Stop Street Harassment

Making Public Spaces Safe and Welcoming

Train bridge harasser

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I recently graduated high school. One day I was headed to lunch with some friends and I passed under the train bridge. I made the mistake of locking eyes with some guy coming in the opposite direction. I quickly averted my eyes, but after we had passed he circled back.

“Is your name Sarah? Are you a junior at __ High School?”

I told him I wasn’t Sarah and I wasn’t a junior. My friends and I tried to walk off. He walked with us. Still assuming I was under 18, he asked for my phone number. I turned him down and we walked off very quickly.

– anonymous

Share your street harassment story today and help raise awareness about the problem. Include your location and it will be added to the Street Harassment Map.

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It just felt good to fight back finally

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There has been a union protest going on near my building for the past couple of months. Generally two men at a time stand on the sidewalk in front of the building they are protesting, all except one are always polite and stand at opposite sides of the sidewalk in order to let pedestrians get on with their business. This one I have had the displeasure of dealing with several times.

This stretch of sidewalk is on my way to the grocery store, so you can imagine how often I have to go down it. I always wear my full Goth regalia to the store because homeless live around the grocery store and sometimes try to mug people- I have found from past experience they are afraid of Goths. Mind you, I am completely covered from the neck down, so it’s not like this guy has much reason to bother me in the first place. Well, each time I would walk past he would try to pick me up.

“Hey baby, where you goin’ in those big ass boots?”
“Hey puss in boots!”
“Hey sexy dom girl!”

I finally had it one day and had already been rehearsing some choice responses in my head. The older gentleman that was standing with the offender had seen this guy harass me before, and upon seeing my approaching turned to the offender and said “Dude, just don’t. She’s not interested.”

This did not deter him of course, since it’s obvious that he is an idiot. He opened his mouth and had the gall to ask, “Can I have your number, babe?”

I turned heel, the first time I had actually stopped in front of him, and yelled, “No! Would you fuck off?”

He laughed and then said “Oh, yeah, well…I have bigger boots than yours at home!”

I turned and started walking away as the older gentleman shook his head, his hand over his eyes in disgust. I called over my shoulder, “I’m sure you do, we all need to compensate for something, don’t we?”

Thankfully I haven’t seen him since. I’m sure the older gentleman reported this idiot to the union and they somehow had him removed. It just felt good to fight back finally.

– anonymous

Share your street harassment story today and help raise awareness about the problem. Include your location and it will be added to the Street Harassment Map.

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Constant harassment on vacation in The Gambia

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The GambiaEvery other male I met “Had a go” – walking with me, telling me I should leave my boyfriend in favour of the harasser, asking me if I wanted Gambian babies, refusing to go away when I asked politely and getting angry with me. And I was modestly dressed in baggy trousers and long-sleeved tops, often with my head covered too, but it made no difference. I was on holiday for two weeks, but I didn’t leave the hotel room for the second week because it was so bad, even from the hotel staff. Women – just don’t go to the Gambia!

– Crystal

Location: Banjul, The Gambia

Share your street harassment story today and help raise awareness about the problem. Include your location and it will be added to the Street Harassment Map.

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Miss D.C. speaks out

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Image via Miss DC

In follow-up to yesterday’s post, I was able to connect with Jen Corey, the current Miss D.C. She graciously agreed to answer a few questions for me about her experiences with street harassment to help raise awareness about this issue.

(And if you’re in the Washington, D.C. area, you can catch her tomorrow on NBC’s “Daily Connection” from 2-3 p.m. EDT. She will be speaking about her harassment experiences. UPDATE – awesome news clip from Miss D.C. from NBC and around minute 3:30 she mentions HollaBack DC! and Stop Street Harassment)

HK: How old were you when boys or men started harassing you in public places?

JC: I was probably about 12 or 13. I was very tall for my age (about 5’8″ in middle school) so men assumed I was much older. It actually happened in front of my mom frequently and she would have to step in and say something.

HK: About how often do men harass you in public places?

JC: Extremely often. I work in Georgetown so I would say most days of the week as I’m walking down the crowded streets for lunch, someone will say something or stop in front of me and look me up and down. I also take the metro every day so I get yelled at from cars while walking to and from the metro.

HK: What impact does street/public harassment have on your life?

