To our brothers, our fathers, our boyfriends, our husbands, our stepdads and our uncles. Let me start by saying, you guys are awesome, and you guys are NOT the problem. You guys support me, you love me, you protect me, you allow me to call you at 2 a.m. just to chat. You guys understand me and you love me.
That being said, there is a problem, and until you are a woman you just don’t get it. To anyone who has ever said sexism doesn’t exist anymore, you are dead wrong. To anyone who has ever said women are being overly sensitive, you are wrong. I am sorry to say this but you are wrong.
Let me take you through a typical day of a 20-year-old women. Everyday I wake up, take a shower, put on makeup, do my hair, and than pick out an outfit. I am always careful choosing my outfits depending on where I am going. Usually I leave the house feeling pretty confident. I have always been taught to walk with my head high and facing the world.
If I have to run errands I will call a friend, so I am not stuck doing them alone, and us women are always told “travel in pairs it is safer.” Women are taught from a very young age ways to avoid being hit on, harassed, and even raped. So I walk out of my apartment to my car down the street, and I keep my headphones in and eyes looking straight forward.
Then it starts. It might start with a honk from a car, a whistle from a construction worker, or “damn baby” from across the street. These advances, while annoying, are easy to ignore. I will drive to pick up a friend and we will go grocery shopping. As we walk around the store we notice a couple of men following us, we just choose to ignore it. Maybe they just needed milk and cereal as well. Then it begins to get scary, so we choose to not get the juice we originally came to the store for, and just leave as quickly as possible. The men follow us into line and say “cooking tonight ladies?” and we just shoot them a confused glance and mutter a quick “no”.
We decide to walk to my car and as we are walking another man approaches us and says, “Damn baby you are hot.” Red faces ensure and we ignore him and scuttle along. I drop off my friend and she says a quick goodbye, I then wait to make sure she gets in safely.
Next I get my morning cup of coffee and call my dad. As I am on the phone with my dad another man approaches me, because I had given him a polite smile, and says, “Wow I see you smiling what you smiling for.” I quickly inform him that I am on the phone and cannot chat, as I do this, he sits down in the chair across from me and just stares. I have decided that I have had enough for today so I roll my eyes and leave the coffee shop. I get back to my apartment a little shook up from the days event and call my friend. “But what were you wearing?” she asks. “Why were you in that area?” my father questions. “Stay inside, gorgeous,” my mother jokes, and “it’s just a compliment.” My brother explains, “She was asking for it.” Society explains, “She craves the attention.”
Women are told “you deserve it.” It is this kind of thinking that is dangerous. It is damaging because it starts the line of victim blaming. Not once was I told, wow I am so sorry that happened to you, what can I do to make you feel safer.
Women have to deal with this harassment all day long and that is why eventually they freak out, maybe on a nice guy who is simply asking if they need help with their groceries. It is why women seem unfriendly and cold, because by simply smiling at a stranger, that sends the message that it is ok to approach me, and it is ok to not leave me alone when asked.
Well let me tell this to everyone, it is not ok, and it is not my fault.
– AK
Location: Tallahassee
Share your street harassment story for the blog.
See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for more idea.
