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A Jewish woman’s stories (part 2 of 3)

June 17, 2010 By Contributor

I am a religious Jew, and I have had three unpleasant incidences of street harassment. This is the second and the most bizarre one [here’s the first one].

I was sitting on the downtown 1, desperately hoping that it would get me to Penn Station in time to catch my train. I was dressed in a t-shirt and a long skirt that made it easy to pick me out as a religious Jew. A 40-ish ultra-Orthodox guy with a long beard got on the train, picked me out as a “member of the tribe,” and insisted that we converse only in Hebrew. That was weird, but whatever, I’ve had interesting Hebrew conversations with friendly strangers on mass transit before.

It’s a little hard to translate, but this is the gist. He started off by asking me if I knew of a women’s seminary in the area, especially one that did singles’ events. I wasn’t sure. He asked if I could suggest any particular religious woman, age 30-50. I couldn’t. We established that I was 22, and I gave him my Hebrew name, not my English one.

Then he kept going on about how he wasn’t trying to “start up with me,” (connotation: flirt with me,) that he was a sensitive soul looking for a good woman, it wasn’t about lust (pointing at his crotch), not like those young guys who go pick up women at (gasp!) the beach! Then he kept saying, “I have something to say to you. Do you have time?” I kept answering, “So say it. I’m stuck on this train for now.” Based on the rest of what he was saying, I think what he meant was that he wanted to _speak with me_, but he was using the wrong words. (Remember, this conversation was all in Hebrew.) In any case it was clear that he wanted me to leave the train with him and go chat under a light in the park or something. Not happening! At various points in the conversation, he got very offended and angry, to the point that he was scaring me.

I nearly missed my stop as he protested, “But I’m a sensitive soul! I’m religious! How could you suspect me?!” To my horror he too got out at Penn Station. I ran as fast as I could through the LIRR concourse up to the NJ Transit concourse and my train, and either I lost him or he was going elsewhere.

Had he followed me into the station I would’ve reported him, but since he didn’t, I didn’t think there was anything I could do about him. I was just thoroughly creeped out.

– HD

Location: New York City subway

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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment Tagged With: Hebrew harasser, Jewish woman, new york city transit, sexual harassment, street harassment

Three organizations that care about women’s safety in public

June 16, 2010 By HKearl

In light of my recent post about if “the left” cares that women aren’t safe in public, which is rather a downer piece, I want to do an upper piece and point out three organizations that do care. I applaud them for taking this issue seriously.

1. United Nations: Through UNIFEM the UN has a comprehensive Safe Cities project. The initiative started in Peru and Argentina and has spread to other countries, such as India.

“Harassment and abuse of women and girls in public spaces is a rampant yet largely neglected issue. This module provides guidance on how to create safe cities and communities for women and girls to live a life free of violence drawing on the knowledge of experts and on existing programmes that work.  This advance version, walks you through essential programming elements, giving step-by-step guidance for implementation with illustrative case studies and links to tools and other resources.”

Printed out, it’s over 200 pages. I’m in the midst of reading through it and I’m impressed by its scope and am SO glad that an organization with the caliber of the UN is addressing this issue.

2. Government of Wales: Recently they launched a “One Step Too Far” Campaign that illustrates the slippery slope between harmless interactions and harassment in public places.

“The campaign asks individuals to re-assess the impacts of their own behaviour and that of their peers. The absolute cut-off between harmless and abusive is subject to debate, and depends on the context and on the individuals concerned. One thing is not open for debate however, and that is that any behaviour that degrades, humiliates or frightens a woman is unacceptable.

Gender discrimination stems from a man’s perceived sense of entitlement. It’s this attitude that gives him the green light to direct derogatory and unfair behaviour towards women. By accepting this behaviour- either as a woman or a man- we propagate this attitude in society as a whole.

If it’s ok to express these attitudes, then it’s ok to express these behaviours, right? And if it’s ok to express these behaviours, then where’s the harm in pushing it a bit further, right? Sexism falls within a continuum of harm, a slippery slope of ever-worsening behaviours that moves women further and further from where they’re entitled to be.

Physical violence towards women, sometimes resulting in death, is where that slippery slope ends. Which is why we must all challenge these attitudes.”

The hidden camera video is excellent and they list numerous resources. There’s also a comments section though I’d pass on it unless you love reading comments from men who think it’s perfectly fine to harass women in public who dress “a certain way.”

3. International Center for Research on Women: They are running an excellent initiative in India focused on changing boys’ and men’s attitudes about masculinity and gender issues, including addressing the rampant problem of street harassment, or eve teasing, there. One component of the initiative is called “Parivartan.” Through it, cricket coaches and role models on community cricket teams attend workshops on gender issues and then, because the others on the team look up to them, expose large groups of boys to healthy definitions of manhood and respect for women. This excerpt explains the impact on one of the participants:

Rajesh Jadhav via ICRW website

“…As is custom, Rajesh explains that women stood in a compartment [of the train] relegated for them. But the train was packed on this day, so some women were in the general area, alongside men. That’s when Rajesh saw a few men deliberately brush up against women. His eyes caught the pained looks on women’s faces.

