Correspondent, Author at Stop Street Harassment

South Africa: How not to pick up women in SA

December 27, 2013 By Correspondent

By: Gcobani Qambela, South Africa, SSH Correspondent, with Rethabile Mashale*

City Press ran a news article on Sunday (22 December) by Charl du Plessis titled “The art of picking up women in SA”. The article on Pick Up Artist SA’s boot camp on picking up women is about “the secret psychological techniques that will help [men and lesbian women] get lucky with South African women” every time. The co-founder, Ryan Peimer goes on to say that the Pick Up Artist is a global community that collects teachings from thousands of pick-up artists on “approaching, developing attraction and sealing the deal with women.” This movement appropriates this “secret” information they access to use it to the advantage of men over women.

Responding to the question of the obvious misogyny of the boot camp, Peimer says the camp teaches men “to use their pick-up skills with integrity” and yet reading the five tips Pick Up Artist SA’s provides to City Press it is clear that the programme is not only misogynistic, but is demonstrative of white male capitalistic patriarchy. At the centre of the programme is a clear concern with encouraging male dominance (for profit) at the expense of women’s bodies.

The five tips for picking up women by Pick Up Artists SA include assertions that men must get out of their shell because “women want to be approached”, that men must “give women nicknames” and that women love to be touched and thus men should touch themselves to a woman’s heart and the iceberg being the last tip asking men to “take control”. They say “women are attracted to dominance. They’re attracted to guys who have a certain element of dominance and carelessness”.

Throughout the article, there are no voices from women about how they would like to be approached by men; instead the white male voice is the dominant one in dictating what men should do to women and the confines of women’s agency. That an organisation like Pick Up Artist SA should encourage forms of manhood that encourage men to dominate women and say that women are naturally always wanting to be approached by men is a clear encouragement of rape culture. These assumption based on “medicine” is in the same tone as men who sexually assault and rape women and then say “she asked for it”, or “I know she wanted it” without women having consented.

This type of manhood we know doesn’t just affect men, but has very deleterious effects for the lives and bodies of women and children. These types of boot camps for men encourage male dominance over women, without clearly teaching men how to practice healthy manhood. Furthermore the uncritical coverage by City Press which hypes these programmes without examining the harmfulness of the ideas presented reinforces male dominance and rape culture. Barely a month out of 16 Days of Activism against Gender Based Violence against Women and Children, this article, along with the Pick Up Artist SA is basically telling men to go around sexually dominating women.

The writer of the article, a white male, could have easily been writing a promotional pamphlet for Pick Up Artist SA in promoting the service to men who want to get “lucky” with South African women. Articles like these by City Press, and particular programmes like the Pick Up Artist SA embody what we should be telling men (and women) NOT to do when picking up a partner. If one bases it on the five ‘pick up’ tips by Pick Up Artist SA, we should be telling men to do the opposite.

Not all women want to be approached by men, thus men should first gather consent from women. Men should not present body language that is “up there” but should rather present and learn friendly accommodating non threatening mannerism. Men should not give women “nicknames” or catcall them, but should when consent has been gathered, learn from the woman what she would like to be referred to as. Men should not learn from other men that women “love to be touched”, but should establish trust and consent and allow the woman to negotiate her agency about what she will allow a man to touch. And lastly men should not “take control” and practice “dominance and carelessness” but rather should realise relationships are partnerships not the sovereign domain for men to dominate.

To imply that the simplistic and dangerously patriarchal ideas by Pick Up Artist SA are the way to go for men is extremely problematic, especially in the context our high rape and sexual assault reports in South Africa. These ideas are dangerous for both men and women and take us back in the agenda to do away with sexual violence.

Gcobani is completing his Masters in Medical Anthropology through Rhodes University, Grahamstown, South Africa. His research centres around issues of risk, responsibility and vulnerability amongst Xhosa men (and women) in a rural town in South Africa living in the context of HIV/AIDS. Follow him on Twitter, @GcobaniQambela.

*Rethabile Mashale leads a women’s rights organisation in Cape Town. She holds a Master’s Degree from the University of Cape Town.

