Stop Street Harassment

Making Public Spaces Safe and Welcoming

“Can I have a pair of your panties?”

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I get street harassed A LOT. I have had a man touch my ass on the bus twice, had a guy touch himself while sitting next to me on the bus while looking at me, have had disgusting things said and shouted and whispered to me on the street.

Once I was on a fairly full bus- a guy came up to me and asked me quietly if he could ask me a question. I presumed he wanted to ask directions or something, so I said ok and he said, “Can I have a pair of your panties?” I said “excuse me?” and he repeated it in a disgusting voice. I raised my voice and replied so the whole bus could hear me, “EXCUSE ME, DID YOU JUST ASK ME FOR A PAIR OF MY PANTIES? HOW DARE YOU!” and everyone stared at him and he leaped out the door of the bus and ran away. That felt more good than embarrassing.

All of this has happened in Italy. I’m not a hugely attractive girl, I’m just… pretty to those who know me, I suppose, but I don’t stand out too much… I often wear skirts but with black tights and I never wear low cut tops or even high heels. And I don’t even hang around bad areas of the city. It always happens in nice neighbourhoods or in the city centre where I work.

Whenever I am harassed, I’m not usually the best looking or even most provocatively dressed woman nearby. I feel like there is something about my expression or attitude that attracts these guys. I have spoken to my friends about it and no one I know has had anything near the amount of disturbing experiences, even my drop dead gorgeous friends.

Whenever it happens, even though I am almost used to it, I feel frozen with fear and can’t be 100% sure it’s actually happening and not me being paranoid. Like when a guy touches my ass on the bus, I’m not sure.. and then as soon as I get off the bus, I know it was for real and I should have done something to shame the guy. It makes me sick to the stomach and is no way flattering. I know it’s not meant to be flattering, it’s meant to make you feel sick or angry or intimidated. The thing is, if you complain about it you end up looking vain or something. I really hate it but people just shrug and say “you’re a pretty young girl, it happens.” Well I don’t see the model-type girls in bare legs and hotpants getting harassed.

– JT

Location: Turin, Italy

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“What are you doing, black girl? Practicing to be a whore?!”

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I was walking up 6th Avenue and stopped to check something on my phone when this guy came up behind me and said, “What are you doing, black girl? Practicing to be a whore?!”

I was shocked but managed to pretend that I didn’t even hear him. He walked on a little further, proceeding to yell at any other black woman that passed him by, for absolutely no reason. He asked one how much it’d cost for a blowjob (apparently he only had $3 on him), told one pregnant woman that her “pussy will be mad loose in a few weeks”, and loudly accused a very old woman of asking sexual favors. No one acknowledged him, which seemed to be irritating him, but I wonder if “men” like this will ever meet their match.

– Gab

Location: Chelsea, NYC

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“It made ME feel like the one that was wrong”

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I have been harassed only twice in my life, but when it did happen, I felt shame, disgust and horror. I didn’t understand why I thought it was my fault, and I still don’t.

What happened was I went to help an old teacher out at a prom where he was taking pictures. He was a respectful elderly man, and I was happy to do it for him. I decided to dress up in a nice dress and I felt really good about myself. And then when I got there, his ‘associate’, an older man (but not as old as him) pinched my butt. Everything froze and I felt so dirty. I stayed the whole night helping my old professor, but I could see the other guy trying to catch my eye all night long. It was so disgusting and I felt really betrayed even though I knew that my professor wouldn’t have condoned that type of behavior.

And when I got home, I didn’t know how to tell my mom. When I did she was so unmoved and I didn’t understand how she couldn’t see what was wrong but she thought that I should take it as a compliment. WTFFF? Even worse, she told my dad that an elderly man had complimented me, and I couldn’t even talk to him about it. I know how small a thing it is to be groped, but it hurt so much because it made ME feel like the one that was wrong.

– Mag

Location: Poughkeepsie, New York

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A mother with a long way to go

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I feel as if I rarely get harassed now (knock on wood), but when it happens, it’s annoying. And once again, as mentioned in the story back when I was called N-word in August, it hurts when loved ones don’t back me up.

