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Poem: “Respect Me”

June 18, 2013 By Contributor

My name is Naomi Wilcox, I live & work in Coventry, UK. In 2012 I started the Coventry Feminists group. I am also a member of Coventry Women’s Voices.

Last year we conducted a survey in Coventry, asking women about their experiences of street harassment. In April we published a report ‘An Every Day Occurrence’, which detailed the types of harassment women have experienced, and the way it makes them feel and behave.

I wrote this poem partly in response to the report and the things women told us, but also based on my own personal experiences of street harassment from the age of about 10.

Respect Me

Respect me.
Don’t expect me
to enjoy your stare and your leer
I don’t want to hear
Your words laced with lust
While I wait for the bus
I don’t want to know what you think of my ‘ass’
or my ‘tits’
or any other bits of my body

MY  body.

Not yours to ogle or claim
or call sexy names
Not yours to grope
Not yours to touch
Not yours to assess & publicly judge

Respect me.
Don’t expect me to smile
Because you say so,
Or when you shout ‘fancy a shag’
For me to say ‘ok, let’s go’!

Stop staring
Because you’re scaring me.

“I’m fine thanks”

“Go away”

“Please leave me alone.”

“Let me be.”

Respect me.
Don’t expect me to turn around
There’s 3 of you behind me now
You whistle and whistle again
I’ve got my earphones in, head down
I pretend
I can’t hear you.
“Hey white top!” you try in vain,
that’s not my name
Have you noticed my walking has doubled in pace?
Do you have any idea how this feels,
The three of you hot on my heels,
Keen for the chase?

Respect me.
Don’t expect me to take it as a compliment
That’s not what you meant
when you yelled from your car,
rubbed against me at the bar,
followed me and smacked your lips,
tried to grab my hips,
whistled, whooped & groaned,
waited ‘til I was on my own,
hollered ‘hey baby’, ‘hey honey’, ‘hey cutie’, ‘hey sexy’,
Do you REALLY expect me
to respond to this shit?
to comply when you shout ‘show us your tits!’?
or pucker up when you murmur ‘give us a kiss’?

What is it you want?
‘cos I’ve had enough
of this stuff;
of crossing the road
and clutching my keys
of going the long way round to avoid your sleaze.
I’m sick of the feeling of fear and shame
and of fucking rape culture saying I’M to blame!

RESPECT ME!
don’t expect me to shut up about this
‘Cos we will holler back
and call you out
and tell it how it is.

It is harassment.
It is assault.
It is YOURS, and NEVER my fault.

It is power play.
It is oppression.
It is treating me like I am a possession.

It is threatening.
It is disrespectful.
It is entirely neglectful
of the fact that I am much more than ‘a nice rack’

So step back.
Shut your trap.
Walk away.
Avert your gaze.
Keep your hands to yourself,
Do not touch, or obstruct, or follow or yell,
and go tell
all your mates to stop it as well.

Listen and hear.
This isn’t a request or a plea.
It’s a demand
for you
To Respect me.

 

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Filed Under: Resources, Stories, street harassment

Finding a new ally

June 17, 2013 By HKearl

UPDATE: The person mentioned in the blog post below that I wrote yesterday ended up reading it and I am happy to say I misunderstood her response. She grew up in that area and faced street harassment and laughed because she couldn’t believe I was only walking alone for a few minutes before I was harassed. She apologized for how her response came across and said, “I understand why you continue to fight this cause and I am proud to see you stand up for others to make a change.”

And for me, her response makes all the difference!!! I am glad to have one more ally in this work to make public places safer for everyone.

Normally, I try to be a bit detached and objective when I write on this blog, but today I’m mad and hurt and that is going to come out in this post, I’m sure. I know a lot of people appreciate being able to share a story on this blog and find validation for their experiences, and that is what I’m doing today, too.

I was in Tennessee this weekend with my domestic partner for his grandpa’s 90th birthday. We had our dogs with us on the trip and before our long drive home, I took the dogs for a walk.

Within two minutes, a car full of guys yelled out the window, “Yeah, baby” at me. I looked up and just got a glimpse of white skin as they drove away. I didn’t get a chance to say a word. Not a minute later, another group of guys in a car drove toward me and I saw the passenger rolling down his window. They were gone before he could say anything.

Right then my partner texted me to see how we were doing and I told him I just got street harassed. He was worried and asked if I was okay. I said yes I was fine, just angry and I wasn’t going to let these harassers dictate where I walked.

So my dogs and I carried on. I tweeted what had happened and got some nice/supportive tweets back. Thankfully, I didn’t hear/see any other harassers during our walk.

