By Terris Schneider, SSH Correspondent

Sunday is my designated ladies day. A few friends and I go to meditate at Semperviva Yoga in the evening, and then watch an episode of Girls after. I look forward to my Girls Sunday (double entendre) every week. However, during my most recent Sunday, some guy decided he was going to try and shit all over my friend’s and my night with some good ol’ aggressive and creepy behaviour.

My friend Katy and I were walking back down my street after we went for a Starbucks run. Katy and I love to indulge in playfully narcissistic conversation and started to laugh about how we would both consider our personality types to be “mellow neurotic.” As we erupted with laughter, this guy stepped in our way. He had this look on his face, one as Katy described later as “one a psychopath would have.”

He didn’t say a single world, he didn’t have to – his body language spoke for itself. He was putting out this dominating vibe that was beyond intimidating. Katy and I were so scared as we walked by him, we felt as though we were about to get attacked or stabbed at any moment. Walking by him for those few seconds were some of the most terrifying of my life.

As we continued to walk, Katy and I sped up. We were unsure whether he was following us, but I had a safety plan in mind (which I found out later Katy had the exact same idea, too). The plan was as follows: if he was stalking us, we’d run into the first public place we could find, which was a JJ Bean across the street. I was too scared to look behind me right away, and then ended up sneaking a glance as we got to the streetlight. He hadn’t been following us, thank god, but we were frightened. We made it back to my apartment, safe and sound, but with our evening having been nearly ruined.

Well, the guy got what he wanted. He had the ability to silence two happy young women who were just having a good time by scaring them half to death with his aggression. Being a woman and having the terrible reflex of automatically taking responsibility for things, I thought about if we did anything wrong. Honestly, all we did was laugh. Maybe we were too loud which could be irritating to some, but really, does that warrant being threatened by another person? Short answer of a potentially even longer rant: Nope!

I wish I could tell off that creepy guy and let him know that he almost sabotaged our night, but we still carried on and went to meditation despite being afraid. We then had some great laughs while watching our favourite show, and Katy even walked home alone on the same street where he harassed us without me having to drive her home.

And know this: we will continue to laugh and annoy the hell out of whoever we walk by because it’s our street too.

Terris is a professional wordsmith (freelance writer) based in Vancouver, BC, Canada. You can read more of her work on her blog, or follow her on Twitter and Facebook.

By: Adriana Pérez-Rodríguez, SSH Correspondent

Not long ago society started recognising that street harassment is a type of violence against women and everyday more people joined the fight against such cultural notions of how women should be treated.

Nevertheless, certain socio-political contexts can exacerbate gender violence, becoming a continuum in their day to day lives and going unregistered, drawing a misleading picture of how it, apparently, doesn’t occur.  This is the case in Colombia with the internal armed conflict that has torn its society year after year.

For years in my country, certain people, such as one of the leading feminists, Florence Thomas, have made public how war and subsequent peace need to be evaluated under a gender perspective, since the experience women and girls endure has certain particularities steaming from the understanding of their gender roles. One dynamic that occurs during the context of war is that dangerous gender roles are exacerbated: masculinities are encouraged to be dominant, violent and possessive while women are not recognised as subjects and their sexualities are understood to be accessed and dominated, which only results in systematic rights violations (Fiscó, 2005).

Something, however, ironic that happens in Colombia is that in the so-called “consolidation zones”, territories where the government is supposed to make presence through the military together with big multinationals exploiting natural resources, is that the situation of women has in fact deteriorated.  An amalgamation of exacerbated and dangerous gender roles, military corruption and impunity, the rise of different paramilitary groups and their association with several multinationals have left women in an incredibly vulnerable position. Sexual and gender violence is the expected result: sexual slavery, rape and harassment become a continuum in their lives from as early as 12 years old and by every participating party.

A common practice that affects women and girls disproportionately is the imposition of curfews and behavioural and dressing codes, intervening in every sphere of people’s lifestyle and, more precisely, women’s sexualities. In such cases, women are put in an incredibly vulnerable position as their sexualities are under constant scrutiny, and those accused of provoking men, being sex workers or having extramarital relations, are severely punished with intimidation, rape, torture and murder (Info).

