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USA: The Guilt of Generations

January 29, 2018 By Correspondent

Isha Raj-Silverman, San Diego, CA, USA, SSH Blog Correspondent

Credit: Slutwalk Atlanta, April 2016

I was fourteen years old when I first experience street harassment. Granted, the perpetrators were young- high school, maybe college-aged young men outside an ice cream parlor – but it was still a devastating reminder at a very young age that not everyone believed my body was my own.

Three-and-a-half years later, I can still see that moment as clearly as if it were yesterday. I remember the flood of fear and the urge to hide. I remember putting my head down and walking quickly away and not acknowledging that anything had happened. I remember exactly what I was wearing and which textbook I clutched tighter to my chest. I remember changing my after school routine to try to keep it from happening again. I doubt a single one of those boys remember that moment.

Moments like that one define the experience of walking down the street for every teenage girl I know, and as a senior in high school, I know a lot of teenage girls. Street harassment defines where we walk, when we walk, and who we walk with. We know not to walk past the bars, or walk alone at night. This we learned from experience, but we also learned it from our mothers and grandmothers and older sisters. Women are taught prevention, rather than teaching men not to be perpetrators (there is a minority of cases which have been perpetrated by women and/or had male victims, but these are not the subject of this piece). In my experience, this has been nearly as damaging as harassment itself.

From the time I hit puberty in late elementary school, my mother began drilling into my head how to dress to “minimize male attention.” I have worn baggy clothes and ill-fitting sweatshirts and conservative one-piece bathing suits for years in a futile quest not to be harassed. In the past year, I have begun dressing in ways that make me feel more attractive, and which are often tighter than the clothes chosen by my mother for so many years. The amount I have been harassed has been virtually unchanged, but I continue to struggle with body image as it relates to the male gaze. I am constantly worried that I either look frumpy or provocative, because I cannot lose the voice in the back of my head telling me that tighter clothes will make men notice me in ways that will make me uncomfortable, but I cannot help but feel unattractive in shapeless clothing clearly meant for those much older or younger than me.

It is often the fear of what might happen rather than the fear of what already has that keeps me off certain streets or causes me to dress differently in different places. And if I do something I was told was “wrong” and am harassed, this behavior makes me blame myself. Our prevention behavior is well-meaning victim blaming. It doesn’t get to the root of the problem, and it institutionalizes a belief that our behavior invites comment.

Our bodies are our own. We should be able to dress them up however we like and take them wherever we like with whomever we like, and that should never be up to the judgement of others, and certainly not strangers in the street. When we define behavior as dangerous we say that if we didn’t do it we would be safe. And we give perpetrators an excuse. Telling someone not to wear a tight or low-cut top is the same as asking, “but what were you wearing?”

We need to stop trying to explain away sexual harassment. It’s wrong and people need to stop doing it. No matter where someone is walking, what they are wearing, and with whom they are walking. It is not their responsibility to behave differently to prevent harassment, it is the responsibility of harassers to stop harassing. Period. End of story.

Isha is a high school senior at La Jolla High School in San Diego, California. She is a local activist on various women’s issues, but particularly sexual harassment and assault. She has organized her high school’s sexual assault awareness campaigns as president and founder of La Jolla Girl Up.

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Filed Under: correspondents, Stories, street harassment Tagged With: first harassed, high school, victim blaming

BASH Minneapolis

May 30, 2016 By HKearl

Twyla is a student at South High School in Minneapolis, MN. For her humanities finals she did a “ripple effect” project where she choose something that’s important to her and do something to make a difference about it. She chose sexual harassment in Minneapolis, MN. Her group and she created an informational website about how street harassment effects their community and ways to stop it.

BASH Minneapolis May 2016

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Filed Under: Activist Interviews, Resources, street harassment Tagged With: high school, minneapolis, Minnesota

Romania: High School Girls and Boys for a City without Street Harassment!

December 30, 2015 By Contributor

This post is from our Safe Public Spaces Team in Bucharest, Romania. The SPSM projects are supported by SSH donors. If you would like to donate to support the 2016 mentees, we would greatly appreciate it!

