Stop Street Harassment

Making Public Spaces Safe and Welcoming

14-year-old is told she’s a man’s “blonde dream wife”

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When I was 14 I used to walk to a 711 by my house with my best friend Christian and the attendant would give me free cigarettes. If Christian came in with me the man wouldn’t sell to us but if I was alone he would always just give me a pack for free. I always said hi and was friendly because at that age I thought he was just being generous and I felt cool being able to have cigarettes. I never suggested anything at all I don’t think I even knew what being provocative meant.

One evening I went in like always and simply asked if I could have cigarettes. The attendant came from behind the counter wrapped his arms around me and demanded a kiss, when I refused he tried licking the back of my neck. I started screaming and warned him my friends were outside waiting for me (which they were). He told me I was his blonde dream wife and I screamed louder. He let go and ran to the back of the store, I haven’t been back in 5 years.

– Anonymous

Location: Chicago, Illinois

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“I will not enter the bus during rush hours, especially by myself.”

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I was riding the M train back from an appointment downtown back to school. It was rush hour and the train was completely packed. This was my first day riding the Muni by myself. A middle age man, maybe early thirties, made a space for me on the bus, which I thought was very nice of him since I’m sure he could tell I was in a hurry. We began having small talk, mostly about how crowded the bus was. As people began departing from the bus we were able to move. I moved to the back wall of the train where the routes poster is displayed. I had stopped talking with him so I didn’t think it would be rude to put my headphones in and begin listening to music. I stood against the wall with my hands around my purse which I had rested on my legs. The man was standing next to me. And even though the train had become less crowded it was still too crowded to move with ease.

The man began scooting closer to me. I didn’t think anything of it. Although it made me uncomfortable I chalked it up to how crowded the bus was. He then grabbed my hand, I shook him off. When he made the motion to do it again I put my bag on my shoulder and my hands behind my back. I thought that would be enough of a hint however I was wrong. He then took his forearm and began rubbing them up and down my breasts. I froze, I should have walked away but I couldn’t move. It was like I was seeing it from above. On top of that no one did anything. Even though on a train your surround by people they are all in their own worlds attempting to have as minimal contact with those around them. After the next station stop he finished. The entire rest of the time he was on the train I was so fearful. I understood that I would not be able to leave the train until he got off. I did not want him to follow me. Luckily he got off two stops before mine.

Every time I get on the bus or train I know make sure to dress in a way that is attracting the least attention, which I call the bus rule. I always try to leave with a group with at least one man. I will not enter the bus during rush hours, especially by myself. I am always very aware of my surroundings. But most of all I am fearful. I should be able to be independent and feel safe to get what I need to done but that is not the world which I live in. I hope that can change one day. I truly do believe that sharing stories is the first step in that process.

– AU

Location: M train San Francisco, California

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College men share tips for stopping street harassers

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I love the work that Men Can Stop Rape (MCSR) does to challenge harmful definitions of masculinity and to empower men to be allies with women in ending gender violence. Their latest project is a new campus bystander campaign called Where Do You Stand? aimed at men.

This comprehensive campaign uses billboards, posters, T-shirts, bystander intervention trainings, and peer-education sessions to equip young men with the necessary skills and tools to intervene when they see a situation that doesn’t look right, including street harassment.

On January 31, they officially launched the campaign during an MCSR bystander training for about 30 young men at Georgetown University in Washington, DC. I attended and spoke at the beginning for a few minutes.

The main portion of the workshop was role playing and brainstorming responses to scenarios.

They also talked about barriers that prevent bystanders from intervening and brainstormed a list of methods for intervening, such as providing a distraction or addressing the harasser head on (see a photo of the list they created).

The first few scenarios they discussed focused on intervening in questionable situations at college parties. The last example on street harassment kept me furiously scribbling notes.

One of the facilitators described a group of men standing on a corner near a building, street harassing women going by. He asked the young men how many of them had seen that happen before and more than half of them raised their hand. Then he asked the for their ideas for dealing with this scenario. Here are some of them:

1. Say, “Yo, chill son,” to slightly call them out on the behavior.

2. Directly point out what they’re doing and say, “This is unacceptable.”

3. Use public ridicule to call them out or silence them…though a few young men pointed out that is okay if you know the harassers, but if you don’t and you call them out like that, you may “get whooped.”

4. If it’s your group of friends, tell them, “That’s not cool,” and if they keep it up, say you’re out and walk away. Chances are they’ll back down then. Another guy similarly suggested saying, “If this is how you’re going to spend your night, I’m leaving. This is not okay.”

5. Reverse catcalling the men can be effective. They don’t know how to respond or what to do.

6. If it’s a friend doing it, tell him that it’s not the right approach to take but to be the respectful gentlemen he is if he wants to meet someone.

Some other interesting things the young men said:

* Guys who catcall wouldn’t be my friends because that’s the rudest thing they can do and I’m not okay with that.

* Men catcall because there are other men around. It’s a way to demonstrate their masculinity while riding with your crew or walking down the street. So figure out why your friends feel they have to prove their masculinity to you and address that.

* If you establish yourself as a person who doesn’t laugh at catcalls, then it won’t happen around you because they won’t use that as a way to try to impress you.

* Intervening is hard, but once you do it, it will pay off. People will know you’re the guy who doesn’t like that behavior and others will call them out on it if they do it around you. Maybe they will still catcall when you aren’t around, but it’s a start. The benefits of intervening far outweigh the consequences.

