Stop Street Harassment

Making Public Spaces Safe and Welcoming

Valentine’s Day advice for how not to be a street harasser!

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The Snoopy Store

With people like James Norton making a living from teaching men how to approach women, I think it’s very important to supplement that with advice on how to approach women without being a harasser!

Here’s an excerpt from a Guardian article I penned to do just that:

While perhaps obvious, the most important factor is treating the person with respect. Do not use insults or sexually objectifying language. A hello, smile or gender-neutral small talk that does not include comments about their appearance (at least, not right away) are rarely going to offend anyone and can open up the door to further conversation. Avoid familiar terms like “baby”, “honey” or “love”. While some people may not find that offensive, many do.

Make sure there is consent in your interaction. Does their body language, including eye contact (not lack thereof), and tone of voice indicate they want to interact with you, too? If you are unsure, you can always ask, is it OK if I talk to you?

Consider if the context might make them feel uncomfortable if you approach them. For example, is it dark out or a deserted area? Are you larger or older than them? Are you with friends while they are alone? If any of these factors apply, be aware that they may feel a little unsafe or unsure if you approach. So make it clear that you mean no harm and then leave them alone if they look uncomfortable.

Do not curse, insult or hurt a person who turns you down. Most of the time, people in public do not want to meet or even talk to someone. They want to get from point A to B or enjoy fresh air. They may be in a hurry or be preoccupied. Therefore, chances are that a person you approach is not going to want to talk to you or interact with you. That has nothing to do with you personally.

Talking with young men about appropriate stranger interactions in public is especially important. Society often suggests that in heterosexual relationships, it is men who should approach women. Men’s peers, family members and the media may tell them that it is OK, and even flattering, to be aggressive or to sexually objectify women whom they encounter (no matter the men’s or women’s sexual orientation). I doubt most men want to be harassers, but if they take these messages to heart, they may become harassers.

What advice would you give? Have you met someone on the street, at a bus stop, on public transportation, or the park? What did they do or say that made it nice instead of harassment?

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Street Harassment Snapshot: February 13, 2011

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Read stories, news articles, blog posts, and tweets about street harassment from the past week and find relevant announcements and upcoming street harassment events.

Street Harassment Stories:

I accept street harassment submissions from anywhere in the world. Share your story!

You can read new street harassment stories from the past week on:

Street Harassment in the News, on the Blogs:

Events:

Announcements:

New:

On-going:

10 Tweets from the Week:

  • nada_rama thats disappointing what happened to the new #Egypt plans ? :/RT: @EngyG sexual harassment was reported during street celebrations
  • ImJDan I’m just shocked by the fact that women can go through street harassment every.fucking.day and men are still “well whose bothering u?”
  • aaw1976 That street harassment is real @Imjdan. It happens to young girls everyday and they can be assaulted if they speak up.
  • abby_go_lucky walk down the street sans fear of harassment/degradation. can someone make that into a pithy protest slogan?! preferably one that rhymes!
  • wandofmirkwood How dare Westerners call the veil oppressive when I can’t even go out in public without getting harassed?
  • sarahsosiak Resolved: My new response to street-harassment will be an academic lecture about the economics of male attention.
  • spokenbeats Call me uptight, but I hate havng 2 deal w/street harassment on a daily basis. It gets old & it always has me on the defense
  • MagneticCrow @littlefluffycat Aw, I used to smile at strangers… But it brought me so much additional street harassment that I stopped. 🙁
  • sarahsosiak Wow. It is way too early to need to come up with snappy comebacks to street harassment.
  • DianeMassage @MTAInsider, please tell yr train conductors not 2 cat-call women as they’re getting off the train. Thx #streetharassment
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“I heard like a squirt squirt and felt something wet on my leg and again on my skirt”

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I was coming up the stairs in Columbus Circle when I felt something wet hit my skirt. Then I heard like a squirt squirt and felt something wet on my leg and again on my skirt. When I got to the top of the stairs I felt my but and smelled my hand and instantly I was disgusted. It was semen. I turned and looked and there was a lot of on my skirt and my leg. When I looked around I saw 4 men but there was no way of telling who did it.

