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“If you don’t want a bad reaction from a woman, don’t follow strangers!”

June 19, 2010 By Contributor

Yesterday I was walking down my street heading home, and right outside my apartment I passed by two guys in their twenties heading towards me. A couple of seconds after we had passed each other one of them yelled to me, “Put a smile on your face!”

I was caught off guard and I turned around to see his inane grin. I’m afraid I only replied in a meek and confused tone, “I don’t know you…don’t tell me what to do.”

This made me furious because for a week I had been anxious about my boyfriend and I splitting up. We were due to have a serious chat tonight. So a lot of things were on my mind. I don’t have to explain why a stranger telling me to smile ticked me off.

But LATER that night I was heading to the store for groceries when I passed a neighbor (who has never struck me as particularly friendly – more thuggish) in a wheelchair lounging with a group of friends on the sidewalk outside his apartment. As I approached, his friends signalled to him and he turned around and breathed “Hi, Baby” as I walked past. I gave a disgusted look but marched on. He continued with, “I said Hi… What the fuck.”

At this point I was really sick and tired of it. Why do these incidents occur more often when you are in a vulnerable emotional and mental state?

Well, it wasn’t over. Tonight I was on my WAY to the dreaded conversation with boyfriend and was walking out of the subway train on the platform towards the exit, deep in thought. Suddenly a voice very close over my shoulder says “Hi, How are you?” Startled, I stopped and turned around and saw a guy in his twenties in a dress shirt and suit pants, looking at me EXTREMELY INTENTLY. As I stared at him in evident confusion he defended himself with “Just saying “hi”. I said, alright, and backed up past him and exited through the nearest turnstile, picking up my pace. Ahead of me was an escalator and a row of two or three staircases. I picked the stairs on the far right because I didn’t look forward to having this character follow me or stand behind me on the escalator.

When I was almost at the top I heard a voice right behind me: “I want to talk to you”. It was him AGAIN! I shook my head and said, in a not friendly tone, “Maybe I don’t WANT to talk.”

I reach the outside of the station, and he’s right behind me, saying with much resentment: “Maybe you have a bad attitude.” I turn right and start heading in the direction of my meeting place. I turn around and, raising my voice, say “Maybe you’re a CREEP.” He starts responding, equally loudly, with an expletive here and there, but I’m no longer listening but walking away in a rage. I turn around and scream finally: “GET AWAY FROM ME, YOU FUCKING CREEP!” As I walk on, I hear that he has called after me one more time, so I give him the finger as a final parting gift.

When I find my bf, I tell him I need to take ten, because my Zen-like state which I found so necessary to have a calm conversation with the person I love about going our separate ways, had been ruined.

This was the first time I had responded this way to street harassment. And it didn’t make me feel immediately better, because I was pondering – did I overreact? Was it even effective in showing this guy that women have a right to be left alone in public? Should I have kept my voice calm and instead informed him that he should leave me alone, before freaking out like I did?

But posting here has been cathartic. NO. I did NOT overreact. Maybe I’m a crazy bitch. more likely, I’m having a bad day. Either way you do NOT know me and if you don’t want a bad reaction from a woman, DON’T FOLLOW STRANGERS!

– anonymous

Location: Bowling Green, NY

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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment Tagged With: sexual harassment, street harassment

“No black woman can walk down the street without getting harassed here”

June 18, 2010 By Contributor

I have lots of experiences that constitute street harassment. I have to use public transportation, and all the bus stops available for me to use are good walks away from where I live, so I have to deal with being honked at as I walked down the street. This is a daily expectation. I will occasionally have some asshole yell at me from their cars.

There’s this one guy, I don’t know if he lives in the driveway I always find him in or not, but he’s taken to saying hello to me and I say hello back and then he tries to hit on me (asks me “Where your boyfriend at?”). The first time this happened and he asked me that question, I just immediately shut down communication and kept walking. The only reason it happened a second time is because as soon as I said hello, I realized that it was the same guy who bothered me the last time. I don’t know what he said to me after I said hello the second time, but I imagined it was similar to what happened the first time. This has only happened twice, but I’m scared this will happen every time I see this guy.

One of the most prolific harassment experiences I’ve ever had is a bit surprising because of the location it happened in. I currently live in Southeast Atlanta where it seems that harassing women on the street is a part of the culture down here, you know, no black woman can walk down the street without getting harassed here. We’re suppose to expect it down here. But this particular incident happened while I lived in the more affluent northern part of the city, where Buckhead and Sandy Springs are, and happened in an area where I didn’t have to expect harassment daily.

I was coming back home from a morning walk when this car actually pulled up beside me on the side walk, slowed down and rolled down the window and everything, and the guy in the car (I didn’t see him because I didn’t actually stop while this was happening) started trying to proposition me to do whatever with him or to talk to him or something. I was so scared and embarrassed that I just kept walking and never actually heard what he was asking. This was a car that had actually slowed down while I was walking back home before, but the person inside had never actually stopped and tried talking to me before.

