fear of rape Archives | Stop Street Harassment

I’m from Reykjavik, Iceland, and I want to share my story as a warning to other women.

Although I do get a lot of verbal harassment in the US, I feel somewhat safer here than back home in Iceland, because the stories you hear there are mostly about rape. That said, I haven’t heard of any statistics that imply that rape is more common in Iceland than anywhere else. What I’m implying is that even though a country or culture does not present itself as male-dominated or predatory (through common cat-calling to insults and grabbing, for e.g.), there is always a chance of danger, unfortunately.

One Saturday night I was sitting on a bench on the main shopping street in Reykjavik, Iceland. I was drunk and tired, and against my better judgment, I sat down on the bench to take a break from walking home. Within a minute, a guy around 20 years of age approached me. He said that I shouldn’t sit there alone, I looked like easy prey and that he would like to walk me home, to make sure that I would be safe.

I said that I was glad for his concern, but that I would be fine by myself. He kept insisting, saying that he would feel awful if he didn’t make sure that I’d get home safely. He seemed very genuine and sweet, so I gave in.

During the fifteen minute walk to my house (I was living with my parents at the time) we talked about what we do, and mostly his girlfriend, whom he said he was in love with.

When we got to my house he asked to come in, he needed to call a cab and didn’t want to wait in the cold. I was reluctant, but said OK. When we got inside we sat on my bed, because there was nowhere else to sit, and he began touching my shoulder and thigh, asking for a kiss, just one kiss.

I was shocked. I asked him about his girlfriend, who called at that very moment, and he lied to her straight about being at a party and explaining that it was quiet because he was in the bathroom!

His taxi came and he ran out the door, thankfully.

After this incident, I don’t trust anyone to walk me home except my husband and some very close friends. The fact that this guy used my fear of sexual assault to harass me in such a calculated way is alarming. I HATE to say this, but women, be vary of strange men, even the “nice” ones.

– K.

Location: Reykjavik, Iceland

Share your street harassment story today and help raise awareness about the problem. Include your location and it will be added to the Street Harassment Map.

Today on my bus ride home from work, I ran into a woman I recognized from a volunteer grocery delivery route I do monthly. We had never met before and did so today. It turns out we live near each other. During our conversation, I mentioned how grateful I am for the wonderful paths everywhere in our area to run on and to walk my new dog. She said that her husband loves walking on a wooded path near their home but that she sticks to the main roads because she doesn’t feel safe anywhere else (and she’s probably in her early 50s. When does the fear end?) Now that it’s dark when we get home from work (we both have over an hour commute each way), she said she only sticks to main roads that are well lit for her walks.

I’ve always been told not to go walking or running alone in the dark. I remember being so jealous of one of my high school cross country guy friends who used to go on moonlit runs down a bikepath near our house on the weekends. My male cross country coach was an ultra runner and used to do all night trail runs on Friday nights. Now that I have a dog and it’s winter, I have to go out in the dark in order to walk him. Sometimes I run with him up and down the street near my home where it’s well lit because it’s dark elsewhere but we both need the exercise; I can’t put him on the treadmill with me. I’m grateful that I feel safe enough to run anywhere in my area in daylight and it would be nice to feel safe enough to run anywhere in the dark. There are 3+ more months until daylight savings!

One chapter of the street harassment book I’m working on talks about the fear so many women have in public in different circumstances and contexts and the various ways we restrict our freedom in public because of it. Not going out alone in the dark is just one of a chapter-full.

Even though I know all this, I was still struck by the matter-of-fact way my new friend – who doesn’t know I work on street harassment issues – talked about the gender difference in safety. She doesn’t feel safe on the trails while her husband does and so she doesn’t go on them while he does. It seemed to me that for her, she sees that restriction as just life. And that’s true for so many of us. It’s so ingrained in us that we don’t even question how crazy unfair it is that just because we are female we’re unsafe (and/or told we’re unsafe) in public.

Using Fear to Trick a Woman

He walks the wooded trail, she walks the well-lit road