Dr. Dena Simmons, New York City, USA, Blog Correspondent

“Leave me alone,” I screamed.  Stop it! Stop!

But he kept inserting himself into my space no matter how hard I pushed him away.

I was in sixth grade when one of the boys from seventh grade cornered me so that he could grope me. After taking what he wanted, he left me in a corner, violated.

This inappropriate touching was an unwelcomed part of my middle school years. During class trips, during transitions in the hallways, at lunch, and at recess, the boys would sneak free-feels of the girls’ butts for fun. Many of us girls disliked the sexual harassment, but back then, no one did anything to protect us.  We did not even have the vocabulary to describe what was happening to us.

Worse, one of my male English teachers would gently pinch my ears and stomach and rub my shoulders intimately, which made his class an unwelcomed part of my middle school years.  I had no power to tell him to stop. I felt paralyzed by his actions.  He touched other girls inappropriately too—without any shame. Fed up, I organized a movement against his casual touching, which included having our parents come into school to complain about his behavior.  The principal reprimanded him, but he kept his job.

I never felt justice from reporting my teacher’s unwanted touches or the harassment from my male classmates—and still today, I walk the streets of New York City, subject to harassment that, for me, began between the walls of my school.  Too often, young feminine bodies are sexually objectified in the very school buildings that should keep them safe.  As a teacher, I would walk through the hallways and hear adolescent boys throwing their bravado around through derogatory comments about their female-bodied peers.

I can’t wait to hit that!

Did you see her ass?

I like her boobs.”

I hear she’s easy. You should go for her.

I want to fuck her.

I would hear stories from my female students who complained about the ways their male peers touched them when no one was looking, the way it bothered and distracted them from learning.  Similar to when I was a middle schooler, many teachers did little to address the unwanted touching and the verbal harassment about which our students complained. Often times, these events happened when we were not looking. Most teachers and school leaders never learn how to handle the inappropriate touching that happens between students at school.

How are we supposed to have safer streets if we have not prepared adults at school to keep our school communities safe from harassment, safe from victimization and bullying?

Our pedagogy as a nation has been so watered down with test preparation that there are so few opportunities to teach students to be respectful and kind to people regardless of their differences, to have conversations about feminism, sexism, and gender with students and colleagues, and to teach lessons about power and privilege among other topics.  There is so much work to do.

As adults, parents, school leaders, big brothers, uncles, teachers, and fathers, let’s do more for our youth. Let’s call out street harassment and other forms of victimization when we see it.  Let’s build our youth’s problem-solving skills, empathy, self- and social awareness, and conflict resolution abilities. And, let’s model the type of respectful, thoughtful, and loving behavior we want to see in our youth.

Dr. Dena Simmons serves as the Associate Director of Education and Training at Yale’s Center for Emotional Intelligence. She is a recent graduate of Teachers College, Columbia University, where her research focused on teacher preparedness to address bullying in the middle school setting.

Linnet Nyawira Mwangi, Kisumu, Kenya, SSH Blog Correspondent

Over the weekend I attended a friend’s birthday party in town but I had to leave early because I had a busy day the following day. After saying goodbye to my friends I decided to go get a cab outside and declined the offer to be walked out by some friends since everyone was having fun and after all, I would get one outside…or so I thought. After waiting for a few minutes I decide to walk to the next block which is usually more open so that I could get a cab with ease. Three men appeared from the direction I was heading to and from the noise they were making and their sluggish walk, you could easily tell (assume) they were drunk.  The path was well lit so I had no fear and I continued walking towards them.

As I got closer to them, one shouted, “Hey sexy lady where are you cat walking to at this time of the night?”

A second voice asked, “Business is not good today, ha?” By now they were right in front of me.

Another voice crept in “Come with us we can pay you handsomely.”

By now, one of them had blocked my way and as he stepped close to me I shoved him angrily with my purse. This angered his counterparts who in turn started shouting at me in a language I could not understand. I had walked through this street many times during the day and evenings as I left work and I knew there were guards on duty in these business premises and if it got any worse I would scream and draw their attention. But I was not ready to let these men have their way. Harassing every woman they saw walking at night and misjudging us felt totally unacceptable!

By this time I was so angry and I quickly raised my voice at them and told them to treat women with respect and dignity and respect themselves too. One of them asked me why I was talking back at them and whether my mother did not teach me to listen to men talking as he took a step towards me and I told them it was my right to defend myself against harassment. They all burst out laughing asking me what right I was talking about. I then told one of the men to excuse me and if he touched me I would scream loud enough to attract the soldiers who were guarding a bank a few yards away and they would all end up in prison.

This worked and as I walked past them I could hear them shouting after me that I would never get married like other feminists with that kind of attitude. So they actually knew what they were doing if they referred to women who stood up for themselves as feminists? Luckily a cab appeared and I got in and I could not help but feel good that I had actually stood for myself and stopped some men from taking advantage of me. I realised that street harassers know what they are doing they are just preying on scared and fearful women to take advantage of.

Linnet is a student at Maseno University in Kisumu, Kenya pursuing a bachelor’s degree in sociology with IT. Follow her on Twitter @Shantel_lyn and Facebook @lynnette Shantellah.