• About Us
    • What Is Street Harassment?
    • Why Stopping Street Harassment Matters
    • Meet the Team
      • Board of Directors
      • Past Board Members
    • In The Media
  • Our Work
    • National Street Harassment Hotline
    • International Anti-Street Harassment Week
    • Blog Correspondents
      • Past SSH Correspondents
    • Safe Public Spaces Mentoring Program
    • Publications
    • National Studies
    • Campaigns against Companies
    • Washington, D.C. Activism
  • Our Books
  • Donate
  • Store

Stop Street Harassment

Making Public Spaces Safe and Welcoming

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • Tumblr
  • Twitter
  • YouTube
  • Home
  • Blog
    • Harassment Stories
    • Blog Correspondents
    • Street Respect Stories
  • Help & Advice
    • National Street Harassment Hotline
    • Dealing With Harassers
      • Assertive Responses
      • Reporting Harassers
      • Bystander Responses
      • Creative Responses
    • What to Do Before or After Harassment
    • Street Harassment and the Law
  • Resources
    • Definitions
    • Statistics
    • Articles & Books
    • Anti-Harassment Groups & Campaigns
    • Male Allies
      • Educating Boys & Men
      • How to Talk to Women
      • Bystander Tips
    • Video Clips
    • Images & Flyers
  • Take Community Action
  • Contact

“We have sent a Man to the Moon, and Women walk around with Mace in their handbags”

April 13, 2011 By Contributor

Lets see what have we done.

We’ve come a long way. Man on the moon, Satellite in space, heart transplants, liver transplants, all possible.

And yet, when we walk on the road, we do not look at each other, nod and smile.

When was the last time you walked to the market and smiled and nodded to every woman you met on the way?

You simply don’t. Men have done so much street harassment that each woman walking on the street, going to work, driving to work, going to the market, going shopping or simply going for a walk thinks that the man coming in front of her will pass a remark or stare at her breasts or try to at least brush past her.

And it is not unfair to say that men have earned this tag of being synonyms of harassers. It is a badge we have earned over the years after having stared at the breasts of almost every woman we pass by on the street.

Take a minute. Read this. Sit down. Think.

When was the last time your wife/daughter/sister went on a public transport and came back without even a single strange male trying to touch her indecently.

When was the last time you yourself were on a bus/train and saw some random man try and get close to a random woman and you made an effort to raise a voice against that man?

Most probably, you just turned the other way around and thought to yourself this happens everyday.

When was the last time you stood in the aisle while in a bus or a train and did NOT try to peek inside the shirt of the woman sitting on the seats?

Men must realize that every action they do nonchalantly does hurt the sentiments of someone a lot. We have created this whole big mess for ourselves wherein just because we do not speak out against injustice happening on the streets in the form of harassment we too get stressed. Every time the wife of the daughter goes out she has a story to tell when she gets back home. We have started this. We must come forward together as one to stop it.

We must educate the boy child from the very beginning that it is not alright to stare at random woman on the street. We must teach them to respect the fairer sex as much as they would respect a their own mothers. It’s not alright to pass remarks to woman on the street/bus/train/park & everywhere else. All woman are not their honey/sweetheart/sweetie.

Walk on the streets like you would expect other men to walk when your wife/daughter/sister is out walking alone. Seriously men, women’s breasts are not museum exhibits. It’s not alright to stare. It’s not alright to stare down their shirts. It’s not alright to turn back while walking and ogle at their waists and hips. It’s not alright to whistle. It’s not alright to pass remarks. They are NOT your honey. And no, she will not suck you or have sex with you or sit on your lap. Please keep your organs inside your pants. If you cannot control your urges, go help yourselves. Do not expect every random woman on the street to jump in the sack with you. They are not your playthings. Come together as one, reach out, voice out against street harassment. A little effort from all of us can go a long way in ensuring the women can feel safe on the street. It has to be a collective effort. One man alone cannot do it.

But you have to stop staring and ogling. You have to start re-thinking your actions. There is a very thin line between a gentle flirtatious glance and a stare that would make someone uncomfortable. If you don’t get the difference between the both of them, please do neither and help keep some women’s sanity intact.

Do we realize what have we done to this world? We have sent a Man to the Moon, and the Woman walk around with Mace in their handbags.

I would suggest, let’s send all the men to the Moon. At least Mace would be able to concentrate on manufacturing other toys that kids could use.