I left the workshop pumped. I know there are plenty of men out there who want to help stop gender violence and harassment, but I’d never been in a room full of them before. It gives me hope! I hope you will share their bystander tips (and others from the Stop Street Harassment website) with friends and family. And if you’re on a college campus, consider bringing the Where Do You Stand? campaign to your school!

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Snapshot of street harassment stories, news, announcements & tweets: February 12, 2012

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Read stories, news articles, blog posts, and tweets about street harassment from the past week.

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Street Harassment Stories:

Share your story! You can read street harassment stories on the Web at:

Stop Street Harassment Blog

HarassMap Egypt

Resist Harassment Lebanon

Many of the Hollaback sites

In the News, on the Blogs:

Image via The Guardian

* Common Ground, “On the revolution’s anniversary, men stand up for women’s rights in Egypt“

* Lauren Bravo is My Real Name, “In which I launch Operation Creep-be-Gone“

* Human Rights First, “Egyptian Women Face Setback at “Virginity Tests” Trial“

* Al Jazeera, “Egypt’s feminists prepare for a long battle“

* Thought Catalog, “Dear Gross Dude In The Club, Please Stop Touching Me“

* IBN Live, “Father dies after being thrashed by eve-teasers“

* The Guardian, “Uni Lad website closure highlights the trouble with male banter“

* PC Advisor, “Video: Commuter crush? Snap photo, post to new network of sites“

Activism Announcements:

New:

* Read an interview with Ghaidaa al-Absi, an anti-street harassment activist from Yemen who founded the Safe Streets Campaign.

* Read an interview with photographer Hannah Price, whose images of street harassers were displayed at the Philadelphia Museum of Art last fall.

* SSH blogged about an offensive Fiat ad that aired during the Super Bowl last weekend which made light of street harassment and objectified women. The post brought a record number of viewers to the SSH website.

* SSH founder Holly Kearl is quoted in the March 2012 issue of Cosmo magazine with advice on dealing with gropers. Read an extended version of her advice on the blog.

Reminders:

* If you live in the Washington, DC-area, you can testify about harassment on the Metro system at a hearing on Feb. 22. Details.

* What were you wearing when you got stared at or street harassed? Submit your photo

* Start planning for International Anti-Street Harassment Week, March 18-24

* Sign the Petition: “Demand Justice for Two Men Killed Trying to Stop Street Harassment“

* Read a Baltimore, Maryland, college student’s thesis on street harassment

* The Adventures of Salwa campaign has a hotline for sexual harassment cases in Lebanon: 76-676862.

* In Bangalore, India, there is a helpline for street harassment 080 – 22943225 / 22864023

10 Tweets from the Week:

1. EmptyNestExpat stunned today to learn a good friend is leaving #Istanbul because she doesn’t feel safe on the street due to street harassment.

2. sarahhuny I’m really tired of some men thinking that a woman should automatically be grateful and flattered by his attention #streetharassment

3. DaliaHosny Please report any sexual harassment incidents to 6069, if you got harassed during marches today . @harassmap #endSH #Feb11 #harassmap

4. iHollaback The Dept of State wants to come and visit us and learn more about #streetharassment! Very cool.

5. DesignerTi Catcall of the day: (me: walking and looking at my phone) Fool: u trying up call me? Me: who are u?

6. MareeGPhotos When your gonna catcall to a point where it pisses me off yes, I will make you look stupid.

7. hollabackWY Did you know Wales now has its first hollaback site to fight street harassment? Check them out here @GwynHollaback

8. MadamJMo Reading ‘Ann Veronica’ by HG Wells, written 1909. She has moved to London and experienced #streetharassment but won’t be frightened. Yep.

9.  MaiiNewaishy What’s amazing to me is the shock on a harasser’s face when the woman stands up for herself, yes we’re not silent anymore #endSH

10. ilibico #Tripoli #Libya the stop street harassment campaign “don’t tell me what to wear, tell them not to harass me” pic.twitter.com/uwxTHbGu

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Gym harasser in Derby, UK

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After dealing with post-traumatic stress and depression brought on by an attempted rape I had put on a bit of weight and felt I needed to get back in shape. Since I was out of work I relished the thought of getting stuck into something physical so I joined a Virgin Active gym down the road from me.

Well, I had an initial training session with a personal trainer to show me ropes, and during my session I had a group of three guys staring at me whilst doing a medicine ball workout and they were making inappropriate comments (which the trainer laughed at). I ignored it.

The next time I went to work out I was on my own and 20 mins in I was on an exercise bike and a group of men hanging around the weights started calling out to me across the room things like “hey, darling!” “hey, sexy, why are you ignoring me?!” and they wouldn’t let up. I didn’t know what to do. It was a Sunday evening and the place was pretty empty. I just ignored them at first then got up and left.

I never went back.

I didn’t want to cancel my membership because I desperately wanted to go to the gym, but I was too scared to go alone. I ended up cancelling my membership after 9 months of battling with myself. I’m still too scared to go back. I needed my own space. I was recovering from a sexual assault and I needed to heal. I never got that chance. I barely go out now. I want to, but I know what will probably happen so I don’t bother.

– Gretch

Location: Virgin Active, Derby, UK

Share your street harassment story today and help raise awareness about the problem.
Find suggestions for what YOU can do about this human rights issue.

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