Stop Street Harassment

Making Public Spaces Safe and Welcoming

Call them out, literally.

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On Saturday, EB in New York City posted a story on the blog about how an employee of a truck company harassed her. Both the harasser and the owner of the company, whom she called and spoke to on the phone, didn’t understand how the actions constituted harassment. In her blog post she included the company’s phone number.

Today, when blog reader Beckie saw the phone number, she called. She talked to the owner and he finally agreed that the behavior was inappropriate and said he’d talk to his employees. After I posted all this Facebook, four more people wrote comments saying they called and left messages urging the company to do something about harassment.

Also, a few weeks ago, a couple of emails and phone calls got a Togo’s sandwich television ad pulled because it made light of men flashing women on the street. The exchange also ended with a very nice email from someone at Togo’s.

If you were harassed while at store/movie theater/club/bar, or if you were harassed by a person in a public place who is clearly harassing you during work hours (e.g. s/he has on a work uniform), or if you see an ad that makes light of street harassment/sexual harassment, you can do something! As a customer and consumer, you have a right to contact the business and make a report. Offer suggestions for improvement. Be polite but firm. Then post the story here and include the contact information so some of the blog readers can contact them, too.

Why take the time to do this? Because it can create change. No business wants bad press or a Google trail of blog posts complaining about them. Collectively, we have a lot of power and a strong voice.

If you haven’t faced harassment this way but you want to help, read the recent stories from women in Chicago, London, Brighton, and New York City and use the contact information they provide to reiterate their message: street harassment, sexual harassment is not okay, nor are attitudes or ads that promote or condone such behavior.

We have the right to walk down the street, go into stores, and ride the subway without facing unwanted sexualized attention.

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Valentine’s Day advice for how not to be a street harasser!

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The Snoopy Store

With people like James Norton making a living from teaching men how to approach women, I think it’s very important to supplement that with advice on how to approach women without being a harasser!

Here’s an excerpt from a Guardian article I penned to do just that:

While perhaps obvious, the most important factor is treating the person with respect. Do not use insults or sexually objectifying language. A hello, smile or gender-neutral small talk that does not include comments about their appearance (at least, not right away) are rarely going to offend anyone and can open up the door to further conversation. Avoid familiar terms like “baby”, “honey” or “love”. While some people may not find that offensive, many do.

Make sure there is consent in your interaction. Does their body language, including eye contact (not lack thereof), and tone of voice indicate they want to interact with you, too? If you are unsure, you can always ask, is it OK if I talk to you?

Consider if the context might make them feel uncomfortable if you approach them. For example, is it dark out or a deserted area? Are you larger or older than them? Are you with friends while they are alone? If any of these factors apply, be aware that they may feel a little unsafe or unsure if you approach. So make it clear that you mean no harm and then leave them alone if they look uncomfortable.

Do not curse, insult or hurt a person who turns you down. Most of the time, people in public do not want to meet or even talk to someone. They want to get from point A to B or enjoy fresh air. They may be in a hurry or be preoccupied. Therefore, chances are that a person you approach is not going to want to talk to you or interact with you. That has nothing to do with you personally.

Talking with young men about appropriate stranger interactions in public is especially important. Society often suggests that in heterosexual relationships, it is men who should approach women. Men’s peers, family members and the media may tell them that it is OK, and even flattering, to be aggressive or to sexually objectify women whom they encounter (no matter the men’s or women’s sexual orientation). I doubt most men want to be harassers, but if they take these messages to heart, they may become harassers.

What advice would you give? Have you met someone on the street, at a bus stop, on public transportation, or the park? What did they do or say that made it nice instead of harassment?

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Consent on the streets – tips about how to not be a harasser

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“How can I talk to a woman in public without being a harasser?” is a question I often hear from men who attend my talks about street harassment.

The question always makes me laugh a little because the answer is so clear to me, but the question also makes me glad to see them thinking about the issue and trying to apply it to their life. I know it’s a question many men have and so I offer some basic tips on my blog and in my book.

I had an opportunity to explore this question in a video interview with Ben Privot, founder of The Consensual Project (read his recent Male Allies blog post). We chatted about consent on the streets.

I think having these conversations, especially with young men, is so important. Most men don’t want to be harassers, but a lot of the messaging they receive in the media, from their peers, and from family is that it’s okay and required of them to be aggressive, rude, and sexually objectifying with people they encounter. And if they listen to those messages, they become harassers.

