Stop Street Harassment

Making Public Spaces Safe and Welcoming

Do some parents promote street harassment attitudes?

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This is not actually a personal story about street harassment. It’s a theory of where people learn the attitudes.

Some things I’ve noticed about street harassment are that the men don’t care that the women want to be left alone, and that the men get angry and believe that a woman who rejects his advances is a stuck-up bitch.

This brings to mind some things my parents told me. They were overly optimistic and assumed that I was a perfect goody-goody nice guy. Whenever I asked where the best place to meet women is, they just said “anywhere”. Whenever I told them that a woman didn’t like me, they automatically assumed that she was stuck up, and that there’s nothing I could have possibly done wrong.

I’m sure I’m not the only man who heard that from his parents. I bet even rapists have heard that. Men are taught to believe that if a woman doesn’t respond to his advances, she is a stuck-up bitch, and they learn this from their parents!

My parents were also very anti-sex. My mom once told me that I shouldn’t do anything with a woman that I can’t do with my sister (yes, she actually said that, nearly word-for-word). So whenever I wanted to know how to flirt, I had to trust my peers and the media. I didn’t learn about women’s rights until almost half way through college. Once I learned about women’s rights, I stopped hanging out with the jerks who promoted sexism.

I also remember my parents constantly telling me to smile, even if I didn’t want to. I purposely frowned to rebel against them. Perhaps this attitude is learned from parents too.

I wonder if parents are the biggest promoters of street harassment attitudes.

– Concealed Weapon

Share your street harassment story today and help raise awareness about the problem. Find suggestions for what YOU can do about this human rights issue.

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“Head high, chin up, walk as if you own the damn street”

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I have been a spectator to street sexual harassment for as long as I can remember. In my teens I was urged by male friends to ‘check out’ every girl, call it peer pressure but somewhere something felt very wrong.

The girls being gawked at from top to bottom obviously didn’t enjoy the unwanted attention. I could sense that, being a timidly shy person. I always said a “no” and walked straight ahead only to be told I was only being ‘stylish’ and that it was my unique way of wooing them, which I found most absurd.

As I read news of éve teasing’ my anger grew stronger. I guess I’ve always hated bullies who try to intimidate people.

An incident that comes to mind was in college. My girlfriend was groped at 5.30 in the morning while on her way to a temple. Rather than empathising I forbid her from travelling alone. I guess my mind was trained to believe I was protecting her but deep down I was only boosting a typical insecure Indian male chauvinist.

Well that was 10 years ago, but still I witness groups of men staring and chuckling at the sight of any girl they deem fit to be part of their sick world. Honking, singing distasteful songs, sexual innuendos, gestures, calling names, and rating. Eve teasing, as we like to call it in this part of the world, is a crime most rampant, yet most ignored by the witnesses and the victim. From pan spitting autowallahs trying to get a sneak peak from their rear view mirror to 50 year olds gawking shamlessly at school girls, it’s out there.

I think sexist movies/vulgar items have only added to the confusion, repeatedly portraying women as a lesser being only there to please and entertain while our ‘hero’ fights to protect human civilization. Some of our Bollywood airheads take pride in being labelled as the #1 item girl (item means commodity) The portrayal of white women wearing the skimpiest of clothing whilst they push n pull the ‘hero’ who is too cool and takes liberties to feel em up is what you see in every film and a sure shot way of pulling in the audiences. How dense are we?

Daughters accompanied by parents, mothers carrying young infants, young girls walking in the company of males, no one is spared.  The most annoying sight for me personally is young men holding hands (never can tell if they’re lovers or frightened) checking out every woman as if it were ET doing squats.

It’s not just the uneducated laborers at construction sites, but it’s men from affluent backgrounds indulging in the same; maybe in a what they believe sophisticated manner but its still harassment. A friend nudges me once to check out a girl in a skirt. And he goes, “You see her? I bet she’d sleep with anyone!”

As a man nothing pisses me off more than the sight of men shamelessly staring at my partner/friends. Such behavior is at its peak during festivals when heavy vehicles laden with erotically charged puberty stricken boys from slums go to great lengths to jeopardize their lives and that of others. Indian festivals like Janmashtami, Holi or Ganesh Visarjan have drawbacks especially if you’re a woman. Every corner one finds skinny uncouth frustrated ‘govindas’ waiting to pounce on you. Lude gestures, sexual innuendos all in broad daylight and no action is ever taken against these desperate for attention morons. Cops go soft on them in the spirit of revelry.

