Stop Street Harassment

Making Public Spaces Safe and Welcoming

“I had a fear this man would kidnap me”

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I was 17 and working at a Winn Dixie as a cashier. One day an old man came up to me and started telling me how beautiful I was and kept asking me when I got off work and when I was working next. I was insanely creeped out by this man, but our managers were assholes and told us no matter what we had to always smile and be friendly. So, even though this man was being totally out of line, I had to smile and act like everything was ok, lest I get fired. I never gave him my schedule because that was a huge red flag. I was absolutely repulsed.

At around the same time I was also being stalked by an older creepy man who sounded like Norm from SNL. He would always drive around the parking lot and if he saw my car he would come inside, buy some meaningless junk, and insist on coming through my line. I had even caught him staring at my ass when I was working on the soda fridge at the end of my register. It was so incomfortable. I even had to have coworkers walk me out to my car because I had a fear this man would kidnap me.

– Anonymous

Location: Chelsea, Alabama

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“I hope it doesn’t scar me forever”

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The first time I was harassed was today. I just froze up. A group of boys who were younger than me were walking behind me and my friend. We were just walking to the subway, and they made loud comments about my body. I was disgusted, embarassed,and scared. I could not believe an (about) 11 year old could do that. I tried to walk away but snow was on the ground. It has pretty much ruined my day. I just froze up. This has left me wishing I did more than freeze up. Apparently they thought it was funny. It’s not. I hope it doesn’t scar me forever.

– Anonymous

Location: On my way home

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“That’s really inappropriate, sir”

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I brought my dog to work. Naturally, I have to take him out to pee. I have this tiny little park like 2 blocks from the office to which I take him. I work in downtown San Diego, so there are all sorts of people in the area.

As I’m walking back from taking the dog out to pee in the morning and am on the corner to cross the street to go back to my office, this guy walks up to me from behind me on my right and said, “You have no idea how badly I want to play with your boobs.”

I took probably a second to register that YES, HE JUST SAID THAT and then said, “That’s really inappropriate, sir,” in a pretty pissed off, stern voice.

He said, “My bad. My bad. I apologize,” as he sort of walked past me and then off to my left.

I looked him in the eye and said, “Thanks.”

However, he then decided it would be a good idea to tell me, “You should take it as a compliment.”

At that point, the walk sign came on and he was staying on that side of the street. As I was crossing the street, I turned over my left shoulder and yelled back, “That’s NOT a compliment!”

He then decided to give me some bogus explanations about why it was a compliment like “you’re beautiful.”

Although I was shocked and absolutely expecting him to end the sentence with “your dog” and not “your boobs,” I can say that I was prepared because of the prevalence of the street harassment awareness campaigns in the last year or so. I didn’t really feel threatened largely because I was in a public area and there were other people waiting to cross the street. I also don’t really envision exactly what is being said to me, so it has much less of the grossness factor. Instead, I just view it as inappropriate, However, had he said that in a less populated area, I’m sure I would’ve responded the same but felt a lot more threatened.

I can’t even tell my significant other about what happened because I know he’d be very concerned and wouldn’t feel comfortable with me walking around downtown any more than I had to.

Optional: Do you have any suggestions for dealing with harassers and/or ending street harassment in general?

From what I can tell from talking to men about this, most men actually think thoughts about women’s bodies, regardless of whether or not they think street harassment is terrible. If they think it’s bad, they’re not going to say anything. The thoughts are still there, which I blame on the hyper-sexualization of our culture. Anyway, some men are too scared to say anything, but they still think sexual thoughts about women that they see. My only thought on how to stop it is to let the harasser know what he is doing is wrong and unwelcome and that it’s not a compliment in order to help convert him to viewing it as a bad thing.

It would be great if men would also call out other men but they have to view it as a problem first. I think most men think that it is, in fact, a compliment. That mentality needs to change in order to get men to stand up for women they see being harassed. A lot of men would step in if they saw a woman being physically assaulted and they need to view street harassment similarly.

– AM

Location: Downtown San Diego, CA

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See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for more idea

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“Carry bear mace EVERYWHERE you go”

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Biking to work and as usual some guy starts catcalling me. He was biking as well. Considering my cardio is awesome I flip him the bird and tell him cat callings rude! At the next set of lights he’s cut off from following me because of a red light cut just in case I had my bear spray in my hand. Frustrating because this probably didn’t phase this unintelligent piece of shit in the least.

A neighbour catcalled me as well.

Optional: What’s one way you think we can make public places safer for everyone?

