back off Archives | Stop Street Harassment

“A world without rapists would be a world in which women moved freely without fear of men. That some men rape provides a sufficient threat to keep all women in a constant state of intimidation, forever conscious of the knowledge that the biological tool must be held in awe, for it may turn to weapon with sudden swiftness born of harmful intent.” – Susan Brownmiller in Against Our Will: Men, Women, and Rape

Today is day one of the 16 Days of Activism against Gender Violence. In commemoration, I want to briefly touch on the direct connection between gender violence and street harassment (I explore it in depth in my forthcoming book on street harassment).

Most women worry about rape, particularly when they are alone. For example, in their book The Female Fear: The Social Cost of Rape, Margaret T. Gordon and Stephanie Riger found that one-third of the women they studied reported worrying at least once a month about being raped. A third of the women said that their fear of rape is ‘part of the background’ of their lives and ‘one of those things that’s always there.’ Another third claimed they never worried about rape but still reported taking precautions, unconsciously or consciously, to try to avoid being raped.

Women fear stranger rape the most. While women are more likely to be sexually assaulted by people they know than by strangers, 27 percent of reported rapes are perpetrated by strangers (see RAINN stats). Add to this reality the fact that male stranger-perpetrated rapes are the type we hear about the most in the news and see on tv shows or movies (see The Female Fear) and they are the type that tend to be random, and it is no wonder women fear them more.

The fear of strange rape impacts how women feel in public. A study by Canadian sociologists Ross MacMillan, Annette Nierobisz, and Sandy Welsh of over 12,000 Canadian women showed that stranger harassment and assault has a more consistent and significant impact on women’s fears in public than non-stranger harassment and assault. This fear significantly reduces women’s perceptions of safety while walking alone at night, using public transportation, walking alone in a parking garage, and while home alone at night (p 315, 319).

Women’s fear of stranger harassment and assault came up many times in stories written by women who took my 2008 informal online survey, which I conducted for my book on street harassment. For example, one woman wrote:

“I always feel uncomfortable when I am out alone at night in my neighborhood. As every man walks past me, I silently evaluate how likely he is to rape me and what I would do if that happened. I always notice how many people are around, what their gender is, etc.”

Also contributing to women’s fears of stranger assault is the fact that rapists don’t wear signs. Marilyn French wrote in The War Against Women, “Women are afraid in a world in which almost half the population bears the guise of the predator, in which no factor – age, dress, or color – distinguishes a man who will harm a woman for one who will not” (197).

Consequently, women do not know which man who approaches her in public is a threat. Cynthia Grant Bowman, author of “Street Harassment and the Informal Ghettoization of Women,” found that when women discussed their feelings about street harassment, they usually cited their fear of rape. In her book Back Off! how to confront and stop sexual harassment and harassers, Martha Langelan wrote that for women, an underlying tension is always wondering how far the harasser will go, will he become violent? (p 41) In the conclusion to Gardner’s book Passing By: Gender and Public Harassment she wrote that “it is impossible to state too strongly how constant the theme of fear was” among the nearly 300 women she interviewed in Indianapolis regarding male harassment (p 240).

This underlying fear of rape is particularly acute in several circumstances:

if the woman is alone
if the man approaches the woman in an isolated area
if it is dark out
if the man is larger than the woman is or is otherwise in a position of power (for example in a car while she is on foot)
if there are several men versus one woman
if the woman has been assaulted or seriously harassed in the past
if the woman knows that another woman has been raped or assaulted in the area

Even if the man has innocent intentions, a woman does not know that and may be wary, particularly in the circumstances outlined above. (Incidentally, most men harass women when women are alone and may do so in packs, so already they are creating a circumstance where women are more fearful.)

Men, this is the reality that many women live in. As it relates to how you interact with women in public, try not to approach or talk to a woman who is alone (or in the other circumstances listed above). Also, be respectful of her as a person. She may be occupied or in a hurry and have no desire to talk to strangers so make sure approaching her is absolutely necessary before you do so (such as to ask directions). If you are trying to “pick her up,” note that not all women are interested in men, many women are already in a relationship, and many of the remaining women are wary about giving out information to complete strangers they see on the street. So please consider not doing so (and I’m not talking about bars or clubs but places like streets, bus stops, subway cars, grocery stores, and malls). And if you do try to pick her up and she ignores you or does not agree to go out with you etc, do not call her a bitch or a ho or stuck up.

