Stop Street Harassment

Making Public Spaces Safe and Welcoming

“Make it known”

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I have been harassed four times this week by men standing on scaffolding. This is something I have come to accept in daily life as the norm. My male friends seem not to know or understand that this is happening and my female friends don’t talk about it.

After these men shouted again today at me with more sexual profanities, I decided to call the police, once I took the long way home avoiding these men. Once I was through to the police, I was really happy to be talking to a woman. But not for long. The policewoman seemed to think I was blowing everything out of proportion and suggested I go up to these men in the street and tell them how it was making me feel and that they should stop.

Any woman who knows what type of situation this is will know that this will not only fan the flames and encourage them, but will bring the spotlight on me more. This will cause a scene and they will most likely laugh and shout more. I wouldn’t want them to see my face more and give them any kind of satisfaction from communicating with them. Plus, since they are only a few houses away, they will know where I live.

After I told the policewoman this, she said, “What are you even expecting them to do?”

I held onto the phone in silence, but in my mind I felt like shouting, “Rape me” “Follow me” “Harass me more.”

Isn’t it bad enough that they are already verbally abusing me everyday?

I said, “Sorry. I don’t understand, why are you not taking me seriously?”

I think she then was worried as she said she would look up the address and try and call the residence and tell them the police have had a complaint.

Since I was around 11, I have noticed and experienced this sort of abuse from men. After hearing a woman police officer sympathise with these men, I questioned it myself. Maybe I was being too much of a wimp or that I need to be stronger… but NO! it’s not right, and it never is. I say complain every time, tell people what happened, educate friends about what you have gone through and MAKE IT KNOWN.

– S

Location: Cumbia

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See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for more ideas.

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“I am terrified that I will be assaulted or harassed again”

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I am no stranger to street harassment. When I was only 9 years old, some middle-aged pervert hanging out at his parents’ house next to my bus stop would wait for me to get off the bus and follow me home every day after school. (This guy was a convicted rapist and it seemed he had his eye on me.) This experience left me constantly on guard whenever walking anywhere.

When I was 11, I was walking home from school, and he pulled his car alongside me, stopping just a little bit ahead of me and asked if I wanted a ride. I just kept walking and thankfully he didn’t follow me home that time. My parents called the cops but they didn’t seem to take it seriously, and didn’t even bother notifying the school that a creeper had tried to pick up one of their students. (That guy is now serving a lengthy prison sentence for raping someone else.)

This sort of thing continued over the years. When I was around 19 years old, I was walking home from the bus stop at the end of my street after a long day at the local junior college, and an older guy pulled up alongside me and offered me a ride. I shook my head and kept walking…and he kept driving really slow alongside me, trying to persuade me to get in. He claimed he was crippled and had to return a DVD to Walmart, but didn’t know where Walmart was (then how the hell did he buy something from there in the first place?) When that approach didn’t work, he tried to lure me by saying he had weed. He followed me all the way to my house, even though I was walking as fast as I could and kept ignoring him. Finally he sped away once I ran up my driveway, but I was paranoid for a long time after that because now he knew where I lived. Thankfully he never turned up again, but I shudder to think what he would have done had I been foolish enough to get in the car with him!

But the worst case of street harassment I ever encountered was about four years ago. By my late 20s I was struggling with severe anxiety and depression, and I rarely left my apartment because of it. Because of this, I put on some weight. It took me a long time to motivate myself to start going for walks to try to lose some of the weight. The day I finally worked up the nerve to go for a walk, I invited my boyfriend’s half-sister (who was staying with us) to go with me. We were only about a block away from the apartment when a car full of young thugs pulled up alongside us and the driver screamed out the window: “Oh my god, what a fat ugly bitch!” I knew he was talking to me because my boyfriend’s sister wasn’t fat. I was so livid. My heart was pounding and before I could stop myself, I yelled back “F**k you!”