These women and girls don’t need to go out to the streets to feel unsafe, they live in fear in their hometowns as they know conflict actors can commit such crimes with full impunity: they can entered their home in the middle of the night and rape them in front of their relatives and they can commit massacres, rape and murder of young girls in front of everyone in town. Meanwhile, the military is suspected of preventing relief NGOs like Red Cross from entering towns. (Info)

These, nonetheless, are stories that go unregistered and that no one seems to know about or don’t want to know about. Women are too afraid of speaking up against it and the collective imaginary, from government officials to common citizens, is that if it doesn’t go registered, it simply doesn’t happen. Yet, covering our eyes to the situation won’t make it stop and for as long as war exists and perpetuates such dangerous notions of being a woman and a man and for as long as no one in the country pays attention to and responds for these crimes, women will always be disproportionately affected by having their bodies and sexualities appropriated in harrowing ways.

These stories live in the collective memory of women whose bodies and sexualities have been marked by armed actors who commit hem, by the government who permits them and by society in general who disregard them, and though there is no easy and single way out of this, change can start by everyone acknowledging and giving more visibility to this reality. Realising that sexual harassment and abuse don’t just occur in the streets of New York, London or Vancouver, but also in towns of conflict areas and with new proportions.

Adriana is a Colombian national who’s passionate about all topics concerning social justice, especially gender-based justice.

en Español

No hace mucho la sociedad empezó a reconocer el acoso sexual callejero como un tipo de violencia en contra de las mujeres y cada día que pasa más personas toman consciencia y luchan contra estas nociones culturales sobre cómo ellas deben ser tratadas. Sin embargo, ciertos contextos sociopolíticos pueden exacerbarla, volviéndose un continuo en su vida diaria, caracterizándose por el subregistro y creando una idea de cómo esta, aparentemente, no ocurre. Ese es el caso colombiano con el conflicto armado que ha desgarrado su sociedad año tras año.

Por años en mi país, ciertas personas, como una de las principales lideresas feministas, Florence Thomas, han argumentado que la guerra y la subsecuente paz deben ser analizadas con unas perspectiva de género, debido a que la experiencia de las mujeres y niñas en el conflicto armado se caracteriza por ciertas particularidades provenientes del entendimiento sobre su sexo y roles de género. Una dinámica que ocurre durante el contexto de guerra es que roles de género muy peligrosos son exacerbados: las masculinidades son alentadas a dominantes, violentas y posesivas, mientras que las mujeres no son reconocidas como sujetos y sus sexualidades son consideradas para ser accedidas y dominadas, resultando en una violación sistemática de sus derechos (Fiscó, 2005).

Algo, sin embargo, irónico que pasa en Colombia es que en las llamadas “zonas de consolidación”, territorios en los que el gobierno supuestamente tiene que hacer presencia por medio del aparato militar junto con grandes multinacionales que vienen a explotar los recursos naturales, es que la situación de las mujeres se ha agravado. Una fusión entre esta exacerbación de roles de género peligrosos, la corrupción e impunidad en el aparato militar, el ascenso de diferentes grupos paramilitares y sus alianzas con diferentes multinacionales han dejado a las mujeres en una posición de increíble vulnerabilidad. La violencia sexual y de género es el resultado: esclavitud sexual, violaciones y acosos se vuelven un continuo en la vida de mujeres y niñas desde fácilmente los 12 años, ejercidos por todos los bandos participantes en el conflicto.

Una práctica común que afecta desproporcionadamente a las mujeres y niñas bajo este contexto es la imposición de toques de queda y normas sobre la conducta y vestimenta, interviniendo en las esferas más privadas de las personas y, especialmente, en las sexualidades femeninas. Esos casos dejan a las mujeres en una posición de gran vulnerabilidad debido a que sus sexualidades están bajo constante vigilancia y aquellas acusadas de provocar a los hombres, ser trabajadoras sexuales o tener relaciones extramaritales son severamente castigadas con intimidaciones, violaciones, torturas y asesinatos (http://www.cidh.org/countryrep/colombiamujeres06sp/III.htm).

Estas mujeres y niñas no necesitan salir a la calle para sentirse inseguras, ellas viven con miedo por el simple hecho de vivir en sus pueblos, donde actores armados pueden cometer estos crímenes con impunidad total: ellos pueden entrar a sus casas en la mitad de la noche para violarlas en frente de sus familiares y pueden cometer masacres, violar y asesinar a jovencitas en frente de toda la gente del pueblo, mientras que sospechan que el ejército previene la entrada de ONGs, como la Cruz Roja (http://www.unfpa.org/derechos/documents/relator_violencia_colombia_02_000.pdf p.13-14).