Tips for Boys

(1) Insecure boys bully and intimidate with the belief they’re superior to women. Its simply a way to assert fake masculinity. Any dignified man with even a little self respect will treat ALL women with respect irrespective of what she wears, personal choices, where she’s from or how she looks.

(2) You look like complete douche bags when you stare, comment, rate etc

(3) Irrespective to what your ‘friends’ think always question your own double standards and attitudes. Avoid laughing at sexist jokes simply to humor them reminding yourself you might offend someone. Do not repeat what your fathers did. Believe me there is no place in the Men’s community for perverts.Your attitude towards strangers reflects your upbringing at home. Besides you wouldn’t want your mother or your sister to go through the exact same thing.

(4) Speak up when you witness/experience bullying. Neutrality helps the oppressor not the victim.

(5) Do away with cliches such as ‘boys will be boys’ You have no bloody right to interrupt another’s personal space just coz you can’t keep it in your pants.

(6) Being stared at by scary strange men can be quite an experience. No woman likes being ‘appreciated’ by random morons.

A little about my group Shoot At Sight

It’s simple. Click pictures of perpetrators of street sexual harassment and upload it on the group. Ive been doing this and the feeling is awesome.

Imagine as a woman, life constantly being interrupted by stares, chuckling and sexual innuendos? You’re constantly being made to feel sorry for stepping outside your door, to feel sorry you’re a woman, made to feel its happening coz your always asking for it.

The bullying MUST stop! By clicking pics I personally believe your taking the power away from the gaze and bringing shame to the whole act. I see so many of them hiding their faces when i whip my phone out, standing motionless in front of them as if to say “lets see how much of a man are you now?”

The more pics we have the more the group grows. The more it grows, the more people would want to join and discuss street sexual harassment as a crime rather than pretending it doesn’t exist.

Head high, chin up, walk as if you own the damn street.

– Mohnish Moorjani

Creator of the group Shoot At Sight

This post is part of the weekly blog series by male allies. We need men involved in the work to end the social acceptability of street harassment and to stop the practice, period. If you’d like to contribute to this weekly series, please contact me.

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Why can’t guys wear skirts?

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Not sure if you’ll be interested in my story, but I’ll tell you anyway in the hope that someone out there might understand and change their attitudes. It’s not of a specific occurrence, more a general description.

I am male – a male with what might be described as a ‘girly’ taste in clothes. I like to wear skirts, more often than not with knee length boots. I’m not a ‘goth’ and don’t identify with any ‘fashion group’ within society – neither am I gay – neither do I dress to appear to be a girl.

So why is it that whenever I go out wearing what I want to wear, I get abuse of the ‘trannie’, ‘gayboy’ and ‘queer’ variety – usually from males ? Do those same males abuse girls wearing jeans/trousers as being ‘lesbians’ ? If not, why not – their logic to me is exactly the same!

– Anonymous

Location: In the city streets

Share your street harassment story today and help raise awareness about the problem. Find suggestions for what YOU can do about this human rights issue.

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“We have sent a Man to the Moon, and Women walk around with Mace in their handbags”

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Lets see what have we done.

We’ve come a long way. Man on the moon, Satellite in space, heart transplants, liver transplants, all possible.

And yet, when we walk on the road, we do not look at each other, nod and smile.

When was the last time you walked to the market and smiled and nodded to every woman you met on the way?

You simply don’t. Men have done so much street harassment that each woman walking on the street, going to work, driving to work, going to the market, going shopping or simply going for a walk thinks that the man coming in front of her will pass a remark or stare at her breasts or try to at least brush past her.

And it is not unfair to say that men have earned this tag of being synonyms of harassers. It is a badge we have earned over the years after having stared at the breasts of almost every woman we pass by on the street.

Take a minute. Read this. Sit down. Think.

When was the last time your wife/daughter/sister went on a public transport and came back without even a single strange male trying to touch her indecently.

When was the last time you yourself were on a bus/train and saw some random man try and get close to a random woman and you made an effort to raise a voice against that man?

Most probably, you just turned the other way around and thought to yourself this happens everyday.

When was the last time you stood in the aisle while in a bus or a train and did NOT try to peek inside the shirt of the woman sitting on the seats?