This angered the driver and his friends, and he started cussing and screaming at me about how he was going to tie me to the back of his car by my hair and drag me to my death! I was so scared I was shaking. There were even witnesses around on the side of the streets and nobody stepped up and said anything! Finally the car drove away, and my boyfriend’s sister and I turned around and hurried home, terrified that they would turn around and follow us back to the apartment. I felt physically sick and wanted to die. I could not stop crying or shaking once I was back home, and I have not gone for a walk in my neighborhood since. Which has been problematic as far as losing weight, but I am terrified that I will be assaulted or harassed again.

– S.B.

Location: Yuba City, California

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See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for more ideas.

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“I hide at my workplace as much as I can”

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“If you are willing to look at another person’s behavior toward you as a reflection of the state of their relationship with themselves rather than a statement about your value as a person, then you will, over a period of time cease to react at all.” – Yogi Bhajan

That period of time he’s referring to must be longer than a Peace Corps service, because I don’t feel any closer to letting the harassment wash over me. Every day that I stay in Namibia, it takes a new form: “I’m coming to visit you in your room;” “Man you are so beautiful, I want a white lady like you;” “You white people are so self important, you’re a bad person;” “You want me, we are getting married.”

The most common advice people give me is to respond with humor. This sounded like a good idea, until I realized I have a hard time finding the hilarity in being harassed because of my sex or skin color. Instead of laughing I feel like crying. I feel small and afraid. I refuse to pretend I think it’s funny to disrespect people you don’t know on the street. I’ve decided I’m being truest to myself when I tell the perpetrator they’re doing something wrong. To this end I had a friend teach me, ‘/ha xu te, sora tetsge ha’, which means ‘leave me alone, you are disrespecting me’ in Damara, one of the local languages.

The people shouting after you on the street are cowards, which is why walking in a group decreases the frequency of harassment. You might say that’s common knowledge, but I like to experience something for myself before I can believe it. I have now confirmed it’s true, the worst harassment I’ve experienced has been while walking alone. To minimize my exposure I hide at my workplace as much as I can. Nevertheless, I have experienced more harassment here in the past year than in the all the other years of my life combined.

I’ve become better at avoiding situations where I’m likely to be harassed, but once in a while, someone slips through my defenses. I look forward to returning to the U.S. where I imagine, perhaps a bit romantically, that I can feel safe walking down the street again.

chroniclesofnamibia.com

Optional: What’s one way you think we can make public places safer for everyone?

More gender awareness training in schools.

– Christine Callahan

Location: Outjo/Namibia

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See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for more ideas.

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“Mind your own business!”

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I was walking home from work and I was approaching two guys who were walking in the opposite direction but on the same side of the street as I was. One of the guys said, “Hey girl, you look sexy”. I faced toward him and yelled, “Mind your own business!”

I know he got the point.

Optional: What’s one way you think we can make public places safer for everyone?

Educate boys and men about the right and wrong ways of interacting with women in public.

– Anonymous

Location: City

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See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for more idea.

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“I am so intimidated by men”

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I’ve faced harassment at my gym, a running trail near my house, a Starbucks across from my house, as well as other public places. Men repeatedly make sexual comments. I also get sexual comments like, “I would like to ****” or “You’re easy” at my public gym. When I go to certain public places, men will gawk at me for an extended period and some men go as far as to stalk me at the grocery store.

I was sexually groped at a temporary assignment job and I never went back. Also at a part time job I had accepted, an old man kept stalking me on the first day on my job, repeatedly asking me out and calling me cute. I never went back again. Although I reported it to the manager he did not seem to take me seriously. He said he would call the union but he looked at me like I was his next meal.

I am so intimidated by men that I tend to plan where I will go, what I will wear, when I will l go there and have refused job offers based on my fears.

– NR

Location: Gym, jobs, grocery, Starbucks, public places

Share your street harassment story for the blog.
See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for more idea.

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