– @TbgDgc in Delhi, India

Visit his blog at: Desi Ghee and Coffee

This post is part of the weekly blog series by male allies. We need men involved in the work to end the social acceptability of street harassment and to stop the practice, period. If you’d like to contribute to this weekly series, please contact me.
Share

Filed Under: male perspective, street harassment Tagged With: delhi, eve teasing, India, male allies, man on the moon, street harassment

Guyland and the culture of street harassment

April 6, 2011 By Contributor

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/26317942/ns/today-books/

Michael Kimmel’s 2008 book Guyland is a great manual for male allies. It explores what he refers to as “Guyland,” an aggressive and toxic environment that young men of my generation are growing up in. It’s an environment influenced by fraternities that have misogynistic practices, sports, and conservative talk radio that broadcast constantly this message: the women’s movement, immigrants, and rich liberals are undermining long held white male privilege. It simply follows by logic that in such an atmosphere women are perceived as obstacles to be “won over” and, in turn, degraded. Kimmel offers a powerful study that sheds light on the possible attitudes that create the problems of street harassment. Stop Street Harassment offers numerous resources for men to counteract these cultural forces and bring an end to degradation in our lifetime.

Kimmel explains that in a society where the women’s movement has made significant inroads, the traditional ways of “proving” masculinity have been discredited. They are devolving into infantile acts such as encouraging their friends to “score” and employing politically incorrect speech. Stop Street Harassment offers a powerful charge to male allies to fight against such displays of masculinity and how we can work to counterbalance this disturbing cultural trend.

The cultural norms under which “Guyland” operates are becoming so ubiquitous that they can be difficult to fight. Kimmel explains that many men are afraid to question the actions of fellow guys because it may lead to their exclusion. This fear of social isolation among men is one of the reasons street harassment and other acts of violence go unchallenged. Stop Street Harassment provides techniques for men to intervene in these situations and to not be afraid due to peer pressure.

Another important issue that Kimmel addresses is the gray area that men feel in their relationships with women. What men consider to be a friendly gesture may be interpreted as predatory and the line is often vague. The Stop Street Harassment website offers men guidelines on how to interact with women to make them feel safe and unthreatened.

Kimmel’s book also hits home for me in a more personal way. As I participated in the Anti-Street Harassment Day on March 20, I kept thinking about these issues as I realized there was something wrong. Of all the members of my group I was the only male. The lack of male participation in challenging those attitudes that create street harassment is something that our generation is going to have to address. We have the opportunity to be the first generation with widespread male involvement in these issues. Kimmel’s book should be our warning shot.

– Sean Crosbie
Male Ally

This post is part of the weekly blog series by male allies. We need men involved in the work to end the social acceptability of street harassment and to stop the practice, period. If you’d like to contribute to this weekly series, please contact me.

Share

Filed Under: male perspective, street harassment Tagged With: gender violence, Guyland, male allies, michael kimmel, misogyn, Sean Crosbie, sexual assault, street harassment

Ignoring Canaries in the Mine

March 16, 2011 By Contributor

Image via GetReligion.org

In days past, a canary in a coal mine was critical for safety. Miners would keep a caged canary in a mine and as long as they heard the canary singing they knew they were safe from the noxious gases that they were exposed to. If the canary stopped singing and/or dropped dead, miners also knew the mine was no longer safe to work in. Our neighborhoods are our mines and street harassment is a noxious gas that threatens our community safety and stability but goes unacknowledged. The time has come to notice the canary is no longer singing, our communities are getting less and less safe and if we don’t take notice, no one will.

As a member of and activist within the Black community I’ve often thought of street harassment as an unfortunate yet excusable inconvenience. I didn’t grow up in an area where there was a great amount of street harassment but I do recall learning after school or on weekends that calling out to women about their bodies wasn’t a problem, it was a rite of passage. When with male friends, one would dare another to speak to a passing woman and the next would egg on the next friend to up the anti, “I bet you won’t tell her she has a nice ass.” Like the adolescents we were the bet was attempted and others were waged in escalation. Like many young males, this socialization set in motion a pattern of engaging women, not as people but as passing object of male sexual desire and power.

