male allies Archives | Stop Street Harassment

What Can Men Do?

December 30, 2017 By HKearl

Dr. Gary Barker, President of Promund-US, did an interview with Mashable a few weeks ago about what men can do in light of the #MeToo movement and ending sexual abuse. Check out all 5 actions in the full article, as well as excerpts below:

“1. Listen to women. Women are sharing their stories, from just two words to details about harassment and assault. If you as a man feel compelled to comment beyond words of support, think twice. Women who’ve made themselves vulnerable by sharing their painful stories don’t need men second-guessing their accounts or making contrarian remarks. Before you do anything, listen.

2. Talk to other boys and men about #MeToo. If you can’t believe so many women have experienced sexual violence, other boys and men probably don’t realize it either. #MeToo is an opportunity for men to talk to each other about how those experiences are universal for women, and to talk about what men can do.

3. Call it out when you see it.* Too often men see other men harassing or abusing power and turn the other way. It’s uncomfortable for us to question other men, particularly when it’s a friend, a co-worker, or even a relative. Lots of other men knew what Harvey Weinstein did and said nothing. Take a stand and call it out even if it’s uncomfortable – and even if it puts you at risk.

4. Advocate for better education and prevention. Use #MeToo as an opportunity to advocate for long-term education and prevention efforts in schools, campuses, and workplaces. Meaningful change happens through multiple education sessions over time, institutional messages about prevention, and comprehensive training for staff and leadership. Boys and girls need to learn about consent, sexuality, and respect in open, honest ways.

We cannot let our silence be deafening as men. We cannot look the other way and pretend that it’s those other men. We need to speak out and take action today, first and foremost listening to women who have experienced harassment.”

Learn how Promundo is working with partners in the United States and more than 40 countries worldwide to challenge the root causes of sexual harassment and sexual assault and to promote gender justice.

Check out our male allies section and my books Stop Street Harassment: Making Public Places Safe & Welcoming for Women and Stop Global Street Harassment: Growing Activism Around the World for information specifically around what men can do to stop street harassment.

For programming ideas, check out Collective Action for Safe Spaces’ “Rethinking Masculinity” program.

#MeToo Ends Here Unless Men Step Up

October 18, 2017 By HKearl

Millions of people have tweeted #MeToo and Facebook shared that 45% of people’s friends have posted it on their timeline to indicate they have experienced some form of sexual abuse (rape, sexual assault, sexual harassment at work or school or street harassment). The hashtag was started in 2007 by Tarana Burke and brought forward again a few days ago by actress Alyssa Milano in the wake of women coming forward revealing sexual abuse they faced from Harvey Weinstein, a very powerful man in Hollywood who could make or break people’s careers.

I began receiving google alerts about the story before it really got going but it took me days to finally engage with it on my own social media accounts, let alone here for Stop Street Harassment.

I know that the hashtag has done a lot of good and it’s created space for more people to share stories and others to read them. But my knee-jerk reaction was not positive. This is what I wrote on my personal Facebook page two days ago, at the height of people sharing #MeToo online:

While I’m glad #MeToo is trending and blah blah blah people are paying attention to sexual harassment and assault again for a minute, I just honestly feel TIRED. Do any of my other activists allies who’ve been working on this issue for a long time feel similarly? I feel worn down from the accumulation of stories I hear daily and have heard nearly daily for 10 years and periodically for years before that and by my own 100s of experiences of sexual harassment (school, work, public spaces, online, interpersonal), including 3 street harassment incidents in the past 9 or so days. I just wish sexual abuse would STOP. Don’t make us have to keep telling our stories and living through this and then when the new cycle shifts, forget about us. I just wish and wish it would stop. Just STOP.

It received over 165 likes (one of my most popular posts all year) and nearly 50 comments, mainly from people who also work on sexual abuse issues for a day job or as a volunteer activist. So many of them voiced fatigue, too. Like literal fatigue of their bodies shutting down. Many said they were getting triggered by seeing so many stories and others just felt too overwhelmed to engage. Yes, they said, they too felt tired.