I consider myself a sex positive person and sexually enlightened and all of that jazz, but when stuff like this happens it never ceases to be annoying and embarrassing. It’s one thing to be on the receiving end of sexualized attention that you actually want. But a completely different experience to be on the end of sexualized attention that you aren’t asking for or wanting. They’re not nearly the same thing or the same experience — sex is being used in one, abused in the other.

– Jaleesa

Location: Atlanta, GA

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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment Tagged With: atlanta, georgia, sexual harassment, street harassment

Women in the Maldives face street harassment

June 17, 2010 By HKearl

“At midnight Rachael, 25, returned from a friend’s place. Glancing around to make sure she was not being followed, she climbed the stairs to her seventh-floor apartment.

When she’d first arrived from the UK several months ago to work on a government project, she had smiled and replied to the greetings thrown her way on the street. She stopped doing it when the men started following her.”

This is from an article in the Minivan News about the high rates of street harassment that women, especially foreign women, face in the Maldives (the smallest Asian country that is comprised of 1,200 island in the Indian Ocean. The local population is 300,000 and the annual visitor population is 600,000). The harassment is usually verbal and vulgar, no matter how covered up the women are when they are in public. There are also many cases of groping and stalking.

For foreign women working there, harassment is usually a daily occurrence. The native women interviewed said they are not usually harassed as often and rarely is it physical. One woman mused that “physical harassment directed at local women has lessened ‘as guys know that we will scream, and slap them and embarrass them if they try anything.'” Interesting, if true.

The police officers interviewed for the article said that there are very few reported cases of harassment or assault in public by women and they urged women to report it if the are harassed. Depending on what the person has done, they can prepare a case under the public nuisance laws and send it to the Prosecutor General’s office.  In the article, the good news is that two of the foreign women interviewed called the police and said the police were wonderful and took their complaints seriously.

So even though I had to look up the Maldives to see where it’s located (time to brush up on my geography!), I am unsurprised that street harassment is rampant there. I find it interesting how two-thirds of the populations is comprised of visitors and I wonder how that contributes to foreign women being harassed more than local women.

Anyway, obviously this is a global problem and it must end!

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Filed Under: News stories, street harassment Tagged With: foreign women harassed, groping, Maldives islands, sexual harassment, the Maldives

A Jewish woman’s stories (part 2 of 3)

June 17, 2010 By Contributor

I am a religious Jew, and I have had three unpleasant incidences of street harassment. This is the second and the most bizarre one [here’s the first one].

I was sitting on the downtown 1, desperately hoping that it would get me to Penn Station in time to catch my train. I was dressed in a t-shirt and a long skirt that made it easy to pick me out as a religious Jew. A 40-ish ultra-Orthodox guy with a long beard got on the train, picked me out as a “member of the tribe,” and insisted that we converse only in Hebrew. That was weird, but whatever, I’ve had interesting Hebrew conversations with friendly strangers on mass transit before.

It’s a little hard to translate, but this is the gist. He started off by asking me if I knew of a women’s seminary in the area, especially one that did singles’ events. I wasn’t sure. He asked if I could suggest any particular religious woman, age 30-50. I couldn’t. We established that I was 22, and I gave him my Hebrew name, not my English one.

Then he kept going on about how he wasn’t trying to “start up with me,” (connotation: flirt with me,) that he was a sensitive soul looking for a good woman, it wasn’t about lust (pointing at his crotch), not like those young guys who go pick up women at (gasp!) the beach! Then he kept saying, “I have something to say to you. Do you have time?” I kept answering, “So say it. I’m stuck on this train for now.” Based on the rest of what he was saying, I think what he meant was that he wanted to _speak with me_, but he was using the wrong words. (Remember, this conversation was all in Hebrew.) In any case it was clear that he wanted me to leave the train with him and go chat under a light in the park or something. Not happening! At various points in the conversation, he got very offended and angry, to the point that he was scaring me.

I nearly missed my stop as he protested, “But I’m a sensitive soul! I’m religious! How could you suspect me?!” To my horror he too got out at Penn Station. I ran as fast as I could through the LIRR concourse up to the NJ Transit concourse and my train, and either I lost him or he was going elsewhere.

Had he followed me into the station I would’ve reported him, but since he didn’t, I didn’t think there was anything I could do about him. I was just thoroughly creeped out.

– HD

Location: New York City subway

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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment Tagged With: Hebrew harasser, Jewish woman, new york city transit, sexual harassment, street harassment

Three organizations that care about women’s safety in public

June 16, 2010 By HKearl

In light of my recent post about if “the left” cares that women aren’t safe in public, which is rather a downer piece, I want to do an upper piece and point out three organizations that do care. I applaud them for taking this issue seriously.

