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“I began to have an absolute meltdown”

June 28, 2015 By Contributor

I was walking back to my house after just strolling around the neighborhood. I walked past my neighbor’s house (right across the street a few houses down), and there’s a teenage boy sitting in his driveway. I’m 17, so I assumed I knew him, and waved. He said, ʺGood afternoon,ʺ to which I told him good afternoon as well. He said, “You’re so pretty.ʺ

I didn’t think anything of it and said, “Thank you.ʺ

I kept walking, and he made a kissing sound behind me, and I ignored it. Then, he said, ʺYou’re so fine, mm come back hereʺ or something along those lines.

I whipped around and shouted, ʺHey, F*CK you!ʺ and flipped him off. He started kinda laughing, and then said, ʺHey, don’t be a f*cking bitch!ʺ and some more obscenity, and I began to walk faster. I was feet away from my house and he stood up and came towards me. I booked it back inside, and told my brother. He went to talk to the kid, but the kid wouldn’t answer the door. I was so angry and ashamed, I immediately started playing in my head what I could’ve said better, or what I could’ve done differently. I have anxiety and PTSD from being sexually assaulted, so I began to have an absolute meltdown. It took me awhile to calm down afterwards.

Optional: What’s one way you think we can make public places safer for everyone?

We could teach males in sex ed that catcalling and harassment are NEVER okay; I live in Virginia, and my boyfriend told me when he did sex ed all through middle and high school, they never mentioned catcalling or given any lectures about harassment or rape.

– Virginia Kuebler

Location: My neighborhood in VA

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See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for more idea

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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment

UK: Holla:Rev in London

June 28, 2015 By Correspondent

Ruth Mair, UK, SSH Blog Correspondent

I attended Holla:Revolution in London a few days ago and it was so inspiring, uplifting, moving, exciting, and many other good words. The main thing I felt attending the event was involved. I felt that I already AM involved, just by being there and aware, interacting with others, hearing their stories, and all the astonishing ways they’ve come up with to combat harassment and address the central problem, but also involved with a more ambitious tint to it.

Beynon and Gray
Beynon and Gray

I felt that I wanted to be up there, on that (pretty small) stage, with all those inspirational humans, saying something relevant, adding my voice, and working on something new to contribute even if I don’t quite know what yet. I wanted the younger me to be there and get inspired by it, and I wanted future me to be there, feeling joy at what has been achieved and the pleasure of knowing that sometimes hard work pays off, even when as Julia Gray from Hollaback! London said, everyone is telling you it won’t work out. Sometimes, human beings are brilliant, and those in the Amnesty International building at this three hour conference were a stellar example of that.

The talks began with an introduction from Emily May, founder of Hollaback!, explaining the history behind the project and what inspired her. Many of us found our own stories being reflected in her account of what inspired (if that is the right word, when we’re talking about the frustration involved in being harassed frequently on the streets) her to begin talking to others about their experiences. We had all had those moments of realisation, the first discussions of what street harassment was, the sharing of stories, just at different times, different places, and with different people, and May’s introduction created an intimate space for all of us to interact, and start creating this revolution that we all want to take place.

Then the first speakers were Bryony Beynon and Gray who co-found Hollaback London in 2010, and since have worked incredibly hard to educate various organisations about the issue of street harassment, including most recently the creation of the Good Night Out campaign and their on-going work with British Transport Police to help make reporting incidents of harassment on public transport significantly easier for all.

Following them was Susuana Antubam, currently NUS National Women’s Officer, discussing harassment on campus, along with various campaigns relating to good consent rules and combating lad culture- both of which, she reminded us, are significant in educating about street harassment and the culture that supports its continued existence.

Briggs
Briggs

American Nicola Briggs’ confessions of a subway badass was next. She told her story of confronting the man who had sexually assaulted her on a subway train, as well as the experience of dealing with the aftermath when the videos taken by by-standers went viral.

Samayya Afzal from Bradford University’s students union then discussed the specific experience of street harassment as an identifiable (headscarf-wearing) Muslim woman, particularly the normalisation of this kind of harassment for many of her peers, who had come to simply expect such treatment when stepping outside of their own houses. She also touched on the issue of online harassment, and how much weight that can place on the shoulders of activists (and others) who have to cope with multifaceted harassment.

The last speaker before the 10 minute break was a representative from the Sex Workers Open University, along with a proviso that we must not tweet or photograph this speaker. Through the process of relating stories of harassment, the speaker emphasised the importance of addressing why people feel offended if they are called a whore, or identified as one mistakenly, as well as talking about the difference between clients and harassers, and finishing with an emphasis that sex workers need to be included in discussions of harassment, and that we need to end exclusion of sex workers by feminist groups.

