jezebel Archives | Stop Street Harassment

How to Be a Good Guy on the Sidewalk

February 24, 2012 By HKearl

“A number of men have asked us the same question recently: if you’re walking on a dark street near a lady, how can you let her know you’re not a threat? So this week, we offer some tips for dudes who’d like to help women feel more comfortable in public spaces,” writes Anna North on Jezebel.

In her article, you can find suggestions for how men can be non-threatening to women. The advice is given by Neal Irvin, executive director of Men Can Stop Rape, Joanne Smith, executive director of Girls for Gender Equity, Emily May, executive director of Hollaback!, and me, founder of Stop Street Harassment.

Here’s one example of the advice:

“Make a call.

Irvin described a time when he was walking behind a woman who was becoming visibly agitated by his presence. One trick he tried to set her at ease was calling his fiancee on his cell phone. Obviously just making a phone call doesn’t mean you’re not a threat — but it could be a way of showing a woman that you’re not focused on her. Depending on the situation, this could be enough to make her feel better.”

Read the rest at Jezebel and share the article widely with all the good guys out there!

What were you wearing when you were sexually harassed?

August 10, 2010 By HKearl

Yesterday Jezebel asked this question in an informal poll on their website. Today they posted the results:

I clicked several of the choices and I also clicked “other” and wrote in running clothes because I’ve been harassed the most while running.

Some of the other “other” options they listed include:

while picking my nose
in a bar, in a car, in a hat, on a mat…
carrying stacks of books around from the library
in scout uniform, in overalls and in granny jumpers
wearing a hijab
walking, waiting for a bus, generally being female
wearing USMC camo uniform
with women/with my girlfriend/at pride and/or queer events
walking to a restaurant with my parents at age 13
picking up dog poop
giving a guy a lapdance.
doing the time warp
in an ambulance after I broke my LEG.
While at the top of a 20 foot ladder.
entering a house of worship
Unbathed in the aftermath of a hurricane by out of state rescue workers.
dressed as the Virgin Mary (not a joke)
karate uniform
dressed as a toy soldier for a production of The Nutcracker, at age 12
crying my eyes out over a family death
walking my son in stroller; attending a pro-choice lobby day at my state capital
wearing my Arby’s uniform
while having a job interview at an outside cafe
crying/ about to get an abortion
Like a fucking Amish lady
As a 9 year old, wearing overalls.
with horse-manure stains on my clothes and hay in my hair
wearing ann taylor
in a gargoyle costume (it was Halloween, and no, I wasn’t a “sexy gargoyle.”

In India, Blank Noise collects articles of clothing to show how men harass women in all sorts of clothes and that women “Never Ask For It.” This poll demonstrates the same thing. What is so frustrating to me about gender-based harassment compared to other forms of harassment is how much time we have to spend undoing victim-blaming, showing that this is an issue that women don’t bring on themselves, and proving its existence.

As hard as it may be for some people to believe or to have to face, the reality is that every day women are harassed by men just because we are women, not because of what we wear!! This is a societal problem and it must end before women will ever have a chance of achieving equality with men.

Is he masturbating against you?

April 29, 2009 By HKearl

Sadie at Jezebel wrote a post yesterday about the many times she’s been unsure whether or not a man standing by her on a crowded subway is masturbating against her.

She said, “After the fact, somehow, you’re always pretty sure. But at the time, there’s just enough doubt to make one’s course of action debatable. It’s not like being flashed, or getting stuck alone in a car with some guy jerking off which, while horrible, is pretty straightforward…”

My mother had this happen to her in New York City about two years ago. She also wasn’t sure if the man rubbing against her on the crowded subway was purposely doing so or if it was the result of a crowded car, until the car became less crowded and he was still doing it. And even then, she gave him the benefit of the doubt to the extent that she didn’t say anything to him.

It’s a tricky situation: no one wants to falsely accuse someone, but no one wants to just let that happen to them (or anyone else) either.

I’m reminded of various commenters on the recent Boston Globe article about the subway anti-groping campaign in Boston who were SO concerned that women were falsely accusing men left and right of being gropers when they probably were just getting bumped on a crowded train. From anecdotal evidence, I think most women will give questionable gropers and masturbators the benefit of the doubt so I think the fear of those men is largely unfounded. (And funny how that was their concern, instead of being concerned that enough women are getting groped on the subway that Boston had to create an anti-groping campaign…) The fear of being wrong probably keeps many women from doing anything about the questionable gropers and masturbators unless it becomes quite clear what is going on (like if he’s still doing it after the train clears).

Given this dilemma, what have you done if you’ve had a possible groper or masturbator make physical contact with you?

Sadie said she has been known to dig her high heel into a questionable harasser’s foot – and often he steps away from her. My mom reporter the man rubbing against her to the New York City Transit.