Stop Street Harassment

Making Public Spaces Safe and Welcoming

Through a phone call

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I’ve had to deal with cat calling and staring since i was in my early teens, and i was ALWAYS extremely uncomfortable with it. So i had an attitude that i will NOT deal with the crap these creeps put girls through and pretty much…be a b*tch if anyone tries to hit on me or say disgusting things to me. i don’t like to be hit on. these days, being hit on mixed with some vodka can lead to something called rape.

im 21 now and has any of this stopped..nope! these men are thick headed and don’t GET IT. i am a 21 year old girl living in new jersey. i have an amazing boyfriend, a Marine and Iraq Veteran. you would think i have nothing to worry about regarding my safety. wrong!! the other night, when my boyfriend was away for the marines for a few days i got a weird phone call. it was a guy..and he was pretty much screaming at me saying he knows me and needs to know where i am exactly. i didnt know this guy. i told him i dont know anyone named anthony. and he said my full name, that he has a situation and he needs to know my location NOW because he needs to see me tonight. i told him if he has an emergency to call 911 not me and i hung up. i cursed a little here and there but that is me. i go into defense mode. i did not know him and i knew this because he had a “jersey shore guido” accent. im from NJ and i dont associate with those fake people thank you.

anyway i was scared…and my sister was next to me so she googled the number. it was a google proxy number..its confusing i think verizon has it too… that u can pretty much buy the phone number to only use it once and it cant be traced. so now i have a stalker???? and i guess he knows when my boyfriend is away. my full name and my phone number. since that night…i dont like to go anywhere without my boyfriend at all. i dont even like to go to my car in my driveway in the dark. SICK OF THIS.

– NJpink

Location: New Jersey

Share your street harassment story today and help raise awareness about the problem. Include your location and it will be added to the Street Harassment Map.

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New Pink Taxis for Women in Mexico

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Image from the AP
Image from the AP

Women living in the Mexican city Pueblo can now opt to take a taxi driven by a woman. Pink Taxi de Puebla is for women-only passengers and caters to those “tired of leering male drivers.”   Via the AP:

“Some of the woman who have been on board tell us how male taxi drivers cross the line and try to flirt with them and make inappropriate propositions,” said taxi driver Aida Santos, who drives one of the compact, four-door taxis with a tracking device and an alarm button that notifies emergency services. “In the Pink Taxi they won’t have that feeling of insecurity, and they feel more relaxed.”

The fleet of 35 taxis each have GPS, an alarm button and … a beauty kit (?!).

This company is part of a growing trend of women for women taxis cropping up around the globe. In July, one launched in Beirut, Lebanon, and similar services already exist in England, Russia, Australia, Iran, India, and the United Arab Emirates. (Don’t get me started on women-only subway cars and buses…)

The article talks about how the business offers a lucrative job to the women drivers, which is good. But, like with all women-only forms of public transportation, segregation does not mean equality. Women-only public transportation does not stop the men who leer at or harass women who cannot find a woman-driven taxi or need to get somewhere at a time when the women-only buses or subway cars aren’t running (or when they’re already full).  It does not stop men harass women in other public spaces.

It’s easier to make something pink and tell women it will keep them safe if they use it than it is to actually address the problem, and, given the rising trend of women-only services like the one in Mexico, unfortuantely easy is the way many governments and businesses are choosing to go.

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Dealing with it the wrong way

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There is only one road where I can walk my dog to the local park in London, UK and a man has been beeping his car horn or waving and smiling at me every time he sees me alone.

I don’t know him and I don’t want to know him so I’ve never responded in the 6 months or so he’s been doing it – until recently when he did it twice in one day and actually slowed, leered, waved and said hello. I shouted at him to F… Off in no uncertain terms and that was definitely the wrong way.

He has carried on doing it and now he knows for sure he’s really bothering me; just great. He lives in a cul-de-sac and I can see where he lives with his offending car parked outside – until I shouted at him that is. Now he’s hiding his car in his garage, I wonder why? I am tempted to go knock on his door and say ‘Here I am then, you keep trying to get my attention in the street, now what do you want?’ or ‘Is your wife home? Can I have a word with her?’ I guess these idiots rely on women not having the nerve to do that and they’re right. I hate it – why should we be forced into an unwanted confrontation?

Why does this guy persist when he knows I know where he lives? Why do harassers TRUST us? And nobody else sees it as a big problem so we get no support.

– anonymous

Location: London

[Editor’s note: the author selected the blog title; I don’t think there is a “right” or “wrong” way to deal with harassment, we all must choose what’s best for ourselves in each harassment incident]

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Horrors of Street Harassment: A Letter (Part 2)

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Even going out with my boyfriend is uncomfortable. We don’t go out much, but sometimes we have obligatory things to do, like friends parties, art shows, film openings and the like. I hate them all. If we go to a party or have to go to a lounge, leers come from all sorts of men-The most bewildering are men who have their own girlfriends in their arms while they leer at others! Any bar/lounge/restaurant is uncomfortable.