Those of us working on these issues know all about the problem and I know the hashtag wasn’t for us. But we’re still impacted. Who will be the ones continuing with the work once the hashtag fades away? Who will still be facing sexual harassment and abuse in our day-to-day lives and having to figure out ways to cope with it and keep moving through our day? Us. Us. Us. Us. Us.

Don’t get me wrong, at an individual level, I think story-sharing is the best way to raise awareness about this issue. But at a community, national or global level, I’m tried of us having to pour open our souls and then seeing the attention end there. WHERE are the policies that can actually make a dent in stopping this? WHERE are the male allies who are vowing to speak up and do something proactive to stop this?

Yesterday and today I noticed several articles asking similar questions and challenging additional action, like Jessica Valenti who suggested in her Guardian piece that we now call out the perpetrators.

Or Rozina Sini who wrote at BBC, “I’d love to see a counter trend of men posting ‘I’m sorry and I’ll do better’ if they feel they’ve ever made a woman uncomfortable, unheard or unsafe. This one’s on you, dudes, and yet I still see all the mobilisation and conversational labour being held by woman.”

Or Wagatwe Wanjuki who wrote for Daily Kos, “If we really want to reduce sexual violence, we need more than social media statuses by survivors. We need more than just our stories of trauma to stop sexual assault. We’ve had many similar efforts (#BeenRapedNeverReported, #YesAllWomen, #IBelieveHer, etc.) in the past, but gendered violence remains a serious issue. It’s because we need more. Listening and believing survivors is great, but it should be the first step of many in doing our part to end sexual violence. We need everyone to participate in raising awareness and taking concrete actions against rape culture, rather than leaving it to survivors to do the heavy lifting.”

I agree with them. And I will add this:

I know there are many good men out there who don’t harass or abuse women but I think the bar should be higher than not raping someone or not catcalling them on the street. That doesn’t make you a good guy. The bar should be truly treating women as equals.

What does this mean?

Do you actively try to ensure women are paid fairly, are not ignored or spoken over in meetings, and are not sexually objectified behind their backs? Do you reject forcing your last name on women at marriage and do you perform an equal share of the childcare/housekeeping/cleaning? Do you raise your daughters to believe they can be as strong, as brave and as competent as your sons? Do you accept no when women don’t feel into having sex?

I think there are A LOT of “good guys” who don’t do these things or at least not all of them. That’s a problem. Treating women as less than, as objects, as property, as your personal thing is connected to sexual abuse and sexual violence. If you don’t respect someone and treat them as an equal, it’s much easier to objectify and abuse them or to tolerate it when someone else does it.

Unless men are actively working to respect women in all aspects of their life, they are part of the problem. Sadly, sharing our stories until we are BLUE in the face and worn out and exhausted won’t do a damn thing at the macro level. Men, please step up and examine ALL of your behaviors toward women. Please, be better

USA: Gender Essentialism, Engaging Men in Sexual Assault Awareness, & Walk a Mile in Her Shoes©

April 27, 2016 By Correspondent

By LB Klein, Jen Przewoznik, & Jeff Segal

Every April, for Sexual Assault Awareness Month (SAAM), men all over the country stumble through public parks in high heels to raise awareness for the gender-based violence movement. Walk a Mile in Her Shoes© has been a staple of SAAM programming since 2001, and has been touted as “a world-wide movement” engaging “tens of thousands of men” in conversations on difficult topics like gender, power, and sexual assault in an accessible and fun way.

Men have embraced Walk a Mile in Her Shoes© – it’s very often the most well-attended SAAM event by men, and its popularity has helped raise tremendously needed funds for rape crisis centers and other anti-violence organizations nationally and internationally. However, many activists and organizers have begun to voice serious concerns over the popular event.

It is vital that we consider not only the intent but the impact of our sexual assault awareness events. In Walk a Mile in Her Shoes©, men step into high heels to show their solidarity with women. High heels are therefore held as emblematic of “women.” But while some women wear high heels, many women do not, and furthermore, women are often targeted specifically because they express themselves outside of the normative societal expectations of their gender. By equating high heels with “women,” we remove gender non-conforming women from our conversations about sexual violence entirely, and reinforce the common myth that people who present in ways that are considered masculine are not vulnerable to violence. Walk a Mile in Her Shoes© positions women as victims and men as perpetrators, but we need to also acknowledge that there are survivors of all gender identities, including men.