Estas, no obstante, son historias que no se registran y que nadie parece o le importa saber. Las mujeres tienen mucho miedo de denunciarlas y el imaginario colectivo, desde oficiales del gobierno hasta ciudadanos comunes y corrientes, es que si no se registran, no existen. Empero, cubriendo nuestros ojos para evitar ver esta situación no hará que desaparezca, mientras exista la guerra y perpetúe nociones tan peligrosas sobre cómo ser hombre y mujer y mientras nadie en el país le ponga atención a y responda por estos crímenes, las mujeres siempre serán afectadas desproporcionadamente teniendo sus cuerpos y sexualidades apropiados de maneras tan desgarradoras.

Estas historias viven en la memoria colectiva de todas las mujeres y niñas que han tenido sus cuerpos y sexualidades marcadas por actores armados que las cometen, por el gobierno que las permite y por la sociedad en general que las ignora y, aunque no hay salida única y fácil para esta situación, el cambio puede empezar por todos nosotros, reconociéndolas y dándoles visibilidad. Dándonos cuenta que el acoso y abuso sexual no pasa únicamente en las calles de Nueva York, Vancouver y Londres, sino también en pueblos sumergidos en zonas de conflicto con magnitudes más desgarradoras.

Soy una colombiana apasionada por todos asuntos relacionados con la justicia social, especialmente justicia de género.

By ProChange member Malaika B., SSH Correspondents

For the last few days in Germany, the “sexism-debate” has been all over the media and social media networks, like Twitter.

What I’ve been asking myself those days: Why is there even a debate about it? What can be so “debatable” about sexual harassment that it’s being covered in all kinds of TV-Talkshows and newspaper-articles?

Don’t get me wrong: I’m all for talking about street harassment and sexual harassment experiences of all kind and making it a public issue. What I don’t get though is, why is there a discussion about it?

If a person sexually harasses or assaults another person that is plain wrong. End of story.

Shouldn’t it be a given (a matter of course) that you just don’t do that and that we should be empathic and supporting towards the victims? And no, sexual harassment is NOT the same as flirting and it’s also NOT a short gaze. And no, it’s not hard to not sexually harassing other people.

It’s not sexist against men to want sexually harassing behaviour to stop. However it IS sexist against men, to assume men would be to stupid to recognize the difference between flirting and sexual harassment or to expect that men just can’t help themselves from sexually harassing women (especially if they’re drunk or the women is dressed a certain way).

I believe in men and I believe that they in fact can do better than that. I believe that they are more than just creatures led by their “basic instincts.” It really isn’t that hard to not engage in sexual harassment and I believe men can do that (in fact I even personally know men, who’ve never sexually harassed anyone).

What is sexual harassment?

Sexual harassment are inappropriate comments, which reduce someone to their physical appearance comments that degrade and humiliate the other person. Sexual harassment is groping another person. Sexual harassment is behaviour that is degrading, dominating, hurtful, threatening or insulting behaviour. Flirting with someone is none of that.

Flirting is consensual. The purpose of a flirt is not to make the other person feel ashamed, degraded, or threatened. Sexual harassment is abuse of powers and domination. It has absolutely nothing to do with consensual flirting and those two things can not be mixed up (?). Men (or women for that matter) do not harass on accident, they do perfectly know what they’re doing.

There are two arguments that I heard a lot during the ongoing debate:

1. “Well why doesn’t she just fight back then?”

There are many reasons why victims of sexual harassment or sexual violence do not fight back: Shame, freezing in shock, or being dependent on that person. It’s perfectly normal to freeze out of shock in a situation of sexual harassment or assault. If your body reacts with freezing there is physically no way to react to the situation. Fighting back after the freeze wears off might also be difficult for a couple of reasons: The person attacked, doesn’t know the attacker (for example in a classic street harassment scenario or if it happens in a Club/a Bar). Till the victim is ready to fight back, it might already be to late as the attacker might already have left.

But even if the victim knows the harasser, there might be incapable of doing anything against them, out of shame. (Feeling ashamed after the attack, is a very common psychological reaction among victims of sexual harassment or sexual assault). Another reason for not fighting back might be that the harassment happens in the work place and the victim is scared to lose their job, if they say something.

The victim also needs some time to realize and process what just happened to them. Living in a society, where it’s common for people to belittle experiences of sexual harassment does make it anything but easy to realize „what just happened to me was in fact sexual harassment“. This debate shows once more that we all live in a rape culture, in which victim-blaming has become kind of the norm. This unfortunately so common way of thinking makes it quite hard for victims to not blame for what happened to them.