On my birthday last year we went to a fancy restaurant/lounge in Malibu, and a scary, older man was leering at me for some time. I felt like a piece of braised brisket. As soon as my boyfriend left our corner to refill our drinks, the man came over and rubbed up against me even though he had plenty of room. I asked him to step away from me, and he didn’t heed my request until my boyfriend returned and told him to buzz off.

Another quasi recent time was when we went to Medieval Times-The place with the horses where you eat w/ your hands. We were waiting in the court area and a man with girlfriend in tow kept leering in my eyes, very aggressively like he was going to beat me up! These leers are not sexy. They are frightening, and are intended to be demeaning.
Later when we went in to wait for seat, the same man found me again, and continued the terror. Understand, this isn’t an innocent glance. I kept walking around my boyfriend trying to find places where my BF would block the harasser’s view, but the harasser kept moving about to keep me in his eye site.

That’s what it is. Its harassment, intended to dehumanize.

It happened at Disneyland. Once, my boyfriend and I were just being seated into the CA Screaming roller coaster, and apparently there was a group of college aged emo kids behind us in line. One of them noticed me, and bent his whole body over the railing to leer in my eyes. I turned the other way so not to make eye contact, but when I looked back the kid was still aggressively leering at me.

Flipping the bird, staring back or being verbally crass yourself doesn’t fend off the terrorists. It only provokes them.

Waiting in the ride lines at Disney is no pick nick. Last time we went, a family was behind us while we waited for space mountain; a couple teens, parents and a grampa. Throughout the whole hour wait, the grampa stood so close to me his chest and belly rubbed against my back. Every time I would change spots, or step forward he would follow, and rub against me again. He even tried to maneuver around my boyfriend to stand near me. It makes me even not want to go to Disney anymore. The leerers are so numerous, its impossible to account for each one-Each stare that makes me sink lower and lower into my shell.

Even trips, vacations-anywhere-It’s never ending. We went to visit some distant relatives in Louisiana for Christmas, and eating at places there, walking down streets of the boonies was hardly different, however less populated. Beeps at red lights, ‘hollers’, and the ever dreaded ‘leer’ remained a constant. We went to eat tiny lobsters at some Cajun seafood joint, and one man at a table beside ours kept staring at me in the eye. To what purpose, I wonder? It made me feel mortally uncomfortable the whole dinner, and he sat with 6 kids and a woman. I wanted to crawl under a rock, and never come out.

A few years ago I was at Logan Airport flying back to LA, and a scary man was glaring intensely at me for about 20 minutes, with that crude ‘I’m undressing you in my mind’ look; The type of leer you can feel like a heat ray, even if you don’t look back. ( It was the same situation as the Medieval Times episode, where I kept trying to move around and use my boyfriend’s body to block the man’s view-He kept maneuvering to keep me in his sight.)  I flipped him the bird, said ‘what are you staring at?’  It made a small scene and United nearly barred my entry onto the plane- They made me stand to the side while I cried and while the flight attended yelled at me, so every passenger who boarded could give me a dirty look.  They then had me come on the plane last after the pilot ‘OK’d’ me, but only because my boyfriend would not board-They were trying to insist he board the plane without me because I wasn’t allowed.  It was absolutely humiliating, and all because I didn’t want to be stared at like a piece of meat- Note that I didn’t start crying until I was told I wasn’t allowed on the plane for flipping the bird at another passenger. (Yes, it was wholly inappropriate for me to raise voice in a busy airport, but I stressed, hadn’t slept in 3 days and was tired of the BS and being stared at, while attempting to avoid the harasser).  This is a major reason I’ve given up-I used to ‘fight back’, but after the airport incident, I stopped.

These are only instances about street harassment, and only the ones I remember in detail without much contemplation. This doesn’t account for all the times my mother’s husband undresses me with his eyes, the number of times he’s pinched my butt or reached down my pants for a ‘thong wedgie’, or the time he grabbed my genitals.

Nor does this account for the several times I received unsolicited ‘back rubs’ and ‘butt slaps’ from managers and bosses at different jobs, then was fired for complaining. This doesn’t account for harassment and discomfort by customers and clients at different jobs, either.
This is only the fear and dehumanization I’ve experienced from complete strangers in public places.

Men:
Please stop this, so I can come out of my house, and be able to walk to the bank or the video store or the art store without fear. So maybe I can go to the garden store again, or enjoy a ride a Disney or a meal at a restaurant without wishing I had worn a burka instead of a pants suit, or shants and a t-shirt.
Thank You.

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