Walk a Mile in Her Shoes© also creates spaces that further marginalize transgender people. Forge, a national transgender rights organization, says activists should consider “whether they are re-victimizing more than a third of all victims by ignoring their very existence.” According to the National Transgender Discrimination Survey, 64% of transgender people have been sexually assaulted in their lifetime. Transgender women are often incorrectly and offensively described as “men wearing women’s clothing,” which is often used to justify violence against them. Transgender women, especially those of color, face not only an incredibly disproportionate risk of experiencing sexual and intimate partner violence but also street harassment, police brutality, homelessness, joblessness, incarceration, and murder. It is vital for people working to end gender-based violence to closely ally with transgender and non-binary people instead of holding events that exclude and further marginalize them.

It is evident that Walk a Mile in Her Shoes© has raised attention, awareness, and funds, but at what expense? We cannot afford to raise awareness by perpetuating an essentialist view of what people should wear, how they should look, act, and be. The Walk a Mile in Her Shoes© narrative is accessible because it is reductive, and oversimplification in our work is, quite literally, dangerous. Of course, communities should still hold awareness raising events, but we must be intentional about changing the exact norms that perpetuate violence instead of reinforcing them. Events that re-victimize, erase, or marginalize survivors in their very concept do not have a place in our field.

So, what else can we do instead to engage men during SAAM?

We can hold events that encourage folks of all genders working together. We can bring smaller groups of men together for meaningful conversation or larger groups for fundraisers that are not built around reinforcing harmful gender norms. Perhaps, as Forge suggests, we should hold events that encourage everyone to break stereotypes about gender and discuss how harmful gender norms perpetuate violence. Then, we will be raising awareness of the true message of the movement to end sexual assault: that to end sexual assault, we must change culture.

LB Klein, MSW has dedicated her professional and academic life to ending gender-based violence, supporting survivors, and advancing social justice. She is a Consultant and Lead Trainer for Prevention Innovations Research Center at the University of New Hampshire. She is based in Atlanta, GA and will begin pursuing a doctorate in the School of Social Work at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill this August.

Jen Przewoznik, MSW has over 15 years of experience working with/in women’s and LGBTQ communities as an educator, trainer, technical assistance provider, practitioner, and programevaluator. She is founder of the Queer Research Consulting Collaborative, a project designed to consult with researchers studying LGBTQ issues. Jen is currently the Director of Prevention & Evaluation at the North Carolina Coalition Against Sexual Assault and co-chairs the NC Sexual Violence Prevention Team and the NC Campus Consortium.

Jeff Segal, BS resides in NYC, where he works in the tech sector and moonlights as a professional dancer. He has been a part of the movement to end sexual violence for ten years. Jeff has four years of experience as a sexual violence crisis counselor, and currently is leading initiatives to make social dancing in New York a safer space.

Obama Talks about Online and Offline Public Sexual Harassment

March 17, 2016 By HKearl

Yesterday, President Barack Obama talked about both online & offline sexual harassment in public spaces!! I believe this is the first time he has publicly done so regarding street harassment, so this is big.

Here is a short excerpt, but to read or watch more, jump to around minute 40 of the video (for online harassment) and 50 (for offline harassment).

“…’Obviously, this is not unique to the Internet,’ Obama added. ‘Women have been up against this kind of nonsense since the beginning of time. As long as women have dared to enter the public space — whether they’re fighting for their rights or simply walking the streets, there have been times where they’ve been harassed by those who apparently see the mere presence of women as a threat.’

Obama said that while it’s important for women to continue to speak up about online harassment, it’s also integral that men join in. ‘This is not just the role for women,’ he said. ‘It’s about men speaking up and demanding better of themselves and their peers, their sons, their friends, their coworkers. Because we’re all in this together.'”

Thank you so much, Obama!!

