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The Experience of Walking Alone

April 1, 2014 By Contributor

Saloni Malhotra

Two months ago I was living in Delhi, India. During my lunch break I decided to visit my doctor for ordering new lenses. The clinic was about 500 meters from the office on a busy road. I finished placing my order and walked out of the clinic. Barely 20 steps ahead a 6 feet tall, well built Afghan man asked me something. I didn’t understand his language, shook my head and kept walking. 20 more steps and I realized he was making a pass and following me. I turned around to go back to the clinic and called my colleagues to pick me up in a car. The man turned back to follow me and minutes later as I got in the car, he was still looking for me.

But this isn’t a story only from Delhi – I have lived in Pune and Chennai in India. I have travelled extensively across the country for work and leisure. But one piece of advise has remained constant – don’t go out alone after 9 p.m., don’t walk alone on the road, if you are driving at night make sure the doors are locked.

Three weeks ago I moved to Sweden for the Social Innovation in the Digital Context course. My first week in Sweden, I was returning from a party and missed the last bus. We knew this might be a possibility and everyone told me it was safe to walk back.

I began walking back and was pleasantly surprised that it was actually safe to walk alone. I reached a street that was not as well lit/ had a feeling of being more isolated than the other and my Indian instinct kicked in. The voice in my head said it wasn’t safe and I heard footsteps behind me. I froze at first but then reminded myself it was safe. The man walking behind me was walking faster than I was and caught up; I just look at him and told him I was afraid to walk alone. He smiled and offered to walk with me till the main road, which was better lit.

Honestly I don’t have adequate words to describe the joy of walking alone and not bothering about what might happen. The incident in Delhi does not stop me from living my life but it is an irritant. And I am tired of pointing fingers at the man who harasses me, the police, the law or whatever else!

I am an optimist and I know for every man who harasses someone, there are 10 others who don’t want this to happen. I want to find the other 10 and with their help clean up our areas to make sure everyone can walk alone on the road peacefully, whenever they want.

Saloni Malhotra is CoFounder of Safecity, a citizen’s initiative to end sexual abuse and harassment in public spaces. Report such incidents on safecity.in with the exact location of the incident. Volunteer with safecity to clean up your specific locality/ area

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Filed Under: anti-street harassment week, Resources, Stories

To the Man Who Shouted “I Like Pork Fried Rice” at Me on the Street

April 1, 2014 By Contributor

By Franny Choi, cross-posted with permission from the Poetry Foundation (audio version available there)

you want to eat me
out. right. what does it taste like
you want to eat me right out
of these jeans & into something
a little cheaper. more digestible.
more bite-sized. more thank you
come: i am greasy
for you. i slick my hair with msg
every morning. i’m bad for you.
got some red-light district between
your teeth. what does it
taste like: a takeout box
between my legs.
plastic bag lady. flimsy white fork
to snap in half. dispose of me.
taste like dried squid. lips puffy
with salt. lips brimming
with foreign so call me
pork. curly-tailed obscenity
been playing in the mud. dirty meat.
worms in your stomach. give you
a fever. dead meat. butchered girl
chopped up & cradled
in styrofoam. you candid cannibal.
you want me bite-sized
no eyes clogging your throat.
but i’ve been watching
from the slaughterhouse. ever since
you named me edible. tossed in
a cookie at the end. lucky man.
go & take what’s yours.
name yourself archaeologist     but
listen carefully
to the squelches in
your teeth & hear my sow squeal
scream murder between
molars. watch salt awaken
writhe, synapse.
watch me kick
back to life. watch me tentacles
& teeth. watch me
resurrected electric.
what does it
                                    taste like: revenge
squirming alive in your mouth
strangling you quiet
from the inside out.
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Source: Poetry (March 2014).

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Filed Under: anti-street harassment week, street harassment

Day 2: #EndSHWeek 2014

March 31, 2014 By HKearl

Today was the second day of International Anti-Street Harassment Week!

Here are a few highlights:

A Bitch Media article about the Stop Telling Women to Smile wheat pasting night happening later this week.

Hollaback! Bahamas held a Chalk Talk to engage people in conversation about the sidewalk chalk messages they posted last night. Their Chalk Walk yesterday made the newspaper and there will be another article tomorrow.

Safe City Nepal held a Torch Rally with placards, “We demand street lights for women’s safety”, Bhadrakali-Shahid Gate, Kathmandu.

In Belgium, Hollaback! Gent put up one of the banners they made about street harassment. This one focuses on bystanders and reads, “If mean words stream, you can come in between.”