USA: Strong Women and Harassment

December 16, 2013 By Correspondent

By Sara Schwartzkopf, Colorado, USA, SSH Correspondent

As cold weather draws ever more present, I’m relieved. I’m relieved for the reprieve from shaving my legs every day, the ability to wear large comfy sweaters, cool-looking boots, and the drop in street harassment tales, both personal and otherwise. Not that they stop by any means. Maybe it’s just as simple as fewer people taking their time when walking the streets. Less public interaction means less opportunity for street harassment.

Instead we spend more time inside. More time is spent reading, watching movies, and getting caught up on television series. More time spent absorbing pop culture and common narratives about women. I bet some of you can see where I’m going with this. But I have neither the time or space to go through all the things that can be upsetting about media depictions of women. From catty and mindless reality tv shows to romantic comedies and “chick lit,” there’s a pretty common theme that women are horrible, or spend all their time worrying about guys. Or that they’re horrible because of a guy. It seems the antithesis to this is to seek out female lead characters, and make women be as perfect as a heroine can be.

This doesn’t work for me. There’s more than one reason for why we need diverse and well-rounded characters. It seems to me that women leads in media, especially women in sci fi/fantasy and action flicks, have a requirement to be strong (let alone a good many of them aren’t strong characters so much as just strong). They become a Mary Sue of a sort, where they react to challenging situations as we wish women could. So when we find ourselves faced with a similar situation or challenge, we often expect ourselves to be just as flawless. Media creates unrealistic depictions, and then we hold ourselves to these unrealistic expectations.

The problem is we are flawed. Everyone is. Yet when we have an issue with say, harassment, it’s natural to judge ourselves on what we’ve had modeled for us. So what’s the natural outcome when every time we see a woman in a male-dominated environment who responds to harassment by physically or verbally beating up her antagonist? I think it reinforces that we should be able to do this for ourselves. It’s incredibly satisfying to watch, but when it’s the only narrative out there we act as though it’s the woman’s job to overpower their aggressors. It ignores consequences, forgets the possibility of continued contact, and it plays into this idea that men only need to respect women who are physically stronger than them.

It’s one solution to the Damsel in Distress trope, but it’s also one that puts responsibility squarely on the victims. If the heroine of the story can’t stop what’s going on then it becomes her fault, rather than the aggressor’s. It doesn’t really challenge rape culture, it just shifts how women are supposed to deal with it.

Maybe that’s why we judge passive reaction more harshlythan we should. We think that if we were confronted with harassment of any sort we would stand up for ourselves and give a verbal equivalent of a beat down. Instead, a lot of us feel threatened, ignore comments, and try to leave as quickly as possible. That doesn’t keep up from blaming victims though. We forget that we need to place the blame solely on the harasser. After all it was their decision to shout things, to grab, to make obscene gestures, or do sexually explicit things that were never asked for in the first place.

Sara is a recent graduate of the University of Denver where she majored in Sociology, International Studies, and minored in Japanese. She has previously written on issues relevant to the Native American community at Le Prestige Du Monde, pulling heavily on her experiences as a mixed-race Kiowa and Chickasaw.

South Africa: The Role of Men during #16Days

November 29, 2013 By Correspondent

By: Gcobani Qambela, South Africa, SSH Correspondent

Trigger Warning

I was shocked to see a tweet by controversial South African blogger, Sentletse Diakanyo on the first day of 16 Days of Activism Against Gender Based Violence in South Africa. In the tweet, Diakanyo says that: “We must not ignore the slaughter of unborn babies during this 16 Days of Activism.” He went on to have more tirades about how “life begins at conception” and that even if women conceived children under “violent circumstances” it’s still unacceptable for women to “slaughter” ‘innocent life’. His main premise being that during 16 Days women should not look at gender-based violence but also at murder women commit to “unborn babies”. He further likens abortion to rape and says both should be “equally condemned” as they are criminal.

What triggered me as I read these tweets was not the inaccuracy of the statements made by Diakanyo, but the extent to which he successfully managed to derail the conversation from 16 Days to a conversation where many people had to move from sharing about gender-based violence to correcting this misinformation he was sharing. Yes, scientific evidence indicates that life does begin at conception, but personhood/humanness only begins after birth so women are not slaughtering babies when they terminate pregnancy. Yet, Diakanyo concludes “We will condemn criminal acts [of abortion] regardless of what feminists think.” This is despite the fact that abortion is legal in South Africa.

