Stop Street Harassment

Making Public Spaces Safe and Welcoming

How to act when you see a woman dressed “sexy”

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How to treat and respond to someone dressed “slutty,” “provocatively,” or “sexy” comes up a lot during discussions I facilitate on street harassment and sexual harassment in schools (‘Well why do girls/women dress that way if they don’t want the attention?”). I address this issue in my book and briefly on my website in the section “How to Talk to a Woman.” The bottom line is, no matter how someone dresses, treat them with respect.

Caperton at Feministe broke the issue down further in her excellent post “So There’s a Woman Dressed All Sexy-Like: Your Role as Observer“:

“There’s a lot of ongoing debate about what, exactly, a woman is looking for when she goes out dressed all sexy-like (which is itself a subjective concept). Men (and women) get ideas about exactly what that woman wants, what she welcomes, how they should behave toward her, what her all-sexy-likeness indicates. And guys, in particular, can come up with a thousand excuses for publicly ogling a woman’s goodies–They’re right there; I can’t help but look. She’s doing it for attention–she wants men to look. If she didn’t want guys to look, she shouldn’t put them out there. They’re so ubiquitous, I hardly notice them anymore, and when I do I generally dismiss them with rolled eyes and an unladylike snort.

There is one excuse that, while common, is sufficiently uncommon to draw my attention: Some girls get their feelings hurt if you don’t look/whistle/comment/shout/grope. Seriously. Seriously? Your personal approval is paramount to them, and you’re doing them a service by sexually harassing them. They pass you by at a bar, ladypillows pushed up to their chin, and when you don’t hazard a pinch they look back at you with a single, crystalline tear rolling down their cheek. Your unsolicited grunt is really your generous way of seeing to their emotional health, you saint, you. (Whether the gentleman offering this service is the same one who wanted custody of our metaphorical dog, I shall not say.)

And so I provided him a list, albeit not a universal or comprehensive one, of things to do when you see a woman dressed all sexy-like.

1. Admire, if it’s your thing. I mean, why not?

2. Don’t stare. It’s rude. And it’s not like the view is going to change from minute to minute–generally, women don’t spontaneously disrobe or hyperinflate their breasts or turn into lizard-people such that you’d miss it if you turned away. The view ten seconds now will be pretty much the same as the view you’re getting now, so it’s safe to look away.

3. Keep your commentary–and your hands–to yourself. Some women truly are into it; many aren’t. Many really aren’t. It’s best to err on the side of not offending anyone.

4. Don’t assume she’s dressing for you. Maybe she’s dressed all sexy-like for the benefit of her boyfriend/girlfriend, and they just happen to be out in public where you can observe it.

5. Don’t assume she’s dressing for you. Maybe she’s dressed all sexy-like for the guy two barstools down from you, who’s taller than you and flashed a Rolex when he reached for his drink. Or maybe it’s for the guy next to you on the other side who’s shorter than you and wearing tight jeans and hipster glasses that you think look stupid. Or maybe it’s for the woman behind the bar. She’s allowed to be picky, and she’s allowed to not pick you. The fact that you’re sitting within sight of her all-sexy-likeness doesn’t mean she’s aiming it at you–just that she’s a shotgun and you’re within the spread.

6. Don’t assume she’s dressing for you–or anyone else, for that matter. Maybe she’s dressed all sexy-like purely for herself, because she likes the way she looks. Maybe looking all sexy-like makes her feel sexy, and that gives her more confidence or a little bit of a personal thrill. And yes, maybe her look is one that is also appealing to the more prurient gaze, but there’s a difference between wanting to look sexy and wanting to actively pursue interaction of a sexual nature. She gets to do either one.

