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A male ally in New Delhi, India, speaks out – part 2

February 24, 2011 By Contributor

[Editor’s Note: This is part 2 in in a 3 part series. Here is part 1 and you can read part 3 tomorrow]

Another incident. This happened on the train in New Delhi, India. This is a Metro train service within New Delhi region city limits, the same as the BART in San Francisco. I seldom travel on the train to anywhere, I really feel very uncomfortable in the crowds. I had some fever and cough the day before, and the cough medicine had made me really drowsy, so I thought it best not to drive myself. That’s how I ended up in the train. After a full day at work, I was really tired and anxious to get home.

Luckily, I got a seat. Which was really good, because the Tylenol I took last was 8 hours ago and I needed another one soon. There’s a station in New Delhi which is called the Rajiv Chowk Metro station which is like the main station in New Delhi area. There are a lot of people who go through this station everyday and it’s a major junction to take trains to other parts of the city too. If you’re in a train that isn’t crowded, expect it to become very crowded at this station. And that was what happened. A lot of people got on the train. I was still sitting. There was this young lady standing close to where I was sitting. Usually I get up and offer my seat to just about anyone, but that point of time I was really feeling very beat with the fever. As the crowd increased, the girl moved closer and closer to where I was sitting. A middle aged guy carrying a laptop bag was standing very close to her. The lady was standing facing me looking out the window, and the guy was behind her. In a while I could very well make out that the guy was rubbing his crotch on the girl’s back, and the girl was becoming very uncomfortable. I could easily make out what he’s doing because I was sitting and could see his waist at eye level. I promptly got up and gave my seat to the young lady and stood facing the guy. I very politely asked him what he was doing, in a voice loud enough for everyone to hear. I could not help but scream “Why were you standing that close to the girl?” I guess that was when some other people realized that the guy must have been doing something really bad and he was promptly handed over to the Metro Authorities at the next station. The girl did what girls should (recommended in Indian society) She vanished. I guess in the midst of all the commotion, she somehow got down the train and took another one or made her way out of the station and gotten home somehow.

You must understand how India works. If the guy had managed to catch a good look at her, he would have tried to keep a look out for her in the future. That would not have been a very good idea. I strongly feel it was a good idea for the girl to vanish in the midst of all the commotion.

Let’s have a brief look at the middle aged guy’s tryst with the law. The Metro authorities would have made him sit for a while. Some officer would have then tried to talk to him for a few moments. The guy would have pointed out that it was very crowded and it was impossible to stand without being really close to the girl. And the officer would have probably let him go or would have taken a few hundred rupees from him to let him go. And case closed. The next day, the middle aged guy would probably have been on another train somewhere in the city doing the same thing all over again.

Another time, it was raining, and this girl was sitting behind another guy on a motorcycle. The girls pants got wet in the rain and her thighs were very visible. These other two guys were constantly staring at her legs. The girl was becoming uncomfortable. The guy with the girl did try to ride away but the traffic in the market was dense and he couldn’t go anywhere quickly. I was in my car noticing all of this. As soon as the traffic opened in front of me, I swerved a little to the left, hit the two guys who were staring with my fender and raced away. Looking in my rear view mirror, I could see they fell down on the road.

The incident in the Super market is not a rare one. It happens everyday, all over the world. Girls wear short dresses or long dresses, they wear revealing clothes or are covered from head to toe, Men do stare. They ogle and they stare and they do no try to hide the mental undressing that they are doing in their mind too.

The incident in the fast food place is also not rare. It too, happens everyday. The incident in the Metro train is probably repeated thousands of times in every public transport all over the world too. And what would you do in the rains? What do you want women to do? Do you expect all of them to stay indoors or stop wearing light colored clothes?

[Come back tomorrow to read Part 3, with Tbg’s advice to men]

– Tbg

@TbgDgc

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Filed Under: male perspective, Stories Tagged With: eve teasing, India, male allies, street harassment, tbg

A male ally in New Delhi, India, speaks out – part 1

February 23, 2011 By Contributor

[Editor’s Note: This is part 1 in in a 3 part series. You can read parts 2 and 3 later this week]

These are real life stories. Narrated as it happened.

I was at the super market getting late for work and needed to pick up some milk. This is a super market that I frequent often and I know most of the people who work there by their first names and they know me well too.

This new girl had joined recently, like a month back and wasn’t very sure how to handle customers, especially male customers. She was on duty at the check out counter, and I could see a couple of rough looking guys getting their groceries checked out by her. One of the guys stood to the left side and started to hand out the stuff from the cart and the other stood to the other side with a huge sack in his hand.

