Stop Street Harassment

Making Public Spaces Safe and Welcoming

Canada: Judging the Book by its Cover

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By: Lisane Thirsk, Ottawa, Canada, SSH Correspondent

I have a habit of holding off on consuming popular culture and trends. Only once the hype is over do I go back and indulge to see what the craze was about.

By the time I’m in the middle of whatever it is I resisted (Harry Potter, Pinterest, Breaking Bad, etc.), people tend not to be eager to chat about it, since by then it’s old news and has already been analyzed to death. Yet I enjoy being able to evaluate what I really think about the latest book/TV show/film/technology with less of the mainstream hype around it.

A few weeks ago I needed another book for my commute to downtown Ottawa, so, in a typical move, I picked up a tattered copy of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo from the Thrift Store.

On my way home from work the other day I was reading my new-old book on a bench while waiting for a transfer bus. Suddenly, I was on my guard after a young man sat down too close to me on the long and otherwise vacant bench.

As buses pulled up and I glanced over to see if it was my bus, I caught glimpses of my seat neighbour. He was a teenager, maybe seventeen years old.

Suddenly he turned to me and said, “Can I ask you something?”

At this point I admit saying in my head: No, I don’t feel like making small talk because you’re bored and feel entitled to interrupt me with a comment about my appearance. No, I don’t care to justify the fact that I enjoy reading. No, you can’t have my phone number, little boy.

I closed my book and turned to him with a somewhat icy look in anticipation of what I thought was coming. Still, I said, “Sure.”

“On a scale of one to ten, how good is that book?”

My shoulders relaxed. As a matter of fact, I’d just been pondering how I felt about it.

I gave it a four and explained why. I watched him closely as I gave him an earful of a response, throwing out references to other guilty-pleasure thriller reads from the past few years, which he caught.

We talked a little longer about bestsellers from past years before he got on a bus that pulled up.

The chat actually improved my mood for the rest of the trip home. I interpreted this particular encounter as positive, despite my initial unease with him sitting so close.

What had I been expecting, based on my experience in similar situations? Street harassment.

No matter which city I’m in, it’s not uncommon for men and even boys I don’t know to intrude on my space and time in a way women never do. This is especially true on and around public transit in all the cities I’ve spent time in.

And I’m usually supremely annoyed by men who use what I’m reading in public as an excuse to start a conversation that quickly becomes unwelcome. In my opinion this is generally solid advice: See a Woman Reading? Leave Her Alone.

At the same time, I like people watching and I’m always interested in strangers carrying around books instead of e-readers (and why I adore the Underground New York Public Library project). My commute is more interesting when out of the corner of my eye I see someone reading an unexpected title.

This particular day, based on a combination of factors, I felt it was acceptable to be interrupted with that question; I was happy to spend a few minutes chatting about a paperback bestseller from a few years ago.

Why not celebrate interactions with strangers that make life enjoyable? That’s why I love the Street Respect Stories on the Stop Street Harassment blog. The brief conversation with a teenager at a bus stop was neutral, if not pleasant, compared to what I had braced myself for.

The relief I felt at not having to deal with harassment during my commute that day was anything but neutral, of course. It was based on my personal experiences, gendered socialization, and the power dynamics present in all street interactions.

The bottom line, though, is that it’s time for street respect to be the rule, not the exception for women reading – or doing anything – in public.

Lisane works in the non-profit communications sector and supports local anti-street harassment advocacy through Hollaback! Ottawa. In 2012, she completed a Master’s in Socio-Legal Studies at York University in Toronto, where she wrote her Major Research Paper on gender-based street harassment. She holds a B.A. in Latin American Studies and Spanish from the University of British Columbia.

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Street Respect: “Nice Glasses!”

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I was at an event and walking past a guy who looked like he was going to say something. It ended up being ,”Nice glasses,” in a totally friendly respectful tone. He was wearing a similar pair. I returned the compliment. It made me feel less afraid and happy that someone noticed my glasses. They are pretty cool!

– Anonymous

Location: Toronto, Canada

This is part of the series “Street Respect. “Street respect” is the term for respectful, polite, and consensual interactions that happen between strangers in public spaces. It’s the opposite of “street harassment.” Share your street respect story and show the kind of interactions you’d like to have in public in place of street harassment.