The #LondonLoves campaign featuring anti-harassment messages at London Landmarks is underway.

In Canada, Women in Cities International held a workshop about street harassment with girls.

In Arizona, Hollaback! Tucson hosted a “Meet Us on the Mall” event at the University of Arizona. They had info about street harassment, feminism, Transgender Day of Awareness, and more + goody bags and picture booths.

The first tweet chat took place today. Four feminist activists co-lead a tweet chat about #streetharassment, especially the young age it starts, how it impacts us, and what we can do about it: @ZerlinaMaxwell @nualacabral @RaquelReichard @Besito86

Community Against Violence in New Mexico was on the Paddy Mac show on 101.9 K-Taos Solar Radio Show and in the Taos News

*****************************

See the photo album of events.

Our next Tweet Chat is tomorrow at 2 p.m. ET with SSH, National Sexual Violence Resource Center and PreventConnect as we talk about how street harassment connects to sexual violence and rape culture and what we can do about it. Use #EndSH

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Filed Under: anti-street harassment week, street harassment

Nepal: ENOUGH!

March 31, 2014 By Contributor

Cross-posted with permission

Enough of being right
Enough of being fair,
Do you even care?

I walk in the nights
Wearing my tights
Wolves around me
With glistening eyes
Ready to pounce
Waiting for a chance

I walk my days through
In my flowery shorts,
Those streets everyday
There, the birds of prey
Gawking like a fool
Hawking through my soul

But you say
That is so fair
I am not to dance,
I’m not to prance,
In my tights and shorts

Tights are too tight for me
Shorts are too short, you see
“Nights are not yours girl,
Days are just fine to be!”

And when I tell you how degraded I feel every time
a stranger calls “Hey Bomb, I wanna F*** you” at me,
You say,
“Maybe you were in the wrong place
at a wrong time
wearing a wrong dress”
You never talk about that wrong person

Then you add,
“Go to your college straight,
go with a friend,
Go to your work straight,
stay quiet, do not fend,
Come back home straight
And that’s the end,
end of your day”

End of your day?
End of My day, you say?

End of my dignity
End of my sanity
End of my capacity
To bear
End of my mobility, my creativity
End of your sensitivity
I say

Dear human being, in what language does no mean yes?
And why don’t you get that I’m a human being too
Just like you
Please don’t make me hate you
‘Coz that means I hate me too!
Dear human being, please understand,
And speak up!!

It’s enough now
Enough of accepting,
Enough of giving in,
The bells of freedom hence ringing
Holding head high
Singing my own song
Of love and life,
Of right and wrong
Flying high in the sky
Swimming deep into the sea
Getting lost in wilderness
Staring into the abyss
Dancing to the tunes of hope

– As I like it!

Enough is enough!!

Smirti RDN works on safe cities efforts in Kathmandu, Nepal.
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Filed Under: anti-street harassment week, street harassment

“This week is already opening up my eyes to street harassment”

March 31, 2014 By Contributor

Cross-posted with permission

This week is International Anti Street Harassment Week, a week that I would never known had existed had it not been for the wonderful Leena over at @justkissmyfrog, whose first two videos on the subject you can find here and here.

Like Leena, I had no idea this week was something that took place but the more I have read up on it and the more coverage that has been publicised surrounding the issue, the more I have been encouraged to speak up about it, by providing a link between the impact of street harassment on our mental health.

So what is street harassment? A few examples include catcalls, groping, stalking, assault, sexist comments and public masturbation. More importantly, street harassment  is a form of gender violence and occurs across the world to at least 80% of women. It degrades females to an undeniably large degree and enhances women’s levels of insecurity and the ways in which they perceive themselves.

My first notable experience of street harassment occurred when I was at least 13 years old (I can’t remember my exact age, but I was very early on in secondary school), and I was walking home from school with a girl that I knew well and a boy which she knew from the year above, but who I didn’t know so well.

I remember at one point of the journey her taking a separate direction to make her way home and this boy and I being left alone to walk the remainder of the journey. At one point, in an alleyway behind my old primary school and in-between some flats he groped my arse and I remember backing away, asking him what he was doing. I can’t remember what happened after that but I remember reaching the end of the alleyway, him having to make his way home and as soon as he was out of sight I remember vividly rushing as fast as I could down to the next alleyway to get home.

