Stop Street Harassment

Making Public Spaces Safe and Welcoming

Six Ways My Dad is an Activist

By

My book launch event in 2010. This is how supportive my dad is -- the event was on a weeknight in DC and my dad left work in NYC early, drove 4 hours down to DC, attended the event, and then drove all the way back home so he could go to work the next day. I had a book launch event in NYC the next week that he also attended...he wanted to be at the DC one too to support me at my very first book talk. My mom attended both too.

Happy Father’s Day to men working to make the world a better place!

Happy Father’s Day in particular to my dad who is a great ally and anti-street harassment activists. Here are six examples of his efforts.

1 – When I secured the Stop Street Harassment book contract in 2009, my dad, Alan Kearl, spent dozens of hours line-editing the entire manuscript by hand, twice.  It was truly a labor of love and his advice helped make the book stronger. Last fall, he helped me buy the rights to the paperback edition so I could make the book more affordable/accessible.

2 – Online, my dad has written several posts for the male ally series on this blog and he regularly writes encouraging comments on stories people around the world submit to the blog.

3 – During this past year, he’s represented Stop Street Harassment at several events in New York City, including the Shine the Light on Domestic Violence event at Times Square.

4 – In 2011, I organized International Anti-Street Harassment Day and my dad and mom decided to participate by handing out 100 fliers about street harassment near a subway stop.

5 – In 2012, when I decided to turn the day into International Anti-Street Harassment Week, my dad dreamed bigger organized a rally against street harassment in New York City. Despite a busy work and personal life schedule, he organized over a dozen speakers and performers, including City Council Member Julissa Ferraras, and a crowd of 100 joined in to chant, cheer, and get energized to do something about street harassment. Everyone at the rally was inspired and encouraged by seeing a male ally and a father take such an active role in addressing the issue.

6 – Yesterday, I was in New York City with my family to celebrate an early Father’s Day. In the morning, a friend sent me a photo of a pro-street harassment construction sign in Princeton, NJ. When I told my parents, my dad wanted to drive the 90 minutes (each way) to try to find it and take pictures in person and figure out what company put up the sign. When that proved impractical because of the rest of our schedule, he did online sleuthing and figured out the company and wrote an email to them sharing his disappointment in the content (I’m working on a petition you can sign soon).

While my dad has always been supportive of my efforts, I love how he’s turned into an activist in his own right. I’m excited that we can grow together as activists when we travels to Cairo, Egypt, in July to meet with anti-street harassment members of the group HarassMap (and also sight see).

I hope my dad can be an example to other fathers about the power and importance of working with their children collaboratively to make the world a better place.

Share

It’s Time to Change the Channel

By

“Freedom cannot be achieved unless the women have been emancipated from all forms of oppression” –Nelson Mandela

“Street Harassment is a serious problem. It makes us feel ashamed and afraid unnecessarily. I hate it.”

“Going for a run should not mean going on display.”

“I’ve gone from “queen” to “b*tch” in 6 seconds on the streets of Oakland.” –Voices of women on street harassment.

By devaluing women verbally, street harassment can contribute to situations that make it ok (in the perpetrator’s mind) to escalate into a physical confrontation, specifically if the advances are rejected.

Lately I’ve been doing some training to learn how to help male perpetrators of domestic violence learn non-abusive choices and behaviors for managing domestic conflicts and disputes.

I’ve found that just as domestic violence is about power and control, so is street harassment. And sitting at the root of these ills is male privilege.

With male privilege comes a feeling of entitlement: entitlement to sex, entitlement to being in control, having their needs as a priority, and also the expectation that when a man, or men sexually harasses a woman in public that woman should be happy to be getting some attention.

When their advances are rejected, some men call women all kind of different names in an attempt to get some power back. This name-calling also serves to send a message to women which says that their worth is defined by how satisfied a man is with them.

Living in a culture that has very specific rules and expectations regarding what is feminine and masculine, and one that reinforces in overt and subtle ways the subordination of women contributes to the problem, and many images in the media give the message that its ok to treat women like objects, reinforcing the idea of male entitlement & superiority, and subjugation of women.

Check out this preview for an interesting documentary that examines those images called “Miss Representation.”

Miss Representation 8 min. Trailer 8/23/11 from Miss Representation on Vimeo.

Moving to action

“Allies are needed to fight against every type of oppression. We must use our privileges to level the playing field.  Just as people of color should not be solely responsible for ending racism, just as people in the LGBTQ community should not be solely responsible for ending homophobia, women should not be solely responsible for ending sexism in its many forms.” —Excerpted from (N.A.H.) Blog Post: “It’s Not a Compliment, its Harassment“

It’s time to “change the channel” in our minds and actions. Today, many men are still taught in covert and overt ways that being masculine means suppressing emotions and having power over others.

In my training to work to help male perpetrators of domestic violence learn non-abusive choices and actions in managing conflicts in their relationships, we focus on honesty and accountability. That means being honest about the abuse, and holding ourselves accountable for the choices we make.