7. Don’t think she owes you anything. Dressing all sexy-like isn’t some contract with the world that a woman will respond positively to all come-ons or welcome all (or any) physical advances. Even if she is dressed all sexy-like expressly so that people will look at her, that doesn’t mean she wants anyone to touch her or even speak to her, and she gets to do that. If you insist on seeing it as a transaction, think of it this way: She gets to dress in a way that makes her feel sexy, and you get to enjoy seeing a woman who’s dressed all sexy-like.

8. Be a nice guy (or girl), not a Nice Guy™. Review #5. Maybe she’s not into short guys, or tall girls, or guys at all, or girls at all, or facial hair, or muscles, or people who open with “Hey, nice tits.” People have their reasons–and you’re eyeing the woman who’s dressed all sexy-like and not the woman in the mom jeans next to her, so it’s not like you’re one to talk. Here’s a clue: If you find yourself saying, “I’m a nice guy, but no one will sleep with me! Women are only into rich/bad/hot guys. Shallow bitches, all of them,” you’re not a nice guy. You’re a Nice Guy™, and that’s why you’re single.

Am I leaving anything out? Moreover, at what point do you know that a male friend is just plain not educable?”

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Domestic Violence and Street Harassment: Five Connections

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Today the building where I work is flooded with purple: purple sweaters, shirts, skirts, shoes, scarfs, necklaces, umbrellas, and even wallets. It’s also over-run by cupcakes…yum.

It’s Purple Thursday in Washington, DC, an awareness day organized by the DC Coalition Against Domestic Violence (DCCADV) during national Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Many of my co-workers at AAUW and I are wearing purple to show support.

The cupcakes are here because, as part of the Pixel Project’s “Paint it Purple Campaign,” I’m holding a fundraiser cupcake bake sale. All of the proceeds of my home-made cupcakes will go to DCCADV and Pixel Project. As the day comes to a close, I’ve sold 47 cupcakes (and counting) to the generous folks who work in my building.

I’m participating in Purple Thursday and hosting a bake sale because I believe no one should be unsafe at home or in trusted relationships, and certainly not one in four women. I’m participating in Purple Thursday because I have a personal connection to the issue of domestic violence through family members and friends who’ve survived such relationships. I’m participating because I spent four years volunteering at domestic violence shelters in high school and college.

I’m also participating, and blogging here, because of the very real connections that domestic violence has to street harassment*.  Here are five of them

1. Combined, they ensure that everywhere unsafe:

Too often people who do not “get” street harassment say, “Well if you don’t want to deal with street harassers, then stay home.” Most famously this year, a 71-year-old male mayor in a province in Turkey said, “Do not walk around, sit in your homes,” when women talked to him about the problem of street harassment.

Sadly, given how few alternatives there are for dealing with street harassers, many women occasionally do “choose” to stay home to avoid harassers and to feel safe. In a 1993 Harvard Law Review article, Cynthia Grant Bowman wrote that street harassment creates an “informal ghettoization of women…to the private sphere of hearth and home.”

Nearly 20 years later, that term rings true. “Choosing” to stay home in order to avoid harassment or worse on the streets is a human rights issue. Having to make this “choice” also begs the question, “What do you do when your home isn’t safe either?”

Getting back to the Turkish mayor, not only was his “advice” to stay home impractical and it put the onus on women to be safe instead of on men to stop harassing them, but it was also ironic. His town has a 70 percent rate of domestic violence and the women he advised to stay home were employees at a domestic violence shelter! They of all people know that a woman’s home is not always safe and they know that in their town, it’s not safe for 70 percent of women.

While other places have lower rates of domestic violence, telling someone to stay home to avoid street harassment is not a realistic or desirable solution and it can put them in more danger. For some women, the combination of street harassment and domestic violence means that nowhere is safe.

2. The same individuals may perpetrate both:

Just last week, police arrested Jesse Perez Torres in connection with the murder of a 17-year-old who was attacked in broad daylight when she was walking home from high school. He has an alleged history of domestic violence. Five months before the murder, Torres allegedly assaulted his wife and threatened to kill her.

