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A man who does not “get” street harassment and one who does

November 17, 2010 By HKearl


I saw the above image a few times via twitter and Facebook and thought I’d comment. A coworker just told me it’s making the rounds via the Privilege Denying Dude to make fun of guys who believe this. Unfortunately there are many who do and I’ve heard this very comment before. Men who have this belief do not understand (or care about) issues like:

  • how quickly street harassment can turn nasty, demeaning, and violent;
  • how frequently many of us experience it and thus how annoying it is;
  • how triggering and frightening it can be for survivors of rape or of a bad harassment incident (like groping or stalking);
  • how it reinforces a societal message that women are supposed to be pretty objects for men and that it’s men’s rights to remind them of that whenever they want;
  • how it assumes all women are heterosexual or bisexual and are interested in men’s attention;
  • how it ignores the underlying racial dynamics that might be at play; and
  • how presumptuous and disrespectful it is to talk to a complete stranger in a familiar, sexual way. There is a reason most men never experience this. They are respected enough to be left the hell alone.

Here’s one of the many guys who does get gender-based street harassment. Thank you, Barry Deutsch!

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Filed Under: male perspective, street harassment

Weekly Round Up: October 17, 2010

October 17, 2010 By HKearl

Story Submissions Recap:

I accept street harassment submissions from anywhere in the world. Share your story!

  • Stop Street Harassment Blog: 6 new stories from people in Illinois, Oregon, Louisiana, Belgium, the UK, and an unspecified location.
  • HollaBack DC!: 4 new stories
  • HollaBack NYC: 8 new stories
  • HollaBackLDN: 4 new stories 7 a new website layout/heading
  • HollaBack PGH!: 1 new story

In the News, On the Blogs:

  • University of Iowa News Release, “Author to address stopping street harassment at UI lecture Oct. 21“
  • The Post, “Fema-what? Three things women wish men knew about street harassment“
  • Time, “Hey Baby: A Violent Video Game Geared to Women“
  • Uplift Magazine, “Talking about street harassment“
  • Al Masry Al Youm, “Q&A with Holly Kearl, editor of Stop Street Harassment: Making Public Spaces Safe and Welcoming for Women“
  • Change.org, “Why Public Safety Is a Women’s Issue“
  • Feministing, “Why do strange men think they’re allowed to touch me?“
  • Rabbit Write, “Street Harassment: Why Ignoring it Doesn’t Work“
  • Postbourgie, “HollaHollaHolla“
  • Calista Jones, “Lisa Robinson“
  • Bela Shea, “Word Hurt (Despite that One Saying)“

Announcements:

  • Stop Street Harassment Blog was listed #9 in the top 50 blogs for following women’s rights!
  • Welcome, HollaBack San Jose!
  • Is the book Stop Street Harassment at your library? If not, request it! You can also buy it online at Amazon or Barnes & Noble.
  • HollaBack NYC is hiring a Program Director & had a new website!
  • HollaBack DC! is looking for a graphic design intern
  • RightRides is looking for interns & volunteers in NYC

Upcoming Events:

  • Oct. 18: Street harassment meeting in London, 7 p.m.
  • Oct. 21: Street harassment talk at the University of Iowa, 7:15 p.m.
  • Oct. 28: Public hearing on street harassment in NYC, 1 p.m.

10 Tweets from the Week:

  • jonubian: I don’t think most people understand how terrorizing street harassment can be.
  • mjbyars @DesiSanchez we need more of that from women. Embarrassing harassers is one way for women to send a loud message about #streetharassment.
  • jennpozner Walking to meet w/ Emily of @ihollaback. Think her aura’s working:1st time in ages no #streetharassment in 10blocks so far.
  • thekateblack To the guy who tried to grab my tits on the Bedford L platform: Eat the third rail, you miserable piece of shit. #streetharassment #NYC
  • HollabackPGH we <3 @bikepgh, who are working to make the streets safer for people who ride bikes. we want that too!
  • ElizabethOwens This is a belated entry from last weekend, but the girls in my program and I did some awesome hollabacks at street harassment. #effoff
  • euonymy Street harassment: really fucking unpleasant.
  • happiestrotteen on a more sombre note, i was a victim of (sexual) street harassment in kilburn today (just 1 incident of hundreds, thousands in my life)
  • nazzynasir At what century of your twisted pathetic brain would a married woman like me ever respond to a catcall whistle? Want to die isit?
  • hymnforrachel another friendly reminder: guys, girls don’t like with when you catcall at them..well, any self-respecting girl.
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Filed Under: Events, hollaback, male perspective, News stories, Stories, street harassment, weekly round up Tagged With: street harassment

Sexual harassment is not a compliment, no matter the harasser

October 16, 2010 By Contributor

[Editor’s note: Normally only stories from men who are sharing stories as bystanders or allies in ending gender-based street harassment are those posted on here, but I thought it was worth offering this perspective because it similarly shows that sexual harassment of men, just like sexual harassment of women, is construed as a compliment and is not taken seriously, as it should be.

That said, I do want to note that women are more likely to have an underlying fear of assault when a man harasses them than when a woman harasses a man; we live in a gender inequitable society so there is a different underlying meaning between the two scenarios; and also, usually women experience far more sexual harassment than do men. These are some of the reasons why I focus on women’s experiences rather than men’s. Also, just like this man, men who are harassed are targeted for something other than their gender: their sexual orientation, their race, their size, their class, their disability etc. Women across the board are harassed simply for being female.]

