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“I always feel like the ugliest girl in the world.”

April 17, 2013 By Contributor

I was on the bus, when a boy behind me started to say obscenities about a who he thought was ugly.

“Ugh, she’s so fat! Whale!”

“You know I love her, really, with a hairy p****.”

“So ugly! Put a bag on her head!”

“Look at her hair, I mean, really, look at it! What is that?”

My pulse immediately quickened, as it always does when I hear someone insulting someone, or even laughing, because always feel like it’s about me. I tried to tell myself that not everyone hates me, and that he was probably talking about someone else. Some one who had wronged him. Someone who he actually knew.

His friends said, “Ah man, that’s rude. Stop it.” But that didn’t stop them from laughing.

The more filth that spewed from his mouth, the more uneasy I grew. Other passengers turned around to look at me. He definitely was talking about me. But why?

I hadn’t done anything to him. I’d never even laid eyes on him before. What could make someone want to attack a total stranger who was minding her own business.

Whatever it was, its made me realize why I don’t feel comfortable outside of my house; Why I’m so painfully shy, I can’t speak to someone I don’t know, without breaking out into a sweat; And why I always feel like the ugliest girl in the world.

– Anonymous

Location: Kent, UK

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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment

USA: Why Sexism Causes Street Harassment

April 17, 2013 By Correspondent

By: Erin McKelle, SSH Correspondent

Street Harassment happens largely because of sexism. Street Harassment itself is gender-based, meaning that the context it occurs in is filled with dynamics that are shaped by gender. The power differences between men and women ultimately create the circumstances that make street harassment a reality. Both men and women have been told time and time again that women’s bodies are men’s to enjoy and to take pleasure in, no matter if they like it or not. After all, if you have a ‘sexy’ body or wear ‘slutty’ clothing, then men are going to ogle and according to our culture that is perfectly acceptable. We don’t see it as a problem because we largely don’t see patriarchy and gender power disparities as problems. As a society, we don’t seem to understand that how we teach and allow men to act towards women (in both public and private spaces) is wrong and the opposite of equality.

The sexism that comes into play with street harassment is based in our perception of sexuality (both male and female). Women are told that they must dress in non-provoking ways that they must always be on alert to avoid danger and be prepared to face violence. They must not go out by themselves late at night, that they must carry pepper spray in their purses that they must keep their guard. Men are told that women are sex objects, that commenting (especially in rude or crude ways) on women’s appearances and bodies is perfectly fine and even a way to assert their masculinity. Men are not taught to be afraid of public spaces.

This paradigm of fear that is then instilled in women but not in men is behind street harassment. These differing messages create the complex social atmosphere that allows for street harassment to exist. The sexism comes from how our society tells men and women how they are ‘allowed’ to behave, this schism being a significant one.

Arguably, we won’t end street harassment until we end sexism. That is why the feminist movement is so important and integral to creating a better world for people of every gender. Until we address the power dynamics that exist between men and women in public spaces, we will never really fully understand or get to the root of why street harassment happens. Embracing feminism and thinking and acting critically and addressing gender roles and norms is at the heart of ending street harassment.

In recent news, Marvel has released t-shirts to promote the Avenger’s comic book series that are relaying this societal message that women should be passive and men aggressive. As you can see here, the t-shirt made for boys says ‘Be a Hero’ and the girls’ version says ‘I Need A Hero’. Obviously, this is sending both boys and girls the wrong message about heroism and gender identity. After all, girl’s can be heroes too!

These shirts are also implying that girls need to be rescued and saved by men (and ironically, from men). It’s time that we stop victimizing girls and empowering only boys and that we allow girls to explore the roles of being active, heroic, and courageous and brave that society seems to designate for boys only.

In response to this, I created a petition through Change.org asking Marvel to stop making these sexist t-shirts. I want to see a world where boys and girls are empowered to be heroes equally and not one where girls are told that they need to be saved by a hero…and that they cannot be heroes themselves. If you want to also make this a reality, I would encourage you to sign the petition and share it with your friends on Facebook and Twitter.  Through actions like this, we can work to end the sexism that causes, among other things , street harassment.

Update: Thanks to lots of online activism in response to the sexist t-shirts, the “I Need a Hero” shirt is no longer available on the Disney Store website.

Erin is an e-activist and blogger based in Ohio. You can find more of her work here and here.

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Filed Under: correspondents, street harassment

“I stood my ground, and remained a broken record”

April 16, 2013 By Contributor

Who knew that being polite would turn into being harassed.

Today (April 15, 2013) I stepped out of the office for a moment during my lunch break, and saw a man with his bike. He looked like he was trying to get into the building, so I held the door for him and asked if he needed help with the door. He said he wasn’t trying to get into the building, and thanked me regardless.

