Correspondent, Author at Stop Street Harassment

USA: Street Harassment is the “Global” Trigger That Re-Traumatizes Victims

May 11, 2016 By Correspondent

By Shahida Arabi, New York, USA, SSH Blog Correspondent

I grew up in neighborhoods where street harassment was an all-pervasive part of living, breathing and communicating. This is not to say any area is exempt from the threat of street harassment – this form of harassment takes place all over the world and across all cultures. In my own country of origin, Bangladesh, street harassment is incredibly common, along with sexual harassment, and this form of “eve teasing” has even led to the suicides of young girls. I found that my experiences with street harassment in the USA did not differ as drastically as one might think from my experiences in Bangladesh.

Starting from the age of fifteen, I was routinely objectified by older male strangers on the street as a part of my everyday commute in New York. I have been followed, stalked, harassed, asked whether I was “eighteen yet,” told that putting my earphones on were against the law, cursed at for not being responsive, bashed for being sassy and talking back in a way that was not to their liking, and at one point, almost assaulted on a train by a man who followed me from train car to train car until two other men intervened.

These experiences were triggering enough without any prior history of sexual assault, but after I also experienced my first sexual assault on the streets in Bangladesh and then a later, more severe sexual assault in the U.S., street harassment became something even more darker and foreboding – it became a constant trigger that reminded me that my body was not considered my own in this society. Women are constantly reminded – through lingering stares, covert and overt sexual remarks and even touches – that their bodies are the property of the men who desire them and that their consent does not matter.

It began occurring to me that although street harassment has and always will be incredibly traumatizing for all women navigating public spaces, it will also be incredibly re-traumatizing for women whose spirits, minds and bodies have also been violated by assault, rape or physical and/or emotional violence. Those with histories of chronic trauma, who may have PTSD or Complex PTSD, will be even further debilitated by this form of harassment every day as a barrier to a peaceful, safe commute because their brain is already on high alert, scanning the environment for potential threats. As a result, these victims will are likely to experience even more anxiety, rage and depression after an incident of harassment.

RAINN estimates that there is 1 sexual assault every 107 seconds in America and an average of 293,066 victims (age 12 and older) each year. With numbers like these, along the prevalence of childhood sexual abuse and domestic violence, I can only imagine that there are many survivors of abuse and trauma who are being subjected to a dual traumatization on their daily commutes that are leaving them feeling further revictimized. It doesn’t help that street harassment in itself is in fact a very real threat, and many have experienced sexual assault when encountering this form of harassment regardless of their trauma history.

Street harassment also has a strong verbal component which can be psychologically retriggering for survivors of verbal and emotional abuse who may have suffered childhood abuse or long-term abuse in an intimate relationship. Being name-called on the streets as a form of retaliation after rejection as well as in the private space of your home by a spouse, partner or family member can be incredibly jolting. It can reinforce and instill a pervasive sense of helplessness and worthlessness that already exists in other facets of a victim’s life and his or her trauma history.

That is why I call street harassment the “global” trigger – it not only has the capacity to affect every country, it also has the potential to trigger every other trauma experienced in one’s life. It’s an assault and a violation on a woman’s right to navigate public spaces without having her body being considered public space.

Those who trivialize street harassment as a “compliment” are not only ignorant about the deep-seated issues of this patriarchal entitlement to women’s bodies and rape culture, they are also ignorant about the effects of trauma. According to Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, author of The Body Keeps the Score (2014), trauma lives in our bodies and rewires our brains. Incidents of trauma add onto each other and make the brain more and more hypervigilant to threat. When we are traumatized, we can “regress” back to the original trauma through visual flashbacks or ones that have a high emotional component; these are what therapist Pete Walker calls emotional flashbacks.

The people who leer, touch, degrade, objectify women and later rationalize their heinous boundary-breaking behavior with a narcissistic sense of entitlement are essentially prioritizing their selfish desires over the very real needs, boundaries and desires of the victim. Like many other forms of abuse, street harassment is not about sexual desire or flirting – it is about power, control, coercion, devaluation, objectification and manipulation.

Unfortunately, every incident of street harassment builds upon pre-existing trauma and societal stereotypes about women. This cumulative effect traumatizes and continues to re-traumatize victims in an endless cycle of sexual violence against women, especially for those who reside in neighborhoods where street harassment is a pervasive problem.

It’s time that society heed the wake-up call. Street harassment is a serious issue that is part of the larger problems of gender violence and rape culture. It is this everyday microaggression, this global trigger, that has the potential to traumatize and even re-traumatize victims, all over the world.