If someone has no qualms about harassing, groping, stalking or assaulting (or, in the case of Torres, murdering) a stranger on the streets, they may not be very respectful at home either. And vice versa. If you hurt your loved ones, it may not be a stretch to think you’d hurt a stranger on the street, especially if you think you can get away with it, just as most street harassers and rapists do. As a result, working to prevent domestic violence can help prevent street harassment and vice versa.

3. Neither are viewed as serious problems:

For far too long, domestic violence was an issue people did not talk about. It was a private matter that you ignored if you knew it was happening to someone else and you didn’t talk about it to others if it was happening to you. The rise of the “battered women’s movement” changed that a lot, but today, the issue is still not given the gravity it deserves.

Did you know that funding to domestic violence shelters is often one of the first things cut or reduced in city or state budgets? When domestic violence isn’t viewed as a serious problem, shelters can seem unnecessary or “extra” instead of lifelines and beacons of hope. Earlier this month, the mayor of Topeka, Kansas, repealed the city’s domestic abuse law to cut costs so the city wouldn’t have to pay for prosecuting domestic violence cases.

From CBS: “Topeka has had at least 35 reported incidents of domestic battery or assault since early September. Those cases are not being pursued, and as of last Friday, 18 people jailed have been released without facing charges, according to Topeka police.”

Unbelievable and unacceptable.

Related, street harassment is rarely treated as a serious problem. Sexual comments, stalking and even groping are construed as a compliment, no big deal, and something to get a “tough skin” about. When street harassment escalates to sexual assault or murder, it usually is acknowledged, but only as an isolated incident instead of as something that’s part of a larger problem.  In the US, there have been no large-scale studies on the topic, no major public service announcement campaigns, and almost no acknowledgment from leaders and stakeholders that it’s a problem. This needs to change.

4. People who share their stories of domestic violence or street harassment are often blamed:

“Why didn’t she leave?” and “What must she have done to make him treat her that way?” are common questions people ask when they hear about domestic violence. Many people asked them in 2009 when it surfaced that singer Chris Brown beat his then girlfriend Rihanna.

“Why did you go to that part of town alone?” or “Why did you wear that outfit?” are common questions people ask when someone shares a street harassment story.

These questions put the blame on the survivor of domestic violence and street harassment, not on the perpetrator. Such questions allow the violence and harassment to continue and they create an environment where people who speak out aren’t taken seriously because it’s assumed they must be partly to blame for what happened. The blame game must end before more survivors feel like they can come forward and before all perpetrators are held accountable for their actions.

5. Bystanders can make a difference:

Let’s end on a good note. Bystanders can make a big difference in ending the social acceptability of domestic violence and street harassment by speaking out and they can make a difference in ending specific incidents of each behavior by creating an interruption.

A bystander campaign I really like in India focused on domestic violence is called Bell Bajao (Ring the Bell), which is a campaign that asks people to interrupt violence when they hear it by ringing the doorbell of the house. They recommend saying something like, “can I borrow a cup of sugar” or simply ringing the bell and leaving and then calling the police if the abuse continues. To advertise the campaign, they have video PSAs and a video van that has reached 5.5 million people thus far. Innovative and interactive, the van builds audience-participation through games, street theater, audio-visual tools and quizzes. The campaign just won the World Summit Youth Award in September.

In the USA, the University of New Hampshire and Men Can Stop Rape each have bystander campaigns aimed at college students that center on how bystanders can prevent and stop sexual assault and rape, and each campaign also addresses street harassment. They provide interested people with all of the components necessary to create a campus-wide campaign. If you’re on a college campus, I encourage you to check them out.

As Purple Thursday draws to a close, remember, you can make a difference in ending domestic violence and in ending street harassment by being an active bystander. You can believe, support, and not blame people who talk to you about domestic violence and street harassment. You can speak out against perpetrators of those behaviors. You can think of creative ways to interrupt and intervene when you know domestic violence or street harassment is happening, such as asking for a cup of sugar, asking for the time, or simply asking the abused or harassed person if they’re okay.  You can make a difference.

