Our new board member Lindsey is also behind Cards Against Harassment. Check out orangeurhood #16Days cards she made that you can download, print and distribute.
Search Results for: 2014
Peru: Cuando son otras mujeres las que te silencian
Laura Bustamante, Lima, Peru, SSH Blog Correspondent
Conversando con una compañera canadiense me dijo: “en Perú el acoso sexual callejero es muy fuerte, lo peor es que te acostumbras, te cansas y quedas en silencio”. Es verdad, una se cansa, se acostumbra, lo toma como parte de su vida, como este tipo de violencia sexual no es tan atroz se vuelve tolerable y aceptable, “así es pues”, te dicen, “que vas a hacer”, es decir, como mujer no puedes hacer nada y te debes conformar.
La exaltación de la pasividad femenina
Entiendo que muchas mujeres callen cuando son acosadas debido a la naturalización, pasividad y el miedo. Se educa niñas pasivas, delicadas y dulces, y a niños competitivos y agresivos, no se enseña a los hombres a no violar pero se enseña a las mujeres a cuidarse. Además, una mujer piensa: “si este hombre me falta el respeto así, puede hacer algo peor si respondo”, tiene miedo ante el riesgo de violencia física porque un hombre tiene más fuerza física y los cobardes aprovechan eso.
Pero no siempre se justifica el silencio, se trata de saber en qué momento defenderte, y no sobrevalorar el peligro, en una calle solitaria es mejor callar, pero si es día con gente alrededor es un derecho y deber contigo misma el defenderte. Que el acosador te puede insultar o gritar para silenciarte, si, puede… pero peor es cuando quien te violenta y te silencia es otra mujer.
Hay que reemplazar la pasividad por sororidad
Es paradójico que tu primer modelo de mujer sea la primera en silenciarte. La primera vez que me enfrenté a mi acosador callejero estaba con mi madre, pensé: con ella somos dos, pero ella me calló y llamó la atención porque él me podía hacer algo peor. ¡Gracias madre! me enseñaste que 2 mujeres ante un hombre somos menos.
El otro día, 6 chicas se quejaban que un profesor acosaba a sus alumnas, una no denunció porque su mamá le dijo “sin pruebas es tu palabra contra la de él, no te van a creer y vas a pasar un mal rato” WTF!! Hasta que una genio opinó “el profesor no haría eso si las chicas no le siguen el juego, yo pongo mi cara de trasero y no se me acerca”.
¿Poner tu cara de trasero? La lógica que debes andar con cara anti-violación #MyAntiRapeFace para no ser violada, culpabiliza a las chicas ignorando que se quejaban por el “coqueteo” indeseado y olvida que el profesor está abusando de su autoridad.
Culpar y humillar a la mujer acosada es público, cuando una chica se quejó porque le metieron la mano, una señora le recriminó “por salir con esa falda provocas a los hombres”. Mientras, una estúpida conductora de TV opina “chicas hay que entender a los ‘pobres caballeros’ que nosotras también provocamos con esas falditas”… WTF!!
Bajo la cultura de la violación el acoso no es violencia, normaliza y justifica la violencia sexual, culpa o silencia a la víctima, y hasta bromean, una vez dos mujeres decían riéndose de una chica con short y tacones: “si yo me visto así por mi casa, me violan y termino con un hijo” ¿Mujeres en serio?, la violación da risa… mi culpa por vestirme así.
Otra genio dice “Pierdes tu tiempo cuando respondes, con mi silencio les doy indiferencia, mejor ignorarlos”. Pobre ilusa confunde la pasividad con defensa, olvida que una realidad no se cambia con el silencio y que la violencia no se acaba hasta que dices ¡basta!
Y es contradictorio como esta pasividad se torna en agresividad, cuando culpan y censuran a las mujeres que protestan y no cumplen con el rol pasivo, como una mujer que comenta en un fan page “Adáptense viven en Perú, a mí me dicen cosas horribles en la calle y no ando quejándome, dejen de hacerse las víctimas, no sean hipócritas, muchas mujeres buscan la atención de los hombres para sacarles plata”.
