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Why We Shouldn’t Lose Sight of Full Equality

October 30, 2014 By Contributor

Cross-posted with permission from the author Patrick McNeil, our board member, from the Huffington Post

Late last week, the U.S. Office of Special Counsel found that the Department of the Army had discriminated against Tamara Lusardi based on her gender identity in a significant ruling that said Lusardi’s restricted daily movement “constituted discriminatory harassment under the guiding principles of Title VII [of the Civil Rights Act].”

At the same time, marriage equality is becoming the new normal, and the United States has suddenly become a nation where nearly two-thirds of same-sex couples live in a state where they can get married. Just this past Saturday morning, Attorney General Eric Holder announced that same-sex couples in six more states would receive federal benefits and have their marriages recognized by the federal government.

This is all very good news, but GLSEN’s annual school climate survey, also released last week, is a good reminder that – while LGBT Americans live in an increasingly evolving society – there’s still a long way to go.

At school, according to the survey, LGBT students really don’t feel safe. More than half (55.5%) of LGBT students feel unsafe because of their sexual orientation – and more than a third because of their gender expression. In the past month, almost a third missed at least one day of school because they felt uncomfortable, while more than a third avoided certain gender-segregated spaces (like bathrooms and locker rooms) for the same reason. More than two-thirds frequently or often heard homophobic remarks, and more than half heard negative comments about gender expression – like not being “masculine enough” or “feminine enough.”

LGBT students are particularly susceptible to verbal and physical harassment at school, and about half (49%) said they’ve experienced electronic harassment in the past year – such as via texting or on social media. What this all leads to is higher levels of depression and lower levels of self-esteem.

These findings, which are actually much improved from just a few years ago, are still very terrifying, given that schools are meant to be safe spaces where children spend a significant portion of their day. The findings are also very parallel with what we know about how LGBT people navigate and experience public spaces.

According to Stop Street Harassment’s (SSH) national study released earlier this year, LGBT people were more likely than straight people to report experiencing street harassment (both verbal and physical) – and it starts young. Seventy percent of LGBT people said they experienced it by age 17, compared to 49 percent of straight people (which is still very significant). In the same way that students in GLSEN’s survey reported avoiding certain activities because they felt unsafe, SSH’s study found that LGBT people were more likely to give up an outdoor activity for the same reason.

In my own research on the street harassment of gay and bisexual men – an admittedly much narrower group – survey respondents also reported high levels of avoiding specific areas or neighborhoods and crossing the street or taking an alternative route in order to sidestep unwanted interactions in what they felt were unsafe environments. In addition, 71.3 percent said they constantly assessed their surroundings when navigating public spaces.

That’s not healthy.

Whether at school or in public spaces, many LGBT youth don’t feel safe and continue to face disgraceful levels of discrimination (and some don’t feel safe at home, either). But when they enter the workforce, disadvantages persist.

In the absence of federal legislation like the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA), it’s still legal in a majority of states to discriminate against employees simply on the basis of sexual orientation or gender identity (even in some states where same-sex marriage is now legal). On the job, report after report notes the existence of persistent harassment and discrimination for LGBT people. And this is layered on top of pervasive race and gender discrimination.

This year, 50 years after the Civil Rights Act of 1964 was signed, it’s certainly satisfying to know that the Act continues to guide favorable, groundbreaking rulings, like in the case of Tamara Lusardi. But we shouldn’t allow extraordinary advances to overshadow the amount of progress we still need to make toward full equality at school, in public spaces, in the workplace – and everywhere in between. Indeed, we’ve only just begun.

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Filed Under: LGBTQ, male perspective, street harassment

“Blowing kisses while licking his lips”

October 12, 2014 By Contributor

I’d like to share my story to show that it happens to men as well.  I’ve actually experienced it several times since I moved here.  And I don’t mean the “faggot” or “queer” kind of catcalling that many gay men experience – that doesn’t seem to be an issue in most parts of this city.

As a runner, I’ve often had men – often homeless – jeer and compliment my “juicy ass,” and, while it has been bothersome, nothing has come close to what happened yesterday.  I was walking home in a hoodie and gym shorts (so I definitely wasn’t “asking for it” – whatever that means) and this guy screams “nice ass” out of his car window.  I didn’t even realize he was talking to me until I saw him waiting at the corner.

He rolled his windows down and began jeering and blowing kisses while licking his lips.  It just so happens that I live at that corner and very stupidly ran inside.  He waited outside for about 5 minutes, backing up to peer in the windows and laugh while I cowered in fear.  I’m kicking myself for not wearing my glasses, so I couldn’t get his plate.

Optional: What’s one way you think we can make public places safer for everyone?