*Men face domestic violence and street harassment too, but the connections between domestic violence and street harassment are most clear when women are the survivors and men the perpetrators and that is the focus of this post.

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Occupy Wall Street Video Objectifies Women

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Occupy Wall Street and people following the movement now have one more item on their list of things to protest: sexism in a video portrayal of the movement. Dubbed “Hot Chicks of the OWS” by its creator, Steven Greenstreet, the video shows several young women speaking about the movement and what it means to them. In and of itself, that should not be a problem. However, many aspects of the video objectify women.

On his own website, Greenstreet says of himself and his camera crew, “Our original ideas were admittedly sophomoric: Pics of hot chicks being all protesty, videos of hot chicks beating drums in slow-mo, etc. But when we arrived at Zuccotti Park in New York City, it evolved into something more…. It made me want to pack my bags and pitch a tent on Wall Street…. And we hope it makes you want to be there too.”

Even after the final editing, the video arguably treats women as objects. More than one shot focuses on a woman’s chest. The tune that plays throughout has been identified by Salon.com as “Fast, Cheap and Out of Control”—hardly the anthem of an educated individual with an online PhD. And while the women interviewed say intelligent, astute things, the fact remains that only young, able bodied, conventionally pretty women get to speak to the camera.

No woman older than her twenties is interviewed, although the Occupy Wall Street Movement spans a wide range of ages. Likewise, no woman who appears on camera is obviously disabled or homosexual, accompanied by a man or outside the conventional definition of “pretty.” Like contestants in the Miss America pageant, all the women interviewed by Greenstreet are “available” for men, or at least appear to be.

Greenstreet’s own comments imply that the value of women in the movement is that they will attract men—not what the women themselves bring, and certainly not what they have to say. The “you” in his “we hope it makes you want to be there” does not include women.

A staff debate published at Salon.com offer multiple viewpoints about this video, to which the online publication offers the provoking title “Occupy Wall Street Gone Wild.” Some of the staffers, mostly men, felt there was nothing wrong with the video itself—only with Greenstreet’s comments. Others, primarily women, point out that the underlying message is entirely sexist.

It remains unknown what the women interviewed by Greenstreet knew about his intentions. Did they know they were being filmed? If so, what were they led to believe was the purpose of the video? It is quite likely that they believed their statements would be the central theme, and didn’t realize they would be portrayed as eye candy.

Across the Internet, bloggers and commentators alike have been raising these various points. A series of posts by blogger Jill at Feministe acknowledges that, while people may indeed meet people they find attractive at a protest, and there’s nothing wrong with that, showcasing female protesters for their looks alone is nothing short of misogynistic.

The protests raised in the blogosphere are perhaps the best possible antidote to the sexism in Greenstreet’s video. At the time of the interviews, it is unlikely that the interview subjects knew how the video would be put together or would have been able to change the outcome. Women cannot stop men like Greenstreet from making sexist videos. However, women (and men, too) can use actions like his as opportunities to raise consciousness about the objectification of women that goes on every day, and combat it in the public eye.

This post is by guest contributor Brittany Lyons. You can read a related post on the “Hot Chicks of the OWS” and street harassment at Fem2.0.

Brittany Lyons aspires to be a psychology professor, but decided to take some time off from grad school to help people learn to navigate the academic lifestyle. She currently lives in Spokane, Washington, where she spends her time reading science fiction and walking her dog.

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Women in Pakistan leave jobs because of commuter harassment

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via Pakistan Today

Some women leave their jobs because of the street harassment they face during their commute, according to a new article about sexual harassment on public transportation in Islamabad, Pakistan.

“This single issue is directly damaging the careers of working women,” reads the article in Pakistan Today.