Mid-January 2016 News Roundup

January 18, 2016 By HKearl

Here are some recent stories I thought were interesting and good:

“When Taking a Nap Is a Political Act,” Broadly

“What is it like to sleep under a blue sky? To stretch out on the grass and feel the earth under you? To close your eyes and hear the quiet hum of traffic or the chirp of a sparrow?

I have no idea.

The freedom to rest or sleep in a public space is one that women in India don’t enjoy—being idle in public is not something we do. Not because it is illegal, but because we are vulnerable wherever we go. This is increasingly true in recent years,when the country has seen a spate of violent rapes and street harassment.

This weekend, small groups of women across the country (and in neighboring Pakistan) will fight their fear and vulnerability and head to a local park to do nothing but take a siesta. They will carry a mat, a bottle of water, perhaps a snack or a book to read. Then, they will then take a nap. Or try to.

Hosted by the Blank Noise Project, an all-volunteer collective that campaigns against street harassment, this seemingly subtle protest event is called “Meet to Sleep,” and it asks citizens to come together to reclaim public spaces and make cities safer. Started in 2003 by Jasmeen Patheja as part of her graduation project, Blank Noise mobilizes citizen “action heroes” through its projects, events, and campaigns, and it has played a major role in the snowballing discussion surrounding street harassment in India. The organization has been hosting Meet to Sleep events in cities across India since November 2014.”

“The Politics of Being “Ugly”: Between Being Catcalled and Erased,” For Harriet

“….There is a hierarchy of deservingness put on women, girls, femmes, and non-masculine bodies that delegate a culture of misogyny on a violent spectrum. Women who are categorized as beautiful should expect to be sexually harassed, while those who are categorized as ugly should be grateful for the attention and consideration. In addressing this spectrum of violence, we need to complicate our understandings of street harassment and catcalling. Erasure is an equally violent form of misogynistic brutality against our bodies.

We are affected everyday when our safety is based upon someone else’s sexualization or beauty positioning of our bodies in order to determine our worthiness and humanity. Let’s challenge spaces to include narratives and experiences that speak to being ignored, marginalized, or violated for not being “pretty enough” to be humanized. We must demand that our value as human beings—whether we identify as woman, girl, or femme—exist outside of the dominant scope and gaze of rape culture. Our humanity is not currency for survival. We deserve to exist free from fear, free from expectation, and free from misogynistic violence. “

“Uber Says It’s Fighting Sexual Harassment In Egypt But The Causes Aren’t Going Away,” BuzzFeed News

“This October, Uber Egypt partnered with Harassmap, one of the country’s pioneering anti-harassment organizations, to train drivers to fight against sexual harassment — a rarity in Egypt, where sexual harassment of women in Cairo’s chaotic and neglected public transportation is rampant.

“We know that there are big problems here,” Anthony Khoury, general manager of Uber Egypt, which provides only privately-owned cars, a service known as UberX, told BuzzFeed News. “We want to be the safest drivers around.”

Uber Egypt, based in Cairo, committed itself to a zero-tolerance policy against sexual harassment — a phenomenon criminalized under Egyptian law only in 2014, the same year Uber opened here. The move was also savvy branding for the popular car-hailing app, a more than $62 billion franchise, which worldwide has faced waves of legal cases and protests over drivers preying on female passengers and the company’s worker practices.

For Uber users in this megacity — where traffic is notoriously bad and taxis often a hassle — the app is a much-welcomed upgrade to safely navigate daily life. Since October, Khoury said his team has implemented the short anti-harassment training and even suspended and deactivated a few drivers for incidents of verbal harassment, follow-through unheard of with regular taxis, and had no reported cases of physical harassment.

In Egypt’s struggle against sexual harassment, it’s also still a drop in the bucket.

Uber is largely a luxury of the elite — most people in Cairo can’t afford private taxis — and the barriers preventing women from reporting and prosecuting sexual harassment remain terrifyingly tall.”

“‘Make a Grown Man Cry’ Pepper Spray CTA Ads Upset Women Commuters,” DNA Info

“While riding the CTA Blue Line on Tuesday, Jessica White, a Logan Square resident, spotted the ad for Sabre pepper spray.

