Stop Street Harassment

Making Public Spaces Safe and Welcoming

“I felt so uncomfortable I had to get off the train”

By

I was on a subway in New York City when I was 15 years old in the summer holidays in the middle of the day with my sister my mum, my dad and our friend. We got to a stop and an old man probably about 65 looked me up and down and said, “Very pretty! Ooh if only I was 45 years younger!”

And then continued to look at me for the rest of the journey. I felt so uncomfortable I had to get off the train and wait for the next one.

Optional: Do you have any suggestions for dealing with harassers and/or ending street harassment in general?

We need to educate young children so that they don’t grow up to be so ignorant towards people’s feelings and how their actions can make someone afraid.

– LH

Location: NYC

Need support? Call the toll-free National Street Harassment hotline: 855-897-5910

Share your street harassment story for the blog.
See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for ideas.

Share

We Need More Ads Like Gillette’s

By

Gillette’s new advertisement “The Best Men Can Be” is making some people mad. But we need more ads like theirs, not fewer.

The Gillette video released this week encourages men to speak up and take action when they witness sexual harassment, bullying and fights. It also encourages them to model positive behavior for boys who are watching them.

“We believe in the best in men,” the narrator says, “To say the right thing, to act the right way. Some already are, in ways big and small. But some is not enough. Because the boys watching today, will be the men of tomorrow.”

This messaging may seem non-controversial: be your best self, help stop bad behavior. Yet, a scroll through the video’s comments on Facebook show that a vocal group of people — mainly men — are deeply offended by the message, with some encouraging a boycott of Gillette. One man called the ad “sexist against men.” Other men said they are mad that Gillette for “lumping all men into one group” and challenging what they see as “normal, healthy masculinity.” A few others said the company is “lecturing” them on morals, with one saying, “if I want a preacher I’ll go to church!”

Many of the positive commenters, mainly women, pointed out that those who take offense with the ad’s message or feel attacked by it may want to look at themselves in the mirror because they are probably part of the problem. I agree.

The reality is, aspects of our culture do need to change when it comes to what is seen as acceptable male behavior, and companies like Gillette can help. “Boys will be boys” should no longer be an excuse for fighting and bad behavior. Sexual harassment should no longer be framed as a joke nor a form of flirting. Bullying should not be a rite of passage. The more places these messages are said, hopefully the more likely it is that they will stick, and change will occur.

I work to end sexual harassment, particularly in public spaces. As someone who also has experienced literally hundreds of instances of sexual harassment in school, work, online and in public spaces by boys and men, I am especially grateful that the Gillette ad encourages men to be active in preventing and stopping that behavior.

The personal #MeToo stories plus research show that sexual harassment is a widespread issue, and it is mainly perpetrated by men. A national study Stop Street Harassment spearheaded last year found that 81 percent of women and 43 percent of men had experienced some form of sexual harassment or sexual assault in their lifetime. Respondents of all genders reported men as the main perpetrators. In the school setting, a national study I co-authored at AAUW found that 56 percent of girls and 40 percent of boys in grades 7–12 had experienced sexual harassment, and again, the main perpetrators for all genders were boys.

Most efforts to address sexual harassment traditionally target women, telling them to speak out and share their stories, report it to authorities and learn to defend themselves with self-defense and mace. But we can all do that until we are blue in the face, and it won’t necessarily stop sexual harassment from occurring. Men must also be part of the solution and companies like Gillette can encourage them to be.

The ad shows possible ways that men can intervene in instances of street harassment, sexual harassment and bullying and that is particularly important. Research shows that bystander training can be effective at addressing sexual harassment, more so than something like a traditional sexual harassment training. Bystander training invites people to be part of the solution — as does the Gillette ad to men — and model possible ways to act.

Showing fathers modeling positive behavior in the ad was also a good move. Joyful Heart’s national study on redefining manhood conducted last year found when describing a male role model, nearly two-thirds of young men (65 percent) said they are describing a male relative, with nearly half (48 percent) choosing their father. Men need to think about how they act — or don’t act — in front of boys and what message that sends.

And of course, women are not off the hook when it comes to raising a respectful next generation. Mothers and other female relatives must also model appropriate behavior and give age-appropriate guidance on treating others. I am the mother of an eight-month-old boy and one word you’ll often hear me say to him right now when he wants to touch the humans or dogs in our house is “gentle” and then I show him what that means. His father does the same for him.

As my son grows older, I want him and his peers to see a range of messages about men and masculinity, messages like men can be gentle and kind and athletic and strong. Men can be intelligent and helpful and speak out against injustice.