Has anyone ever heard of this?

Who wold do that. I was so pissed I went home and changed and am still creeped out.

– Michele

Location: Columbus Circle, NYC

Share your street harassment story today and help raise awareness about the problem. Find suggestions for what YOU can do about this human rights issue.

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Street Harassment in Trinidad and Tobago via Women Speak

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Simone Leid

On Women Speak, founder Simone Leid, offers a new online place for women in Trinidad and Tobago to share their stories of discrimination and read related news. Unsurprisingly, street harassment has already come up a few times.

On Feb. 5, a woman shared the following story:

“It was a morning like any other in 2005, except for the fact that on my way to work and as I approached Chacon Street, Port of Spain, absorbed in my own thoughts, a man grabbed my crotch and kept walking. I froze for several seconds, shocked and scared. There weren’t many people around and the few who were there said nothing, so I believe they saw nothing. Physically weak, I took the nearest taxi in silence…” (read more)

Also on Feb. 5, Ms. Leid wrote a post: Harassment is punishable by law!

“A person who pursues a course of conduct which amounts to harassment of another and which he knows or ought reasonably to know amounts to harassment of the other is guilty of an offence and is liable on summary conviction to a fine of two thousand dollars and to imprisonment for six months.”

Good to know that street harassment is illegal there!

On Feb. 8, she featured an excerpt from an article about the commonality and “harmlessness” of street harassment in Trinidad and Tobago:

“But in my 20s I remember the sense of intimidation and fear that ran through me every time I passed a group of boys or men on the street. Would they just say ‘good morning’ or ‘good afternoon’ in that I’m-a-nice-guy way or would there be something disgusting today?”

And yesterday, she posted the video “My Bad Thing” by Chucky, writing:

“Men need to join in the fight against Street Harassment and build loving and supportive relationships with their women by standing up to other men and letting them know that disrespecting women is unacceptable.”

Yes, this is definitely true!


In watching the video, though, I wasn’t sure, is the main guy upset about street harassment because “his” girlfriend was targeted and otherwise he wouldn’t care? I know sometimes it seems like the only way to get guys to pay attention to this issue is by saying, look it’s happening to your girlfriends, sisters, mothers, daughters, and wives. But it’s not a lot of progress if they only care about the issue when it happens to women they feel some ownership over because it threatens their manhood.

Take a look at the video and see what you think it’s about.

I’ve already learned quite a bit about street harassment in Trinidad and Tobago and I look forward to learning more on Women Speak!

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Consent on the streets – tips about how to not be a harasser

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“How can I talk to a woman in public without being a harasser?” is a question I often hear from men who attend my talks about street harassment.

The question always makes me laugh a little because the answer is so clear to me, but the question also makes me glad to see them thinking about the issue and trying to apply it to their life. I know it’s a question many men have and so I offer some basic tips on my blog and in my book.

I had an opportunity to explore this question in a video interview with Ben Privot, founder of The Consensual Project (read his recent Male Allies blog post). We chatted about consent on the streets.

I think having these conversations, especially with young men, is so important. Most men don’t want to be harassers, but a lot of the messaging they receive in the media, from their peers, and from family is that it’s okay and required of them to be aggressive, rude, and sexually objectifying with people they encounter. And if they listen to those messages, they become harassers.

So something we can all do is talk to each other about appropriate ways to interact with strangers in public. What contexts or circumstances make some interactions fun and some scary? What words or actions do? How can we be respectful people without being boring?

I really enjoyed meeting Ben and learning more about The Consensual Project. If you’re at a college campus, please check out the organization. Via Ben’s website,

“The Consensual Project partners with schools and universities to bring students a fresh understanding of consent. The innovative curriculum, workshops, and website empower young people to incorporate consent into their daily lives.”

Fantastic! Consent is so important, on the streets, in bars and clubs, on dates, in committed relationships, and in the bedroom. And reaching college students is essential – did you know that college women are more than four times as likely to face sexually assault as any other group of women (RAINN statistic)? So thanks for the important work you’re doing, Ben!

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