The repetition of these stories of harassment may well make the event look like a great big group therapy session, but hopefully that’s only to the cynical reader. It is incredibly important still that these stories are repeated, shared, and added to even if we keep hearing the same thing. Because it’s only through taking part in that kind of cathartic exercise that we will be able to educate others, allow ourselves to recover from what we have experienced, and most importantly, remind ourselves whenever we’re starting to feel weak or tired out by it all, that such harassment is NOT OK, in those big intentional capital letters. We have the support of so many others who have experienced the same, and are sympathetic to the exhaustion that comes with the armours that we clothe ourselves in to cope.

After the break there was an immensely moving performance by (50% of) Sauna Youth, of their piece that will eventually be worked in to a bigger piece called “A Thousand Tiny Pinpricks,” but at present is on their album Distractions as (Trying to take a) Walk. It has stories of harassment in the form of spoken word repeated and layered over music, with both the views of the harassed, and those of bystanders and allies expressed.

Then Laura Bates from Everyday Sexism Project spoke about education and solidarity, the importance of standing alongside one another in order to stand against sexism and sexualised harassment, and reminding us all of the hypocrisy that sometimes occurs, where women are treated equally in some situations but as second class citizens in others.

Bisi Alimi, an LGBTI campaigner, and the first gay person to come out on national television in Nigeria, spoke next about the differences between homophobia and the street harassment experienced by LGBTI people. He touched on the occurrence of corrective rape and aggression faced by trans people, and those with non-binary appearances. Alimi was full of energy, and the talk, although only 10 minutes, was packed full of information, much of which I had not encountered previously even though I am relatively engaged with discourses and media concerning street harassment and campaign work.

Sabria Thompson from Hollaback! Bahamas showed a video explaining the projects they are undertaking, including asking average professional women to wear cameras for several days to record the harassment that they receive, in order to make others understand how frequently the average women receives such harassment and how pervasive it can be.

The final speaker was Vanessa Smith-Torres from Hollaback NOLA, who spoke about how her experience as an architect had influenced her approach to street harassment and the ways in which public spaces need to be changed to make them fully accessible to women. She gave us a preview of the designs for a large scale art project to be created in New Orleans in order to draw attention to the experiences of women and their interactions with being outside and using public spaces.

To finish the event, there was a group panel of all the speakers, taking questions from the audience and discussing various points such as the future of anti-street-harassment work, and finishing with each speaker relating to us the two main things they thought were most important when it comes to combating street harassment.

The one that stuck with me, and has been chiming in my head, every time I go out my front door, has been Briggs’; “Use your voice!”. I think this struck a chord with me, because personally I have always been of a quiet inclination, more likely to ignore someone pressing up against me on the Tube, or simply scowl and say nothing if someone catcalls me.

It served as a reminder also, that we are at our most powerful as a movement when we use our voices in all the ways we can- by communicating the issue, bringing it out in to the open, and making sure that no one can look away or sweep it, or us, under the carpet, or into the quiet corners of nightclubs, or the badly lit streets that we walk down at night, again. That is how we will make this revolution happen.

Ruth is a human rights MA student finishing her MA dissertation on the legal and normative rights of terror suspects in the UK (spoiler alert: rights are being violated). She also plays bass in a band called Kinshot, sews as often as she can, and spends time getting annoyed at the cat sleeping on top of her computer.

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Filed Under: correspondents

“I was on the brink of having a panic attack”

June 27, 2015 By Contributor

A few days ago, I went to an amusement park with two of my friends. With three being such a bad number in those types of situations, we were rotating who was sitting alone, and it was my turn to sit solo on a ride I particularly didn’t like because it jolts you around. (I’ve got bruises from the seat before.) Moving on. As my friends and I were getting in line, I noticed two guys come up behind us to stand in line as well. They were both 15, as I later found out. It wouldn’t have been such a bad situation if they had taken a step back. Even so, they were practically right on top of my friends and I. (Mind you, they were both pretty tall and I’m about 5’2ʺ.)

So we’re minding our own business and we’re waiting in line. My friends are smiling and I’m smiling; we’re all having a good time. Which is very rare for me.

I’m not sure if it was my smile that lead them on, but because my friends had their backs to both boys, I could easily look over their shoulder and see or make eye contact with them. And I did so about 15 times. The taller one (we’ll call him B) even whispered to his friend while maintaining eye contact. It was quite obvious to determine they were talking about me; his friend made eye contact with me only but a second later!