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Street Respect: Cheering A Runner On

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Yesterday I ran 6.5 miles and near the end of my run, I felt really tired and light-headed because it was very hot and humid out. Near the start of the last mile of my run, there was a very steep hill and when I got near the hill, I was so tired, I thought about walking it. When I reached the hill, however, I came upon a group of walkers who were impressed that I was running. They cheered me on as I went up the hill and two of them even clapped for me. Despite feeling tired from the weather, they put a smile on my face and I made it up the hill and back home without thinking about stopping again.

After dealing with so much harassment on my runs, it was nice to have people be supportive and cheer for me, especially when I really needed it!

-Holly

Location: Reston, VA

This is part of the series “Street Respect. “Street respect” is the term for respectful, polite, and consensual interactions that happen between strangers in public spaces. It’s the opposite of “street harassment.” Share your street respect story and show the kind of interactions you’d like to have in public in place of street harassment.

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Street Respect: “A benign discussion”

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This is part of the series “Street Respect. “Street respect” is the term for respectful, polite, and consensual interactions that happen between strangers in public spaces. It’s the opposite of “street harassment.” Share your street respect story and show the kind of interactions you’d like to have in public in place of street harassment.

My friend and I, both in our late 50s/early 60s were hiking at Stone Mountain Georgia. I was wearing my “Stop the War on Women” button (and thanks to Georgia Dems for that).

A gentleman of our age group noticed it as he hiked near us, and asked if he could talk with us. With a small amount of trepidation (not fear) we agreed. He was curious about what the button meant, and we had a fairly free-ranging and cordial conversation.

One place that we differed sharply was that he felt that girls needed to be made more aware of the dangers they face. I countered that we are made aware ALL OUR LIVES, and that I felt boys needed to be made aware of their responsibilities in these matters.

We didn’t agree on everything, but it was a respectful and benign discussion.

If I’d been hiking alone, I’d probably not have entered into conversation *sigh*

– Laura Grace

Location: Stone Mountain Park, Georgia

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Street Respect: Conversation about Education

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This  is cross-posted with permission from The Unconventional Housewife and is part of the series “Street Respect. “Street respect” is the term for respectful, polite, and consensual interactions that happen between strangers in public spaces. It’s the opposite of “street harassment.” Share your street respect story and show the kind of interactions you’d like to have in public in place of street harassment.

As a female working in a large city, I am often subjected to street harassment. It is not unusual to be approached while grocery shopping or be lambasted with disgusting remarks walking in front of a construction site. It is not a rarity to be physically touched, whether an arm grab or a brush of my hand. Nor is it uncommon to endure drive-by harassment (honks, whistles, etc).  What is uncommon is being approached by a complete gentleman.

During my lunch hour I headed to my local Safeway in hopes of snagging a bite to eat, when I was greeted by a man. After kindly returning his greeting, the man asked if we had met previously. I stated, not to my knowledge. He then asked if I worked in the area or if I had ever been to one of the local high schools. Hesitantly, I stated no—all the while waiting for the pickup line.

Are you married, he asked. Confident the conversation just crossed the threshold, I answered yes. Then to my surprise, he asked if I had children. Upon answering this question, he let down his walls and began to divulge his life. He informed me about his recent knee surgery, his family, and his position as an educator. He was thrilled to have walked from his physical therapy appointment to Safeway, as he was informed this would be challenging only a few weeks after having reconstructive surgery. He then informed me on his excitement to return to work on Monday.

He continued chatting, which led to an actual conversation between the two of us. I discovered he was quite passionate about health and educating young adults. We discussed my experience working with vulnerable youth. He related, as a high school teacher who works with inner city children. We then discussed community activism, and the important role our youth play in creating change. He informed me about the Four R’s of Teaching: relationships, rigor, relevance, and results. To which we discussed the importance of positive adult-youth relationships, which challenge young minds and lead to better critical thinking skills, thus making life relevant for them.

As our conversation slowly came to an end, the man stated he had a message for my husband. While our conversation was amazing, I still found myself dreading the message. I kept saying:  please don’t say it, please don’t say ‘he’s a lucky man’. While my husband is a lucky man, it is not because I am some prize or commodity he has won. His luck stems from his own being and accomplishments, not from the way he looks with me on his arm. To my surprise, the man did not make any such statement. Instead he said: tell your husband to be a gentleman at all times, to you and your children.

We bid our farewells, both pleased to have become acquainted and ready to continue our day. In leaving our conversation, I felt revitalized. To be respected as a female and human being by the opposite sex is rare. No matter what intentions this man had, his actions were that of kindness, compassion, and reverence—a true gentleman.

– Angie

Location: Seattle, WA

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