We also talk about changing the perception that men are entitled to have power “over”, to one in which fosters equality and shared responsibility as they work “with” their partners. Changing that perception involves questioning our status quo.

Down with the “boys will be boys” mentality. Let’s step outside of the box. Who says catcalling a woman in the street and then calling her a b*cth if she ignores you or stands up for herself is what makes you a man? Who says emotional or physical abuse is the “manly” way to assert oneself in conflict?

It’s time to create a new definition of “manhood”: one which values non-violence, respect, and equity over domination and control.

Men have a lot to gain, but more importantly a lot to give by working against street harassment and other forms of sexism and working toward gender equality.

We can play critical roles in challenging it not only in our personal lives, but in institutions as well. We can teach our young men that it’s NOT ok to harass or hit women. We can also offer counter-narratives that teach them to value the women in their lives for who they are.

We can also be honest and hold ourselves accountable by challenging the “conventional wisdom” and working against giving ourselves an out by assuming “that’s just the way it is and always will be” when it comes facing street harassment and other forms of sexism.

Men can also remain honest and accountable by acknowledging their own privilege. Although we have the privilege to not have to worry about being catcalled on the street, I think a part of being a good ally is staying in the conversation, and doing whatever we can in our lives to use our influence to advocate for justice and equality for women.

Let us move forward from saying “that’s just the way it is” to asking ourselves “What can I do to help?”

Encourage me as I encourage you in this difficult but worthy work towards peace.

Grace & Peace,

Relando Thompkins, MSW—Servant Leader, Teacher, Learner, Social Change Agent and Writer for the Blog: Notes from an Aspiring Humanitarian (N.A.H.)

This post is part of the weekly blog series by male allies. We need men involved in the work to end the social acceptability of street harassment and to stop the practice, period. If you’d like to contribute to this weekly series, please contact me.

Share

bell hooks: The Importance of Male Allies

By

bell hooks’ Feminist Theory: From Margin to Center includes a great chapter about the role of men in feminism. hooks argues that feminism needs to become more inclusive by integrating people from its margins (i.e. men and women of color) into the center. It is only this way that feminism will become the mass-based political movement it needs to be to create real change. This has important implications for male allies working in feminism today.

The chapter describes men as potential “comrades in struggle” and gives several reasons for the “exclusion” of men during the Second Wave.  There are two main forces working against male participation: socialized misogyny and the view of all men as anti-women. Mostly she takes aim at the radical feminists for their separatist rhetoric and fallacious thinking that all men are “the enemy.” In an oppressor—oppressed relationship it would seem that this would be somewhat valid. But turning feminism into an exclusive zone had the consequence of removing men from the struggle. It came to be seen as a “women’s issue” and not a broader human rights issue.*

hooks argues that this separatism did not pose a threat to the existing power structure. They don’t have to be afraid of the movement engaging people in the wider culture. If feminism means withdrawing from society through exclusion, the status quo will remain unchanged. This is no way to create meaningful change.

As these news articles mention, having women-only forms of public transportation is just a band-aid approach. It doesn’t address the root of the problem and is based on the following false assumption. Social norms like street harassment are irrevocable and withdrawal is the only solution to a society that cannot be changed. More male allies working to right these wrongs will be a ringing refutation of this assumption.

– Sean Crosbie

This post is part of the weekly blog series by male allies. We need men involved in the work to end the social acceptability of street harassment and to stop the practice, period. If you’d like to contribute to this weekly series, please contact me.

 

Share

Male Allies, Take Note

By

My fiancé brought an article to my attention this weekend in The Guardian that should make male allies take pause. It describes the current legal action being taken against the London School of Economics (LSE). The suit is being filed by a former student who claims that the master’s program he was in at the LSE’s Gender Institute was “sexist” by not emphasizing the male perspective. As the author of the Guardian article points out, gender studies discipline allows people from across the spectrum to share their ideas and views in an accepting, supportive environment.

A post written by The F Word, a UK-based feminist blog, debunks the claim to sexism by outlining the important role that Women’s and Gender Studies programs have played in the lives of women and LGBTQ folks. In a male-dominated academic landscape, women needed a safe and open space to express their views.

At first glance, this suit just tells another story of radical feminists hatching an anti-male agenda behind the halls of academia and stuffing it down the throats of innocent men. There is a wider and more sinister angle to this story, however. This reaction to women’s spaces as being “anti-male” is symptomatic of a worldview that places heterosexual male perspective as the only valid viewpoint.

Misogynistic practices that dominate both space and discourse, such as street harassment and traditional academic disciplines, are only possible within a society that views men as being more acceptable than women. Women are essentially “renting” space in the park or on the sidewalk in the same sense as they are still renting space in intellectual life. The “landlords” are free to impose the rules and fines.

Male allies can play a role in changing this paradigm. By working to end violation of women’s spaces, we are affirming the validity of those spaces. Our primary goal should be a pluralistic society in which everyone’s space and view is included.

– Sean Crosbie

This post is part of the weekly blog series by male allies. We need men involved in the work to end the social acceptability of street harassment and to stop the practice, period. If you’d like to contribute to this weekly series, please contact me.