This is where things took a change from good to bad.

His thanking me turned into, “You are a beautiful black queen.”

“I only accept compliments from men I know,” I said.

“You are a beautiful black queen,” he repeated.

“I don’t feel comfortable with random men that I don’t know talking to me that way,” I said.

“You are a beautiful black queen,” he once again, like a broken record, repeats.

I then remembered that I had some copies of the newest Stop Street Harassment flyer in my purse, and I pulled one out.

“Take this flyer,” I said. He backed away from the flyer as if it had cooties. The tables were turned.

“This flyer will show you why I don’t like being talked to in that way,” I said. He refused to take the flyer.

“You are a beautiful black queen,” he said. Are you fucking kidding me?! I was wondering if this guy was on something, because there looked like there was nothing going on in his eyes. He then pulls out a bag of Cheetos and starts snacking on them.

“Take the flyer,” I said. I started to become a broken record.

“You are a beautiful black queen,” he repeats.

“Take the flyer.”

“You are a beautiful black queen.”

“Take the flyer.”

“You are a beautiful black queen.”

“TAKE…THE…FLYER,” I said, this time through gritted teeth. All politeness I’d shown this man earlier had gone out the door. You want to force something on me—your unwanted compliment—I’ll force something on you right back—an anti-street harassment flyer!

Then this clown says something that’s beyond belief: “I’m going to force you to marry me and make you my beautiful black queen.” Ew! Hell no! What use do I have for some scrub on the street with ashy, Cheeto-covered fingers?! Hell no! I just couldn’t get over him saying he was going to “force” me to marry him. Gross!

I stood my ground, and remained a broken record. “Take the flyer,” I said, keeping firm.

He starts to give. “Will this make me a better black man?” he asks. Man, the hell if I know!

“Yes it will,” I said, just to shut him up. He finally takes the flyer. I’m sure he called me a “beautiful black queen” one more time, but I continued on towards my destination. And I doubt he bothered to read it, but the action of making him take it was good enough for me.

When I returned to my office building, I had a plan to call for one of the guys from the office to meet me outside in case that clown was still hanging out there, but he had gone, thank god.

I am tired of being objectified by black men like this guy because we’re the same race. I never know which one will assume that my politeness is a green light for them to harass me. When that guy kept calling me a “beautiful black queen,” it didn’t make me feel beautiful. It made me feel singled out, awkward, and uncomfortable. A random man on the street calling me “beautiful” means nothing, but if it were to come from someone that I knew and had a relationship with, it would be of more value than gold.

But I pat myself on the back for giving that harasser a taste of his own medicine. You try to force your unwanted thoughts onto me, I’ll force my anti-street harassment views right back at you.

– Anonymous

Location: McPherson Square area (Washington, DC)

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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment

“I can only react in the way that I felt was best”

April 16, 2013 By Contributor

A few weeks ago, I was returning to the office from hand-delivering a package to another office. As I walked down 6th Street N.W. near the Verizon Center, this guy saw me coming but was about to walk into me regardless. I yelled, “EXCUSE ME!” loudly and he stopped. Instead of being apologetic for almost walking into me, he tried to get close to me in an attempt to physically threaten me, called me a “bitch” and a “little girl,” and told me to “grow up.”

Even though I was on the clock, I wore nothing identifying myself as representing my employer, and I was not going to take his verbal abuse. I called him out on his attempt to walk into me, and called him a “punk” and “trash.” And of course during all this, people stand around and watch but do nothing to help. I walked away while he continued to yell and make threats to my back.

People are going to read this and react in the way they want. There will be those who will think that I brought it upon myself, and those who will think that I should’ve been quiet. And had I reacted in a quiet and docile manner, there would’ve been those who would’ve told me to speak up. In the end, I can’t react in the way that others want me to react. I can only react in the way that I felt was best for me at the moment, and I will continue to do such.

– Anonymous

Location: Washington, DC, on 6th Street N.W. between G and H Streets N.W.

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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment

The F-Word: When is a compliment not a compliment?

April 15, 2013 By Contributor

This article is by Eve Livingston, a college student in Edinburgh, and is cross-posted with permission from Nanu Edinburgh.

“To understand a man”, said somebody wise once, “you must first walk a mile in his shoes.. It’s a proverb widely reused across popular culture, and often mis-attributed to To Kill A Mockingbird’s resident moral compass Atticus Finch who in actual fact talked of how “You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view – until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.” It’s a nice idea, and one that more people should employ in their day-to-day lives – try to see things from other points of view, but acknowledge that nobody can truly understand the problems facing someone but that person him/herself. It is in fact an idea that has much to contribute to feminist discussions of male privilege and intersectionality (the notion that all types of oppression are interconnected and can’t be examined in isolation from each other). Oh Atticus Finch, you feminist icon, you.