JC: It’s been very upsetting. I had a traumatizing experience a few years ago in Adams Morgan. I was getting all of my girl friends into a cab in front of the McDonald’s. I was the last to get in and as I was standing there, a car full of men pulled up behind me and a large man reached out and slapped me so hard on my backside that I fell face first into the cab. My friends didn’t even realize what happened at first because it sounded like a car had run over a water bottle. The men just laughed and drove away while I stood in the street crying. There were officers on the side of the road, but they did nothing. My cab driver yelled at me to get into the cab so we could follow the car, but by then I was in pain and just wanted to go home. I had a bruise on my chin and a black and blue hand print on my backside for a week.

I refused to go back there for a long time. And when I first started going back I would demand to stay sober, thinking that I could “protect” the other girls I was with.

HK: Do you feel the harassment has changed since you became Miss DC? If so, how?

JC: I don’t think it’s changed because most of the time that it happens now, I am not wearing my crown and sash. It’s just as frequent. It happens when I’m all dressed up going to an event, or when I’m leaving the gym with my hair in a ponytail wearing sweats.

HK: Where do you draw the line regarding what you find to be acceptable and unacceptable interactions between strangers in public?

JC: I don’t want to be disrespected. More than anything, I don’t want to be touched. Don’t grab my hand when I walk by and ask me “where’s your smile?” Don’t walk past me, stop and look me up and down saying “daaammmnnnnn.” I don’t expect every guy to leave me alone when I’m out, and I don’t even mind cheesy pick up lines. I just want to be respected and I don’t think that it’s too much to ask.

HK: How do you usually respond to harassers and what response/s has/have been the most empowering for you?

CJ: Well I definitely don’t go around hitting them, although, this incident over the weekend was not the first time I had to. I used to ignore it, but now I assess the situation (and my potential risk of getting hurt) and act accordingly. Most of the time I get in their face (since I’m almost 6 feet tall, we look eye to eye) and say something like, “Did you really think that was going to work?” or “Don’t touch me. I’m bigger than you.” And I always tell another guy that I know or think I can trust near by about what happened. This way if the creep comes back, I have someone else backing me up.

HK: Do you have any suggestions for other women about how to deal with this kind of harassment?

CJ: Don’t ignore it. That’s the problem. Certain men do this because they think they can get away with it. If you don’t feel comfortable doing something yourself, then tell someone near by.

HK: Do you have any ideas or plans for addressing this issue in DC?

CJ: I will be going on NBC on Wednesday, May 26, to talk about the issue. If I can be a voice for other women who are fed up, then I will do whatever I can to make things right.

This is not OK or something we should ignore. Getting grabbed is NOT just something that’s part of the bar scene and should be accepted. I have every right, as an American, to go out and not be touched or hit.

I am so glad Jen is speaking out about this. All women should have the right to go places without experiencing unwanted touching and harassment from men. Find ideas for what you can do to help end this problem. And if you’re in the DC area, check out the anti-street harassment work of HollaBack DC! and Defend Yourself and how you can get involved.

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Not even safe at a kids’ softball game

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I am a 42 year old mother. I didn’t realize “it” was on-going for the past 3 softball games. First day it started from one man, a divorced father of a female player. It was ten thousand questions, why isn’t your husband here, doesn’t he come to your daughter’s games? Invasive questions, why haven’t I see you here before? Are you happy in your marriage? Where did you go to university, how long have you been in this borough? I tried to deflect these increasingly uncomfortable questions.

Then it was you look pretty today. How is “Suz” today? I felt that he was leering at me during each game, while I attempted to watch my daughter play ball.

The third game was tonight. The girls were along the grassy area waiting for their turn at bat. I heard a few of them giggling and then one said the term “Justin Bieber lesbian web site”? (who knows what that meant) So I immediately got up to quietly remind them for speaking of inappropriate things during a public ball game.

When I returned to my “camp” chair, the accident/malpractice attorney father of one of the teenage players (that I barely know, only in that our daughter’s are on the same team) leaned over and said, “I guess she found your web site?” (Wink, wink) He thought it was hysterical.

I did get up tell him how offended I was, even challenged him in calling it sexual harassment and I spoke loudly in front of the other “posturing” men in suits along the grassy parent area. I called my husband, who came right down to the field and challenged the attorney that his behavior was unbecoming of an officer of the courts. I urged the attorney to look into some diversity/sexual harassment training program for his law firm.

But the bottom line, his behavior made me feel bad, dirty and sad even after I realized that it wasn’t me, it was harassment. I got this turned around feeling in my stomach and here it is almost midnight & I am left to “google” sexual harassment in public places, which lead me to find your website.

🙁

– Suz

Location: Pittsburgh, PA

Share your street harassment story today and help raise awareness about the problem. Include your location and it will be added to the Street Harassment Map.

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