Making Public Spaces Safe and Welcoming
“Men, take your masks off. Men, take responsibility…. Men, don’t think that it has to be this way. Men, if you can make the world safer — wouldn’t you? Men, you can. Men, we need you to be courageous and more than a bystander…”
#StopRapeCulture
By: Gcobani Qambela, South Africa, SSH Correspondent, with Rethabile Mashale*
City Press ran a news article on Sunday (22 December) by Charl du Plessis titled “The art of picking up women in SA”. The article on Pick Up Artist SA’s boot camp on picking up women is about “the secret psychological techniques that will help [men and lesbian women] get lucky with South African women” every time. The co-founder, Ryan Peimer goes on to say that the Pick Up Artist is a global community that collects teachings from thousands of pick-up artists on “approaching, developing attraction and sealing the deal with women.” This movement appropriates this “secret” information they access to use it to the advantage of men over women.
Responding to the question of the obvious misogyny of the boot camp, Peimer says the camp teaches men “to use their pick-up skills with integrity” and yet reading the five tips Pick Up Artist SA’s provides to City Press it is clear that the programme is not only misogynistic, but is demonstrative of white male capitalistic patriarchy. At the centre of the programme is a clear concern with encouraging male dominance (for profit) at the expense of women’s bodies.
The five tips for picking up women by Pick Up Artists SA include assertions that men must get out of their shell because “women want to be approached”, that men must “give women nicknames” and that women love to be touched and thus men should touch themselves to a woman’s heart and the iceberg being the last tip asking men to “take control”. They say “women are attracted to dominance. They’re attracted to guys who have a certain element of dominance and carelessness”.
Throughout the article, there are no voices from women about how they would like to be approached by men; instead the white male voice is the dominant one in dictating what men should do to women and the confines of women’s agency. That an organisation like Pick Up Artist SA should encourage forms of manhood that encourage men to dominate women and say that women are naturally always wanting to be approached by men is a clear encouragement of rape culture. These assumption based on “medicine” is in the same tone as men who sexually assault and rape women and then say “she asked for it”, or “I know she wanted it” without women having consented.
This type of manhood we know doesn’t just affect men, but has very deleterious effects for the lives and bodies of women and children. These types of boot camps for men encourage male dominance over women, without clearly teaching men how to practice healthy manhood. Furthermore the uncritical coverage by City Press which hypes these programmes without examining the harmfulness of the ideas presented reinforces male dominance and rape culture. Barely a month out of 16 Days of Activism against Gender Based Violence against Women and Children, this article, along with the Pick Up Artist SA is basically telling men to go around sexually dominating women.
The writer of the article, a white male, could have easily been writing a promotional pamphlet for Pick Up Artist SA in promoting the service to men who want to get “lucky” with South African women. Articles like these by City Press, and particular programmes like the Pick Up Artist SA embody what we should be telling men (and women) NOT to do when picking up a partner. If one bases it on the five ‘pick up’ tips by Pick Up Artist SA, we should be telling men to do the opposite.
Not all women want to be approached by men, thus men should first gather consent from women. Men should not present body language that is “up there” but should rather present and learn friendly accommodating non threatening mannerism. Men should not give women “nicknames” or catcall them, but should when consent has been gathered, learn from the woman what she would like to be referred to as. Men should not learn from other men that women “love to be touched”, but should establish trust and consent and allow the woman to negotiate her agency about what she will allow a man to touch. And lastly men should not “take control” and practice “dominance and carelessness” but rather should realise relationships are partnerships not the sovereign domain for men to dominate.
To imply that the simplistic and dangerously patriarchal ideas by Pick Up Artist SA are the way to go for men is extremely problematic, especially in the context our high rape and sexual assault reports in South Africa. These ideas are dangerous for both men and women and take us back in the agenda to do away with sexual violence.
Gcobani is completing his Masters in Medical Anthropology through Rhodes University, Grahamstown, South Africa. His research centres around issues of risk, responsibility and vulnerability amongst Xhosa men (and women) in a rural town in South Africa living in the context of HIV/AIDS. Follow him on Twitter, @GcobaniQambela.
*Rethabile Mashale leads a women’s rights organisation in Cape Town. She holds a Master’s Degree from the University of Cape Town.
For many women, and some men, street harassment may be such a normal occurrence that they don’t even think of reporting it to police. Similarly, it’s not uncommon to be reluctant to report even serious incidents for fear that officers won’t take the report seriously, that they will engage in victim blaming, or that you will be subject to further harassment. (Unfortunately, this can be the case and we encourage you to file a complaint if this happens to you).