Esas malas compañeras te silencian a viva voz cuando te defiendes porque ellas no lo hacen, parece que vuelcan su frustración y miedo contenidos en su pasividad contra las que no siempre callamos, como la vez que respondí cuando un taxista nos gritó cosas sexuales, y una de las chicas con la que estaba me llamó la atención diciendo “¡ya Laura cállate no grites!”
Ya es tiempo que las mujeres abracen la sororidad, que significa hermandad, unión y apoyo mutuo, defendernos y empoderarnos, pensar en colectivo. Estas mujeres deben entender que cuando nos acosan en la calle no es porque me visto así. Nos acosan porque somos mujeres. Cuando atacan a una nos atacan a todas, y es absurdo que una mujer ataque a otra.
La mayoría de mujeres peruanas que conocí no consideran el acoso sexual callejero como violencia, porque eso sería reconocer que son víctimas, no quieren ser vistas como exageradas que se quejan de naderías, piensan que ser víctima es vergonzoso y de cobardes, pero al contrario “pecar por silencio cuando deberíamos protestar es lo que nos hace cobardes”.
Nuestro miedo está sobredimensionado por la pasividad femenina como modelo de mujer, y es preocupante porque esa es la estrategia para mantener el círculo de violencia machista, nos hace tener más miedo y callar cuando deberíamos denunciar, o peor aún, cuando no nos defendemos, callamos a las compañeras que lo hacen, olvidamos que cuando una mujer se defiende nos defiende a todas, está avergonzando y debilitando al acosador que mañana podría acosarte a ti, a tu hija, hermana o amiga, está generando un cambio, porque él lo pensara dos veces antes de acosar a otra mujer porque se dará cuenta que no todas callamos.
Sororidad en vez de pasividad compañeras, ¡sororidad!
Laura ha estudiado Administración en Turismo en Universidades de Perú y Barcelona, y Estudios de Género en la ONG Flora Tristán. La puedes seguir en Twitter en @laeureka.
When the Ones who Silence You are other Women
A Canadian acquaintance told me, “In Peru the street sexual harassment is very strong; the worst of it is when you get used to it, you get tired and at the end you stay silent.” Truth! One gets used to, tired and takes it as part of her life. As this type of sexual violence is not too terrible it becomes tolerable and acceptable, “this is the way it is”, they say, “what can you do,” that is: as a woman you can do nothing and you must resign yourself.
The praise of female passivity
I understand why many women keep silence when they are harassed due to naturalization, passivity and fear. Society educates passive, delicate and sweet girls, and competitive and aggressive boys. Guys aren’t taught not to rape but women are taught to take care of themselves. At the end, a woman thinks, “If this man is so disrespectful with me like this, he can harm me if I respond,” and, fearing the risk of physical violence, she won’t say a thing because a man has more physical strength and some cowards abuse that.
But to remain in silence is not always justified. It is about knowing when to defend yourself, and not overestimating the danger. On an empty street it may be better not to say anything. But if the harassment happens in the daylight with people around, it is right and a duty to defend yourself. The harasser could insult or shout you louder to silence you, but the worst is when the one who silences you is another woman.
We must replace passivity for sisterhood
Ironically your first female model is likely the first woman to shut you up. The first time I confronted my street harasser I was with my mother, I felt more secure with her and I thought, with she by my side we were two, but she told me off me because according to her, “I was risking myself and he could do something worse.” Thanks mom for teaching me that two women are less than a man.
The other day, six students complained of a teacher who “flirts” with his students. One student told me that she didn’t accused him because her mother told her “you have no evidence, it is your word against his, they won’t believe you and you will have a rough time.” WTF! And a “genius” student said, “The teacher would not do that if the girls didn’t go with it. I give him my pissed off face and he doesn’t approach me.” To put a pissed off face!! The logic seems like practicing #MyAntiRapeFace to not be raped; she blames the students, ignoring that the teacher is abusing his authority.
