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Healing after Assault Abroad

April 14, 2016 By Contributor

This article is cross-posted from Wanderful with permission from the author for International Anti-Street Harassment Week.

Trigger Warning: Assault

As non-male travelers, we live uniquely gendered experiences. No matter where we are, women’s safety is an ever-relevant topic. Thanks to technology, we are more connected to information about traveling to different parts of the world.

From deciding to go to Israel to attending protests abroad, safety matters to all of us. But how do we prevent or avoid smaller, more targeted crimes, like assault or petty thefts?

I had never been assaulted until I came to Nicaragua, the safest country in Central America.

I have traveled to several different countries and put myself in much riskier situations, so I did not expect to be assaulted at knife point in the morning as I ran up the huge hill.

I was wearing headphones, as I do on my typical morning runs, but I had no electronics with me. I wear headphones to avoid catcalls, so men will think I can’t hear their sexual and lewd comments.

trail-660x440Image by Unsplash user Paul Jarvis.

My attacker pulled out a knife and felt through my pockets. He knocked me to the ground and kept searching them, hoping to walk away with an iPhone. Ten seconds later he realized I had nothing of material value on me. He walked away with nothing, and I was physically fine, but I had the emotional consequences to deal with.

As soon as I came home, I felt extremely unsafe. Instead of my post-run feeling of accomplishment, I was petrified. I didn’t know what to expect after an event like I had just experienced.

Still, I vowed not to let this experience stop me from living and exploring this beautiful country. Just as I didn’t expect to be assaulted in a country where I feel relatively safe, I didn’t expect to recover immediately.

I did realize the importance of taking steps to heal, so I learned what to do after an experience like mine.

Here are the steps I took to help me recover from the assault:

1. Report the crime.

After being assaulted, I immediately called my Peace Corps Security manager and reported the crime. The hardest part of it all was admitting what had happened. I have never said the words,

I was assaulted at knife point.

I described the attacker as much as I could, and after reporting the assault, it was easier to process what happened.

If you find yourself the victim of an assault, reporting the attack to the police is also a good option. Even if the assailant is never caught, reporting helps others become aware of safety issues.

2. Write about it.

As soon as I reported the crime, I wrote down exactly what happened, to further acknowledge it. Writing has always been a form of therapy for me. After a few days, I wrote a powerful letter to my attacker in order to quell the thoughts of what I should have or could have done.

I don’t really believe in the concept of full closure, but psychologically engaging my attacker in a final dialogue and forcing him to listen to me made me feel as if I was able to process everything that happened to me and to gain some form of closure.

3. Don’t do it alone.

As an introvert, I usually thrive on alone time, but not after an assault.

I immediately called my friends, who came right away to keep me company. I told them that I felt like I’d gone through a break-up, and they reassured me that I was feeling as if I’d broken up with my feeling of safety. They had undergone worse attacks than I had in their lives, and we talked about things that we wouldn’t have normally broached in conversation. I was so reassured because I wasn’t alone.

A few of the people who supported me did so from afar. I reached out immediately to a few people with connections to Wanderful for online articles and resources. One of those was Leanna. I felt comfortable reaching out to her because she had been assaulted and was not afraid to write about this personal issue so publicly. She inspired me to be open about healing and to let others know they are not alone.

Delia reminded me that, although I wasn’t physically harmed, this was a traumatic experience and that I am more than worthy of self-care.

4. Be okay with your recovery time.

The first day was the worst. I had an insane amount of flashbacks. My mind kept replaying every little thing that had happened and how I felt in those 10 eternal seconds of my attack. I didn’t know when the flashbacks would stop, but I decided to be okay with it. I was also okay with crying at random times because I knew it would pass. I knew I needed to give myself the time I needed to process what had happened.

5. Talk to a therapist.

After my assault, I spoke to a therapist every day for three days. She helped me to come to terms with what happened and to process it further. I don’t usually seek out therapy, but I knew I couldn’t do this alone and that I needed to have a better idea of what to expect. Calling a therapist is still awkward for me, but I know that it is worth it. I don’t enjoy appearing weak, but I know that the short-term discomfort of reaching out for help far outweighs feeling too ashamed to reach out in the first place.

My therapist let me know that my flashbacks were a normal, bodily response and that, with time, they would decrease.

If you can’t afford a therapist, there may be a therapist in your area that offers their services on a sliding-scale. There are also online therapy options and help that you can find in books.

6. Be vulnerable.

Avoid listening to social stigmas of feeling “ashamed” that this happened to you. It wasn’t easy for me to write a descriptive blog post about my experience. The hardest part was clicking “publish,” but it was worth it.

I broke the silence about assault. Friends and acquaintances reached out to me, offering words of solidarity and comfort. I reminded myself that vulnerability is not weakness. We fear being vulnerable because we fear rejection, but I have learned to push past this fear and embrace my vulnerability.

Hopefully, you will never need to heal yourself after an assault. But you may encounter a friend who could really benefit from your support. If you do need this list, know that what you experienced is not your fault. Repeat that a hundred times to yourself if you need to.

Further Resources:
Post-Harassment Self-Care by Autostraddle
Traveling Is Healing for Me, a story by male PTSD survivor C. David Moody
Traveling with PTSD Discussion Forum

Do you have any other advice for fellow travelers about recovering from an assault? Share them in the comments.