Hi ladies, i am a man and i would like to share my thoughts and views and also my own experiences with street harassment. I do not believe that women deserve to be harassed. I have never harassed a woman, never will. I always try to have respect for women but i will honestly say that it’s very hard sometimes. The reason i say this is because i have been harassed many times by women! I am not your average male height or shape. I am short and small built. I also wear glasses, not the typical ‘hunky’ man that you women always seem to go for. Because of my size, i’ve been teased and belittled. I’ve had girls laugh at me, make snide remarks and even grope me. It makes me feel embarrassed and powerless. As a man, that’s not the worst of it. I am supposed to ‘take’ it and even enjoy it. That’s what i’ve heard and been told. So there’s nothing i can do about it because i’m a man. The police wouldn’t take it seriously, my mates just get jealous and say how lucky i am and i’ve even had a tutor say to me why complain?! Sigh.

– Dominic

Location: UK

Share your street harassment story today and help raise awareness about the problem. Include your location and it will be added to the Street Harassment Map.

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Filed Under: male perspective, Stories, street harassment Tagged With: bullying, sexual harassment, street harassment

Harassers fall flat on their noses

August 19, 2010 By Contributor

There’s a cremation ground here in New Delhi which I pass by often. Outside it there’s a huge sign that says, “Do one good act a day.” I just did mine like 30 minutes ago and I thought I should write it here.

I was driving my car, and right now is has been raining cats and dogs for the past hour in the city. I nudged two guys on a bike and made them fall flat on their nose and injure themselves nicely.

This is my good act for today.

There was this girl sitting on the back of a bike with some guy in the front. She was dressed in something like linen pants maybe, and the torrential rain made the pants see through. These other two guys on a bike were constantly ogling at her and I could make out she was very uncomfortable. There was a lot of traffic and no one could do anything about it at that time.

I was sort of pissed off at the whole situation, and when I saw a little break in the traffic, I nudged my car forward and nosed it at an angle that it was right behind the two guys on the bike. I sped forward, banged the back of their bike hard, made sure they fell nicely, and then I raced away. I could see the girl and the boy race away too, and as they passed me I could see the smile on the girl’s face!

So now I have a huge scratch in the right side of my bumper, and it’s a new car, but what the hell, it was worth it seeing the ecstatic look on the poor girl’s face.

Tonight, I’ll sleep alright. I’ve done my good deed for the day!

– Tbg

Location: South Delhi, New Delhi, India

Share your street harassment story today and help raise awareness about the problem. Include your location and it will be added to the Street Harassment Map.

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Filed Under: male perspective, Stories, street harassment Tagged With: eve teasing, ogling, sexual harassment, street harassment

Weekly Round Up: August 8, 2010

August 8, 2010 By HKearl

Story Submissions Recap:

I accept street harassment submissions from anywhere in the world. Share your story!

  • Stop Street Harassment Blog: There were 5 stories from contributors in Illinois, Spain, Texas, India, and Mississippi.
  • HollaBack Chicago: 2 new stories
  • HollaBack DC!: 4 new stories
  • HollaBack NYC: 4 new stories
  • HollaBack UK: 4 new stories

In the News, On the Blogs:

  • New York Times, “Fighting for Safe Passage on Indian Streets” (and visit the author’s blog to read more about what she learned while researching this story)
  • Examiner, “Another upskirting incident reported in San Antonio grocery stores“
  • Indian Express, “Battles Lines“
  • The New Nation, “Opinion: Facing the Curse of Eve Teasing“
  • The Times of India, “Women unsafe in Romeo city“
  • Jezebel, “How Indian Women Fight Harassment“
  • Racialicious, “Hey Baby: Link Round-Up and Open Thread“
  • Cairo Guide, “Five Ways to Deal with Street Harassment”

Announcements:

  • Vote for HollaBack DC! in the Pepsi Refresh Challenge
  • Vote for HollaBack NYC in the Paperless Choice Digital Fundraising Challenge
  • Call for Artists: Women and Mobility in the City Exhibition (via Jagori)
  • RightRides is looking for volunteers in NYC
  • The book Stop Street Harassment is out Aug. 30. Pre-order it today!

10 Street Harassment Tweets from the Week:

  • adamfishpoet If you suffer #streetharassment, could you tweet giving location, and then tweeters who follow you could mass-report it?
  • hollabackdc reader at last nite’s event said, “when i read about street harassment, it’s not a big deal. but when it happens to you, it’s paralyzing.”
  • ABookishBeemer Nothing feels better than standing up to bullies. #streetharassment #feminism
  • ZoeBW I need to be able to feel safe walking down the street in broad daylight. #streetharassment #DC
  • MarianneDiNaps Bus driver watched me flip off guy harassing me, then lectured me on how “pretty girls need to learn to take a compliment” #streetharassment
  • CatCall Men: 99% of the time I make eye contact…I am just letting you know that I will be able to assist in making the police sketch.
  • IamHazelMay Creepy guys catcall me. Don’t care. Creepy guys catcall my daughter. Never knew I could snarl and go all ninja so fast. Yata!
  • CTrouper: @iHollaback Lovely new little online London #hollaback site http://bit.ly/9M1EgA #hollaBIKE
  • Snufkin Is it National Street Harassment week? Because I’ve had 2 creepy incidents in 3 days. It’s like being in Reno on North VA St.
  • hollabackdc Because street harassment is underacknowledged, many ppl think it’s okay. Help stop this with your vote: http://pep.si/c39T2R

Resource of the Week:

  • The GULABI Association, which supports the Gulabi Gang
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Filed Under: hollaback, male perspective, News stories, Resources, Stories, street harassment, weekly round up Tagged With: hollaback, street harassment, weekly resources

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