Humiliation and victim-blaming is a public practice, when a young woman complained that a guy groped her in the bus, an old woman reproached, “You provoke men if you wear that skirt.” While a female TV presenter recently said, “Girls you need to understand these ‘poor gentlemen’ that we (women) also provoke them by wearing those little skirts” … WTF !!
Under rape culture, street harassment is not a type of violence, it is normalized and justified sexual violence. Rape culture guilts or silences the victim, and even people joke about it. Once, I heard two women laughing at a woman in shorts and heels, saying: “If I dress like that in my neighborhood, I’d get raped and pregnant, ahah.” Seriously women? Being raped is a joke… and my fault for dressing in a certain way.
Another “genius” said, “You are wasting your time when you respond to them. With my silence I give them indifference, so it’s better to ignore them.” This deluded young woman confuses passivity with defense, forgetting that reality is not changed with silence and violence does not end until you say stop!
It is contradictory how some women turn their passivity into aggression toward their female peers by blaming and criticizing other women who protest and don’t meet the passive role. A woman wrote on a street harassment fan page, “You have to adapt to our reality, we live in Peru, men tell me horrible things in streets but I’m not complaining. Stop playing the victim, you are hypocrites when many women seek the attention of men to get money from them.”
These kind of women silence you loudly when you defend yourself because they don´t do it. It seems that they turn their frustration and repressed fear against the women who do not always remain silent, like that day when I responded to a taxi driver who shouted at sexual things at us and one of the young women that I was hanging out with yelled at me, “Enough Laura, don´t shout!”
It is time that women embrace sisterhood, which means unity and mutual support, defend and empower us. These women should understand that when we are harassed on the street it is not because of what we’re wearing. We get harassed because we are women and it is absurd when a woman mistreats another woman over it.
Most Peruvian women with whom I talked do not consider street harassment as violence, because that would imply to recognize themselves as victims and they don´t want to be seen as exaggerated girls who complain about nothing. They think that being a victim is shameful and cowardly, but they forget that “To sin by silence when we should protest make us cowards.”
When we denounce, or worse, when we do not defend, we silence other women. We forget that when a woman defends herself, she is defending all of us, she is shaming and weakening the street harasser that tomorrow might harass you, might harass your daughter, sister or friend. She is making a difference, because that man will think twice before harass another woman because he will realize that not all women remain silent.
We need sisterhood rather than passivity women, sisterhood!
Laura has studied Tourism Management in Universities of Peru and Barcelona, and Gender Studies at the NGO Flora Tristan. You can follow her on Twitter at @laeureka.
10 Things For Which I’m Grateful
During this week of reflection and gratitude, I want to take a moment to give thanks (by the numbers). Thank you to:
1. The 231,000 unique visitors to the website (since January 2014) and the nearly 20,000 Facebook fans and 10,000 Twitter followers who are educating themselves about this issue and engaging in important discussions.
2. The thousands of people in 25 countries that took action during International Anti-Street Harassment Week in April.
3. The approximately 300 people who are helping us document and better understand the issue by sharing their street harassment stories on the blog this year.
4. Our 200+ total donors to SSH who made the largest national street harassment study (released in June) and our 2014 Safe Public Spaces Mentoring Program possible.
5. The journalists who wrote 200 articles citing SSH this year, bringing more public awareness to the issue.
6. Our 35 Blog Correspondents who collectively wrote more than 100 articles this year to highlight what street harassment — and activism against it — looks like in their communities.
7. The 30+ people who have volunteered time and talents to SSH over the year, including the SSH research report advisory committee and volunteers. We run on your generosity!
8. Our 16 board members (across the two board terms) who help with media interviews, take on street harassment projects, and give fundraising help.
9. Six Safe Public Spaces Mentoring Site groups who have taken on major anti-harassment programs in India, Kenya, Nepal, Nicaragua, Serbia, and the USA.
10. The many, many organizations, groups, and individuals worldwide who are speaking out against street harassment. SSH is honored to be in your company, to collaborate, to cross-promote, and to do what we can collectively to make the world safer.
Wishing you a peaceful and Happy Thanksgiving (if you celebrate).