But Stop Street Harassment’s newest resource, Know Your Rights: Street Harassment and the Law, reveals that many common street harassment behaviors are in fact illegal across the U.S., giving you grounds to report an incident and seek help.
In preparation for the launch of our toolkit, I spoke to Officer Harris of the University of Washington Police Department about an incident of street harassment that he recently responded to.
The University of Washington Incident
The incident began as too many do: a female student was out for an evening run near the University of Washington campus when a man allegedly jumped out from around a corner, grabbed her by the arm, and said, “How are you doing tonight?”
As anyone who has experienced street harassment knows, a harasser’s language may be benign in itself but it usually comes with an intimidating interaction.
The student responded with a few choice words and crossed the street. (While SSH doesn’t recommend profanity or insults, an assertive response can help prevent sexual assault and/or feelings of disempowerment.)
After making sure the man hadn’t followed her – although he did leer in her direction – the young woman returned home and called University Police. Harris responded to the call, checked the area where the incident took place, and the young woman identified the man in question. He was arrested and charged with assault.
While it would be better if street harassment didn’t happen at all, the situation Harris described is ideal in terms of the young woman’s safety and the police response. I asked Officer Harris if he felt there was any room for discretion in determining whether or not to arrest the offender.
“No,” he said, “she was afraid for her safety and her well-being.” Given that it was after dark and “the guy grabbed her and really scared her,” he added, “I think most police officers would have taken that very seriously.”
Unfortunately, we know that not all officers see street harassment so clearly. But Officer Harris presented the perspective we hope all police officers will have and the standard that you should hold your community police to.
“Even if somebody made rude comments,” Harris said, “or made somebody feel unsafe, even if it wasn’t a crime yet, we would still go and talk to them.” Officer Harris stressed that no one should feel “unqualified” to call the police because what happened to her or him did not escalate to physical assault. It is appropriate, he told me, for an officer to have a “knock-it-off” conversation with someone even before an incident becomes criminal.
“A lot of very serious incidents start off as ‘it’s not that serious, it’s not a big deal.’ … But we’ll be glad to go investigate and keep things from escalating.”
In a society that says street harassment is a “compliment,” or “no big deal,” Harris’ perspective may sound too good to be true. But in fact, it may be a sign that advocacy efforts do work.
Notably, Victim’s Advocate Natalie Dolci provides the University of Washington officers with a variety of training and support to best address sexual assault, stalking, and gender-based violence.
I asked Harris what his main takeaways were from the training he has received and what advice he might have for other officers.
* He shared that he learned what a lasting impact sexual assault and sexual abuse can have on a person, and stressed that it’s important for officers to take every case very seriously.
* He included street harassment in that sentiment, noting that officers have a role to play in preventing street harassment from “becoming a habit” or escalating.
* He also added that his department works to have a positive relationship with the community and looks “for directions from the community on what problems they have or what they need help with.
Reach out to your department,” he said, “and let them know what you need.”
Have you reported street harassment to the police? What happened? What did officers in your community do well, or what would you like them to do differently? Leave your stories and ideas in the comments, and check out our new Know Your Rights toolkit to learn about the laws in your state.
Talia Hagerty has been a Stop Street Harassment intern since June 2013. She also is a peace economics consultant working on a variety of projects that ensure the equitable economic participation of all. She holds a B.A. in Economics from Eckerd College and an M.S. in Global Affairs with a concentration in Peacebuilding from New York University. Talia blogs about peacebuilding, human rights, economic development, and witty responses to street harassment. Follow her on Twitter: @taliahagerty.
By: Gcobani Qambela, South Africa, SSH Correspondent
Trigger Warning
I was shocked to see a tweet by controversial South African blogger, Sentletse Diakanyo on the first day of 16 Days of Activism Against Gender Based Violence in South Africa. In the tweet, Diakanyo says that: “We must not ignore the slaughter of unborn babies during this 16 Days of Activism.” He went on to have more tirades about how “life begins at conception” and that even if women conceived children under “violent circumstances” it’s still unacceptable for women to “slaughter” ‘innocent life’. His main premise being that during 16 Days women should not look at gender-based violence but also at murder women commit to “unborn babies”. He further likens abortion to rape and says both should be “equally condemned” as they are criminal.
What triggered me as I read these tweets was not the inaccuracy of the statements made by Diakanyo, but the extent to which he successfully managed to derail the conversation from 16 Days to a conversation where many people had to move from sharing about gender-based violence to correcting this misinformation he was sharing. Yes, scientific evidence indicates that life does begin at conception, but personhood/humanness only begins after birth so women are not slaughtering babies when they terminate pregnancy. Yet, Diakanyo concludes “We will condemn criminal acts [of abortion] regardless of what feminists think.” This is despite the fact that abortion is legal in South Africa.