Share

“Head high, chin up, walk as if you own the damn street”

By

I have been a spectator to street sexual harassment for as long as I can remember. In my teens I was urged by male friends to ‘check out’ every girl, call it peer pressure but somewhere something felt very wrong.

The girls being gawked at from top to bottom obviously didn’t enjoy the unwanted attention. I could sense that, being a timidly shy person. I always said a “no” and walked straight ahead only to be told I was only being ‘stylish’ and that it was my unique way of wooing them, which I found most absurd.

As I read news of éve teasing’ my anger grew stronger. I guess I’ve always hated bullies who try to intimidate people.

An incident that comes to mind was in college. My girlfriend was groped at 5.30 in the morning while on her way to a temple. Rather than empathising I forbid her from travelling alone. I guess my mind was trained to believe I was protecting her but deep down I was only boosting a typical insecure Indian male chauvinist.

Well that was 10 years ago, but still I witness groups of men staring and chuckling at the sight of any girl they deem fit to be part of their sick world. Honking, singing distasteful songs, sexual innuendos, gestures, calling names, and rating. Eve teasing, as we like to call it in this part of the world, is a crime most rampant, yet most ignored by the witnesses and the victim. From pan spitting autowallahs trying to get a sneak peak from their rear view mirror to 50 year olds gawking shamlessly at school girls, it’s out there.

I think sexist movies/vulgar items have only added to the confusion, repeatedly portraying women as a lesser being only there to please and entertain while our ‘hero’ fights to protect human civilization. Some of our Bollywood airheads take pride in being labelled as the #1 item girl (item means commodity) The portrayal of white women wearing the skimpiest of clothing whilst they push n pull the ‘hero’ who is too cool and takes liberties to feel em up is what you see in every film and a sure shot way of pulling in the audiences. How dense are we?

Daughters accompanied by parents, mothers carrying young infants, young girls walking in the company of males, no one is spared.  The most annoying sight for me personally is young men holding hands (never can tell if they’re lovers or frightened) checking out every woman as if it were ET doing squats.

It’s not just the uneducated laborers at construction sites, but it’s men from affluent backgrounds indulging in the same; maybe in a what they believe sophisticated manner but its still harassment. A friend nudges me once to check out a girl in a skirt. And he goes, “You see her? I bet she’d sleep with anyone!”

As a man nothing pisses me off more than the sight of men shamelessly staring at my partner/friends. Such behavior is at its peak during festivals when heavy vehicles laden with erotically charged puberty stricken boys from slums go to great lengths to jeopardize their lives and that of others. Indian festivals like Janmashtami, Holi or Ganesh Visarjan have drawbacks especially if you’re a woman. Every corner one finds skinny uncouth frustrated ‘govindas’ waiting to pounce on you. Lude gestures, sexual innuendos all in broad daylight and no action is ever taken against these desperate for attention morons. Cops go soft on them in the spirit of revelry.

Tips for Boys

(1) Insecure boys bully and intimidate with the belief they’re superior to women. Its simply a way to assert fake masculinity. Any dignified man with even a little self respect will treat ALL women with respect irrespective of what she wears, personal choices, where she’s from or how she looks.

(2) You look like complete douche bags when you stare, comment, rate etc

(3) Irrespective to what your ‘friends’ think always question your own double standards and attitudes. Avoid laughing at sexist jokes simply to humor them reminding yourself you might offend someone. Do not repeat what your fathers did. Believe me there is no place in the Men’s community for perverts.Your attitude towards strangers reflects your upbringing at home. Besides you wouldn’t want your mother or your sister to go through the exact same thing.

(4) Speak up when you witness/experience bullying. Neutrality helps the oppressor not the victim.

(5) Do away with cliches such as ‘boys will be boys’ You have no bloody right to interrupt another’s personal space just coz you can’t keep it in your pants.

(6) Being stared at by scary strange men can be quite an experience. No woman likes being ‘appreciated’ by random morons.

A little about my group Shoot At Sight

It’s simple. Click pictures of perpetrators of street sexual harassment and upload it on the group. Ive been doing this and the feeling is awesome.

Imagine as a woman, life constantly being interrupted by stares, chuckling and sexual innuendos? You’re constantly being made to feel sorry for stepping outside your door, to feel sorry you’re a woman, made to feel its happening coz your always asking for it.

The bullying MUST stop! By clicking pics I personally believe your taking the power away from the gaze and bringing shame to the whole act. I see so many of them hiding their faces when i whip my phone out, standing motionless in front of them as if to say “lets see how much of a man are you now?”

The more pics we have the more the group grows. The more it grows, the more people would want to join and discuss street sexual harassment as a crime rather than pretending it doesn’t exist.

Head high, chin up, walk as if you own the damn street.

– Mohnish Moorjani

Creator of the group Shoot At Sight

This post is part of the weekly blog series by male allies. We need men involved in the work to end the social acceptability of street harassment and to stop the practice, period. If you’d like to contribute to this weekly series, please contact me.

Share