Many people have noted that Diakanyo gets some self-pleasure for triggering and making others angry, especially if they respond to his ignorance. This appears to make him happy and satisfied with himself. This is what has made writing this post difficult as I wondered: how do I respond to this bigotry without giving so much meaning to patriarchal garbage spewed by Diakanyo? I further thought: what is my role as a man living in a violently patriarchal society like South Africa? And lastly I wondered: what is my role during this 16 Days?

In the chapter “Is Paris Burning” bell hooks notes that many heterosexual identifying black men living in white supremacist cultures like the United States (and South Africa I would argue) always behave as if the primary “evil” of racism is the “refusal of the dominant culture to allow them full access to patriarchal power” and hence they continue to exhibit “a phallic misogynist masculinity [that is] rooted in contempt for the female.” This is the way I choose to read Diakanyo. In many of his writings, Diakanyo appears to challenges white supremacy and white capitalistic forces in South Africa and globally, and yet instances like these show us that he is not driven by an attachment to justice and overcoming global systems of oppression but a concern with having what white patriarchal men have in South Africa. This is not only in reference to economic power and material ownership, but also the full patriarchal dividend that will allow him full ownership and control of the female body.

Diakanyo’s remarks in South Africa are a part of larger societal project of patriarchal men who want to demonstrate their phallic power by waging war on the bodies of women and all that is “feminine”, which as hooks notes includes also gay men (and the larger LGBTIQA community). It is not a coincidence that Diakanyo chose the 16 Days to express his misinformed opinion on abortion, rape and the bodies of women. It is his way of derailing a conversation from discussing patriarchal male violence into one that not only blames women for exercising their constitutionally given right to bodily integrity and reproductive choice but one that places women’s bodies at the centre of the patriarchal male gaze.

So what should be the role of men during 16 Days? There are many well documented problems with the concept of 16 Days because many argue that it should be throughout the year and not just 16 days and I agree. However, this does not mean that I do not recognise its importance. I live in a country a country where a woman has more chances of being raped than learning to read, so if women get 16 Days in a year where they can tell their stories and activism without threat of violence our responsibility as men should be to listen. When we talk it should be to help elevate the voices and agency of women, and not derailing like Diakanyo.

I really think Diakanyo’s tweets are worth reporting to the South African human rights commission. In South Africa while freedom of expression is also a constitutional right too, this right is limited in that it should not be exercised in a manner that unjustifiably limits the rights of others. Diakanyo is limiting the rights of women by intentionally spreading incomplete information to limit women’s right to bodily integrity during a time when women are meant to enjoy freedom from patriarchal male body policing. It’s just unacceptable!

USA: “What is this Crap?” Media and Messaging

November 1, 2013 By Correspondent

By Sara Schwartzkopf, Colorado, USA, SSH Correspondent

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the relationship between women and the media. There are the unavoidable Halloween ads and subsequent discussions on costumes for girls and women. Then there’s the fact that I recently re-watched Miss Representation (if you haven’t yet, it’s up on Netflix now and has some great interviews and points). Oh, and then I got online today and came across this headline about Equinox replacing photographer Terry Richardson for their campaigns. If you’re not familiar with Equinox, guess what they’re promoting with the following ad.

Did you guess fitness? No? Well that’s unfortunate, because Equinox is actually a high-end gym.

Now ad campaigns like this are par for the course – tall, thin, scantily clad, posing for men, often missing their faces. It’s so much that we often just accept it as part of the landscape of our existence. Maybe if we never absorbed much media, or weren’t affected by it, this wouldn’t be such a huge issue. Thing is we do. The average teen is exposed to about 10 hours and 45 minutes of media per day. That’s TV, music, movies, magazines, and Internet. Media is culture transmission, teaching us how to act and informing our viewpoints. If it had no effect, then there would be no point to either advertisements or a Federal Communications Commission.

