street harassers Archives | Stop Street Harassment

Y Chromosome Sense of Entitlement

September 6, 2012 By Contributor

After becoming frustrated, angered and upset at yet another piece I read about the abuse and harassment women have to put up with on a daily basis, I got to thinking.

All of the great groups there are out there working to combat this sort of disgusting behavior are headed by women, run by women and spoken about and promoted mostly by women. Of course there are some wonderful men out there who are also vocally against this sort of treatment of women. But overall, it seems that it is just the same good people who are speaking out about street harassment and sexual assault over and over again.

The abusers and harassers never seem to write about their experiences, try to make us understand what it’s all about or even offer some sort of explanation or justification for their behavior. Why is this, I wonder?

My conclusion is, it has to be because the men that do this sort of thing don’t see anything wrong with it at all. I call it a Y Chromosome Sense of Entitlement.

They think because they are men, they are the stronger, the more dominant and important sex, thus, they have a sense of ownership and claim over women so they can treat us in any fashion they please. The street harassers and abusers think that women are objects put on this earth just for their pleasure.

What they don’t understand is for someone to be entitled to something, they have to earn it. For example; you go out for a few drinks over the weekend after a weeks’ work because you deserve it; it is your reward for your hard work. People who feel a sense of entitlement when they ultimately have done nothing to deserve it come across as nothing but childish.

Sadly, a lot of men are afflicted by the Y Chromosome Sense of Entitlement. Here are five types:

1 – The guy who thinks it’s funny and feels he has the right to play the ‘big dog’ or alpha male in front of his friends and show his dominance over a woman walking alone. Oh how manly you are, sir to call me baby and comment on how much you like my boobs, please catch me as I swoon into your big strong arms. Well I have news for you dawg you’re not the pimp you think you are. You are an ass, a nuisance, a street harasser and no woman would find you in any way attractive or touch you with a bargepole covered in antiseptic cream.

No decent men will ever have respect for you for behaving like a cave man in public. You make women feel deeply uncomfortable, you scare and upset us. When you do this we have no idea how to react because if we ignore you or call you out things could escalate either way, so we just try to look confident while quickening our pace until you and your homies are out of sight and earshot and we breath a sigh of relief that we haven’t just been raped or sexually assaulted.

2 – There is the creepy loner guy who just seems to hang around. He makes you nervous at the sight of him and your gut is screaming at you to keep your distance from him. But of course you don’t want to cause a scene, he hasn’t done anything yet, so you subtly keep your back away from him and are on high alert with your most defensive posture all the while trying to look nonchalant and really into your book or music player. However, in reality you haven’t read a thing since you spotted him and your music is down so low you can’t even hear what song is on. You stay on guard until he walks passed you or gets off the train/bus but even when he is out of sight your mind is filled with thoughts that he might come back.

3 – There is the guy who is in a position of power which he will happily use to his advantage (and he’s usually a little smarter and a little more subtle, often married). The boss man, the friendly and charming guy, who sometimes gets a little too close for comfort but he does it to everyone so you take no notice at first. Then he will make the odd comment about how you look but you can’t really do much because he is your superior and once he knows he can get away with it he will start to brush past you when you are in a tight space. You want to keep your job so you have to put up with it.

You don’t, it is sexual harassment and it is illegal. I know people need to earn a living but at the end of the day your personal safety and well being should be more important than a wage packet. To those creepy bosses that abuse their positions of power and trust I say, a lot of you have daughters well just think one day your daughter could have a boss just like you or worse marry a guy just like you.

4 – There is the opportunist guy who will quickly try and grope or touch you either in a subtle or obvious way. Mostly it’s on nights out in crowded areas so you can’t see exactly who did it or as they fly past on a bike or in a car. Some of them actually don’t care if you can see their faces, they wanted to touch an intimate part of you so they come right up to you and do it and they will not apologize for it. They think they did nothing wrong. Meanwhile you are feeling a mixture of tears and venom bubbling up inside of you, but you know there is nothing you can do, they are gone and you will probably (hopefully) never see them again.