Men must realize that every action they do nonchalantly does hurt the sentiments of someone a lot. We have created this whole big mess for ourselves wherein just because we do not speak out against injustice happening on the streets in the form of harassment we too get stressed. Every time the wife of the daughter goes out she has a story to tell when she gets back home. We have started this. We must come forward together as one to stop it.

We must educate the boy child from the very beginning that it is not alright to stare at random woman on the street. We must teach them to respect the fairer sex as much as they would respect a their own mothers. It’s not alright to pass remarks to woman on the street/bus/train/park & everywhere else. All woman are not their honey/sweetheart/sweetie.

Walk on the streets like you would expect other men to walk when your wife/daughter/sister is out walking alone. Seriously men, women’s breasts are not museum exhibits. It’s not alright to stare. It’s not alright to stare down their shirts. It’s not alright to turn back while walking and ogle at their waists and hips. It’s not alright to whistle. It’s not alright to pass remarks. They are NOT your honey. And no, she will not suck you or have sex with you or sit on your lap. Please keep your organs inside your pants. If you cannot control your urges, go help yourselves. Do not expect every random woman on the street to jump in the sack with you. They are not your playthings. Come together as one, reach out, voice out against street harassment. A little effort from all of us can go a long way in ensuring the women can feel safe on the street. It has to be a collective effort. One man alone cannot do it.

But you have to stop staring and ogling. You have to start re-thinking your actions. There is a very thin line between a gentle flirtatious glance and a stare that would make someone uncomfortable. If you don’t get the difference between the both of them, please do neither and help keep some women’s sanity intact.

Do we realize what have we done to this world? We have sent a Man to the Moon, and the Woman walk around with Mace in their handbags.

I would suggest, let’s send all the men to the Moon. At least Mace would be able to concentrate on manufacturing other toys that kids could use.

– @TbgDgc in Delhi, India

Visit his blog at: Desi Ghee and Coffee

This post is part of the weekly blog series by male allies. We need men involved in the work to end the social acceptability of street harassment and to stop the practice, period. If you’d like to contribute to this weekly series, please contact me.
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Guyland and the culture of street harassment

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http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/26317942/ns/today-books/

Michael Kimmel’s 2008 book Guyland is a great manual for male allies. It explores what he refers to as “Guyland,” an aggressive and toxic environment that young men of my generation are growing up in. It’s an environment influenced by fraternities that have misogynistic practices, sports, and conservative talk radio that broadcast constantly this message: the women’s movement, immigrants, and rich liberals are undermining long held white male privilege. It simply follows by logic that in such an atmosphere women are perceived as obstacles to be “won over” and, in turn, degraded. Kimmel offers a powerful study that sheds light on the possible attitudes that create the problems of street harassment. Stop Street Harassment offers numerous resources for men to counteract these cultural forces and bring an end to degradation in our lifetime.

Kimmel explains that in a society where the women’s movement has made significant inroads, the traditional ways of “proving” masculinity have been discredited. They are devolving into infantile acts such as encouraging their friends to “score” and employing politically incorrect speech. Stop Street Harassment offers a powerful charge to male allies to fight against such displays of masculinity and how we can work to counterbalance this disturbing cultural trend.

The cultural norms under which “Guyland” operates are becoming so ubiquitous that they can be difficult to fight. Kimmel explains that many men are afraid to question the actions of fellow guys because it may lead to their exclusion. This fear of social isolation among men is one of the reasons street harassment and other acts of violence go unchallenged. Stop Street Harassment provides techniques for men to intervene in these situations and to not be afraid due to peer pressure.

Another important issue that Kimmel addresses is the gray area that men feel in their relationships with women. What men consider to be a friendly gesture may be interpreted as predatory and the line is often vague. The Stop Street Harassment website offers men guidelines on how to interact with women to make them feel safe and unthreatened.

Kimmel’s book also hits home for me in a more personal way. As I participated in the Anti-Street Harassment Day on March 20, I kept thinking about these issues as I realized there was something wrong. Of all the members of my group I was the only male. The lack of male participation in challenging those attitudes that create street harassment is something that our generation is going to have to address. We have the opportunity to be the first generation with widespread male involvement in these issues. Kimmel’s book should be our warning shot.

– Sean Crosbie
Male Ally

This post is part of the weekly blog series by male allies. We need men involved in the work to end the social acceptability of street harassment and to stop the practice, period. If you’d like to contribute to this weekly series, please contact me.

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