Many argue that street harassment is simply an ill-conceived attempt at getting a date or a woman’s attention, but I’m not convinced of this perspective. Not too long ago, I was speaking with a number of young Black men about “hollering.” They told me that they’d shout at women on the street, make sounds like “psssstttt” to get their attention, and when they really wanted her attention they’d break awa from their boys and yell from the stoop or trailing behind women like, “hey ma! Let me talk to you. Why you walking so quick? Slow down.” The young men were all confident that what they offered up as their way of engaging young women was doing them a service of getting them closer to these women. When I asked, “How many of you can name someone’s wife or significant other they got in a conversation that started with, ‘Ay, daammmmmnnnn your ass is fat. Where you going? Let me holler at you?” They laughed and rebuffed my questions but then began to unpack their assumptions about gender relations, sexual pursuit, and power.

More than anything else, street harassment is about power for boys and men. For Black men who have been locked out of many of the proposed social opportunities of American society, be it work, education, healthy living conditions, etc. power feels a bit foreign. This lack of power exists along with media that inundates us images of “success” that are far from our grasps. In response, many young Black men look for local spaces to have power over something. This power over usually crystallizes in our relationship to women in our community. As boys and men harass women who pass by and feen interest in women responding favorably to grotesque advances and comments about their bodies, it’s all too common to hear these encounters end with, “Fuck you then, bitch!” This last ditch statement reflects males attempt to salvage the “power” in the interaction. The catch is that the final statement not only fails to provide the harasser with power, it also further disempowers the harassed.

Street harassment is so harmful for our community because it serves to dually disempower the Black community. Street harassment is constant in the places I travel daily but seldom do men engage the work of dismantling this “power play.” Both women and men are disempowered, though I must note that women bear the brunt of this disempowerment by have having their sense of safety, their body image, and notions of worth constantly tried in public places. Street harassment is tied to larger gender issues that pervade our community that often result in unstable homes, intimate partner violence, and increased police surveillance. All of which weaken our community. While most men I encounter on a daily basis, to my knowledge, do not harass on the street, most that harass are men. As men, our silence is deafening and we continue to ignore the canary in the mine which says our community needs to deal with issues of gender and power. Until we see street harassment as the problem that it is, we’ll continue to live in our neighborhoods like the miner who labors in a mine with a dead canary, until it’s too late to get to safety.

– Dr. L’Heureux Dumi Lewis, Assistant Professor of Sociology and Black Studies at the City College of New York

This post is part of the weekly blog series by male allies. We need men involved in the work to end the social acceptability of street harassment and to stop the practice, period. If you’d like to contribute to this weekly series, please contact me.

Share

Filed Under: male perspective, street harassment Tagged With: canaries in the mine, Dr. L'Heureux Dumi Lewis, male allies, street harassment

Pay attention to non-verbal clues for a better Mardi Gras

March 2, 2011 By Contributor

Next week, if a woman is walking down Bourbon Street in New Orleans on Mardi Gras, shouldn’t she expect to be harassed?  If a woman sits in a bar, alone during a crowded Thursday night Happy Hour, shouldn’t she expect to be harassed?  If a woman walks through a college football stadium parking lot, alone, late on a Saturday morning, past a series of tailgaters, shouldn’t she expect to be harassed?

Maybe she should.

But of course it doesn’t mean she wants that kind of attention or that it’s okay.  Reading visual clues for addressing a woman at any time, in any circumstance, with any kind of interaction is the responsibility of men.  Men must figure out where the boundary is and respect it.  Although the boundary is flexible and may be bigger and wider depending on the situation, there is nevertheless a boundary over which men shouldn’t cross.

Men must step up to their responsibility and not fall victim to the “well-what-do-you-expect, she-was-asking-for-it” syndrome.  Men will be surprised at how much more successful their interactions with women are when they are in touch with non-verbal clues from women on the street so they can avoid being harassers.

[Editor’s Note: Here are tips about how to talk to women without being a harasser. Be sure to check out a video about this topic on The Consensual Project blog and an article in The Guardian]

– Alan Kearl

This post is part of the weekly blog series by male allies. We need men involved in the work to end the social acceptability of street harassment and to stop the practice, period. If you’d like to contribute to this weekly series, please contact me.

