting into the car when my husband was picking me up! The nerve!

Recently I ran across that game that has been making the rounds at http://www.heybabygame.com and the feedback I have been seeing especially from the majority of males is very predictable. “Oh noes, how dare we find a woman attractive and compliment her!”

There is a difference between nice polite compliments and outright leering and making a woman uncomfortable. A big difference. It is a thin line to be sure, and too many men cross it.

It is about time that guys learn that this type of stuff is NOT okay. It is not welcome, it is not flattering. It is uncomfortable, degrading, and in many cases downright scary.

Thank you for this website.

– Tracy

Location: Albany, GA

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A man on a bike grabbed my ass

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Tonight while walking home in my quiet well-lit neighborhood, a man on a bike grabbed my ass. As it was a narrow sidewalk and he had to squeeze past me, it took a minute to realize what had happened. He grabbed my ass! There was no doubt it had been intentional — he turned around and grinned at me. Twice. The entire time I was so surprised that all I could do was glare.

Even now I’m not sure what I should have done. Yelled at him? Made a scene? Ignored him?

– anonymous

Location: Washington, DC

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“Even as a man, I cringe at street harassment”

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Even as a man, I cringe at street harassment. I can’t help but hear kissing noises or whoops or vocalized honks. There was one time years ago when I heard some street harassment going on, but my response was to turn to the harassers and make flirtatious gestures at them as if they were calling out to me. I think that was enough to silence them, at least for a moment.

– Mr. MRS

Location: New York, NY

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“What if he makes good on that threat?”

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I was catching a bus home one night and some guy came on after me when I’d already sat down. I don’t like talking to total strangers (I have a bit of a social anxiety, especially around men) so I just smiled and nodded when he said, “Hi.” I kept smiling and nodding when he said, “How are you?” This was some stereotypical wankster, short and scrawny with rat-like features. They’re a dime a dozen in Cambridge (Ontario, Canada). Pissed that I wouldn’t answer him, he stalked off to sit at the back of the bus, muttering (as loud as possible, as contradictory as that sounds), “Bitch,” and then “All I wanted to do was stick my cock up your ass.”

So naturally was like BITCH NO YOU DI’IN’T, so I went and told the bus driver, who called security, and got him kicked off the bus and banned. A nice older gentleman at the front of the bus (where the bus driver had moved me for safety reasons) was kind enough to back me up.

I had a couple panic attacks afterward (one which resulted in a breakdown), but then I was fine. People kept saying, “I’m so proud of you!” but to me, it was just logic. All I could think was, “What if he makes good on that threat? What if he gets off at my stop and follows me home and tries to rape me?” I’d rather be “brave” and get his sorry ass kicked off the bus and be a “whiny bitch” and kick up a fuss about it than risk being assaulted.

– M. Hammond

Location: 55 St. Andrews bus, Ainslie Street Terminal – Cambridge, Ontario, Canada

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“If you don’t want a bad reaction from a woman, don’t follow strangers!”

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Yesterday I was walking down my street heading home, and right outside my apartment I passed by two guys in their twenties heading towards me. A couple of seconds after we had passed each other one of them yelled to me, “Put a smile on your face!”

I was caught off guard and I turned around to see his inane grin. I’m afraid I only replied in a meek and confused tone, “I don’t know you…don’t tell me what to do.”

This made me furious because for a week I had been anxious about my boyfriend and I splitting up. We were due to have a serious chat tonight. So a lot of things were on my mind. I don’t have to explain why a stranger telling me to smile ticked me off.

But LATER that night I was heading to the store for groceries when I passed a neighbor (who has never struck me as particularly friendly – more thuggish) in a wheelchair lounging with a group of friends on the sidewalk outside his apartment. As I approached, his friends signalled to him and he turned around and breathed “Hi, Baby” as I walked past. I gave a disgusted look but marched on. He continued with, “I said Hi… What the fuck.”

At this point I was really sick and tired of it. Why do these incidents occur more often when you are in a vulnerable emotional and mental state?

Well, it wasn’t over. Tonight I was on my WAY to the dreaded conversation with boyfriend and was walking out of the subway train on the platform towards the exit, deep in thought. Suddenly a voice very close over my shoulder says “Hi, How are you?” Startled, I stopped and turned around and saw a guy in his twenties in a dress shirt and suit pants, looking at me EXTREMELY INTENTLY. As I stared at him in evident confusion he defended himself with “Just saying “hi”. I said, alright, and backed up past him and exited through the nearest turnstile, picking up my pace. Ahead of me was an escalator and a row of two or three staircases. I picked the stairs on the far right because I didn’t look forward to having this character follow me or stand behind me on the escalator.

When I was almost at the top I heard a voice right behind me: “I want to talk to you”. It was him AGAIN! I shook my head and said, in a not friendly tone, “Maybe I don’t WANT to talk.”

I reach the outside of the station, and he’s right behind me, saying with much resentment: “Maybe you have a bad attitude.” I turn right and start heading in the direction of my meeting place. I turn around and, raising my voice, say “Maybe you’re a CREEP.” He starts responding, equally loudly, with an expletive here and there, but I’m no longer listening but walking away in a rage. I turn around and scream finally: “GET AWAY FROM ME, YOU FUCKING CREEP!” As I walk on, I hear that he has called after me one more time, so I give him the finger as a final parting gift.

When I find my bf, I tell him I need to take ten, because my Zen-like state which I found so necessary to have a calm conversation with the person I love about going our separate ways, had been ruined.

This was the first time I had responded this way to street harassment. And it didn’t make me feel immediately better, because I was pondering – did I overreact? Was it even effective in showing this guy that women have a right to be left alone in public? Should I have kept my voice calm and instead informed him that he should leave me alone, before freaking out like I did?

But posting here has been cathartic. NO. I did NOT overreact. Maybe I’m a crazy bitch. more likely, I’m having a bad day. Either way you do NOT know me and if you don’t want a bad reaction from a woman, DON’T FOLLOW STRANGERS!

– anonymous

Location: Bowling Green, NY

Share your street harassment story today and help raise awareness about the problem. Include your location and it will be added to the Street Harassment Map.

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