Learn a martial art. Brazilian jiu jitsu is incredible for women. It’s about technique not size. As well carry bear mace EVERYWHERE you go. A few times I’ve taken it out and they understood my none verbal message very well 😉

– Anonymous

Location: A well used road

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The Bahamas: Small Islands and Good MANners (Part 1)

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Alicia Wallace, Nassau, The Bahamas, Blog Correspondent

Hollaback! Bahamas, International Anti-Street Harassment Week 2014

The first time I was street harassed, I was with my mother, wearing a plaid jumper, and 8 years old. It was terrifying, embarrassing, and guilt-inducing. My mother was furious, but I couldn’t tell whether the object of her rage was the creepy 30-something man or me.

“That’s a pretty girl, eh?”

My chest overheated and I froze. Something about it wasn’t right.

“Whatchu sayin’ mother-in-law. I wan’ marry your daughter.”

I looked at her, but quickly realized that was a bad call.

“Get in the car!” she roared.

I did, my head down, legs shaking, wishing my father was there because, surely, this would not have happened in his presence. Men may have looked when his back was turned, but no one had ever dared to say anything. To be honest, my memory and telling of this story is probably colored by my innocence, shock, and youth at the time, but that is, without prejudice, what happened.

Not much has changed since then. My mother doesn’t have to drive me everywhere, I don’t wear a school uniform, and there’s a 2 in front of that 8, but things are basically still the same. The feminist in me hates the truth in it, much less to admit it, but I always wish for the presence of my father or my brother when I’m harassed. They are still my protectors. They are still my best prevention tactic. In the eyes of the world at large, I am still only made safe, only honored, only protected, only of value and worth because of my relationship to men. Black men. Tall men. Thick men. Men with beards. Men with deep voices. Men with an authoritative walk. A powerful voice. A monopoly on strength. Testosterone. Oozing heterosexuality. Prone to violence. Voted most likely to bust a cap in someone for their woman – be she a mother, wife, daughter, or girlfriend – at the drop of a hat.

I’m not the only person who ever had that experience. I’ve had conversations with people of different ages and races about street harassment and how it made them feel. I spoke, as Director of Hollaback! Bahamas to a group of 8-12 year old girls about street harassment, and watched with horror as they each raised their hands in answer to the question, “How many of you have experienced street harassment?”

In The Bahamas, there’s an idea that girls only experience street harassment and other acts of sexual violence because their behavior or presentation is inappropriate. Her skirt is too short. She’s wearing too much lip gloss. Her mother was “like that”. Ain’ no daddy in that house. She likes grown people’s conversations too much. She walks “too slack”. She, she, she, she, she.

There’s also the overriding idea that people must be courteous, and this means speaking to everyone you see or pass. It’s not unusual for people to say a general “Good morning” when entering an occupied space which includes doctors’ offices, classrooms, banks, stores, and buses. This extends to the street, people greeting one another in passing on sidewalks.

The capital of this archipelago of islands, Nassau, is 21×7 miles. It is, indeed, a little rock. There was a time when all of its inhabitants – like other islands – were connected. People reprimanded children walking by after the school had rung because they knew it was so-and-so’s son or daughter. Those days, however, are a relic of the past, no matter how tightly anyone tries to hold onto it. The population of this country is reaching for 400,000, and I’d venture to guess that one-third of it lives in Nassau. This little rock is densely populated, and the degrees of separation have increased and decreased the likelihood that we can identify one another as Miss Madeline’s grandson or the tuck shop lady’s son-in-law. As a result, common courtesy is a bit less common, and there are many who continue to fight this change, seeing it as a plague brought by a rebellious generation. This, of course, is false.

Let’s take a moment to reflect on the memory of an 8 year old girl in her elementary school uniform, crossing the street with her mother. Think of the fear she felt when a man her father’s age spoke of marrying her. Feel her shame when her mother shouted at her to get in the car. Cary the weight of the blame she carried for years, and the burden of trying to make sure it never happened again. How could she find the balance between exercising her good manners and “keeping herself to herself”? No little girl should ever have to navigate this terrain, but for many Bahamian girls, this is a part of growing. There is little choice, and decisions have to be made. That 8 year old girl shouldn’t have to act based on expectations of good manners rather than her own safety, confidence, and comfort, the problem is not that little girl. Let’s face it. Those things are mutually exclusive.

We’ll explore the real reason for the evolution of societal interaction in Part II.

Alicia is a freelance writer and public educator in Nassau, Bahamas. You can connect with her on Twitter (@_AliciaAudrey and on her blog.

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