It has happened my entire life from the time I was 8 until I was 45 and no longer looked “young” enough to get harassed. Since then it happens a whole lot less, but it can still happen if they see me from behind and think I’m younger. When I turn around the look on their faces is priceless.

The one incident that stands out for me is the time I was getting on a bus and my husband and friends were behind me. Some guy stands up in his seat, grabs me, throws me into the seat beside him and says, “You’re sitting HERE!” I go to get up, he pushes me back and that’s when I lost my temper. I screamed, “You moron, I’m with my husband and friends who right there.” Then when he turned to look behind him, I picked up my feet and shoved him across the aisle into the empty seats.

He sat there frozen then looked at my husband and said, “Are you gonna hurt me?”

My husband just laughed, “No, man. It looks like she already did and my wife is martial arts trained, so good luck with that.”

Everyone on the bus laughed and the guy went to the front of the bus waiting for the next stop, just staring at his feet. When he got off, the bus driver yelled at him, “Don’t ever come back and leave women alone!”

I remember that one, because it was when I finally stood up for myself, plus while I’d had men catcall me or try to chat me up, no one had physically ever tried to grab and restrain me.

I stopped tolerating harassment a lot after that.

Optional: Do you have any suggestions for dealing with harassers and/or ending street harassment in general?

Get really good at trusting your instincts and what type of situation is in front of you. Read Gavin de Becker’s book The Gift of Fear because it is hands down the best book I’ve read for learning to trust that little voice inside you. Understand a guy shouting something at you from a car that keeps going on past you is very different than the guy scooting up to you in a deserted subway station or who tries to take advantage of a crowded subway by mashing themselves into you.

Next, if you are not a loud boisterous person or you are shy or just have a go-to setting of, “Be nice to everyone,” take some self-defense classes (ones that teach you what to do in bad situations, not ones showing you how to do impressive roundhouse kicks type stuff) or assertiveness classes or even just yell things like, “NO, STOP IT” and “GET AWAY FROM ME!” in the mirror until you can do that easily with a loud authoritative voice and you don’t feel shy or feel stupid doing it.

Stand up for others when you see it happening to them. Don’t look the other way and silently be glad it’s not you they’re targeting. Our silence and our passiveness to let bad things happen to other people feeds street harassment. Do the same things you would for that person that you would do for you if it were you.

– Anonymous

Location: Los Angeles city bus

Need support? Call the toll-free National Street Harassment hotline: 855-897-5910

Share your street harassment story for the blog.
See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for ideas.

I’m 53, I have been stared at, followed, stalked, and plain harassed since I was 18. I do not think I’ve ever had a job where I was not subjected to some kind of sexual harassment.

About three years ago, a man, roughly 60 years old, moved in next door to my home. He began initiating conversation which I rebuffed and never participated in except to nod, smile and excuse myself. The behavior escalated to stalking, waiting in front of my house in his car, and more conversation, following me down my driveway and asking inappropriate things, such as: was I happy being married?

Finally, I told my husband and avoided ever going to the front of my house. My husband and I decided to get a restraining order after the stalker came into my front yard, startling me while I was watering plants. The signing judge was great, issued the order, and was sympathetic. The stalker got a pro bono lawyer from some “community ” group funded by the county and appealed. I appeared on my own, mistake, even though my county web site emphasizes victims can appear on their own.

The judge, (really, referee), was rude, couldn’t understand what the problem was, and proceeded to label me as having “issues.” The restraining order was overturned. Shocked, my husband and I went home and put our home up for sale. We sold our home of 22 years, without a yard sign in a matter of days and quickly moved.

We live only 6 blocks away but I recently saw our old “neighbor “, as I was taking the garbage out, I ducked behind a retaining wall, he didn’t see me. Can you ever imagine a scenario where a court referee, man, a stalker, man and a lawyer, man literally hold court to decide your feelings of personal safety?

– Anonymous

Location: Minneapolis, MN

Need support? Call the toll-free National Street Harassment hotline: 855-897-5910

Share your street harassment story for the blog.
See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for ideas.

I spent winter break in Vietnam. Having lived overseas my whole life I tend to let my guard down. Around 10:30 PM I was standing outside a travel agency and cafe. Around me were a bunch of foreign tourists. My mom was fewer that two meters away talking to a travel agent. A man tapped me on the shoulder and said, “You’re beautiful. ”

He was only an arm’s length away. Shocked I took a second to think, then responded, “Thanks, I am 15.”

I should of said it louder. I said it in a tone that was closer to a mumble rather than a normal speech volume level. My mom instantly came over and told him to get away from me, “Get away from my child”, “leave” and “step away from my daughter.”

She had her hand up signaling him to back away. He tried to defend himself. Or so I thought. It started with, “Your daughter? Well you’re beautiful too.”

My mom was unfazed and didn’t even stop to listen to him. She kept telling him to go away. Meanwhile I looked at the ground, clearly pissed but unable to speak. Eventually he did leave. The encounter only lasted a minute. This was my first encounter of street harassment. I am ashamed that I wasn’t able to stand up for myself. I am ashamed for all the people near by who did nothing to help. I am ashamed that our society tolerates this.

Optional: What’s one way you think we can make public places safer for everyone?

Educating the next generation of men and women about street harassment. Teach it in schools, stop it early on. Through the education we can create equality.

– FC

Location: Ho Chin Minh, Vietnam. On the street.

Need support? Call the toll-free National Street Harassment hotline: 855-897-5910

Share your street harassment story for the blog.
See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for ideas.