Shahida is a summa cum laude graduate of Columbia University graduate school and is the author of four books, including The Smart Girl’s Guide to Self-Care and Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare, a #1 Amazon Best Seller. As a passionate advocate for survivors of abuse, sexual assault and trauma, her writing has been featured on many sites. You can follow Shahida on Twitter, her blog Self-Care Haven and join her Facebook community.

USA: Men’s Experiences with Street Harassment

May 2, 2016 By Correspondent

Kathleen Moyer, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, USA, SSH Blog Correspondent

When most people hear the term street harassment, they probably picture of a man whistling at a woman walking down the street, or a man catcalling a woman as he drives by in his car. After all, women make up the majority of street harassment victims and men are most commonly the harassers. According to Stop Street Harassment’s 2014 National Report, 65% of women reported that they had experienced street harassment at some point, and 70% of those respondents said that they had been harassed by one man, while 38% reported being harassed by two or more men. Therefore, I’d be willing to bet that most people don’t picture a man harassing another man or a woman harassing a man when they think about street harassment.

Recently, I posed the following question to my male Facebook friends: Have any of you ever experienced street harassment? I received 9 responses from men stating that they have experienced street harassment before. To put that into perspective, that’s about 13.5% of my male Facebook friends. This is a smaller percentage than the 25% of men who reported that they had experienced street harassment in the 2014 National Report on Street Harassment. However, it is possible that some of my friends who experienced harassment didn’t want to share it, or simply hadn’t seen my question.

Because I hear men’s accounts of street harassment far less frequently than women’s, I wanted to learn more about the experiences of those who responded to my questions. In order to do this, I interviewed most of the men who responded to my question. In conducting these interviews I noticed a few trends.

Every man I interviewed reported being harassed on more than one occasion.

One man I talked to told me that he was harassed twice in the same day – first by teenage girls who yelled, “Hey we wanna suck your dick!” out of their car as he was walking down the street, and later by a man who yelled, “Nice hair, faggot!” at him.

The second experience is also notable because my friend is gay, and the 2014 National Report found that homosexual men are more likely to experience street harassment than heterosexual men, and homophobic slurs were reported to be the most common form of harassment that they experienced.

When I asked another man how often he experiences street harassment, he responded, “A lot. It’s almost commonplace for me so I’ve honestly lost count.”

Therefore, not only do many men experience street harassment, but some experience it on a regular basis.

Many of the men I talked to experienced harassment under circumstances that prevented them from responding sternly, if they had the chance to respond at all.

As I mentioned earlier, one man was harassed twice by people speeding by in cars. Another man, said that he experiences the same thing about once a month when he is outside walking with his girlfriend.

“We’ll be waiting for the light to change and a car will pull up and some teenagers will shout something…a lot of times though, we can’t really tell what they’re saying.”

That same man works in a public place, and described two times that he was harassed while at work. One time, he was bent down sweeping, and a woman walking behind him flirtatiously said, “You can sweep the floor at my house any day.” Because this took place at work, it would be difficult for him to respond assertively.

I believe that people who harass men may choose opportunities like this either because they are more afraid of how a man may respond to harassment, or simply because they enjoy the dominant feeling of being able to harass someone when they are unable to respond.

They experienced both verbal and physical harassment, almost equally.

Although most of the experiences I’ve mentioned so far have been verbal, the men I talked to did share quite a few experiences with physical harassment. One person told me about when he was groped at a restaurant.

“I was at the entrance to a restaurant…and I just felt someone grab my right butt cheek and I thought it was one of my friends messing around, so when I turned around to say stop messing with me right now, I found this girl laughing and asking me if I wanted to dance with her.”

Although he said no, the girl insisted that he dance with her, calling him cute. He walked away from her, but a few minutes later, while he was at an ATM, she approached him again.

“She was like ‘Hey, can I get you a drink?’ and added ‘if you know what I mean…’.”

When he again refused, she called him a “snobby person.”

Another person I talked to shared an experience in which a girl fondled him.

“I was sitting having lunch with a co-worker…one of the girls that works at the ice cream parlor at the local food court stops by to chit chat…Then, I noticed how she began eyeing me up. Next were the comments about me like ‘Damn, boy…,’ followed by her rubbing on my arms and back.”

Fortunately, the girl immediately stopped when he glared at her, but the experience made him very uncomfortable. Which brings me to my final, somewhat obvious, conclusion from the interviews.

Street harassment can make anyone feel violated or annoyed, regardless of their gender or the gender of their harasser.

After each person shared his experiences with me, I asked him how it made him feel. Below are some of the responses.

“Well, confused for sure…it’s just like…why would people say these types of things?”

“It’s more annoying than anything else.”

