Stop Street Harassment

Making Public Spaces Safe and Welcoming

USA/India: We Need Equality in the Kitchen and the Streets

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Rupande Mehta, New Jersey, USA SSH Blog Correspondent

roti imageA few days ago I came across a picture on Facebook that compared rotis (Indian bread) made by wives through a traditional (arranged) marriage and love marriage. The arranged marriage wife’s roti looked excellent, had the desired plumpness and was extremely edible. It looked like something that comes out of my mom’s kitchen. The love marriage roti, on the other hand, looked far from edible; burnt and flat. It was nothing like what most Indian men would expect when they sit down to dinner. And if they did, their disappointment would be transparent or there would be facetious innuendo in reference to the wife’s culinary skills.

I don’t know how to make rotis, never learnt and frankly don’t care that I cannot make them. My husband can cook and we never discussed my inability to make a particular kind of food. Still, that picture bothered me. The collective consciousness inside me took a dramatic turn for the worse when a friend passed along the source of the link; a popular food curation portal, Food Talk India. Shared as a ‘funny meme’, the site claimed it posted the picture in ‘good humor’ but when there was backlash from several quarters of the society, they wisely took the picture down. Despite the criticism, the site though through one their cronies, sent Vagabomb what they thought of the controversy: a picture of a penis.

Now I am not a bra burning feminist, I like my bra where it belongs…thank you very much but such pictures and attitudes are at the very crux of the gender inequality debate. These are the ideas that propagate the belief that a woman belongs in the kitchen and the man does not. In India, where the last few years have seen stalwart economic progress, such pictures successfully demonstrate the long road women have to fight to get justice and equal societal norms. It shows the kinds of “standards” we expect from a woman of honor; the one who always “does the right thing” and knows how to keep her husband happy and her family cultured.

If we all engage in eating, is it not discriminatory to expect only the woman to cook? Putting a woman to such practices is no different than saying that she deserves to be catcalled on the streets or she has no right to dress a certain way and if she was assaulted it is definitely because she brought it on. It sets the stage for those other crimes that we get so passionate about and want to castrate men for.

I do not believe that any gender is superior. My feminism is not a fight to make one gender better than the other but to fight for equality. If I am expected to cook and clean so should my male counterpart. If I am told, “you have no marital prospects because your rotis are burnt”, so should a man. We do not live in a primeval world where the man hunts and the woman gathers. We have reached the era where men and women walk toe to toe and contribute equally to the welfare of a family.

In a day where women are constantly breaking the glass ceiling, why are we still circulating pictures of the rotis they can make? At which level is this funny? And how are such attitudes supposed to break the stereotypes that lead to other aggressive assaulting behaviors towards women? Believe it or not, these “hilarious” photos lay the foundation to prejudiced mentality and contribute in the next layer of beliefs that women can be harassed on the streets, raped or do not have the right to consent.

Perhaps Kalki Koechlin is right and the issue of women’s safety will forever burn in India. In her latest poem, “The Printing Machine”, the outspoken and fierce actor has succinctly laid down everything that is wrong with our culture. Making several references to the countless rapes registered in the country since 2012, she says, “How our great Indian heritage fell to its knees at the mercy of our innocent little printing machines.” Set to a percussive soundtrack, Kalki delivers a scathing attack on stereotypes, indifferent attitudes and India’s traditional culture that is used to primarily promulgate further discrimination of women.

In the end it is not about the dumb picture. Also, I am not making a big deal out of nothing. A subtle picture such as this goes a long way in showing that there still exist many educated men from our generation, who fought for Nirbhaya and stand for women’s safety, delving on attitudes where the size and texture of women’s rotis is used as a reminder of their real role in society. It goes to show that despite India’s equality and safety movement, my mom’s premonition for women, at some level, was accurate: no matter how educated we are; we will always end up in the kitchen.

A picture speaks a thousand words. This one did just that.

Rupande grew up in Mumbai, India, and now resides in the U.S. She has an MBA and is currently working towards her MPA, looking to specialize in Non Profit Management. You can find her writing on her blog at Rupande-mehta.tumblr.com or follow her on Twitter @rupandemehta.