White said she was “struck by the casual way the ad seemed to make light of violence against women, by not only cracking a joke about making ‘grown men’ cry, but also implying I would be interested in a powder blue keychain attachment as a form of necessary self defense.

“Considering how many assaults occur on and around CTA property, I would think the CTA wouldn’t post ads reminding women not only how dangerous it is to use their services, but also that they’re on their own when it comes to personal safety,” White said…

Kara Crutcher, an Uptown resident whose Courage Campaign tried to raise money to pay for ads to discourage harassment on public transit, said she is “very disappointed” to hear about an ad that makes light of having to use pepper spray.

“Nothing about a person, male or female, carrying mace as a form of protection in public spaces is comical,” Crutcher added. “I’d much rather see an ad that aims to move us past the existence of violence in public spaces, not an ad joking about mace sales, which is counterproductive to the goals of the ‘Courage Campaign: CTA’ and functions solely as a Band-Aid for the greater issue at hand.”

Good work Courage Campaign: CTA for speaking out.

“NYC police boss urges ‘buddy system’ for women in cabs,” AutoBlog

“14 of the city’s reported rapes last year, and two already this year, were committed by for-hire cabbies. And Police Commissioner William Bratton raised eyebrows with comments on the phenomenon that some felt blamed the victims.

‘One of the areas of concern that we have is particularly young women coming out of clubs and bars,’ Commissioner William Bratton said during a radio interview on WNYC. ‘They’re by themselves and intoxicated getting into a cab … and we’ve seen an increase in assaults in those instances. So we’re encouraging women to adopt the buddy system.’

Some women who spoke to The Associated Press about taxi safety said Bratton’s suggestion smacked of sexism.

“It’s the idea that somehow we have a hand in this,” said Jamie Lopez, 20, who works in retail and often takes cabs late at night because she finds them safer than the subway. “It’s not the victim’s fault.”

“Amsterdam men to don miniskirts in support of Cologne women,” NL Times

“Male members of the PvdA, D66, SP and GroenLinks’ youth movements will be protesting in mini-skirts on the Spui in the heart of Amsterdam on Saturday afternoon. They want to show support for women’s rights and their displeasure with Cologne mayor Henriette Reker’s statements following the large number of sexual assaults in the German city over New Year’s…

On Facebook the youth movements invite men, and women, to join their protest on Saturday, wearing miniskirts. “Not women, but men must keep away at arms length. Too often sexual violence against women is put down as a woman-problem: don’t wear short skirts. That is never the solution. Short skirts are not at fault.” they write.

“Therefore we are reversing the rolls and we celebrate the skirt and the freedom that goes with it. We deploy our hairy knees for a free society in which women can walk the streets undisturbed, day and night, on short-skirt day or in the middle of the winter.”

“One in three people in south east bullied in street over looks and weight,” Chichester Observer

“A third of adults living in the south east have received negative comments about their weight or appearance in the street, reveals a survey released this week.

The shocking results come from the survey “Fat Shaming Britain 2016”, for diet company LighterLife – which reveals the scale of the epidemic faced by those with weight issues, and the damaging impact this is having on their live.

The poll, which looked at 1,000 adults, revealed that more than a third of people (39 per cent) lack confidence due to their weight or appearance, which is made worse by the negative comments they have endured from strangers – face to face, via social media, by text and in the street.

And the accusers are closer to home than you might think. An alarming 78 per cent of people abused by strangers had also received derogatory comments, face-to-face, from someone they knew.

Weight was overwhelmingly the main subject of comments – good or bad – confirmed by two thirds (67 per cent). And almost one in three (31 per cent) felt the comments they had received were “maybe” or “definitely” street harassment.”

“This Is What A Feminist Cat Call Sounds Like,” Bustle

“Ubiquitous and nasty, street harassment is an experience most women are intimately acquainted with. Now, thanks to the incisive folks on Twitter, feminist cat calls are a thing, revealing the true absurdity of this misogynistic practice as only humor can. Although it’s unlikely real men out there will start yelling informed and intelligent twists on the usual sexist garbage talk, with enough support, maybe, just maybe, these tweets will start a revolution.”