“I will not keep my head down in fear”

Today a strange man sitting on a bench outside the library made a comment about my physical appearance. He told me that I was “So Beautiful.”

What was the purpose of this? I still do not know, because I didn’t ask for his opinion. I’ll tell you later how I responded to his “compliment.”

I was actually ready for him this time – I usually walk behind parked cars (which is actually dangerous and not recommended!) in order to avoid this very spot, but today I decided to take the quicker route. I sometimes walk right by the groups of men and stare them down if I’m up for it. I’ve actually been offered several such seemingly innocent compliments whenever I walk by groups of men in my hometown. I’ve heard plenty of comments from men- ranging from the benign “Nice coat” (Yes, it is a nice coat- I decorated it myself- I did not mind this one because it referred to an article of clothing) to a sexually explicit and racially insensitive remark.

I decided not to ignore this man’s comment today, because I believe that it is completely inappropriate and totally offensive to make ANY comment about a strange person’s body. It is not uplifting and it makes me feel uncomfortable. Why should I have to feel uncomfortable and embarrassed for walking from my car to the library?

Over the past year or so I’ve laboured far too long over the appropriate response to comments from strange men. What a sick world where this sort of thinking preoccupies a young woman’s thoughts! Today I turned and looked into his eyes and said, “You’re not.”

He was not. Remarking on a strange woman’s physical appearance is rude and insensitive – it is ugly. I don’t care if people look at me, but no one has the right to speak to me, touch me or approach me just because I’m in the vicinity. I wonder how he would feel if men started walking up to his daughter and telling her how beautiful she was? Perhaps the problem with these men is that they are entitled. Therefore I found it appropriate to show him that his comment was NOT appreciated. I am secure enough not to need positive or negative comments from people I encounter on the street.

I believe that all comments from strangers about a woman’s body are WRONG. I do not empty the contents of my mind upon every graceful lady and handsome gentleman- and nor should anyone else. I do not feel good when I am complimented in this manner; I feel dirty and disgusting. I wish that I were treated like a human being and not a creature with nice legs, a beauty, an object or a being merely intended for visual pleasure. Yes, there are worse things to be called (I have been called them), but I firmly believe that no one should be obligated to comment on my body. It’s only here to propel me from place to place after all- not a painting on the wall or a sideshow.

Today I felt strong and proud instead of scared and hurt. So, to the man who made a threatening and creepy pickup line at my place of work, the man who caught up to me and my sister and made suggestive remarks, the men who shout obscenities from the sidelines and the degenerates who dare to follow women- LEAVE US ALONE. My new responses range from a simple “Ha”, “very funny,” to “Fuck you.”

I will not keep my head down in fear; I’m strong, fast and agile- I’ll karate chop you in my mind and feel powerful for the next time. There will be a next time- won’t there?

If I see other women being treated this way I definitely will NOT remain silent. You and I both deserve respect.

And men, who are wondering whether a comment is appropriate or not: 99% of the time it is not. I’ll explain the difference: when a guy in a car complimented me on my coat I felt good- because I take pride in my appearance and I’m glad that my artistic skills are appreciated. However, do not assume that every woman feels the same way because we are individuals. Complimenting me on my body is forbidden. If a man my own age genuinely wants to talk to me he can strike up a conversation like a respectable human being. Comments from the peanut gallery are disgusting. No matter what she is wearing, a woman’s body is never a good conversation starter (But then again, you probably already know this).

Thank you for the existence of this website.

– Anonymous

Location: North Carolina

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