The worst part about all of this is at the time, I didn’t think much of it and I thought it was a normal thing to just happen to a thirteen year old girl. Anti-Street Harassment Week has opened my eyes to the multitude of reasons why I struggle with severe anxiety regarding leaving my house, especially without the presence of my boyfriend. I am not by any means suggesting that this event as a teenager prompted or caused my anxiety, not at all, but the fact that over the years preceding this the extreme levels of bibbing and catcalling I receive from cars and strangers as I’m just simply attempting to get to my own house may serve as a slight reason for my constant preference to remain inside within the comfort of my own home. I don’t go nightclubbing anymore or even just out in general without the presence of my boyfriend because I’m terrified of other men seeing me, alone, as an object, to touch and grope as and when they please (which has happened to me in nightclubs and bars before) and being emotionally too vulnerable and anxious to not run from the situation, worried that I would then be followed, thereby causing more attraction to myself.

I count myself very lucky to never have experienced any serious forms of assault, be it sexual or non, have never been made to witness public masturbation and have never been stalked, but I am very aware that this happens everyday across the world and be it minor or major incidents, I am sure I would find it very difficult to find a woman who hasn’t experienced this kind of sexist public humiliation.

A week ago I decided to take a different route home from University and go instead to a train station which is a 20 minute walk from my house as opposed to the one I usually go to which is a tiny bit further away. I also fancied a change of scenery and a different walk home, learning in DBT recently to challenge my anxiety and to be mindful of my present situation. Upon leaving the train station, I have to walk down a long main road behind my house, next to a reservoir. During this walk home I was catcalled once and bibbed three times from men in their cars.

I remember each time feeling a pounding sensation in my heart where this walk wasn’t refreshing anymore and I just wanted to get home. Each time, the pounding got worse. I walked as quickly as I could until my legs began to ache and only felt safe once I had reached the comfort of my house and had locked the door securely behind me. All because I was a woman, alone, walking down a main road.

Although I experience a large amount of body image hang ups still, well after the years of my eating disorder, I sometimes wonder if 50% of my body image issues are to do with the way I view myself and the extra 50% is to do with the fear of comments from men as I walk down the street. Last summer I attempted to steer clear from wearing jeans and black tights with my skirts if it was a nice day and just step out in a crop top and shorts if I wanted to or a dress with natural tights, or better still a dress with no tights at all. But by doing so it felt wrong, and the main point of my argument is that it shouldn’t feel wrong. I should be able to wear what I like and feel comfortable in my own skin without experiencing jeers and leering from men. It affects the way I perceive myself, my actions, the way that I walk along my street, the way that I look and the way I must look to men.

Interestingly enough, my mother asked me the other day whether I’d be prepared to go running outside in preparation for my Race for Life 5k run this year and instead of being ultimately up for the challenge, I responded by saying it was a ludicrous idea, telling her to think of all the attention and crap we’d attract from passing vehicles. (I live on a main road and consequently am surrounded by main roads). Yet my Dad goes jogging at least three times a week, with no issues whatsoever, because he’s male. I just know how impossible that would be for me, as a woman living in London, to do. I shouldn’t have to feel that way.

This week is already opening up my eyes to street harassment, what it is, and how common it is across the world. I am more than just an object and I am more than the size and shape of my legs, boobs, waist, and bum. I deserve respect by choosing to take a simple stroll to my local shops, not an entity of abuse. I’ve been brought up to just expecting and accepting that men like to ogle, stare, and yell obscenities at myself and my friends and that is really not okay. I deserve my own space, not just as a woman but as a human being. Street harassment ultimately violates my rights as a human.

It’s difficult to say what we can do to fight against the power that street harassment has upon young girls and women. Speaking out about it, you may argue will not change the situation, but it will raise awareness and highlight the message that this issue is wrong and one to be taken seriously, not just one that a bunch of feminists got together to start complaining about (of course, because we’re women, right?!)

We can also educate ourselves and be aware of what to do in the event of experiencing street harassment, and I will hereby redirect you to some excellent articles on how to deal with street harassers on the International Stop Street Harassers Website here, as well as what to do before or after experiencing street harassment here.

I’d also really encourage you to follow @EverydaySexism on Twitter, which is used to document the public’s experiences of sexism and harassment on a daily basis, highlighting the severity of the issue.

Amy-Louise is a 21 year old woman trying to work towards bigger and better things. English Literature student. Blogger and bookworm who campaigns to raise awareness of mental health problems. Currently a retail assistant with huge dreams and ambitions. Charity fundraiser and most importantly, in love.

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Filed Under: anti-street harassment week, Stories, street harassment

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