The story doesn’t end there.

Later, someone in my my partner’s family came up to me. Laughing, she said, “I heard some rednecks yelled, ‘Yeah Baby,’ at you earlier.”

Going stiff, I said, “I don’t know if they were ‘rednecks,’ but yes, I was street harassed today.” I felt offended. I would hope that had it been a more severe form of street harassment, she wouldn’t have laughed, but I don’t know.

It is hurtful and astounding to me that any woman could be so callous about this issue and would actually laugh after finding out I was street harassed. I am still really upset 24 hours later.

My experience yesterday reminds me just how much work there is to do, including in my own family network, to make people aware of why this issue matters and why we, as a society, need to do something.

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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment

“I am a woman who is transgender and I felt really offended”

June 17, 2013 By Contributor

In a diverse part of town, near a diverse private university neighborhood, I was crossing a street and a couple of college-age looking guys yelled, “You faggot.”

I am a woman who is transgender and I felt really offended. First, I am a woman and the gender respective insult would have been “Dyke.”

Another time I was riding the subway. It was crowded and a guy was groping me from behind. Even though we bumped into each other beyond the moving of the train, he was doing more than what gravity and the movement of the train would naturally do.

In both these incidents I wasn’t wearing anything that would typically be provocative or revealing. I was dressed in pants and a plain top.

– Elizabeth G.

Location: Washington, D.C.

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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment

“Why don’t you come on over here and sit with me”

June 17, 2013 By Contributor

I have never been the kind of girl that other women envy. I have never had a curvaceous figure, or particularly attractive looks. This is why I was so shocked when I was first harassed on the street. I was trick-or-treating with two of my female friends at the age of 15. It was about 9 o’clock, but we were in a quiet, mainly suburban area, and we weren’t worried about getting lost. We crossed a major street and walked in between a drugstore and an auto repair shop. We were headed to one of my friends’ houses, only a few blocks away. Since it was Halloween, we had all dressed up, me as the paper bag princess, and my friends as an angel and a Harry Potter character, respectively.

High on sugar and excitement, I didn’t notice the catcalls that were coming from the auto shop until my friend pointed them out. The men of the shop were smoking on the stoop, and a few of them had stood up and started to move towards us.

They said things like, “Hey there, pretty baby”, “Why don’t you come on over here and sit with me,” and the worst, “You sexy-a** bitches better get over here.”

We were all freaked out. Luckily, the men were most likely drunk, because they didn’t run after us as we hurried to the next street over, which was better lit and populated. My friend called her boyfriend to come and walk with us, and we stayed on the stoop of a well-lit house that was holding a sober party until he came to get us.

That night sticks with me, even now, because of the way that other people have responded when I told them about it. My male friends said that we should have known better, that wearing costumes is asking for attention.

That truly disgusted me. Is it really so acceptable for women to be harassed because they are celebrating a holiday?

My female friends and family said that we were stupid to be out that late, that we should have had a guy with us, and that we shouldn’t have called attention to ourselves. This made me feel even worse.

Is it really necessary in these modern times to have a watch-dog or guard on hand to prevent harassment?

– Anonymous

Location: Houston, Texas

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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment

Most girls in Bhopal, India, face street harassment

June 15, 2013 By HKearl

Quick news hit about street harassment in India via The Times of India:

“Girls suffer sexual harassment at almost all public places in the state capital. A majority of men, irrespective of their age do it for fun. This startling fact came out during the course of a survey conducted recently. A survey carried out by a group of students of National Law Institute University (NLIU), Bhopal, also revealed no one present around helps a victim in case she needs help at the time of incident. Worse still, when a victim goes to register a complaint, the police lob awkward questions her way…

A group of NLIU students carried out a project on sexual harassment in the city while doing an internship at Madhya Pradesh Human Rights Commission (MPHRC) recently….

Around 80 girl students of prestigious government educational institutes of the city, including Maulana Azad National Institute of Technology ( MANIT), Gandhi Medical College ( GMC), Institute for Excellence in Higher Education (IEHE) and Nutan girls PG College were asked to fill up a questionnaire for the purpose.

Based on the same, it came to light that close to 50% girls suffered sexual harassment at least once in every ten visits to their school or college. Girls also said they feel insecure irrespective of clothes they wear or the time they move out.

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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment

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SSH will not publish any comment that is offensive or hateful and does not add to a thoughtful discussion of street harassment. Racism, homophobia, transphobia, disabalism, classism, and sexism will not be tolerated. Disclaimer: SSH may use any stories submitted to the blog in future scholarly publications on street harassment.
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