Make the discussion less gendered – it happens to everyone

– D

Location: Washington, DC

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See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for more idea

 

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Filed Under: male perspective, Stories, street harassment

USA: “Men harassing women represents a loss for everyone “

September 30, 2014 By Correspondent

Daniel Burdick, CA, USA, SSH Blog Correspondent

I’m truly honored to be a correspondent for the Stop Street Harassment blog.  As you have probably noted by my photo, I could actually be one of the perpetrators of sordid public-performance graffiti.  The intention of Stop Street Harassment is to include men in this discussion; and this has to be duly appreciated; as it seems to happen far too often that men’s paltry contributions to various gender issues tend to be defensive, apologist, arrogant, offering irrelevant advice, neurotic, hostile, or otherwise opportunistic efforts at presenting themselves as feminists; when in fact, they are actually more analogous to wolves trying to conceal themselves in sheep-suits.  I’m fastening the shoulder harness for this hot seat.  It’s going to be a bumpy ride…

I hope you are truly interested in solving this issue and are reading this because you understand that street harassment is a serious problem for men as well as women…   and not that, heaven forbid, men might get harassed as well; but that men harassing women is not only embarrassing for the men who aren’t into it, but represents a considerable loss for everyone in our society.  I’m also really hopeful that males of all ages and stages are reading this, because this is the group for whom I’m pitching.  You may have seen the title of the recent effort expressed by the executive branch of the U.S. government to end sexual assault on college campuses: “It’s On Us.”  Yes, it truly is.

Avoid blaming – This is not really anyone’s “fault,” per se – for harassment is only one of the more visible tips of a larger iceberg representing a fatal flaw institutionalized into our society.   Even though many of us may have unsubscribed to the western religions that brought us this and other sublime forms of enslavement and control of masses, this philosophical heritage of systematically demeaning females may prove a rather difficult cancer to eliminate.  Therefore, I propose a top-down approach.  I will elaborate more about the strategy later. For now, it remains up to us men to fix this problem, even if the “nice guys” are uncomfortable with accepting responsibility for actions of “those other jerks.” I urge you to visit the website HeForShe.org and accept the challenge of addressing the human rights issue of preventing violence and discrimination against women and girls worldwide.

An exceptionally thorny obstacle in the way of addressing this subject is while gender-based street harassment is mainly a little tour-de-force favoring continued entrenchment of male power, it also contains the component of human sexuality; a realm where every adult has a diverse opinion; usually based on their personal experiences, tendencies, preferences, hang-ups, and self-valuation.   A funny thing I’ve noticed about this hot button (pardon the pun) issue is that our differences of opinion regarding sex tend to mimic our political polarizations… there exist sexual conservatives, sexual liberals, libertarians, radicals, and so on.  There are sometimes alternative labels for these divisions; for example, self-described “sex-positive” women represent a libertarian faction of feminism.

Street harassment has no positive side.  It cannot be considered a form of release for its perpetrators; in fact, it would appear to instead promote the opposite effect – exciting and inspiring the perpetrator or perpetrators to continue.  By definition, it can never be accepted as complimentary by the recipients.  Why?  In cases when the recipient truly doesn’t mind being shouted at, then the incident is simply no longer considered as “harassment.”

This question of acceptability is where the dark gray area of public relations is haunted by the specter of ambiguity.  Admittedly, there are circumstances under which it is entirely possible to communicate unsolicited via a shout to another stranger in a manner that is not a problem.  On the other hand, it is also possible that an identical exchange, yet under slightly different and unforeseen circumstances, can be rightfully perceived by the recipient as annoying, undesired, and thus as harassment.  It’s not always possible to recognize all the contributing circumstances in advance.  Therefore, it is a more prudent course of action to avoid initiating an unsolicited exchange; unless it is quite obvious the potential recipient or recipients are open to public communication and will be agreeable with its message.

Even though the true intent of the message may be purely harmless or even complementary by the perpetrator; intent cannot be considered a factor in determining whether an exchange is harassment or not.  It is often said that “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.”  It’s the recipient’s call.

This outlines the basic theories I must try to communicate to my fellow men to actualize.  Now my bro’s tend to be a bunch that do not ask for, nor read, directions; they are also being bombarded with fantasy-sex advertising, when too often they feel like they get the short end of the stick with their real relationships. I don’t expect this quest to be easy…   so please keep your seat belts fastened, and your emotional shields up.

Daniel is a longtime activist for peace, the environment, and social equality. He currently works as a design engineer and is an avid bicyclist.

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Filed Under: correspondents, male perspective, street harassment

“Raise hell every where you have a voice”

June 7, 2014 By Contributor

It’s been over a year and I’ve done nothing. I’ve walked side by side with my best friend and heard the cat calls. I’ve seen the unwarranted leering and threatening gestures. I’ve seen her have to cross the street in order to avoid a group of men leering. As she grips her arms tightly around her chest from the fear and anger of having to experience this over and over through out her day. I’ve heard her stories of walking alone in a crowd and being confronted by men of all ages, even boys. They tell her, “Smile sexy,” she tells them, “Back off” and they yell out, “What bitch?! I’ll rape you! You need a real man to put you in place.” It’s been over a year and I haven’t done one damn thing to make her world safer.

