Stop Street Harassment

Making Public Spaces Safe and Welcoming

“When you talk about women like that in front of me, you are insulting me”

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Years ago, in my hometown of Buffalo, NY, I was waiting at the bus stop where two guys were making misogynistic comments about women, talking about who they could “fuck” while calling them “hoes,” “bitches,” and whatever nasty thing could come out of their mouths. At first I chose to quietly walk a few paces away from them so I wouldn’t have to be subjected to that, but when they said, “Bitch, we ain’t talkin’ about you!” I had to say something.

“When you talk about women like that in front of me, you ARE insulting ME and I don’t want to hear it,” I said.

“Shut up, bitch!” the ringleader responded.

“Man, you are ignorant and uneducated,” I said.

“I’m not uneducated…I got my college degree!” the one guy said.

“So?” I responded. “I have one and so do many other people. It doesn’t make you special.”

This guy got so angry and embarrassed at being called “uneducated,” as well as being pointed at and laughed at by his friend for being “dissed” by me, that he got quiet. He looked like he was going to cry!

“She called me ‘uneducated’!” he whined quietly.

The bus finally came and we all boarded, the guy with his head hanging down in defeat and me feeling good for standing up for myself and other women. Serves him right and I’m sure he knows better than to call women “bitches” and “hoes” like that now.

– D

Location: Bus stop at Grant Street & West Ferry Street, Buffalo, NY

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Support anti-street harassment efforts this holiday season

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Lately, I’ve been inundated with e-mails and letters from every organization I donated to during their year + their best friend organizations, asking me to donate again. As much as I obviously care about most of those organizations if I’ve already donated to them, my end of year giving is going to two organizations that do anti-street harassment-related work, RightRides and RAINN. You may be interested in donating to them, too.

  • Right Rides for Women’s Safety: For more than six years RightRides has been giving free rides home to women and male members of the LGBQT community on Friday and Saturday nights in New York City. This free service is particularly helpful to people who cannot afford a cab and are reliant on buses and subways and feel unsafe waiting for or taking these late at night. RightRides has a page about the many ways you can become involved. A new feature is recurring gifts. $10/month can cover rides home for 12 people that year and $25/month covers about 30 people’s rides home. Any amount helps.
  • RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network): Individuals across the United States can seek immediate assistance and advice if they or someone they know are survivors of rape and sexual violence via RAINN’s national phone hotline and online chat feature. While most people know their attacker, about 25 percent do not, and many of those cases are strangers in public places who harass and attack them. When too often survivors of sexual violence are blamed for it and thus are silenced and don’t know what to do, RAINN’s services are very important. RAINN also works on prevention legislation and programming. If you donate by Dec. 31, your donation will be matched dollar for dollar, so you can make double the impact.

Here are additional suggestions for organizations whose work makes public places – and the world in general – safer for women and girls. Not only could you do end-of-year giving to them, but you could make a gift out of donating in honor of family members and friends who care about ending and/or are impacted by street harassment.

  • Blank Noise – Support work in India to raise awareness about and end eve teasing/street harassment through performance art and online activism
  • Defend Yourself – Support the work of a Washington, DC organization that holds community workshops and classes that teach skills to stop harassment, abuse and assault. They particularly focus on girls, women, and LGBQT folks.
  • Girls for Gender Equity – Support a NYC organization that empowers teenage girls and has tackled street harassment through surveys, documentaries, conferences, and books
  • Helping Our Teen Girls – Help fund the programs of an Atlanta, GA, organization that empowers teenage girls and has tackled street harassment through workshops and music.
  • Hollaback – Support the NYC-based organization so they can  fund new Hollaback websites around the world
  • The Line – Help fund programs to raise awareness of healthy sexual boundaries, important work that can help prevent street harassment and sexual assault.
  • Men Can Stop Rape – Support rape prevention programming in middle and high schools and colleges that focuses on providing boys with a safe place to talk about masculinity issues and learn healthy definitions of manhood.
  • The White Ribbon Campaign – Support an international organization that works to educate young men and boys about gender equity, respect and healthy relationships.
  • Women for Women International – Help fund programming that helps women in war-torn areas gain skills and resources necessary to rebuild their lives and increase their safety in their community. You can also sponsor an individual woman as a sister.

And are you looking for other last-minute gift ideas? I can suggest a few:

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Stop Blame

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One of the worst myths I encounter in my work to end street harassment is victim-blaming.

“Well, with the way women dress these days…” “What do you expect with the clothes you wear…”  “Don’t go out alone if you don’t want men to harass you…” and “What did you expect when you went out alone after dark?”

It’s such a big part of the conversation around street harassment that it takes up considerable space in my book about street harassment.

And what I find striking and alarming is the global nature of the victim-blaming, from India and Australia, to Brazil and Lebanon, to Egypt and the UK. And of course in the USA.

Stop Blame PosterEarlier this year, then, I was thrilled to read about Scotland’s television ad campaign that aired during the World Cup called Not Ever, which focused on countering the idea that a woman is “asking to be raped” if she’s wearing a skirt, drinking, out late, etc. I would love to see a similar campaign in the US during the Super Bowl!

Via @thefworduk, I just found out about a similar, brand new campaign in Wales called Stop Blame. While, like Not Ever, this campaign focuses on ending the victim-blaming of rape and sexual assault survivors and victims, the commentary is largely the same as the victim-blaming that survivors of street harassment (and any form of sexual harassment) face. It is an extremely important campaign and I applaud the Welsh government for producing it.

From StopBlame.org:

This campaign asks us all to challenge the endemic culture of victim blame.

Stop blaming the victim for rape and sexual assault committed against her.

Stop handing the rapist – the assailant – excuses that serve to make his behaviour more socially acceptable.

Rape is a crime in every sense of the word- emotional, physical, psychological and legal; the most intimate violation imaginable. No woman is ever ‘asking for it’.

Rape. Sexual assault. There is NO excuse. Let’s stop blaming the victim.

Yes!

Can every government around the world please have a similar campaign? They wouldn’t end victim-blaming, but they sure would help!

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Christmas shopping trip ruined

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I had a horrible experience yesterday.

It happened on the bus when i was on my way to my local seaside town to do some xmas shopping. This ordeal left me shaken and in tears, though they were silent tears as i didn’t want other people to notice.

So when i sat on the bus, there was a middle aged man sitting two seats behind me talking on his phone. He was having a discussion about a woman who had rejected him that day. The way he was talking about her was disgusting. I turned around and looked at him. Then when he got off his phone, i heard a, “What are you looking at, you cow?”

I was shocked and said, “Nothing”.

But he proceeded to abuse me by calling me names and then he started making advances to me!

I obviously rejected him and told him that he can’t go around talking to people like that. This made him angrier and he continued his foul mouthed tirade at me, saying i am frigid and dopey.

In the end, he got off before me. I told the bus driver and he took me seriously but i decided not to go to the police.

– Clarice

Location: No 63 bus, Wales, UK

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Groped & harassed, but victim-blaming keeps her silent

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I am a school student. In my area there is a 99 percent chance that you get groped on crowded buses…so i often go to school by cycle…thinking that it was safe…..but i was wrong…. a guy on a scooter squeezed my breast with one hand and before i could react sped off..i was both physically hurt and psychologically disturbed…often people in our society blame the girl for being the victim…for not being careful…so i did not dare to share this with anyone..i hate sick men….most of the men in Chennai are sick.

– Anonymous

Location: Chennai, India

Share your street harassment story today and help raise awareness about the problem. Find suggestions for what YOU can do about this human rights issue.

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