I used the example of the Equinox ads because they strike me as a perfect example of not only promoting sex over a product, but also of established gender roles. The women in the ads are performing (quite literally) for the pleasure of men. Especially in the first ad, the man is the more powerful one.

It’s worth noting that media promotes these roles. Men’s masculinity revolves around having women. Not loving them or connecting with them, but obtaining them and getting them to do what they want. Women in films are frequently seen as having their lives revolve around men. Despite how ridiculously simple the Bechdel Test is, it’s still estimated that 75% of films fail it. Meanwhile men are rarely shown as depicting emotions that deviate from anger, competition or humor. Even in romantic comedies, there’s still a trope of women liking men who come off as jerks. So while women’s lives are seen as being about satisfying men, men aren’t supposed to cater to women’s needs.

I find it hard to believe that these overriding cultural messages don’t trickle down to the street level. Men are taught that powerful men get women. Women are taught to cater to men, and that men care about their appearances. It’s not such a surprise then that men think of catcalling as a method to get dates and assert themselves. It’s also not a surprise that women find such behavior to be a compliment, or something that they should just let slide.

There’re a lot of cultural narratives that try to simplify men and women down to basic creatures. The thing is, we’re incredibly complex. The beauty of culture is that it can change. It changes when we speak up, when we act in way that we want to see and when we hold others accountable to higher standards. Expect more out of your media, and expect more out of the people in your life.

USA: Halloween Costume Review

October 31, 2013 By Correspondent

By Angela Della Porta, SSH Correspondent

Deciding on a Halloween costume is a pretty arduous task – you want to be original, and of course you want people to get it. Well, that task is especially hard for women! We have to balance having a great costume with not “asking for it.” I mean, I want to get trick-or-treat fun, not harassment or assault! So, I went to iParty to find the perfect costume, but I had a bit of a hard time finding an outfit. I thought I’d share a couple of my final contenders.

Going as Someone Else’s Culture

It’s a classic, right? Go as a Native American. The year before, I went as an African American and next year I’ll go as Latino. That makes complete sense!

If Native American didn’t work, I could always try wearing this flowy nightie that no one in India wears as clothing. Ooh, and you’ve got to love the double entendre of “Taj”ing one’s “Hall,” whatever that means.

The Criminal Justice System

I’m pretty sure this is what women have to wear in prison. I mean, it fits – since women in prison are pretty much sentenced to sexual assault from guards and medical officials the moment they enter the prison industrial complex, this outfit will be perfect.

I’m sure an outfit like that makes it easy to run after criminals and protect society. I wonder, though, where does the costume designer think she should put her gun?

Childhood Fun

Now, I remember Spongebob as a harmless cartoon, but it takes a lot of work to sexualize a woman by making her a sponge. You’ll see in the bottom right-hand corner that Nickelodeon, a children’s TV station, is the company selling this. Cute.

This is an ACTUAL children’s costume. It’s a children’s size 4/6, but it’s a cropped-top spandex devil outfit called “Red Hot” where the model in the photo is wearing platform stilettos You can see in the photo that it says, “Children’s Size Costume.” They tell you it’s for children so many times because you can’t believe that six year olds, the average wearer of a children’s size 4/6, want to be sexy devil for Halloween. But they do, or it wouldn’t be there.

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Now, don’t get me wrong. I don’t do this review because I think there is something inherently wrong with sexy women’s costumes (well, I’m not a fan of the cultural appropriation in the first two, but that’s another post). I’m just not sure what women are supposed to do. If they buy any of these costumes, the only ones on the shelves for adult women, then they are left to be scrutinized and judged for “asking for harassment or assault.” If something were to happen when in this costume, they would be blamed.

Women, wear whatever you want on Halloween, and on every other day of the year, for that matter. But it’s a catch 22 – want to wear something sexy? Get harassed. Want to wear something not-sexy? If you can find something, you still face judgment for not ascribing to someone else’s idea of femininity. So what do we do?

You can let people know their comments and judgments aren’t okay. You can call out rape culture and sexism in your own life.

Angela Della Porta is a recent graduate of Clark University in Worcester, MA. She will join with Teach for America in Detroit in the fall. Until then, she’s spending her time in rural Maine. Follow her on Twitter: @angelassoapbox

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