This is not abhorrent behavior by some creepy man who wanders the streets preying on women. This is normal behavior that every man of any age performs. The dad shopping with his wife and daughter, the young college man, the delivery man, the grandfather walking his grandchildren, your brother and father, your son, nephew and friend. You and me. “Why aren’t you losing your shit over this?!” Throughout the last year this phrase was repeated louder each time I heard it. My best friend felt let down, over and over. I walked right along with her, quiet and passive. As if I had no control over her experience. Like no matter what I did to make her world safer, every woman’s world safer, nothing would come of it.

My best friend, is paralyzed in her apartment from fear of walking in the streets. No matter what she wears, a long coat and scarf covering 95 percent of her body or a tank top and shorts, the abuse is the same. The harassment comes from men and boys from all walks of life. Men who are empowered by society to instill fear on any woman they choose, however subtle or blatant. According to Stop Street Harassment, an organization committed to ending gender-based street harassment worldwide, more than 80 percent of women experience gender-based street harassment: unwanted sexual comments, demands for a smile, leering, whistling, following, and groping. And there’s no age requirement. No matter if she is 9 years of age or 76, there is a man to put her in her place.

Why aren’t we losing our shit over this? It’s simple, misogyny runs deeps in our minds, our behaviors, our existence. You may be saying to your self, “No, not me! I’m not like those creeps.” Well, if you don’t act to tear down the wall of fear, violence and dehumanization, you’re a part of the problem.

What can we do? Reach out to women in your life and hear their stories, talk to other men and boys about street harassment, and intervene in any way you can. Raise hell every where you have a voice; Facebook, Tumblr, blogs, your family, community, and with friends.

Take a stand. Being ignorant of your own power as a man to stop street harassment and violence against women, means that every moment a women walks out in the streets, she walks in fear.

– Josue Rivera Razo

Share your street harassment story for the blog.
Check out the new book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers!
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Filed Under: male perspective, Stories, street harassment

“How do we address these kinds of wrong cultural messages?”

May 24, 2014 By Contributor

Last week my wife and I saw a 2013 indie movie called “The Way Way Back.” It stars Steve Carrell as a very overbearing single parent boyfriend to Toni Collette who is a single mom that is desperate (for male attention). Steve Carrell’s daughter is a snotty/”cool” older teen and Toni Collette’ss son is a geeky/awkward younger teen. The four go on a summer vacation to the shore (a place Steve Carrell and his daughter have gone to for years and know all the other people that live around them). The vacation is ostensibly a trial to see of the four could live together as a “modern family” in the fall.

The story is revolves around Toni Collette’s son. At the beach, his awkwardness is enhanced and comes to a head when the potential step-sister treats him like trash in front of her friends and Toni Collette and Steve Carrell treat him like a 14 going on 13 year old instead of a 14 going on 15 year old when they periodically worry about him when they “come up for air” from their need to deepen their intimacy.

Finally disgusted by his mom and no longer willing to put up with his future step father or his daughter the boy finds a pink stingray bike that is way too small for him and makes his way to town. He comes across a water park and the manager (Sam Rockwell) sees him for what he is and takes him under his wing. The boy doesn’t tell his mom or Steve Carrell what he is up to all day. He becomes an employee, is accepted and in general this is a great coming of age tale. You really want to like the boy and are happy as he overcomes various little geeky awkward things inherent in his 14 year old self and he eventually gains enough courage and maturity to stand up to and expose the Steve Carrell character to his mom and she realizes he has used her — they leave the vacation early, with a newfound bond and resolve to be strong individuals.

But one of the things the movie portrays makes me uncomfortable. It is only one short scene lasting perhaps only 1-2 minutes, but it spoiled the whole show for me. As the boy is socialized by fellow employee/lifeguards at the water park, all older teen males, one of the things they show him is their ritual of making “sexy” girls stop at the start of the high/long water tube, the premise is that there has to be spacing of the people entering in the tube so they don’t run into each other and have an accident, but what they are really doing is looking “checking out the flesh”. As the 14 year old protagonist gains confidence you see him do the same thing he saw the older boys do–as if this was a sign he had come out off his childish ways and become a fill fledged adolescent/man.

There it was. A good/great show with a good message, ruined by just a small side scene. It was there, and why?

What do we do? How do we address these kinds of wrong cultural messages and tell our young boys this kind of thing is not right? How do we get film makers to stop including these messages in their films? btw, 2 of the 8 listed producers were female!

– AK – Hoping to be Considered a Male Ally

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Filed Under: male perspective, street harassment

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