Share

Filed Under: male perspective, street harassment Tagged With: male allies, Mardi Gras, street harassment

A male ally in New Delhi, India, speaks out – part 2

February 24, 2011 By Contributor

[Editor’s Note: This is part 2 in in a 3 part series. Here is part 1 and you can read part 3 tomorrow]

Another incident. This happened on the train in New Delhi, India. This is a Metro train service within New Delhi region city limits, the same as the BART in San Francisco. I seldom travel on the train to anywhere, I really feel very uncomfortable in the crowds. I had some fever and cough the day before, and the cough medicine had made me really drowsy, so I thought it best not to drive myself. That’s how I ended up in the train. After a full day at work, I was really tired and anxious to get home.

Luckily, I got a seat. Which was really good, because the Tylenol I took last was 8 hours ago and I needed another one soon. There’s a station in New Delhi which is called the Rajiv Chowk Metro station which is like the main station in New Delhi area. There are a lot of people who go through this station everyday and it’s a major junction to take trains to other parts of the city too. If you’re in a train that isn’t crowded, expect it to become very crowded at this station. And that was what happened. A lot of people got on the train. I was still sitting. There was this young lady standing close to where I was sitting. Usually I get up and offer my seat to just about anyone, but that point of time I was really feeling very beat with the fever. As the crowd increased, the girl moved closer and closer to where I was sitting. A middle aged guy carrying a laptop bag was standing very close to her. The lady was standing facing me looking out the window, and the guy was behind her. In a while I could very well make out that the guy was rubbing his crotch on the girl’s back, and the girl was becoming very uncomfortable. I could easily make out what he’s doing because I was sitting and could see his waist at eye level. I promptly got up and gave my seat to the young lady and stood facing the guy. I very politely asked him what he was doing, in a voice loud enough for everyone to hear. I could not help but scream “Why were you standing that close to the girl?” I guess that was when some other people realized that the guy must have been doing something really bad and he was promptly handed over to the Metro Authorities at the next station. The girl did what girls should (recommended in Indian society) She vanished. I guess in the midst of all the commotion, she somehow got down the train and took another one or made her way out of the station and gotten home somehow.

You must understand how India works. If the guy had managed to catch a good look at her, he would have tried to keep a look out for her in the future. That would not have been a very good idea. I strongly feel it was a good idea for the girl to vanish in the midst of all the commotion.

Let’s have a brief look at the middle aged guy’s tryst with the law. The Metro authorities would have made him sit for a while. Some officer would have then tried to talk to him for a few moments. The guy would have pointed out that it was very crowded and it was impossible to stand without being really close to the girl. And the officer would have probably let him go or would have taken a few hundred rupees from him to let him go. And case closed. The next day, the middle aged guy would probably have been on another train somewhere in the city doing the same thing all over again.

Another time, it was raining, and this girl was sitting behind another guy on a motorcycle. The girls pants got wet in the rain and her thighs were very visible. These other two guys were constantly staring at her legs. The girl was becoming uncomfortable. The guy with the girl did try to ride away but the traffic in the market was dense and he couldn’t go anywhere quickly. I was in my car noticing all of this. As soon as the traffic opened in front of me, I swerved a little to the left, hit the two guys who were staring with my fender and raced away. Looking in my rear view mirror, I could see they fell down on the road.

The incident in the Super market is not a rare one. It happens everyday, all over the world. Girls wear short dresses or long dresses, they wear revealing clothes or are covered from head to toe, Men do stare. They ogle and they stare and they do no try to hide the mental undressing that they are doing in their mind too.

The incident in the fast food place is also not rare. It too, happens everyday. The incident in the Metro train is probably repeated thousands of times in every public transport all over the world too. And what would you do in the rains? What do you want women to do? Do you expect all of them to stay indoors or stop wearing light colored clothes?

[Come back tomorrow to read Part 3, with Tbg’s advice to men]

– Tbg

@TbgDgc

Share

Filed Under: male perspective, Stories Tagged With: eve teasing, India, male allies, street harassment, tbg

« Previous Page
Next Page »

Share Your Story

Share your street harassment story for the blog. Donate Now

From the Blog

  • #MeToo 2024 Study Released Today
  • Join International Anti-Street Harassment Week 2022
  • Giving Tuesday – Fund the Hotline
  • Thank You – International Anti-Street Harassment Week 2021
  • Share Your Story – Safecity and Catcalls Collaboration

Buy the Book

  • Contact
  • Events
  • Join Us
  • Donate
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • Tumblr
  • Twitter
  • YouTube

Copyright © 2025 Stop Street Harassment · Website Design by Sarah Marie Lacy