Many people have noted that Diakanyo gets some self-pleasure for triggering and making others angry, especially if they respond to his ignorance. This appears to make him happy and satisfied with himself. This is what has made writing this post difficult as I wondered: how do I respond to this bigotry without giving so much meaning to patriarchal garbage spewed by Diakanyo? I further thought: what is my role as a man living in a violently patriarchal society like South Africa? And lastly I wondered: what is my role during this 16 Days?
In the chapter “Is Paris Burning” bell hooks notes that many heterosexual identifying black men living in white supremacist cultures like the United States (and South Africa I would argue) always behave as if the primary “evil” of racism is the “refusal of the dominant culture to allow them full access to patriarchal power” and hence they continue to exhibit “a phallic misogynist masculinity [that is] rooted in contempt for the female.” This is the way I choose to read Diakanyo. In many of his writings, Diakanyo appears to challenges white supremacy and white capitalistic forces in South Africa and globally, and yet instances like these show us that he is not driven by an attachment to justice and overcoming global systems of oppression but a concern with having what white patriarchal men have in South Africa. This is not only in reference to economic power and material ownership, but also the full patriarchal dividend that will allow him full ownership and control of the female body.
Diakanyo’s remarks in South Africa are a part of larger societal project of patriarchal men who want to demonstrate their phallic power by waging war on the bodies of women and all that is “feminine”, which as hooks notes includes also gay men (and the larger LGBTIQA community). It is not a coincidence that Diakanyo chose the 16 Days to express his misinformed opinion on abortion, rape and the bodies of women. It is his way of derailing a conversation from discussing patriarchal male violence into one that not only blames women for exercising their constitutionally given right to bodily integrity and reproductive choice but one that places women’s bodies at the centre of the patriarchal male gaze.
So what should be the role of men during 16 Days? There are many well documented problems with the concept of 16 Days because many argue that it should be throughout the year and not just 16 days and I agree. However, this does not mean that I do not recognise its importance. I live in a country a country where a woman has more chances of being raped than learning to read, so if women get 16 Days in a year where they can tell their stories and activism without threat of violence our responsibility as men should be to listen. When we talk it should be to help elevate the voices and agency of women, and not derailing like Diakanyo.
I really think Diakanyo’s tweets are worth reporting to the South African human rights commission. In South Africa while freedom of expression is also a constitutional right too, this right is limited in that it should not be exercised in a manner that unjustifiably limits the rights of others. Diakanyo is limiting the rights of women by intentionally spreading incomplete information to limit women’s right to bodily integrity during a time when women are meant to enjoy freedom from patriarchal male body policing. It’s just unacceptable!
Gcobani is completing his Masters in Medical Anthropology through Rhodes University, Grahamstown, South Africa. His research centres around issues of risk, responsibility and vulnerability amongst Xhosa men (and women) in a rural town in South Africa living in the context of HIV/AIDS. Follow him on Twitter, @GcobaniQambela.
Check out this awesome interview our board member Relando Thompkins did for The Root last week!
“”One of the best things men can do to work against street harassment is talk to other men,” says Relando Thompkins, who sits on the board of directors of Stop Street Harassment. As a resident of Detroit, he talks to a lot of men who gripe about the responses they get from women, and he tries to make them understand that what she finds offensive is not up to him. “Just like a white person can’t tell me what I find offensive in terms of race relations, I can’t tell a woman what’s offensive.”
In my conversation with Thompkins, he compared men who holler at woman to police who engage in stop and frisk. Whatever benefit the New York Police Department claims from its stop-and-frisk programs, numerous studies and statistics have shown it targets men of color more than any other group, thus making an already complicated relationship between the police and black and brown communities more fraught.
“My experiences with racism have helped me become increasingly aware of others who have to deal with oppression of any sort because of targeted identities,” said Thompkins, referring to woman who are cat-called and consider it a form of harassment.
There are also other benefits to talking to other men about street harassment. Every guy I know has a story of being out with a woman and hearing another man say something to that woman. That kind of experience can probably help a man check himself. Then there’s also the benefit of being able to better understand that rejection from women happens to the best of men. Just like we mean no offense when we approach a woman, most women don’t mean any offense when they reject us. Is it offensive for women to label as street harassment every unwelcome but respectful attempt at engagement? Well, no one can tell you what offends, right? Our reaction is up to us.”