“Well surprised at the beginning, and she was cute, but she was still a stranger and the whole touching thing was just weird and uncalled for.”

“Awkward and annoyed.”

“Like a piece of eye candy that someone thought they could enjoy. It’s strange being objectified.”

“Highly annoyed.”

“Angry. I wish he got out of his car so he could say that to my face.”

“Grossed out.”

Although women are statistically more often the targets of street harassment, these responses make it clear that the harassment of men is also a serious problem. It is never okay to leer at, verbally objectify, fondle, or otherwise disrespect others, no matter what gender they are. In order to bring more attention to the experiences of both male and female victims, I want to encourage everyone to share their stories on the Stop Street Harassment blog via this Google Form. I believe that discussing these experiences, and listening to all victims, can help the issue of street harassment become more widely acknowledged and hopefully encourage a culture of mutual respect among all.

Kathleen is a full-time graduate student studying professional and business communication. She plans initiatives to increase awareness of sexual assault, domestic violence, and other related issues through her university’s anti-sexual violence group, Explorers Against Sexual Violence.

USA: Harmful Oklahoma Court Ruling

April 29, 2016 By Correspondent

Rupande Mehta, New Jersey, USA SSH Blog Correspondent

It was a good and bad week for victims of sexual assault and rape. While former House Speaker Hastert was being sentenced to 15 months (yup, only 15 months after the judge declared him a “serial child molester”) for molesting young boys when he coached as a wrestler, the Oklahoma court shocked everyone with the declaration that state law does not criminalize oral sex with a victim who is completely unconscious.

Right, why didn’t we think of that? An unconscious person is completely capable of giving consent so why prosecute someone who took advantage of the VERY fact that the victim was unconscious and orally sodomized her?

I have to be brutally honest here: some days the fight to make folks understand what constitutes violation of a person’s body seems so hopeless. On days like these, I feel I am transported to the hell holes of Pakistan, India and other countries where rape and other forms of violence against women is a daily fact of life. My mind cannot accept the fact that a verdict of that magnitude was issued by a court in the United States. It seems like the work of moron village elders and other local leaders, who need five witnesses to prove a rape, not that of a judicial body in the United States.

I can’t even comprehend the idiocy of this court. And I don’t even know where to begin.

This is not the court’s fault…not ONLY their fault. This is a system-wide issue that takes pride in victim-blaming. Every day we hear about assault, rape and other forms of violence like street harassment, but the question that takes center stage is “what was she doing” instead of “why did he abuse”?

We as a society have culturally evolved to the point where violence is acceptable if we can shift the onus on the victim. We look for loopholes in her story – why was she there? Who did she go with? What was she wearing? Or as John Kasich famously said, don’t drink at parties so you don’t get raped. I can’t wait for his 16 –year-old twin girls to get to college and avoid parties because their father warned them they could get raped.

We live in a society that victim blames and no one is a better example of this than our judicial system. We let lawyers question victims about abuse in a manner that befits no living being in this world. We sit back and enjoy every tiny detail re-lived by the victim over and over again and then turn around and tell her that her story has holes in it because she cannot remember every single ghastliness that happened to her. We sit back and let lawyers badger victims, not considering their emotional abuse and high levels of trauma that prevent them from being consistent in their narration. We live in a society where it is acceptable to yell and scream at people who have been abused but not okay for someone to falter in their responses. We have made our society into a mockery of human values devoid of empathy, understanding and respect of one’s experiences; instead delving into painful details where even accurate chronicles result into justice failing them at the end of the day.

Our focus is on the victim and what they did or didn’t do right. Did you say no? Did you scream? Why not? If not, how can we believe you were being raped? Or in this Oklahoma case, you were passed out so you could not have said no. But what about her not saying yes either?

This level of victim blaming is nauseating. Besides a severe gap between ideas of rape and consent and appropriate laws, there is a lack of basic understanding of what consent is. And asinine rulings such as the Oklahoma case further propagate a society where such behavior becomes the norm.

We are all responsible for this hideous culture – a social order where women are constantly assessed on how well they defended themselves against harm, how deftly they handled a street harassment situation or whether they made a big deal of the assault at the time it was happening. As far as the abuser is concerned, we are waiting to give them a free pass or sympathize and excuse him the moment a woman cannot fill all holes in her story.

Consent is simple: Yes means yes and No means no. If a person is too drunk, they CANNOT give consent. Consequently, if they are passed out; the question of consent does not even arise. This is a very simple concept but many of us, including the learned individuals on the Oklahoma court, cannot grasp it. Whichever way we look at it, it is time to change the way the rules are written; ones which do not look to place the blame on the victim but on the one who committed the crime. It is time the law takes into account emotional abuse, trauma and, of course, the unequivocal definition of consent.