Char Stoever was born in Mexico and grew up in Moses Lake, Washington. While at Wellesley College, she gravitated toward learning French and enjoyed being in language classrooms the most. After studying abroad and traveling in France, she realized how empowering it was to be a woman traveler. After graduating, she tutored at-risk high schoolers in San Antonio, Texas. She then taught at Brooke Charter School in Boston. In August 2014 she began her 27-month Peace Corps Nicaragua service as a TEFL Teacher Trainer. As the LGBTQ volunteer coordinator, she has led safe space trainings for Peace Corps Staff. She does social media marketing for the Peace Corps Nicaragua Gender and Development Committee,  and is an editor of Va Pué, the volunteer-run magazine. She also does social media work for Soma Surf Resort Nicaragua.

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Filed Under: anti-street harassment week, Stories Tagged With: assault, Nicaragua, running, traveling

“Grab my butt and SQUEEZE with both hands”

January 29, 2016 By Contributor

Today I was going for a jog. I was minding my own business when I passed a young man, nodded and smiled as I usually do with anyone I see. I continued along my route and then I heard someone walking behind me. At this time I was walking as I was a little tired and since I had slowed down, I moved over to allow them to pass. I glanced back to see that it was the same young man.

This was strange to me so I moved a little further away in the hopes and expectation that he was simply walking and minding his own business. But then he proceeded to, WITHOUT MY PERMISSION, grab my butt and SQUEEZE with both hands.

As I turned around, he was running and within seconds, turned a corner and was out of my sight. I do not take these matters lightly and I do not believe they ever should be taken lightly as this is a violation of my rights and personal space.

I did report this to the police and hope that if I see him again, I can confront him and let him know that what he did was not okay. I am a little disappointed that things like this happen all the time. They shouldn’t. I was very much upset by this and am even more upset that someone would have the audacity to do something like that. I feel like I can’t even walk down the street without being worried about being harassed, and that’s a shame.

Optional: What’s one way you think we can make public places safer for everyone?

Educate our communities. Let it be known that women should not have to be worried while in public places doing normal everyday things that we should be allowed to do safely. Teach our children that people should be respected despite gender, race, class, religion, sexual orientation, etc. Our communities should be made aware that misogyny and sexism of any kind is intolerable and SERIOUS.

– VC

Location: Winnemucca, NV, USA

Share your street harassment story for the blog.
See the book 50 Stories about Stopping Street Harassers for more idea
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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment Tagged With: assualt, groping, Nevada, running

Young Boy is a Bystander Hero!

November 19, 2015 By Contributor

Note: This is cross-posted from author Julia Price’s Facebook page.

Julia Price, from her Facebook post

I was on my usual running path when I heard an older man yelling loudly enough for me to hear through my headphones. “Sexy lady, hey hey hey sexy lady!” He kept screaming it and I decided to just ignore him and keep running.

This ignoring seemed to piss him off so he lashed out and said “eff you, dumb B****!” Now let’s keep in mind he was well-dressed and appeared to be on his lunch break from an office job.

That was my trigger point. The B word. I ripped off my headphones prepared to stand up for myself when this little boy who was walking alongside his mother and little sister in a stroller looked at the guy and said, “Hey. That is not nice to say to her and she didn’t like you yelling at her. You shouldn’t do that because she is a nice girl and I don’t let anyone say mean things to people. She’s a girl like my sister and I will protect her.”

The man was immediately embarrassed and started gathering his lunch to leave. I asked the mother if I could hug the little boy (his name is James) and I told him how grateful I was for him. He just shrugged and said “Well I just wanted to make sure your heart was okay.”

According to his mother, this is a typical day in the life of James. Thank you so much to the mothers and fathers who are raising the next generation to be brave and courageous, and to be little earth angels for all. I am so touched.

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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment Tagged With: bystander, running, success story

Street harassment and running – ESPN article

May 22, 2012 By HKearl

I’m on vacation without a laptop and trying to blog from a smart phone! So this will be short and light on embedded links.

ESPNW published an article today about street harassment and running and features some of my experiences (though a few facts were mixed up). It was in large part my harassment experiences while running that led me to start my activism work.

Harassment while running or exercising outside is sadly common, especially for women. When I surveyed over 800 women for my book, nearly one in four said they exercised at a gym instead of outside to avoid harassers on at least a monthly basis. This is not okay. We should have the right to exercise wherever we want without experiencing harassment!!

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Filed Under: News stories, street harassment Tagged With: ESPN, running, street harassment

Oregon shrubbery harasser

April 21, 2010 By Contributor

I am on a business trip and after I checked into my hotel this evening, I went for a run. I like going running new places. I was on a dead end street off of a busy one when I heard a man’s voice, “Hey girl, run girl, yeah you better run girl!” Then in an increasingly aggressive and louder tone of voice, he started yelling, “Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Oh yeah!”

My heart started pounding. It was an otherwise deserted area and a location unfamiliar to me. I turned around to see who he was and maybe confront him, but he was hidden from view behind shrubbery. As his aggressive tone sunk in a bit more, I felt frightened and I sprinted back to the main road and made my way back to my hotel, trying not to cry.

It may not sound like that big of a deal, but it’s really shaken me up, especially since I am now in an empty hotel room in a new state across the country from where I live. This incident has made me feel vulnerable as a woman out in public on her own and that makes me really mad. I have every right to be in public and not be harassed and frightened! I’m not going to cower and hide and not go for a run or travel by myself but in this society, I know that comes with a risk of being harassed or assaulted by scary, disrespectful men 🙁 It makes me so ANGRY!

Shrubbery where the harasser's voice was coming from

Anyway, I drove back there in my rental car and took a quick picture from my window. It’s only of bushes, but it marks the spot.

When will women be safe?

-holly

Location: Clay Street SW, Wilsonville, OR

Share your street harassment story today and help raise awareness about the problem. Include your location and it will be added to the Street Harassment Map.

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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment Tagged With: harassed while running, oregon, running, sexual harassment, Stories, street harassment

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