Ta-naaa! We’ve completed the Mentoring Program and we are happy because it was a great experience for us, as activist and working in the NGO sector and for the high school students as well! Thanks to Stop Street Harassment Mentoring Program we had this amazing chance to meet teenagers girls and boys and to speak with them delicate subjects like violence and street harassment.

During the time between August and December 2015 FILIA Centre, a feminist NGO from Bucharest, Romania, implemented the project “High school girls and boys for a city without street harassment!” financed by Stop Street Harassment NGO.

We are Simona-Maria Chirciu, Stefania Vintila and Loredana Valcianu, members of the FILIA Centre and we gladly complete the Program Mentoring with great success and smiles. We’ve organized three workshops for 60 high school teenagers from the Technic College of Aeronautics “Henri Coanda” in Bucharest. We talked with the participants about discrimination, equal opportunities, violence against women, and street harassment and the activism against it all around the world. The principal from the high school and the female teacher who runs the department of Program and Projects of this institution and also some of the teachers were very open regarding the subject we wanted to address and regarding our project. We had their full support in implementing it and we are very grateful for this.

WP_20151215_12_42_14_ProWe encouraged the participants to get involved in the discussion by giving examples of discrimination, violence and harassment from their own experience or from the experience of their friends. They were interested by the subject mostly because we were talking about experiences that happened to them or to their loved ones too, experiences about nobody talks about. In Romania street harassment represents a taboo: nobody talks about it, many men deny it and some women barely if they have courage to complain about it to anyone who is not their friends.

IMG_20151126_140205At the end of the workshops we organized a contest: the high school boys and girls could use any material to depict street harassment as a form of violence. We encouraged them to show a solution that in their opinion is suitable for the Romanian context in order to prevent or to end street harassment against women. The teenagers were very interested and did their best for this contest. They created videos, drawings, essays, and powerpoint presentations and a poster as well. Their perspectives were so interesting and the way they see equal access to the public space for men and women helps us to incorporate their experiences in everything that we organize on this subject in the future.

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In the implementation of this project we had the support of our former volunteer Aila Veli and our colleague Mihaela Sasarman from Transcena Association, an NGO in Romania, who has many years of experience working on the issue of violence against women and specifically working with perpetrators.

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The girls and boys who participated offered us a very, very positive feedback about our interaction with them, about the way we presented the subject and about the way we involved them in the process of defining the role each of us has to create a society free of harassment in public spaces. They asked us to return to their high school soon with workshops to talk about rape, teenager relations and other subjects from the same domain.

We are grateful for all the support from Holly and Stop Street Harassment! We, as a team evolved and learned so much. Indeed, working with teens on street harassment issue is challenging but so rewarding! We recommend this kind of experience to other activists on street harassment worldwide!

Simona-Maria Chirciu, Stefania Vintila and Loredana Valcianu are members of the FILIA Centre.

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Filed Under: SSH programs Tagged With: art contest, high school, Romania, workshops

I Need Feminism Because My Sister Shouldn’t Have To Experience Street Harassment

December 11, 2012 By Contributor

This article is written by high school student Livia Brock who is taught by @FeministTeacher. It is cross-posted with permission from the class blog F to the Third Power.

I need feminism because my little sister should have the same amount of confidence in + respect for herself as I do for her! (photo credit: Ileana Jiménez)

The other day I was walking down the street with two of my friends.  I had fallen slightly behind them when an older man walking towards us suddenly locked eyes with me.  I looked away quickly, but he angled toward me, eyes full of something very creepy and unnerving, and asked, “Are you free for a date?”

Being polite, I said, “No thanks!” and ran to catch up to my friends.  I looked back once and caught him staring at me, eyes still full of that same disconcerting energy.

I began to notice men paying attention to me when I was twelve, near the beginning of seventh grade.  I still looked pretty young, but I was very tall, so maybe men thought I was older.  Or perhaps my actual age was not an issue.  I didn’t particularly mind being looked at.  It made me feel noticed. These men weren’t being vulgar, and they did not make comments or make me feel uncomfortable.  But it wasn’t until I got a little older, maybe around thirteen, that I started to receive a lot of attention.

Thirteen was really the year I started walking around and going on the subway by myself.  This was when the looks turned into much more. Men began saying passing remarks like, “So beautiful,” “Hey baby girl,” and once simply, “Nice tits.”  I wasn’t sure how to react to a lot of these.  Not all were rude, and sometimes I didn’t take much notice. Sometimes I enjoyed the comments.