Please see “How to Talk to Women in Public” (which includes a link to the most excellent blog post on Shapely Prose, “Schrodinger’s Rapist: or a guy’s guide to approaching strange women without being maced”) for more.

On other days during the 16 Days, I will write on this year’s theme, Commit, Act, Demand: We CAN End Violence Against Women!, about the ways we can work to end male harassment and assault of women strangers in public spaces.

When we’re harassed in public spaces, or in other settings for that matter, how can we respond? Lauren Taylor, a self defense instructor and long time women’s rights activist, helped attendees of yesterday’s Defend Yourself street harassment-focused self defense workshop learn some basic tactics.

While street harassment is not just women’s responsibilities to end when men are the harassers, and indeed we will have an impossible time ending it without the cooperation and support of men, learning tactics so we can stand up for and defend ourselves when we are harassed can be incredibly powerful. We have the right to be safe in public and use public spaces as often as we want. While most of us may not ever be in a life threatening situation or face physical harassment, just knowing we could defend ourselves if necessary can give us more confidence to go about our daily lives without letting the behavior, actions, or comments of others dictate how we live.

After an opening discussion about who we (attendees) were and the impact street harassment has on our lives, Lauren engaged us in a group activity. On slips of paper, we wrote types of harassing behavior, from honking to physical assault. Then we placed the pieces of paper on a spectrum, from annoying to life threatening, depending on what we thought about the severity of the action. Lauren led a discussion about the placement of the pieces of paper and helped attendees see street harassing in the context of men’s violence against women and workplace and school-based sexual harassment. The strategies she taught us can be modified to fit all these situations.

Lauren emphasized that any situation can escalate to violence and we must always think about what response will make us feel and be the safest. That may be ignoring or walking away from the harasser, which is fine, as long as that is our choice. If we do it because we don’t know what else we can do, that is not an empowering decision. The point of the workshop was to learn about other options.

Since most harassment women face is verbal, Lauren focused on verbal tactics. We practiced assertive responses to mock harassers and getting comfortable with speaking up. Practicing saying “no” in an assertive tone of voice, with a confident, strong stance was the base line. In a society where women in general (and many of us in the class said we had) have been socialized to be polite, try not to cause a scene, and look out for the feelings of others over our own, the simple act of saying “no” was both difficult and empowering.

Similar to suggestions from Martha Langelan in her book Back Off!, Lauren has a list of tactics for basic verbal self defense. Telling the harasser what you want is key. “Stop it!” “I don’t like that,” “leave me alone,” and “stop touching me” are all examples of direct responses you can say to a harasser. We practiced these phrases while exuding strong body language, tone of voice, and facial expression. We also role played different harassment scenarios, taking turns playing a harasser and harassee and responding on the fly to the harassment we received. Role playing was challenging, but useful in seeing how it feels to stand up for oneself and hold one’s ground when confronted by not only a harasser, but a persistent harasser.

: Two workshop attendees and instructor Lauren

We also tried out a few simple physical self defense moves for the times when the harassment escalates. These moves included pushing the palm of our hand to the nose or chin or a harasser, our elbow to their throat, stomping on their feet, and elbowing someone standing behind us. We practiced yelling, “No!” at the same time to not only emphasize our feelings, but because, in a real situation, yelling could attract the help of bystanders.

The workshop closed with attendees sharing ideas for ending street harassment. Sharing our street harassment stories and informing the boys and men in our lives about the extent of this problem were the most frequently suggested ideas. You can share you stories by submitting them to stopstreetharassmentATyahooDOTcom and they’ll post on this blog. Here are other suggested strategies.

I want to continue practicing role playing, standing up for myself, and having an assertive response to harassers because my inclination is to freeze, try to get away, or try to appease and humor the harasser until they stop. None of those reactions is empowering. While in some instances those behaviors may be necessary for safety or convenience sake, I’d also like to easily have an assertive response.

In sum, this class was wonderful and I highly recommend it.

Has anyone else taken a self defense class? Has it helped you deal with street harassers? Has it made you feel more confident?

An underlying fear of rape

Speak Up!