It’s no coincidence, though, that these classic lines are gendered in favour of men. Too often the world has worn the shoes of its male inhabitants, with the result that ‘women’s issues’ are frequently dismissed because of their invisibility to those who write the papers and the policy, those who run boardrooms and bars alike. One such issue is that of street harassment, and it’s one that International Anti Street-Harassment Week, which ended yesterday, has attempted to address. When taking street harassment generally to refer to any unwanted verbal or physical attention in a public place, 99% of women over 13 report having experienced it – and yet too often they’re met with disdain as to why they’ve over-reacted to a compliment, or the hilaaaarious joke that us lads would love it if more women pinched us on the bum in nightclubs, ho ho ho.

And maybe you would. Because street harassment is itself symbolic of a wider power relation in which men dominate and control public space. It would be totally out of order (not to mention out of character) for me to smack a man’s bum in the street, but it’s unlikely to evoke the same level of intimidation and panic for him as it does for the 14-year-old girl being followed home from school, or the woman leaving a bar alone with her heart rate raised as she clocks the men standing in a doorway, or the student who’s scared to wait for the bus because of the men in the bus stop making lewd comments. In fact, I’d probably be called a slag or a whore were I to engage in the street harassment behaviour that women experience every day. It is, of course, another signifier that men run the show when it comes to sex. They’re the ones with the desires that just can’t be suppressed and find their outlet in a wolf whistle or a sleazy comment while women find themselves the passive recipients, labelled a slut if they do and a slut if they don’t.

And street harassment doesn’t just refer to these wolfwhistles or sleazy comments. You only need to glance over Everyday Sexism’s #shoutingback hashtag, or the official Anti-Street Harassment Week one #EndSH to see that behaviours we might view as extreme are actually commonplace; women being followed is a common theme, as is the threat of violence. Far too many women report men exposing themselves and often even pleasuring themselves in front of them. Transport is a place full of potential dangers. Going for a jog isn’t safe either. Don’t even mention nightclubs or offices. Young girls aren’t free from harassment, just as harassers start young with women reporting obscene comments from groups of boys as young as 12. It doesn’t matter if they think you’re attractive or not; sometimes you’ll get sexual orders yelled at you, sometimes you’ll be called ‘an ugly dyke’ or laughed at. There is no place in the public sphere safe from harassment, and so street harassment is not a non-issue unless you’re totally fine with women staying indoors all day too afraid to leave. What is there to see outside anyway? Nothing the menfolk can’t deal with.

That men feel entitled to women’s bodies doesn’t bode well in the age of Steubenville and the New Delhi rape. That boys as young as 12 have a sense of male privilege where the sole purpose of women is for their sexual satisfaction doesn’t bode well in a culture where we routinely blame and ostracise women for their rape, while letting perpetrators off on the basis of their victims’ heel height or blood alcohol level. As long as you think that rape and sexual assault are issues, street harassment can’t be invisible. It’s the ugly undercurrent of patriarchy. It is at once a root and a symptom of rape culture.

There’s a misguided idea that it’s difficult for a man to compliment a woman without her getting on her high horse and slapping his hand away, god forbid he should speak to her like that. I’d like to counter that with the somewhat revolutionary suggestion that women, like men, are just human beings. Compliments are good, we like them too. The dictionary definition of ‘compliment’ refers to ‘politeness’. Compliment away! Some of us go out looking for compliments. Some of us go out looking for sex, much like some men do. Feel free to indulge us. The same social cues that apply to men actually apply to us too; if a man isn’t receptive and doesn’t engage with you, you probably leave him alone, right? I hope you’re catching on by now; treat women like human beings with the same respect afforded to anyone else and you’ll be just dandy. If you’re still stuck: when is a compliment not a compliment? When it’s a threat or a statement of intent.

So maybe it’s about time for minimisers of street harassment to walk a mile in a woman’s shoes, or climb into her skin and walk around inside it. See how it feels for every public space to be a potential warzone; for your workplace or place of education to be intimidating, for a night out to turn sour, for your daily run to be punctuated with shouts and whistles. For you to ignore it all only for the perpetrator to turn nasty, and sometimes physically aggressive. For you to be blamed when this is the case, because you were inviting the attention, or giving attitude in the face of a compliment. Walk a mile in a woman’s shoes, or climb into her skin and walk around inside it for you to see that it makes no difference whether the shoes are high or flat, sparkly or plain. That it doesn’t matter if the skin is covered up or on display. Women will continue to receive this unwanted attention no matter what we look like or what we’re wearing, and we’ll continue to be blamed for it. As long as this remains the case, street harassment has to be an issue for everyone. The world has long been overdue a new pair of shoes.

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Filed Under: anti-street harassment week, street harassment

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