5 – There is the good guy and secret misogynist who will sit down or come up beside you and try to make conversation with you while it is obvious to everyone but him that you want to be left alone. But why wouldn’t you want to talk to such a wonderful man? After all you are lucky he choose you to converse with. You nod and smile while trying to get away or maybe you politely say you’re not interested/have a boyfriend/are waiting for someone. This is when you see the good guys true colours and he erupts shouting at you calling you a bitch saying HE JUST WANTED TO TALK TO YOU! What’s your fucking problem, whore? And to think you actually felt bad for turning him down in the first place and tried to be nice about it!

It is not right that women are in constant fear for their safety day or night, whether outside, traveling, or in a work environment. The abusers and harassers have never been leered at or groped so many times they can’t count. Men are not entitled to treat women in this way, we do not deserve it. It has got to stop.

There is also another type of guy I want to mention, this is the most important type.

There is a man who sees women as his equal and talks to them as such, who treats them with respect and who doesn’t have a sense of entitlement. Without these men, the world’s population would have severely depleted! They are real men. Decent men, who don’t hurt or mistreat women and don’t stand for other men doing it either, in fact they call them out on it. So I want to say thank you to them for helping to restore my faith in the male gender.

Which kind of guy are you?

This guest blog post was written by Yvonne Ní Mhurchú.

Are you interested in guest writing for Stop Street Harassment? Contact stopstreetharasment AT yahoo DOT com.

Consequences for street harassers

December 19, 2011 By HKearl

One reason why street harassment is so pervasive is because street harassers rarely face consequences for their actions. But lately, more and more harassers ARE facing consequences, sometimes from the women they target and sometimes from the police.

1 – In Kuwait, after nine men sexually harassed young women at a shopping mall, the police shaved their heads and made them sign a pledge of good conduct in public.

2 – After a soldier groped her, a store clerk in India threw rocks at him on the street, cheered on by passers-by.

3 – When a man groped her on the subway in Boston, a woman took his photo and reported him to the police. He was charged with indecent assault and battery on a person over the age of 14.

4 – A street harasser in Bellingham, Washington, approached two women on a street, making offensive slurs. After one of them said they didn’t want to talk to him, he caused $600 worth of damage to their car. One of the women tackled the man and held him down until a bouncer from a nearby bar came to help. The harasser was was arrested and taken to jail for investigation of malicious harassment, which is a hate crime.

5 – After groping a woman on the street in Romania, a street harasser was chased away by the woman.

YES!

Read 16 other memorable responses to street harassment from this year.

Hopefully each of these harassers will be deterred from harassing again because of the consequences they faced. There’s less incentive for them if they know they could have their head shaved or be chased or hit or jailed.

What kinds of consequences do you want to see street harassers face?

Turning harassers into frogs, blowing up their trucks!

July 1, 2011 By HKearl

Love this! Cartoon character Zatana uses magic to deal with all kinds of annoyances on her way home from her job late at night. My favorite is when she turned four street harassers into frogs! If only that were possible…

Related, I finally watched Thelma and Louise last night after hearing about it for years. While I knew the basic plot line, what I hadn’t heard about before was how after the same truck driver street harasses them three times, they end up giving him a talking to (e.g. “How would you feel if someone did that to your mother, your sister or your wife?). When he refuses to apologize and calls them nasty names, they blow out his tires and end up setting his truck on fire!

Take that street harassers!

Camera gives you X-ray vision… just what street harassers need

April 22, 2011 By HKearl

Computers, internet, and phones let us raise awareness about street harassment and even report street harassers. But technology can also work against us as we try to make public places harassment-free.

Here’s an example.

Not only is taking photos of people in public, including upskirting, perfectly legal in a lot of states, but now people who do it can take pics that allow them to see through thin fabrics!!