But let’s just say the victim does find a way to fight back. So? Is that question of fighting back or not fighting back even the point? Why are we focusing on the victim’s behaviour? Shouldn’t it be a given, that the person who did wrong, is NEVER ever the person who fought back or not fought back, who dressed a certain way, or who was in the wrong place at the wrong time. The one who did wrong and who is the only one to blame for the situation is ALWAYS the person who harasses, who crosses boundaries that should never be crossed. His behaviour should be examined and questioned and not the behaviour of the victim. Why do people keep asking what the victim could have done different instead, including putting even more shame and blame on them? Rape is caused by rapists and sexual harassment is caused by people who harass – but not ever by the victim! Anyone who says differently, does not only have the actual facts wrong, but also hurts the victims of harassment and assault even more.

2. “#outcry turns all men into perpetrators”

If there are people out there, who are brave enough to talk about their experiences with sexual harassment, how could that in possibly attack a whole gender? If all, those stories attack only the one person who did wrong in the situation: The person who harassed. How could anyone feel addressed or offended by something they didn’t do?

This whole debate is not at all about “Men vs. Women.” Of course men can get sexually harassed or violated, too. And of course sexual violence against men is just as bad as it is for women. #Outcry is also a platform for male and trans* victims. They are just as much invited to talk about their experiences on there as women. How could the argument „men can get victimized too“ be an argument against #outcry? Shouldn’t it rather be a source of motivation to fight side by side against sexism and sexual harassment?

Nevertheless it is still correct to say that men don’t know female every-day reality (as said by Anne Wizorek in the talk show “Günther Jauch”).

Please don’t get me wrong, the following is not supposed to belittle attack against men – as said before, there are just as bad as violence against women is. Yet it is a matter of fact that statics show women at a much higher risk of getting sexually harassed, assaulted, or even raped. (Almost) every woman has or will be experience sexual harassment at least once during her lifetime. A lot of women do in fact experience this on a day-to-day-base.

For us women, the danger of becoming a victim of sexual violence is always present. We think about whether or not, we can walk around certain areas alone at night. If we’re walking outside after dawn, we keep looking behind us wondering if the guys happening to walk behind us might present a danger or not. If we’re in a club or a bar we are careful to never let our drinks out of sight. If we’re on the dance floor we always got our eyes on all the guys dancing close to us to monitor if anyone might get too close, yet we still gotta expect that every time we go out dancing someone will either get too close to us/touch us or our girlfriends. When we use public transports, we always consider which seat to sit on, would minimize our risks of getting sexually harassed.

Being in public we always are careful not to look someone to long in the eyes so that the other person doesn’t confuse it as some sort of signal or invitation. When we’re out in public we always screen our enviroment, we got our cell phones easy to reach. At night we walk the longer route just to be safe. If we’re in a club/public transport/on the street at night (and sometimes at daytime too) we are always on alert. We know the anxiousness and the panic, the sound of steps behind us can cause. For us the danger of becoming a victim of sexual harassment/assault/rape is always present in our minds.

And even if we are being careful and if we’re being on alert all the time, we can still not prevent that we get groped, that we’ll get degraded by inappropriate comments, that we’ll get threatened and harassed. All those many guys, who grope us, who try to kiss us, who don’t accept a „No“, who will whistle at us on the street, who will comment our touch our breasts and behinds while casually passing us on the street, those who scare the heck out of us, those who make us feel dirty, ashamed and humiliated, those who might eventually go even further than that, all those guys are part of our daily lives. Every woman who happens to go to clubs, who happens to just walk along a street, ride a bus, go to work, knows this guys and knows this feeling.

And that should be the real scandal: That women (and men) still have to face those kind of situations (all the freaking time). That there are people out there who sexually harass other people. That there are people who think they have the right to cross boundaries, the right to attack the physical and emotional integrity of another person. That is what should appall or shock us all. And we should encourage those, who are brave enough to break their silence about the horrible things that happened to them.

Instead of doing so, people jump to the defense of the attacker, there are all those talks about what the victim should do or should’ve done differently, and actual experiences of sexual harassment are being belittled.

Seeing and hearing the responses to the ongoing debate does already provide the answer to the question of whether or not we have a problem with sexism in Germany.

The German-based group ProChange is comprised of women from Dortmund who are activists for women’s rights.