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“It haunts me to this day”

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After a long day of fun, my father and I went to CVS. As I was looking in an aisle, I automatically felt a feeling of discomfort when I realized a man around his late 20’s had been looking at me. I’m sure everyone knows that look when a boy/man is looking you up and down.

Anyway, I continued to look for band-aids. As he walked closer and closer, I turned around and he said to me, “How are you?”. I knew better than to be rude, so I felt obligated to at least say something so I did. “Good, thanks” I responded. I turned my back on him and searched for those band-aids, when I suddenly hear, “Damn, you look good”.

The fact that he said those four words, knowing I felt uncomfortable made me lose it. I walked away, in full speed, practically sprinting. He followed me. Fortunately, I had found my father so I decided to just stay with him and get it over with, but he continued to follow me. My father sensed that something was wrong, so eventually I told him what had happened. Still, he followed us, and even laughed. We walked to the cash register, and then next thing I know, my father and the man were arguing. It all happened too fast. I became overwhelmed with fear. It’s not the first time this has happened, but it haunts me to this day.

– Anonymous

Location: Store

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See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for more idea.

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Germany: In Cologne, Women’s Bodies Should Not Be Used to Promote Racism

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Editor’s Note: Our new Blog Correspondents ProChange in Germany wrote a piece for both Ms. Magazine’s blog and SSH… so this is cross-posted from Ms, with permission.

Following planned attacks on women on New Year’s Eve in Cologne, Germany, more than 500 reports have been made, 40 percent involving sexual assault. In other German cities such as Hamburg, Stuttgart and Düsseldorf, similar cases were also filed.

In Cologne, the police have arrested 21 suspects so far, most of whom have been identified as men from northern African or Arab regions.

Shockingly, in the beginning, there seemed to be no public outcry over the attacks. It was only on January 2, after the local media started covering the incidents and quoted eyewitnesses stating that the perpetrators looked northern Africa or Arab, that suddenly there was outrage.

But instead of turning the incident into an opportunity to stand up for women’s right to be safe in public spaces, many who are against the influx of refugees used the assaults to spread racist hate speech targeting asylum seekers, migrants and foreigners.

While there may have been asylum seekers among the perpetrators, as the newspaper die Welt reported, this racist response is unacceptable. The rhetoric is unjust to both the persons affected and to the many asylum seekers coming to Germany searching for a better life.

Certainly the perpetrators should be punished, no matter where they are from. The German state must use the rule of law to send a strong message that violence against women will not be tolerated. But it is disturbing to see that the body of the “German woman” is being used to promote racist hate speech, and it’s something that has been prevalent throughout the German debate on refugees.

For example, the philology association from Saxony achieved questionable fame for warning young girls against sexual adventures with Muslim men. Under the guise of protecting the young girls, racist stereotypes were promoted and combined with sexist ideas. While Muslim men were portrayed as a potential danger, young girls’ abilities to decide their own sexuality were denied. 

The wildest stories have circulated on social media. For instance, it was claimed that refugees were urinating on vegetables in supermarkets, and stealing goods worth several thousand Euros without punishment. When investigated, it turned out that those wild stories were lies. 

You might assume from scrolling through Facebook that crime has increased with the influx of refugees. But the image of the “criminal refugee” is not backed by crime statistics. In fact, refugees commit crimes at the same rate as the native German population, and the number of sex crimes committed by refugees is actually below 1 percent.

Right-wing political parties, such as the AfD (Alternative for Germany), warn against refugees as potential rapists of German women. Politician Björn Höecke, for instance, spoke about the special risk for blonde (!) German women.

It seems like the right-wing movements have finally discovered an interest in women’s rights. But while the potential rape of “our women” has stirred up hate for the “uncivilized other,” the fact that sexual violence is already prevalent within German society, or that it can affect non-German women as well, seems not to be of interest to them. 

