Thanks so much Rctv28 and Elaine Espinola Keltz for hosting an important discussion this week on street harassment, including points like what’s a compliment and what’s not, how to deal with harassers & men’s roles in stopping harassment! It was great to be a guest alongside Noorjahan Akbar of Free Women Writers & Women for Women International and Jessica Raven of Collective Action for Safe Spaces.
“I felt so sick to my stomach and I was shaking”
I’m 16, but when this happened, I was 14 or 15.
I was sitting in the passenger seat of my mom’s car while she was in the gas station close to our house. It was very hot out and our car doesn’t have a/c so I had all the windows rolled down. I was looking at myself in the mirror because I had something in my eye when this grown man easily in his 30’s called from his car, “Don’t worry, you still look good.”
I just turned to look at him and turned back because I was terrified, but as soon as those words left his mouth, I felt so sick to my stomach and I was shaking because he could have easily come over to the car and such… I still get sick thinking about it. I don’t go out a lot anymore but when I used to go out to the store, etc., I would constantly get unwanted comments, looks of lust, and attempts to talk to me. I may look a little older for my age but clearly I am underage…
– Addilyn
Location: In my home town
Need support? Call the toll-free National Street Harassment hotline: 855-897-5910
Share your street harassment story for the blog.
See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for ideas.
“I know he was capable of violence”
I am a single parent, 46 years old. I was harassed daily by my neighbor for four years He lived across the street from me and yelled vulgar things and grabbed his genitals. I called the police but they did not care. He would follow me to the store and to my son’s bus stop. I know he was capable of violence. I was literally a prisoner in my own home. He and his friends would get drunk and sit in his carport across the street to intimidate me. Thank the Lord above, I was able to move to a better neighborhood. I moved two weeks ago. The trauma of what this idiot did to me has not left me though. It was very frustrating that the police said I needed “evidence”. I always had my phone on video. It was kind of hard to prove.
Optional: What’s one way you think we can make public places safer for everyone?
It starts at home. Teach your sons to respect women. Teach them to treat them the way they would want someone to treat their daughter. Teach them that women have souls, feelings, and deserve respect. Police should also take these issues seriously. They should have listened to me and handled the situation. They should patrol the streets and be aware of situations like this.
– Anonymous
Location: Griffin, Georgia
Need support? Call the toll-free National Street Harassment hotline: 855-897-5910
Share your street harassment story for the blog.
See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for ideas.
“I’d have to be invisible for them not to have that power.”
A man driving by while I was walking to work honked his horn and I naturally looked up. He made a gesture of sucking dick at me and smiled. I felt powerless because he was in a car and got the attention he wanted, and I ended up sobbing to my mother on the phone afterwards because of my helplessness. What makes matters worse is that so many women will respond by saying, “Don’t let it bother you, that just lets them win”, but they already won because men know they can do that to a woman on the street with no consequences. He didn’t see my reaction, and it didn’t matter if he did, he already got the power he wanted. Even if I had not been upset by it, he still has the power. They profit off my beauty, regardless of what I wear. I’d have to be invisible for them not to have that power.
Optional: What’s one way you think we can make public places safer for everyone?
There should be a universal coloring agent that identifies people who harass or catcall on the streets, like when someone pulls a fire alarm and the non-washable fluid comes out to identify who pulled it. It could be part of a typical young American’s kit: with their pepper spray and rape whistle.
– AKS
Location: Washington DC capitol hill neighborhood
Need support? Call the toll-free National Street Harassment hotline: 855-897-5910
Share your street harassment story for the blog.
See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for ideas.
“I’ve been harassed daily since I was about 14”
I’m a 16 year old girl, and I’ve been harassed daily since I was about 14. I must have been harassed more than a few hundred times in my life at least. Generally the harassment I face can be categorised in a few categories:
-Non verbal: They usually just stare at me sensually, and do kissy motions with their mouths, whistle, or lick their lips. Winking is also real common. When I go in some neighbourhoods, basically, and this is not an exaggeration, all the men look at me sultrily, and/or catcall me.
-Verbal badmouthing/Insults: Either they talk shit ‘indirectly” like, “Oh ya, I’d pin that bitch on the wall, and f*ck her hard”, or talk with their friends about all the dirty things they’d do to me. Other times, it’s lone wolves, or groups of guys who scream stuff like “Sucky sucky bitch” or “Hey come over here you f*cking slut, and let me eat your pussy”.
-Verbal non explicit ‘insults’: Like “You’re so pretty, you shouldn’t be so sad. Smile for me”, “Damn, liking the view. Nice ass. Wanna see it up close”, “Hey there…”, “What’s up..”.
-Asking for sexual favours: I don’t get a lot of allowance, so I ask people on the street for money (not pandhandling). If I ask a guy, it’s not at all uncommon for him to ask me to give him a blowjob, f*ck him or kiss him for money. Sometimes, I just innocently ask for directions, and they ask me for a kiss. I’ve had a stranger before, force me to kiss him on the mouth, and let him feel what he wanted under threat of violence, in public.
-Stalking: I’ve had guys who asked me out, or tried going predator on me, follow me for hours after I refused. But mostly it’s just for a few minutes to get a good view.
-Asking me out, and forcing me to go somewhere isolated with them right after: Basically half of the time when I talk to a male stranger, they ask me out, or after I refuse, to just be friends. They all immediately invent bizarre excuses to get me somewhere of intimacy or give me alcohol. I’ve been nearly forced in a car before, and in other bad places. Got molested quite a lot. Nearly raped a few times too. The creepiest thing is, I’ve always told them, than I’m either 14 or 15. And they won’t even back down. Even if I’m not legal. They don’t care.
-Being patronised by a lot of men. A decent amount of men, I don’t know or not well, refer to me as “sweety, “honey”, “sexy”, “babe”. What the f*ck. I’m sick of this. Even though it’s been more than two years, It still affects me. I hate being harassed. Don’t care if he’s hot.
– Anonymous
Location: Paris, France
Need support? Call the toll-free National Street Harassment hotline: 855-897-5910
Share your street harassment story for the blog.
See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for ideas.