Rupande grew up in Mumbai, India, and now resides in the U.S. She has an MBA and is currently working towards her MPA, looking to specialize in Non Profit Management. You can find her writing on her blog at Rupande-mehta.tumblr.com or follow her on Twitter @rupandemehta.

USA: Gender Essentialism, Engaging Men in Sexual Assault Awareness, & Walk a Mile in Her Shoes©

April 27, 2016 By Correspondent

By LB Klein, Jen Przewoznik, & Jeff Segal

Every April, for Sexual Assault Awareness Month (SAAM), men all over the country stumble through public parks in high heels to raise awareness for the gender-based violence movement. Walk a Mile in Her Shoes© has been a staple of SAAM programming since 2001, and has been touted as “a world-wide movement” engaging “tens of thousands of men” in conversations on difficult topics like gender, power, and sexual assault in an accessible and fun way.

Men have embraced Walk a Mile in Her Shoes© – it’s very often the most well-attended SAAM event by men, and its popularity has helped raise tremendously needed funds for rape crisis centers and other anti-violence organizations nationally and internationally. However, many activists and organizers have begun to voice serious concerns over the popular event.

It is vital that we consider not only the intent but the impact of our sexual assault awareness events. In Walk a Mile in Her Shoes©, men step into high heels to show their solidarity with women. High heels are therefore held as emblematic of “women.” But while some women wear high heels, many women do not, and furthermore, women are often targeted specifically because they express themselves outside of the normative societal expectations of their gender. By equating high heels with “women,” we remove gender non-conforming women from our conversations about sexual violence entirely, and reinforce the common myth that people who present in ways that are considered masculine are not vulnerable to violence. Walk a Mile in Her Shoes© positions women as victims and men as perpetrators, but we need to also acknowledge that there are survivors of all gender identities, including men.

Walk a Mile in Her Shoes© also creates spaces that further marginalize transgender people. Forge, a national transgender rights organization, says activists should consider “whether they are re-victimizing more than a third of all victims by ignoring their very existence.” According to the National Transgender Discrimination Survey, 64% of transgender people have been sexually assaulted in their lifetime. Transgender women are often incorrectly and offensively described as “men wearing women’s clothing,” which is often used to justify violence against them. Transgender women, especially those of color, face not only an incredibly disproportionate risk of experiencing sexual and intimate partner violence but also street harassment, police brutality, homelessness, joblessness, incarceration, and murder. It is vital for people working to end gender-based violence to closely ally with transgender and non-binary people instead of holding events that exclude and further marginalize them.

It is evident that Walk a Mile in Her Shoes© has raised attention, awareness, and funds, but at what expense? We cannot afford to raise awareness by perpetuating an essentialist view of what people should wear, how they should look, act, and be. The Walk a Mile in Her Shoes© narrative is accessible because it is reductive, and oversimplification in our work is, quite literally, dangerous. Of course, communities should still hold awareness raising events, but we must be intentional about changing the exact norms that perpetuate violence instead of reinforcing them. Events that re-victimize, erase, or marginalize survivors in their very concept do not have a place in our field.

So, what else can we do instead to engage men during SAAM?

We can hold events that encourage folks of all genders working together. We can bring smaller groups of men together for meaningful conversation or larger groups for fundraisers that are not built around reinforcing harmful gender norms. Perhaps, as Forge suggests, we should hold events that encourage everyone to break stereotypes about gender and discuss how harmful gender norms perpetuate violence. Then, we will be raising awareness of the true message of the movement to end sexual assault: that to end sexual assault, we must change culture.

LB Klein, MSW has dedicated her professional and academic life to ending gender-based violence, supporting survivors, and advancing social justice. She is a Consultant and Lead Trainer for Prevention Innovations Research Center at the University of New Hampshire. She is based in Atlanta, GA and will begin pursuing a doctorate in the School of Social Work at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill this August.

Jen Przewoznik, MSW has over 15 years of experience working with/in women’s and LGBTQ communities as an educator, trainer, technical assistance provider, practitioner, and programevaluator. She is founder of the Queer Research Consulting Collaborative, a project designed to consult with researchers studying LGBTQ issues. Jen is currently the Director of Prevention & Evaluation at the North Carolina Coalition Against Sexual Assault and co-chairs the NC Sexual Violence Prevention Team and the NC Campus Consortium.