Via Gizmodo:

“This S95-styled point and shoot, the Midnight Shot NV-1, is the perfect camera for perverts. Why? Cause it has an infrared-night shot mode which can let you see through thin fabric and other materials.

It has a regular mode too! But the night-shot mode is where the nudie cam comes in. It gets the blocking filter out of the way, letting all infrared light through while a super bright IR LED “invisibly” illuminates everything in the picture. That infrared light can actually penetrate thin clothing, and since the camera can capture the infrared light, the clothing in the picture turn see through.

Other cameras have had some sort of feature like this before, but never so blatantly. One note: the nudie cam effect works best in the daytime but try not to be a perv. $140″

Ugh, so now we have to wonder if what we’re wearing is considered “thin fabric” in case our street harassers have an x-ray vision camera? *Shakes fist* why, can’t you only be on our side, technology?

[Thanks goes to my Gizmodo-reading partner for the story tip.]

Two heroes call out their street harassers and their stories inspire other women to be brave

April 19, 2011 By HKearl

I was raised to be polite, quiet, and not hurt people’s feelings, just as so many girls and women have been, and standing up to street harassers (or any harassers) is not something that comes naturally to me. I am in awe, then, of women (and people) who just go for it, who stand up to harassers no matter what, and by doing so, make the world a better place. Today, I want to mention two of them and I consider them to be heroes.

First, this evening, I had the honor to meet Nicola Briggs, the woman who made headlines last fall by calling out a subway pervert who had his penis out against her on the subway (a video of it went viral on YouTube). During the subway incident, Nicola didn’t think about being polite or ladylike, she didn’t worry about making a scene. She called the guy out loudly, got bystanders to help make sure he didn’t get away, and reported him to police. He was arrested and later convicted.

The Islip Area AAUW Branch in New York sponsored me to speak at their local library this evening and Nicola surprised me by coming to the talk! I asked her to share her story for the attendees and everyone was very impressed and inspired. I know I continue to be both impressed and inspired by her presence of mind and determination to make sure he didn’t harass any other woman. Coincidentally, she wrote a guest post on iHollaback today.

Second, today on the ACLU Blog, Robyn Shepherd shared an amazing story of standing up to a street harasser/sexual assaulter. She was on her way to work when a guy whacked her on her rear on the street. She chased the guy down yelled at him and called the police who came and helped her look for him. In the end, he got away, but it was still an important response. She writes,

“I’m realistic. I knew they were never going to arrest this guy. But here’s the thing, and the point to this whole long, profane story. I know there are a lot of people who think it wasn’t that big a deal. But the truth of the matter is, what this guy did was sexual assault. “Forcible touching and harassment,” if you want to get specific.

Sexual assault doesn’t always necessarily mean something as horrible as rape. And too often street harassment is unreported, and douchebags like this think they can get away with it because the girl is gonna be too embarrassed or too meek to do anything about it. Or they think it’s “just a slap on the ass.” And that’s not right, you guys. I don’t know how other women feel about their posteriors, but you don’t very well get to smack the hell out of it willy-nilly because you feel entitled to do so. There will be repercussions.

To the NYPD’s credit, they did follow up, and the detective told me that if I really wanted to press charges, she would help me do that, even if it meant looking through a lot of surveillance tape and looking at lineups and all that stuff. I opted not to, figuring that they had this guy’s description, and if he did it again, he’d be in a lot of trouble. But something tells me he’s not going to. I think I scared him. Or as the detective said, “So you ran up and confronted him and screamed at him in a bank.”

“Yep.”

“…Awesome.”

I know what happened to me could have been a lot, lot worse. But someone doesn’t have to be raped to be humiliated, violated and hurt. Sometimes, all it takes is a smack on the ass.”

Exactly.

It’s our right to be safe on the streets and the subways and buses and in stores and we don’t have to be embarrassed to call out the jerks who try to hurt and humiliate us.

Thank you, Nicola, thank you, Robyn for standing up to harassers and thank you for also sharing those stories. You inspire the rest of us who aren’t as brave to try being brave.