1. United Nations: Through UNIFEM the UN has a comprehensive Safe Cities project. The initiative started in Peru and Argentina and has spread to other countries, such as India.

“Harassment and abuse of women and girls in public spaces is a rampant yet largely neglected issue. This module provides guidance on how to create safe cities and communities for women and girls to live a life free of violence drawing on the knowledge of experts and on existing programmes that work.  This advance version, walks you through essential programming elements, giving step-by-step guidance for implementation with illustrative case studies and links to tools and other resources.”

Printed out, it’s over 200 pages. I’m in the midst of reading through it and I’m impressed by its scope and am SO glad that an organization with the caliber of the UN is addressing this issue.

2. Government of Wales: Recently they launched a “One Step Too Far” Campaign that illustrates the slippery slope between harmless interactions and harassment in public places.

“The campaign asks individuals to re-assess the impacts of their own behaviour and that of their peers. The absolute cut-off between harmless and abusive is subject to debate, and depends on the context and on the individuals concerned. One thing is not open for debate however, and that is that any behaviour that degrades, humiliates or frightens a woman is unacceptable.

Gender discrimination stems from a man’s perceived sense of entitlement. It’s this attitude that gives him the green light to direct derogatory and unfair behaviour towards women. By accepting this behaviour- either as a woman or a man- we propagate this attitude in society as a whole.

If it’s ok to express these attitudes, then it’s ok to express these behaviours, right? And if it’s ok to express these behaviours, then where’s the harm in pushing it a bit further, right? Sexism falls within a continuum of harm, a slippery slope of ever-worsening behaviours that moves women further and further from where they’re entitled to be.

Physical violence towards women, sometimes resulting in death, is where that slippery slope ends. Which is why we must all challenge these attitudes.”

The hidden camera video is excellent and they list numerous resources. There’s also a comments section though I’d pass on it unless you love reading comments from men who think it’s perfectly fine to harass women in public who dress “a certain way.”

3. International Center for Research on Women: They are running an excellent initiative in India focused on changing boys’ and men’s attitudes about masculinity and gender issues, including addressing the rampant problem of street harassment, or eve teasing, there. One component of the initiative is called “Parivartan.” Through it, cricket coaches and role models on community cricket teams attend workshops on gender issues and then, because the others on the team look up to them, expose large groups of boys to healthy definitions of manhood and respect for women. This excerpt explains the impact on one of the participants:

Rajesh Jadhav via ICRW website

“…As is custom, Rajesh explains that women stood in a compartment [of the train] relegated for them. But the train was packed on this day, so some women were in the general area, alongside men. That’s when Rajesh saw a few men deliberately brush up against women. His eyes caught the pained looks on women’s faces.

Another time – actually, many other times – Rajesh says he was with friends when they harassed girls with lewd comments. He says he’s seen friends do so if they thought a girl was too tall. If they thought her skin was too dark. If she was with her boyfriend, they’d comment about what she did with him sexually.

In India, such behavior by Rajesh’s friends is called “eve teasing.” It runs the gamut, from making suggestive remarks to groping women, and is relatively common in public settings.

“I always used to feel … that we look at women and girls from a narrow perspective, and we make fun of their existence,” says Rajesh, who is pursing a bachelor’s degree in commerce at a nearby college – a rare opportunity in his community. “I’ve seen girls break down and cry and I couldn’t do anything.”

Until now.

These days, Rajesh has the confidence to speak out against mistreating women and girls. Sometimes, he even intervenes to stop it. He admits to being pressured to harass girls, too – and has in the past – but no more. “I know now that is harming someone’s dignity.”As a participant in ICRW’s Parivartan program, Rajesh has become an ambassador of sorts, preaching to his peers that women shouldn’t be controlled, and that men need to learn how to handle problems without using violence.”

So wonderful. Can we please get a similar program in the US?! Additionally, check out ICRW’s publication What Men Have to Do With It.

“Most policies that strive for equality still focus exclusively on empowering women and neglect the role that men can play in the effort. This report summarizes how policies of seven countries (Brazil, Chile, India, Mexico, South Africa, Norway and Tanzania) involve men in gender equality goals. The study also examines whether the policies address social norms that reinforce traditional perceptions of what it means to be a man. The authors analyze advances, challenges and remaining gaps in a range of policy arenas”

I am so grateful for the programs of these organizations and hope that other big groups will follow suit and address the fact that nearly all women and girls are unsafe and unwelcome in public spaces at least sometimes because of some boys and men. That won’t change until we all do our part to make sure it changes.

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Filed Under: street harassment Tagged With: eve teasing, International Center for Research on Women, one step too far, Parivartan, sexual harassment, street harassment, UNIFEM. United Nations, Wales

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