The girl started to bill the stuff and pass them on to the other guy to put them in the sack. In a couple minutes, while I was looking at them trying to figure out what their intentions were, the other guy then lowered the sack to the floor and opened the top of it and requested the girl to pop the stuff in it. The girl threw in the vegetables but for other groceries she obviously had to bend  from the waist a bit. The guy holding the sack lowered the mouth of the sack a little bit more and very happily ogled inside her shirt each time she bent down.

Needless to say, this incident angered me. There were other people behind me in line who were getting irritated because the girl was doing a slow job, or so they said and the other counters were still closed.

The guy passing out the stuff from the cart bent over to pick up something from the very back of the cart and that was when I saw the ID hanging from his neck. He was a Delhi Police officer. They both were Police officers. (New Delhi, Capital city, India)

That was when I did what I do best. I kept my milk on the counter and moved behind the counter to help her out everything in the sack.

The two cops were angered by this, and humiliated too. They managed to figure out I guessed what they were up to and that must have embarrassed them somehow, or so I’d like to think.

After that, they moved out real quick and the girl still had no idea what those two had been up to.

Another guy who worked there figured it out and murmured me a thanks, and I sure hope he did coach his new comer colleague how to handle such customers from now on.

I remember another incident very vividly. I was standing in line at a fast food pick up place. There was a young teen girl standing in line ahead of me and some guys standing a little away towards the right. Apparently those guys had already ordered and were waiting for their food to be packed. The girl in front of me placed her order and stood to the side. I ordered and I moved back too. The girl was wearing a tee and jeans and a jacket, with no skin visible. The guys standing a bit away were constantly staring at her, and they must have been in their 40’s at least. Pretty soon, the girl became aware of their stares and became a little uncomfortable too. I didn’t know what to do or how to react, so I just moved from where I was standing and stood between the guys and the teen girl. The teen girl was petite and the guys ogling at her couldn’t see her anymore standing besides me so they soon lost interest.

The guys got their food and left, the girl got her food and left. She did not look back or anything, but I’m sure she realized for a moment that there are some good folks in this planet. Very few, it seems to me though.

[Come back tomorrow to read Part 2]

– Tbg

@TbgDgc

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Filed Under: male perspective, Stories Tagged With: India, male allies, male ally, New Delhi, sexual harassment, street harassment

Groped & harassed, but victim-blaming keeps her silent

December 15, 2010 By Contributor

I am a school student. In my area there is a 99 percent chance that you get groped on crowded buses…so i often go to school by cycle…thinking that it was safe…..but i was wrong…. a guy on a scooter squeezed my breast with one hand and before i could react sped off..i was both physically hurt and psychologically disturbed…often people in our society blame the girl for being the victim…for not being careful…so i did not dare to share this with anyone..i hate sick men….most of the men in Chennai are sick.

– Anonymous

Location: Chennai, India

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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment Tagged With: chennai, groping, India, sexual assault, street harassment, victim blaming

Blocking the view of oglers

August 5, 2010 By Contributor

This happened in Delhi. Yesterday evening, I was at a take away place and I had ordered something and was waiting for my order to come through. This young girl about 13 or so walks in and orders some take away food at the counter and stands back waiting for her order to be ready. There’s this group of men in their early thirties were waiting there too. This kid is hardly 13 and has no breasts to speak of and she’s wearing jeans and a long shirt below her hips with an open collar. This dirty group of young men stared openly at the kid’s chest. Made me feel creepy. Think about it, she’s just a kid! It made me very angry, but I couldn’t do much, so I moved myself and positioned myself in front of the kid so the other guys couldn’t ogle at her, as in I came in their line of vision. I cannot go all around town slapping people. That was the best I could do at that moment. What is the world coming to? Everybody has kids who are 12 or 13 at one point of time in life! Sickening!

– Tbg

Location: Delhi, India

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Filed Under: male perspective, Stories, street harassment Tagged With: delhi, eve teasing, India, male allies, sexual harassment, street harassment

Man on motorbike makes woman fearful

July 12, 2010 By Contributor

I was walking to my house, and a man on a motorbike was following me conspicuously. He stopped every few yards to wait for me to catch up, then went on again.

I stopped walking, and tried to take a photograph of him from my cellphone. He got nervous immediately, and shouted and asked what I was doing that for. He tried to grab my phone, and I shouted back.

Some people stared, and he rode away on his bike. It left me irritated and angry. I wish I could hurt that man for making me feel afraid to walk on the road.

– Anonymous

Location: Necklace Road, Hyderabad, Andhra Pradesh, India.

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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment Tagged With: eve teasing, India, street harassment

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