Jeff Segal, BS resides in NYC, where he works in the tech sector and moonlights as a professional dancer. He has been a part of the movement to end sexual violence for ten years. Jeff has four years of experience as a sexual violence crisis counselor, and currently is leading initiatives to make social dancing in New York a safer space.

USA: A Response to Rush Limbaugh’s Comments on Street Harassment

March 26, 2016 By Correspondent

Kathleen Moyer, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, USA, SSH Blog Correspondent

On Wednesday, First Lady Michelle Obama delivered a powerful speech in Argentina for her “Let Girls Learn” initiative. During the speech, she shared her experiences with street harassment and how she overcame those experiences by strengthening her voice through education. While her speech inspired people around the world, conservative radio host and infamous misogynist Rush Limbaugh felt that he had to set the record straight about women and street harassment.

Whether the issue is street harassment, birth control, domestic violence, abortion, our appearance, or our needs, Limbaugh always seems to know what’s best for women. Below are four comments made by Limbaugh during his radio show on Thursday, in response to Obama’s speech and the issue of street harassment, as well as my responses to those comments.

“She’s sitting as first lady of the United States and she can’t get past it, she can’t get over it, I’m telling you these people are bitter. They have not gotten over it, all of this is personal, and they haven’t gotten rid of their anger.”

Yes, we’re bitter. If Limbaugh were ogled, groped, and followed down the street by strangers, from the time he hit puberty, he would understand why we’re bitter. The reason why we don’t “get over it” is because it seems to be a never-ending problem. Women of all ages, in all areas of the world are affected by street harassment, to the point where it’s just seen by many as part of being a woman. We can’t get over a problem when that problem, itself, is never over.

First Ladies, like Michelle Obama, are not free from harassment either. With her Secret Service detail, she may not have people yelling obscene things at her anymore, but she still has many strangers commenting on her body and her clothing on the internet regularly. Limbaugh says that she hasn’t been able to “get past it”, but he seems to have missed the point she was making. Although she has experienced street harassment throughout her life, she has not allowed the way others have viewed her to define her. Instead, she has listened to her own voice, and I believe that’s how many women overcome the harassment they are faced with.

“Here’s the bit about sexism, do you know how many women would love being whistled at walking down the street?”

Probably the same number of women who enjoy listening to this sexist drivel. Believe it or not, women like to walk in public without being objectified and threatened by strangers. Some women find it irritating, some find it aggravating, and some find it frightening, but very few women find it flattering. Having to hold your keys like a weapon or carry pepper spray or a taser in order to walk safely in public is not an enjoyable experience.

If Limbaugh’s claim that women love street harassment were correct, I wouldn’t be writing this and organizations like Stop Street Harassment wouldn’t exist.

“Okay you have your average American construction site, and you have your average American construction worker, and every woman in the world knows you go walking by there, you’re going to get whistled at. And yet they walked by.”

If a woman happens to be walking by a construction site, why should she have to go out of her way in order to avoid being the target of sexual comments? This statement clearly exhibits victim blaming. Limbaugh’s logic that it’s a woman’s fault if she is harassed at a construction site is the same logic that has been perpetuating rape culture for years. If street harassment at construction sites is so common that Limbaugh just assumes that it will happen, women walking by are not the problem. In addition to this comment fueling the toxic practice of victim blaming, it is also an unfair generalization of construction workers. Surely not all construction workers share the misogynistic beliefs of Limbaugh. I’d like to believe that the majority of people agree that no one asks to be harassed by simply existing in public.

“I’m sorry, Mrs. Obama, but God made me a man, and as such I can’t help noticing a woman who I think is attractive. And I’ll be damned if I’m going to shut up and not tell her so.”

Everything about this argument is wrong. Firstly, the idea that men cannot help harassing women is harmful and completely ungrounded. Plenty of men go out in public, every day, and manage not to harass anyone. It’s called being a decent human being. Implying that men are incapable of this is sexist and promotes the practice of not holding harassers and abuses accountable for their actions.

Secondly, Limbaugh’s refusal to stop harassing women is despicable. If someone does something that makes another person feel uncomfortable or threatened, he/she should stop immediately, without question. Limbaugh’s inability or unwillingness to grasp this shows that he puts his desire to reduce women to sexual objects above women’s safety. This idea is at the core of the problem of street harassment.

While reading Limbaugh’s comments, it occurred me that he may have simply said these reprehensible things for publicity. Despite this, I chose to write a response to his remarks, because I’ve heard his arguments echoed by others on a regular basis. If these ideas were limited to Limbaugh, they would not have a significant impact, but because many others share these adverse opinions, they must be addressed and debunked.

The first step in ending street harassment is thinking critically about this issue and making our voices heard, as suggested by Michelle Obama.

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