This past Friday, my mother treated me to see Tyler Perry’s “For Colored Girls…” and the first theater we went to was mobbed. (I’m not a Tyler Perry fan but am a fan of Ntozake Shange, and I can’t figure out what about Tyler Perry movies brings people out in droves, but I digress.)

The deal was that I was going to use my mother’s card to buy the tickets while she parked the car, while I kept in contact on my phone to let her know the status of tickets. I get to the kiosk and the show we wanted to see was sold out with the next one being two hours away. As I informed her of this and was proceeding to leave the theater, some dummy pushed me and told me “Move!” I wasn’t in his way!

I forgot to hang up my phone as I went to confront this guy, telling him I wasn’t in his way and he had no right to push me, and once again, like in the last story, my mother hears me and she’s yelling “What are you doing? Stop! Just leave!” The satisfaction of this guy standing there looking humiliated (while some other guy laughed at him being told off by me) disappeared because of my mother thinking I’m a child incapable of defending myself and thinking for myself and her constantly blaming me for things that go wrong.

My mother has been exposed to your site and is interested in your book and has become more educated about street harassment, so to speak, but I still feel she has a long way to go before she 1) realizes I’m an adult and if I feel like defending myself, I will (I haven’t lived under her roof in years, so I don’t get why she can’t see me as an autonomous woman) and 2) I’m not to blame for what happens to me. I didn’t ask for that guy to push and snip at me to “Move!”

I get into the car and tell her what happened to cause me to go off, and she gives a perfunctory “Well, that theater gets crowded and attracts rowdy people…we should’ve went somewhere else.”

I just want to feel as if she’ll have my back 100%, for once. I don’t know why she can’t.

– Tired of Being Harassed

Location: AMC Hoffman 22 (Alexandria, VA)

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“Some guy said he would let me fart in his mouth and hold it in until I told him to let it out”

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I’m glad I found this site. I feel more in control knowing there are actions I can take instead of feeling angry and helpless.

A few days prior, this was my story.

When stepping off the trolley, before my foot even hit the pavement, “Bitch nice glasses” was hollered at me. I was caught off guard and didn’t say anything, but am sure I made an angry, uncomfortable face.

When he didn’t get the response he was looking for he attempted to demand my attention by yelling, “Anyone ever do this to you?” and licked in between his fingers, motioning that he was going down on a woman. I hate that gesture, when has that ever been sexy? It’s gross and infuriates me. I flicked him off, told him he was rude and to f* off. Then he calls me a cunt cause I wasn’t excited about it. I apologized to a mother and child for swearing in front of them and the dude started at it again.

I was so angry, I called him an ignorant pig, shook my textbook at him and said I should beat him with it. He then dropped his pants and smacked his bare ass as he walked away. It made me so mad I cried in the bus stop. It happens so fast. I’m glad he left when he did.

His intention was to get a rise out of me and he was successful. The only thing worse than that feeling, is knowing the other person is getting away with it and will do it again. I’m glad to now know strategies to detour that behavior.

This isn’t the first time. I’ve been followed for blocks, crossed the street only for them to cross with me. I’ve been told my tattoo on my chest is “begging for his head to be shoved between my tits.”

“Does the carpet match the drapes?” & “Can I get your number?” are common introduction sentences.

I’ve been told all the dirty things someone would want to do to me while in a gas station. Some guy said he would let me fart in his mouth and hold it in until I told him to let it out. I didn’t even know people did that. Another guy asked me, “What I could do with 9 inches.”

Seriously? That is not something you ask/tell a stranger. It is disrespectful, disgusting and made me feel 100% uncomfortable.

I don’t dress provocatively, I rarely wear makeup. I am a 5’9″ nerd. Not someone “begging for it” (sarcasm, an outfit does not justify harassment). People would say I am nice. I’m not one to yell fuck you at a bus stop, but there I was doing it.

For someone to make another human being feel this uncomfortable and unsafe, only because they are different, is immoral.

– Anonymous

Location: Cleveland, OH

Share your street harassment story today and help raise awareness about the problem. Include your location and it will be added to the Street Harassment Map.

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