Stop Street Harassment

Making Public Spaces Safe and Welcoming

“I’m in 8th grade! It really shook me up.”

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I’m only 14 years old. I was walking from my dance studio to a water ice booth a few doors down in the shopping center while I was on break from dancing. There were a group of boys loitering next to the water ice booth. They looked about 18-20. One went up to me as I was waiting for my milkshake and was like ʺnice assʺ an pointed at my sweatpants. I told him firmly, ʺPlease leave me alone and mind your business.”

They all starting laughing and one went up to me, touched my shoulder, tried to pull me close, and said, ʺHey baby, will you buy me some water ice?ʺ I thought he escalated it by touching me being close to me, so I slapped him hard grabbed my milkshake and ran all the way across the shopping center and into my dance studio again. I never thought I was considered ʺsexyʺ or ʺhotʺ. I’m in 8th grade! It really shook me up.

Optional: What’s one way you think we can make public places safer for everyone?

If there are any outdoor stands or booths where you have to wait for the employee to come take your order, to always have a bell at the counter, so you aren’t stuck waiting and looking vulnerable. You can get what you need and get out because most people loiter near these places.

G.S.

Location: Rita’s Water Ice, New Castle, DE

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“I feel so defeated that I had to experience this awful incident”

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Around two weeks ago, a few minutes past 12 noon, I drove myself to a venue down a well-known lane on Bagatale Rd, Colombo 3, as I had to attend a work meeting. Once I parked and started adjusting my hair, out of the corner of my eye I saw a man standing a few yards away from me with his back towards me. He was wearing a helmet. At this point I did recognise the motor cyclist. I am unsure whether he was following me, but I definitely remember seeing him turn towards the same lane.

When he realised that I saw him, he turned towards me and started masturbating. I froze for what seemed like a long time but in reality it was probably a few seconds. Although I was a fully grown career-focused  and married woman who’s generally in control of things, for a fleeting moment I felt like a helpless school girl!

I somehow managed to summon up my courage and acted fast. I took my mobile phone and started photographing him. My fingers didn’t move as fast but I managed to take two pictures. One of him proudly exhibiting his disgusting self and the other showing his motorcycle number plate very clearly.

He saw me taking the photographs but didn’t for a moment stop what he was doing or avert his eyes. I shouted at him saying he can see himself in the newspaper and in the police.

Then he stopped, got back onto the motorcycle and came right up close to me. I had rolled up my window and locked all my doors but honestly I was really worried. I saw him leave but I wasn’t sure.

I had to get out and go to my meeting, but I was worried he’d be hiding somewhere and try to harm me. I was worried to leave my car thinking he’d do something to my car. My meeting was with 5 other men, so I couldn’t really call them and tell them what happened! I felt so helpless.

I whatsapped the pictures to my closest female friends and my husband with a brief msg of what happened, so that in case something happened to me or my car there was evidence of me taking steps regarding the incident.

I somehow attended the meeting but I was in another world due to what I witnessed.

I was quite proud of myself that I managed to take the photos and I wanted to take action but everyone I knew advised me not to pursue it further saying its for my own safety as the motorcyclist would’ve noted my car number.

I feel so defeated that I had to experience this awful incident and I couldn’t even take action after.

Wish there was some way I could take action!

Optional: What’s one way you think we can make public places safer for everyone?

By society being more supportive and if there were more support networks to help victims!

– OMS

Location: Sri Lanka

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“He enjoyed my discomfort”

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I was on my way out of a dairy at 10 p.m., just heading back to my car a few metres away. Four guys walking toward me stared at me. Most of them said something or laughed. One said ʺHey Sexyʺ. When I told them to leave me alone they found this more amusing. One of them said, “Ooooooh feistyʺ as if he enjoyed my discomfort or resistance.

It made me feel unsafe, angry and degraded, as if they were more powerful than me, which physically just one of them would have been and there was a group, which was frightening. I also felt like they thought I was out there for their viewing pleasure.

Optional: What’s one way you think we can make public places safer for everyone?

Bystanders speaking up. Men telling off their mates for doing this sort of thing. It’s mostly men that do it and their peers have power to influence their behaviour by expressing disapproval.

– Anonymous

Location: Dunedin, New Zealand

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See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for more idea

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USA: The Power of No

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Laura Voth, USA, SSH Blog Correspondent

One of the most powerful actions a woman can take is to say no. Of course, because it is an act of power from a woman, saying no is also tantamount to playing Russian roulette.

As women, we can never be certain of the potential consequences of saying no to men. Saying no can earn us a downcast but respectful concession, or it could mean a bullet in your body. No could result in a demand for a reason, or it could end in a figure following you down the street, showing up at the gym, or repeated texts. No could mean rape threats on your voicemail or nasty language at the water cooler—or it could simply mean an awkward few days around the pal who asked you to dinner.

To avoid the consequences of the word no, we put up armor to protect ourselves. We listen to those who advise us to never walk alone at night and to never drink too much, even though we know that anything will be “too much” if we’re accosted later. We flash our fashionable rings if a man gets too close. We casually mention “my husband” or “my boyfriend” regardless of our relationship status, because we know that they will respect the property of another man more than a woman’s verbal no. We download apps that alert police if they aren’t disabled within a certain amount of time; before the advent of smartphones, we told our friends to raise the alarm if we didn’t contact them before a predetermined hour.

Of course, it never hurts to be safe—but it is now time to ask ourselves why we place the responsibility for women’s safety on women themselves when it was the action of another person that caused a trauma. Why is it that the men who surround us are not held responsible for honoring an explicit or implicit no?

There are those who believe that the potential consequences of no aren’t severe enough to merit the fear that colors most women’s daily routines and interactions. They claim that women are rarely raped, murdered, or harmed at all as a result of rejecting a man. These individuals argue that such cases are sensationalized in headlines and news blurbs; that such actions are rare and are the result of individual prejudice or mental illness (despite the fact that individuals who are seriously mentally ill are far more likely to be the victims of violent crimes than the perpetrators).

However, any woman who has ever felt the cold shock of fear that follows a threatening remark or a particularly insidious glare—let alone the realization that she is being followed or stalked or in any kind of immediate danger—is well aware of the knowledge that she could be next. We wonder, Am I the next headline, the next missing person, the next broken body? Is this it for me; will I be gone in a matter of hours because a man was offended by my rejection?

A public no—or “leave me alone,” or “stop it,” or any explicit or implicit variation of the word—in response to street harassment is particularly powerful, especially when it is vocal and emphatic. Saying “stop” to a man who doesn’t take the word seriously is incredibly brave…and also incredibly dangerous.

We prepare ourselves to do battle every time we leave the house in the morning, secure in the knowledge that we may—and for many of us, will—be harassed and bullied in the streets. We are painfully aware that rejecting a man, even a crude individual on the street, has the potential to end in a hostile way and yet we still find it within ourselves to go about our daily lives. What else can we do?

Laura is an emerging adult-slash-college student studying to enter a healthcare profession. In addition to studying and writing, Laura works at her university’s women’s center where she helps design and implement programs on all things lady. 

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