Enjoying this kind of attention from men is often the case for girls without a strong support system at home, or for those girls who feel unwanted or undesired. As Rachel Lloyd, founder of the organization GEMS writes in her memoir, Girls Like Us, “She was uncomfortable with her body and her appearance . . . and she carried that knowledge with her like a weight that she desperately wanted to put down.  Attention from boys, or men, always helped ease that weight a little.”

Although Lloyd writes about girls who have been commercially exploited, even girls who have not been commercially exploited succumb to the attention of boys and men. These girls are often sucked into a relationship or a situation that is not healthy due to their desire for attention from men.  For example, sometimes I liked getting attention from these men because it made me feel like I was wanted and special.

Certain ones, though, made me extremely uncomfortable, and stick out in my mind.  There was one time when two obviously drunk men asked me if I wanted to come home with them.  Another time, an older man groped me on the subway, and I ended up being late to school because I was so uncomfortable, I got off the train for a while.  Then there was the time a homeless man at church tried to kiss me.  Another time, two men on the sidewalk called across the street at me, asking “how much” I was for an hour.

During all of these instances, I was dressed very much like a kid with bell-bottom jeans, a bright pink shirt, long thick coat, and sneakers.

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Until I took this feminism course at my high school taught by my teacher Ileana Jiménez, I never realized how not ok all of this was and how much it was hurting me.  I had the attitude that no matter what we do, the way these men act will never change. At the same time, I had internalized the message that I was merely a sex object for these men and that it was somehow a good thing that they noticed me for my body.

I always assumed that in some way it was my fault for walking a certain way, looking men in the eyes, or wearing certain clothing.  After taking this course, I realize how fundamentally sexist this attention I was getting and my attitude towards it was.

The fact that these men felt they were allowed to make comments about my body is wrong.

The fact that these men felt it was all right to treat me as a sexual object, to touch me or ask me if I wanted to come home with them is wrong.

I never felt frightened to walk down the street, only resigned to what I expected to happen, which is perhaps the worst approach to street harassment. As Rebecca Walker writes in her essay, “Becoming the Third Wave,” “the ultimate rally of support for the male paradigm of harassment, sends a clear message to women: ‘Shut up! Even if you speak, we will not listen.’  I will not be silenced.  I acknowledge the fact that we live under siege. I intend to fight back. I have uncovered and unleashed more repressed anger than I thought possible. For the umpteenth time in my 22 years, I have been radicalized, politicized, shaken awake.”

My sister is fourteen years old.  She looks younger than I did at her age, but as I said before, I’m not sure how much age matters to these men.  I hope that she has never experienced anything along the lines of what I have experienced.  Even before I took this feminism class, I knew I wanted my sister to attend my high school.  I knew that she would be taught things she would not have been taught at any other school.

I know that my teacher, Ileana Jiménez, has been involved with the anti-street harassment movement including work with Hollaback! and with Holly Kearl’s Stop Street Harassment blog and activism. My teacher has also written about street harassment on her blog.  These are the sorts of things that should be taught to young men and women in all schools.

I hope my sister realizes that even the “positive” comments like “So beautiful,” are a way of putting women down.  They are a way of making women into sexual beings, with a complete disregard for personality and accomplishments. I am not telling her to engage in an argument with every man who says something to her on the street.  I just want her to understand, in a way that I didn’t at her age, that these comments are part of a systemic problem of sexism and misogyny.

It is not just some random uneducated man on the street, but a society that feels it is ok to hyper-sexualize women and make them feel less important by only focusing on their physical traits.  My sister is already much more sensible now than I have ever been, so I have faith that it will take her much less time than it did for me to realize how much there needs to be done to protect and empower ourselves and all other girls.

As Audre Lorde writes in her essay, “The Master’s Tools Will Never Dismantle The Master’s House,”: “Interdependency between women is the way to a freedom which allows the I to be, not in order to be used, but in order to be creative. This is a difference between the passive be and the active being.”

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Filed Under: street harassment Tagged With: feminist teacher, GEMS, girls like us, high school, Ileana Jiménez, New York City, rachel lloyd, sister, street harassment

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