I’m not surprised. I know street harassment can significantly impact women’s lives. When I conducted an informal study of more than 800 women in 23 countries and 45 US states for my book research, 9 percent of women said they had changed jobs because of harassers along their commute and, related, street harassment had caused nearly 20 percent of the respondents to move neighborhoods.

What does the harassment in Pakistan look like?

Via Pakistan Today:

“Street sexual harassment for a woman in public transport is similar to claustrophobia because she feels trapped in a small place with fear of no escape until she reaches her destination.

If a bus or train is crowded or if a woman is sitting by the window and the man harassing or assaulting her is sitting behind her, she cannot scream or raise her voice since most of the women do not want to get people’s attention in cases like these.

Faiza Bibi is a resident of Bhara Kahu which is a suburban area of the city and she has to travel daily using public transport to reach her workplace. She said most of the drivers harass female passengers; sometimes they even touch the female passenger sitting next to them on the front seats while pretending as if they were merely shifting the gear.

She complained that the behaviour of drivers, especially of the vans plying on the Route Number 127, was unbearable.

“Women have no other option since they have to sit on the front seats, next to the driver, because they are the only seats meant for women,” she explained.

She lamented that the drivers took advantage of the situation by harassing women; sometimes by touching, staring or playing loud vulgar songs but the women commuters usually avoided complaining to anyone because they felt too embarrassed to tell anybody.”

Of course Pakistan is not the only country with this problem. New York City, Boston, and Chicago all have PSA campaigns focused on sexual harassment on the buses and subways because studies showed more than 60 percent of riders faced harassment.

Many countries like Japan, India, and Brazil have women-only subway cars offered during rush hour because of the problem of sexual harassment and this is a “solution” Islamabad may turn to as well if they can get the finances for it. 92 percent of women surveyed there said they want to have women-only public transportation. But actually, what they probably want is just no harassment, not necessarily segregation. Since no one in the government seems to care about actually ending the harassment, segregation probably sounds appealing and certainly could be a short-term solution to offer them relief. But it will not fix the problem in the long run.

Fortunately, there are people speaking out against street harassment in Pakistan whose efforts may lead to more long-term change. One example is in Karachi, Pakistan, where a new NGO called Gawaahi creates media for awareness and advocacy. They recently produced two short video clips about street harassment in Pakistan as a way to start raising awareness about the problem.

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Stab Street Harassers with Purple Needles

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Via SES Türkiye:

“One of the most famous campaigns against street harassment in Istanbul began in the early 1980s. It was the “Purple Needle” campaign, so-called because campaigners handed out needles with purple ribbons to women on the streets. The needles were used to stab attackers.

‘According to reports, street harassment went down substantially during the campaign,’ Lyn Kocher said.”

Wow!! I’m not sure if that would work anymore today without repercussions, but I’m glad it worked back then! It reminds me how women in the USA used to poke men who groped them on public transportation with their hatpins back when women used to wear hats with hatpins! Unreal what women have to do to try to stop harassers since too often a, “No thanks,” or, “Stop!,” or “Go away” isn’t sufficient.

The article the excerpt is from highlights the problem of street harassment today:

“A car begins to follow a woman on the narrow streets of Istanbul’s Beyoğlu district after a night out with the girls. She is almost home when the car stops and the two men inside ask her to join them. The woman runs to her door and enters the building quickly.

This is one of the many stories of street harassment in Istanbul, which has become a regular part of life for many women.

“Istanbul is unfortunately a city where street harassment is a part of daily life. This is not a new problem, and is largely linked to the population hike in Turkey’s recent history,” Istanbul resident Gaye Sevengil, 31, told SES Türkiye.

Beril Ozutopcu, 44, agrees. “On the street where I live, it is less common, but in the neighbourhood I work in I am harassed almost everyday.”

This year a Hollaback website launched in Istanbul, Turkey, and instead of passing out needles, they’re working to combat the problem using the internet.

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