In addition to racist backlash, there has also been a great deal of victim-blaming in the wake of these attacks. This was blatantly clear in the recommendation made by Cologne’s mayor, Henriette Reker, during a press conference following the New Year’s Eve attacks where she spoke about preventive measures for the upcoming carnival celebrations. When asked how women could protect themselves, she answered that it is always possible to maintain a certain distance of more than an arm length from men. Women turned to social media to mock her advice, using the hashtag #einearmlaenge (one arm length). She has since apologized, but the damage has already been done.

Following the attacks, this should be—and still can be—an opportunity to name street harassment and other forms of sexual violence as everyday sexism. It is also the right time to call for a revision of the German penal code to better address these types of offenses.

Every woman should have the right to safely be in public spaces, among men of all races, and in as close proximity as a crowded place dictates. The priority should be to ensure that that is the reality, not to punish the refugees, migrants and asylum seekers who are just as likely to be peaceful, law-abiding residents of Germany as those who are native-born, nor should it be the time to engage in needless victim-blaming.  

ProChange is a group of people between 20 and 64 years of age who have been active for several years or decades now. ProChange consists of a small group of core members (pictured left) in a network of other activists. Our main focus is on street harassment, sexism and sexualized violence. We are opposed to all forms of exploitation as we believe that they are all connected.

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Four Teens Rape Another Teen at NYC Playground

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Trigger Warning – Rape.

Via CNN:

“Four teens who forced a father to leave his daughter so they could take turns raping her at a park have been arrested, New York police say — but a fifth suspect is still at large.

The 18-year-old woman was with her father at the Osborn Playground in Brooklyn around 9 p.m. Thursday when they were approached by five males, the New York Police Department said.

One of the men pulled a gun on the father and daughter and demanded the father leave the area, police said.

Each of the five assailants then raped the teenager, authorities said….

On Sunday night, authorities said four suspects — ages 14, 15, 15 and 17 — were in custody, and charges were pending. Two of the teens turned themselves in, and the other two were apprehended, New York police said.”

So upsetting and terrible. Our thoughts are with the young woman and her family.

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More on the New Year’s Eve German Attacks

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Via Vice News:

“The number of reported New Year’s Eve attacks in Cologne, Germany, has now risen to 516, according to police, who said that 40 percent of those involved sexual assaults.

Meanwhile, authorities also said that a group of six Pakistanis and a Syrian national were attacked in the city late on Sunday night. Two of the Pakistani men were hospitalized after being set upon by about of 20 assailants.

The local Express newspaper reported that Sunday’s attacks had been planned by “rocker and hooligan gangs,” who had used social media to launch a “manhunt” of foreigners.

Tensions remain high in Germany as citizens struggle to comprehend the consequences of the mass attacks on December 31. Blame has fallen on the police for their insufficient reaction, on migrants because of the reported origin of the attackers, and on the German government….

The scale of the New Year’s Eve assaults has given leverage to anti-immigration groups, which have long been calling for Germany to toughen its immigration policies. However, some politicians and women’s rights activists have accused them of using this incident to further their own political aims…..

Women’s rights activists — who stood separately holding signs on the steps of the cathedral — were verbally attacked by passersby, who called them dumb and stupid for suggesting that sexual assaults happen all over the world, and that perpetrators can be of all nationalities.””

And via DW.com:

“A few kilometers away, in the “Multi Kulti” center in the neighborhood of Mülheim, several women have gathered in an attempt to work out what measures should be taken to make the streets of Cologne safe again.

“No one is talking about the fact that this is happening to women every day,” Tanja, an activist and one of the initiators of the event told DW.

“People are insisting on making this a political story, trying to shift the focus on pro- or anti-refugees. But in fact, no one is listening to what we have to say – the women who have been suffering from this violence in the streets on a daily basis long before refugees even came here,” she says.

The violence on New Year’s Eve was not different from that during any other big-scale celebration in the city, according to Tanja. “Because refugees are now a burning topic, the media all of a sudden report about these events, but what nobody wants to admit is that these things happen all the time. I’m sorry to break this to you, but German-born men also harass and rape.”

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