An ad like Gillette’s gives me hope that those will be the sorts of messages with which he grows up, as he strives to be the best man he can be.

Share

“I’m sick of predators having their way with women in public”

By

In Tijuana there are a lot of street vendors at traffic light stops. A lot of them are very talented and fun. I live in Playas de Tijuana and here there is a Haitian man in particular who is not talented, not fun and not nice at all. He barks at me every time I have to pass by him on the street as a pedestrian. He constantly is making lewd comments and undressing me with his eyes as I eagerly wait for the light to turn green so I cross and get away from him trying to sell whatever disgusting processed stale food he has to cars at the light. It’s really bad with him in particular. Most of the street vendors outside of hassling you for money are pretty decent people. However, this man in particular at the traffic light in the first main intersecting by Taconazdo in Playas de Tijuana is using his street vendor role as a cover to harass women everyday.
Be aware of him. He is very crude and cruel.

Optional: Do you have any suggestions for dealing with harassers and/or ending street harassment in general?

I have been ignoring it like millions of other women. At times when it gets really bad I yell back and demand respect. This still doesn’t change anything but sometimes I’m sick of predators having their way with women in public.

– Anonymous

Location: Tijuana

Need support? Call the toll-free National Street Harassment hotline: 855-897-5910

Share your street harassment story for the blog.
See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for ideas.

Share

“What if he pulled me into his car?”

By

It was 9th Jan 2019. I was heading towards my college. I usually avail public transport and it was 15 minutes walk from bus stop to my college. I was walking on a foot path the road was deserted than suddenly a car stop near by me. The windows of car went down there was a guy who seemed decent and educated to me. He asked me, “Drop hona hai?”

I replied, “No Thank you.”

And than he asked me, “Do you know the address of this place?” He points towards the road.

I replied, “Which place?”

He replied in a very low tone, “This place.”

I wanted to him to be clear, so I came near the window of his car and than he showed me his penis and said, “This.”

When I looked I lost my senses. I ran away because I got so sacred and a lot of thoughts came into my mind. What if he pulled me into his car? What if would rape me? The road was empty at that time.

I seriously thought he must be honest and genuinely asking me about an address. That incident shatters me. It breaks my confidence level.

– Anonymous

Location: 7th Avenue, Islamabad, Pakistan

Need support? Call the toll-free National Street Harassment hotline: 855-897-5910

Share your street harassment story for the blog.
See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for ideas.

Share

“We need change, it needs to stop.”

By

It was my junior year in high school, and I was in my car, window down, about one block away from my private Catholic school, where a casual “welcome dance” was taking place. I was wearing all red, including red lipstick, because that’s what juniors had to wear, and due to the amount of kids walking along the sidewalks in the area towards the campus, it was very obvious that I was an underage student. I was playing the song “take on me” from my car window to embarrass my friends when I entered the parking lot, and I was excited. Then it happened. A man, clearly over 18 (I would argue late 20s), pulls up next to me in his car. He rolls down his window and says, “Hey there sexy, aren’t you something to look at.”

I was uncomfortable, and genuinely afraid when I heard this. I avoided eye contact and stared straight ahead, silently begging the light to turn green. He then continued, despite seeing my obvious discomfort, saying, “You know, I love that red lipstick of yours…” and proceeded to tell me in explicit detail where exactly he wanted my lipstick to be.

I was disturbed, afraid, and horrified. I was underage, and had very little experience with boys in general, so It hurt even more. I started to roll up my window, he grew angry, telling me, “I know you want it,” followed by yelling profanities such as “sl*t, c*nt, and b*tch.”

Police were around me, as they were headed to the dance as well for security, and they didn’t notice or, if they did, they did not care. When I arrived to the dance, I took off my lipstick, crying, and blamed myself. I was wearing was a T-shirt and red lipstick, I was underage, I was in the safety of my own vehicle. How did this happen?

I blamed myself, when this man, who thought it socially acceptable to say these things to me, was the one at fault. I hoped I would never experience something like this again, but unfortunately I’ve dealt with harassment multiple times since then. We need change, it needs to stop.

Optional: What’s one way you think we can make public places safer for everyone?

Long term, we need to change the thought that women are at fault for street harassment, and end rape culture. To do this, although difficult, we could try to push for laws against street harassment.

– Anonymous

Location: California

Need support? Call the toll-free National Street Harassment hotline: 855-897-5910

Share your street harassment story for the blog.
See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for ideas.

Share