They didn’t say anything in line, though I knew something was coming. I’m usually not the person in my friend group to get hit on; this was my first time going to the park and actually being able to be myself. I felt radiant. I felt empowered and so so happy. I suffer from bipolar depression, severe social anxiety, ADD, and insomnia.

So we get on the ride and it flips, twirls, tosses, and jolts us all around. I was shaking by the time we got off. (It is that bad, but I rode it because my friends wanted to.)

I totally forgot about the guys behind us in the line until we walk out to look at our pictures. I don’t even bother to search for mine amidst the other 10 screens, I decided beforehand that it was terrible.

So my friends and I walked away before everyone else, the crowd was all looking for their pictures, and we got a few steps away before stopping to try and decide what we wanted to eat. I turned so that I was facing both of my friends and it was easier to converse, and once again, over their shoulders, I see the same guys from the line, which was usually normal, but B was looking around as if he lost something. And because I was being self centered (which I would later have every right to be) and thought he was looking for me, I turned around and starting urging my friends to walk to a restaurant that I know had good food no matter what you liked and didn’t like; it had everything.

We had created an even bigger distance between ourselves and the tortuous ride we went on, before I noticed the two guys, once again, out of the corner of my eye. They were looking at me, but I didn’t make eye contact with them, because they weren’t even trying to hide the fact that they were both looking at my ass.

Inwardly, I knew something was going to happen, and the thought sent my mind into a frenzy.

B moved around my friends so that he was now walking backwards in front of me. He asked me for my name, and I, so frazzled at the time, answered honestly. My name is Sarah.

He turned around then with a smile on his face, mumbling my name. I thought he was done. But no, he moved to my side, so that we were now walking beside each other and our arms were brushing absentmindedly. I tried to move away but not even my friends knew what to do. I was on the brink of having a panic attack. Tall and muscular guys quite honestly scare me, and B was just that. He smiled, but it didn’t soften his demeanor.

B walked beside me for a minute before turning to me once more.

ʺWell Sarah, do you wanna make out with me?ʺ he asked, a smirk on his lips. I was shocked and flattered (because this doesn’t happen often to me) and disgusted and scared, all at once. I went with my instinct and clearly said no, my voice unwavering and my eyes remained in contact.
He asked again, and it fazed me because my seconds of being confident were over, though I expected them to tell him off for me alone.

This time, I stuttered because B looked sad that I had turned him down. I still said no, but my faltering pride have him an advantage.

ʺWhy-why not?ʺ he asked with a playful smirk, one that told me he was conceited enough to think I was lying. I told him it was because I didn’t know him, and they only made me sound as if I had known him, I would’ve taken him up on the offer. But honestly, I was just really caught off guard and didn’t know how to respond. B sensed that.

He told me his name and where he was from, adding a chipper, ʺ..and now you know me!ʺ onto the very end. I didn’t respond, and decided to just keep walking. He kept pace. He grabbed my hand loosely, to which I pulled away easily.

He called my name once I had finally managed to lose him walking-wise, and he had drifted back to his friend.

ʺAre you sure you don’t want to make out?ʺ B had asked, and I shook my head no. In response, I asked for his age, and he told me fifteen before I turned around with an exasperated sigh.

Both guys continued to call my name until I was out of earshot, and I made my friends practically run along with me to get away from them.

– Sarah

Location: Amusement Park in Ohio

Share your street harassment story for the blog.
See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for more idea

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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment

“I decided to keep to the public path for my own safety”

June 26, 2015 By Contributor

I used to walk in my local park and often I would be confronted by more then one person that would harass me. It got to the stage I decided to keep to the public path for my own safety as it happened on more then one occasion. This was worrying for a a women walking in a park on her own!

– M.E.

Location: Burgess Park, CA

Share your street harassment story for the blog.
See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for more idea

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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment

Video: Street harassment takes a toll

June 25, 2015 By HKearl

Conversations About Street Harassment is an interview series, created by transgender activist Charlie Kerr (the co-chair of The Trevor Project’s Youth Advisory Council) and mixed media visual artist Randon Rosenbohm. It explores a diverse group of young peoples’ experiences with street harassment through an intersectional lens.

This is the first video in the series and includes young people’s definitions of and experiences of street harassment. It was filmed at the LGBTQ Center at Brooklyn College and the Brooklyn College Women’s Center.

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Filed Under: LGBTQ, male perspective, Stories, street harassment

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