So something we can all do is talk to each other about appropriate ways to interact with strangers in public. What contexts or circumstances make some interactions fun and some scary? What words or actions do? How can we be respectful people without being boring?

I really enjoyed meeting Ben and learning more about The Consensual Project. If you’re at a college campus, please check out the organization. Via Ben’s website,

“The Consensual Project partners with schools and universities to bring students a fresh understanding of consent. The innovative curriculum, workshops, and website empower young people to incorporate consent into their daily lives.”

Fantastic! Consent is so important, on the streets, in bars and clubs, on dates, in committed relationships, and in the bedroom. And reaching college students is essential – did you know that college women are more than four times as likely to face sexually assault as any other group of women (RAINN statistic)? So thanks for the important work you’re doing, Ben!

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Weekly Round Up: June 13, 2010

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Weekly Round Up is back by popular demand.

Story Submissions Recap:

I accept street harassment submissions from anywhere in the world. Share your story!

In the News:

Announcements:

Resource of the Week:

The Welsh Government’s excellent video “One Step Too Far” and the companion website.

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How to Deal With Cat-Callers, Leer-ers and Other Street Harassers

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This is a piece I wrote for AOL’s Lemondrop.com and it was published yesterday. I’m cross posting it here:

Jen Corey, the current Miss D.C., recently made headlines in Washington when she slammed a man against a wall at a bar. Why? Because he was the third man that night to inappropriately touch her without her consent and she’d had enough.

Men have harassed Corey in public places since she was 12 years old — and it’s not just at the bars. It’s on her lunch break. At the grocery store. When she’s out shopping with her girlfriends. And I’m sure you know the exact type of thing she’s talking about. Around the world — even in countries like Egypt and Yemen where most women are veiled in public — 80 percent of females are harassed by unknown men in public places. This harassment ranges from unwanted leers and whistles to sexually explicit or sexist comments to sexual touching and stalking. The unwelcome attention impacts our sense of self, freedom to go out in public, and our comfort level when we’re there.

This reality is unacceptable. Women should have the right to go outside without being harassed or touched. Corey told me, “I don’t expect every guy to leave me alone when I’m out … I just want to be respected and I don’t think that it’s too much to ask.”

It isn’t. But unfortunately, until men are educated not to harass women and are penalized if they do, it will keep happening. So, what can we do to deal with it? It depends on the situation, but when we feel safe, we can empower ourselves by taking some kind of action against the jerk who is making us feel annoyed and unsafe.

Here are 10 ideas for action, with more found at Stop Street Harassment and in the forthcoming book “Stop Street Harassment: Making Public Places Safe and Welcoming for Women.”

1. Tell the harasser exactly what you want to happen. For example, tell him “Move away from me,” “Stop touching me,” or “Go stand over there.” Use an assertive tone and forego saying “please” to strengthen what you are saying. He doesn’t deserve any niceties.

2. Say a general statement like, “Stop harassing women. I don’t like it. No one likes it. Show some respect.” Speak it in a neutral but assertive tone.

3. If you are in a crowded area, identify the perpetrator and shame him in front of others. You can say something like, “Hey man in the grey shirt, stop touching me!”

4. If you are at a bar or on a bus, tell the bartender or the bus driver what is happening. Tell someone standing nearby and ask for their help.

5. Snap a photo of the harasser and use it to report him to the police, public transportation authority, or store or bar manager (depending on where the harassment occurred).

6. If the harasser works for an identifiable company (such as a construction company or delivery service company), write down where the harassment occurred and a description of the harasser (or take a photo) and report him to his boss.

7. If the harasser is in a car, write down the license plate number. Even pretending to write it down can scare him into stopping. And if the harasser is aggressive or threatening, you can use it to report him to the police.

8. Tell the harasser that you are conducting a research project or survey. Start asking them questions such as, “How often do you do this?” or “How do you choose which people to harass?” or “Do you discuss your harassment activities with your mother, sister or female friends?”

9. Look out for your friends and other women. If it looks like a woman is being harassed, ask her if she is okay and offer help.

10. Share your street harassment story to raise awareness that this is a problem and to vent about what happened. Find a local HollaBack website or submit your story to Stop Street Harassment’s blog.

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