Another time – actually, many other times – Rajesh says he was with friends when they harassed girls with lewd comments. He says he’s seen friends do so if they thought a girl was too tall. If they thought her skin was too dark. If she was with her boyfriend, they’d comment about what she did with him sexually.

In India, such behavior by Rajesh’s friends is called “eve teasing.” It runs the gamut, from making suggestive remarks to groping women, and is relatively common in public settings.

“I always used to feel … that we look at women and girls from a narrow perspective, and we make fun of their existence,” says Rajesh, who is pursing a bachelor’s degree in commerce at a nearby college – a rare opportunity in his community. “I’ve seen girls break down and cry and I couldn’t do anything.”

Until now.

These days, Rajesh has the confidence to speak out against mistreating women and girls. Sometimes, he even intervenes to stop it. He admits to being pressured to harass girls, too – and has in the past – but no more. “I know now that is harming someone’s dignity.”As a participant in ICRW’s Parivartan program, Rajesh has become an ambassador of sorts, preaching to his peers that women shouldn’t be controlled, and that men need to learn how to handle problems without using violence.”

So wonderful. Can we please get a similar program in the US?! Additionally, check out ICRW’s publication What Men Have to Do With It.

“Most policies that strive for equality still focus exclusively on empowering women and neglect the role that men can play in the effort. This report summarizes how policies of seven countries (Brazil, Chile, India, Mexico, South Africa, Norway and Tanzania) involve men in gender equality goals. The study also examines whether the policies address social norms that reinforce traditional perceptions of what it means to be a man. The authors analyze advances, challenges and remaining gaps in a range of policy arenas”

I am so grateful for the programs of these organizations and hope that other big groups will follow suit and address the fact that nearly all women and girls are unsafe and unwelcome in public spaces at least sometimes because of some boys and men. That won’t change until we all do our part to make sure it changes.

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Filed Under: street harassment Tagged With: eve teasing, International Center for Research on Women, one step too far, Parivartan, sexual harassment, street harassment, UNIFEM. United Nations, Wales

“I’m a feminist activist, so whoever just touched my arse just made a really stupid mistake.”

June 15, 2010 By Contributor

So, today I had a really good day. First, I see that the Welsh government are taking street harassment seriously in the fantastic “One Step Too Far” campaign. Then, I listen to Holly’s interview with Susan Bartelstone and felt even better: wow – people are starting to take this issue seriously! Then, having gone for a quick Friday afternoon drink with a colleague, I become depressed.

It’s my turn to get a drink, so I go to the bar to get a drink for me, my colleague and my boyfriend, who are enjoying the summer evening outside. Waiting at the bar, a guy in front of me who isn’t waiting to be served very politely moves aside for me to reach the bar. It becomes obvious that he is one of a group of four men hanging about the bar – he seems fine, and at least seems to possess some manners – but as I’m stood waiting to be served I feel a hand on my backside. I’m actually so shocked that I don’t move, I pretend I didn’t notice – because how the **** did that just happen?! Please tell me you didn’t just touch me because I’m a woman on my own at a bar?

Waiting for drinks, I can hear the guys behind me laughing about what they just did, whilst I formulate the ideal response. I try to be cool, and when I’ve paid and am heading away from the bar, I say “I’m a feminist activist, so whoever just touched my arse just made a really stupid mistake.”

I have NEVER seen such horrified expressions as I did on these guys – complete dismay and horror that a women had called them out on their actions. I walked away casually back to my boyfriend and friend. Ten minutes later, the politer of the bunch who had moved from the bar for me comes to ‘apologise’ for his idiotic friends. Reasonably nice guy, but why are you apologising for your friends? I reiterated that I don’t appreciate that kind of attention and it is unacceptable; he again apologised. Fair enough – maybe this affected these guys and made them think that this isn’t a good way to behave, but then: why the hell am I telling grown men how to behave?! Can you not see that this isn’t normal?

My one regret: I didn’t make a bigger scene and take a snap for hollaback. I wish I could think quicker.

– Jen

Location: The Friend at Hand pub, Bloomsbury, London

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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment Tagged With: arse grabbers, London, pub harassment, sexual harassment, standing up to harassers, street harassment

Thank you for showing respect

June 14, 2010 By Contributor

I have many street harassment stories….it happens to me almost every single day. But I really want to share a positive experience I had yesterday!

I was on the sidewalk about 10 last night, walking home from the metro station. I noticed a man crossing the street and walking in my general direction. He caught up to me as I turned the corner, but he made a point to walk in the middle of the street rather than staying close to me on the sidewalk. After about a block, he arrived at his car and nodded to me as I passed.

I kept walking, realizing that this man (a) recognized that a woman walking alone at night might reasonably feel unsafe if an unknown man were to walk too close, and (b) adjusted his path out of respect for my comfort.

A minute later, he drove by, and pausing across the street from me, he said through the open window, “Ma’am, I just wanna make sure you’re OK.”

Floored, I responded that I was fine and almost home. I told him that as a woman walking alone at night, I had noticed and appreciated his effort to give me ample space. Then, he said he’d stay where he was and watch to make sure I got home OK, if I didn’t mind. As I approached my building, I turned and nodded my thanks. He responded with a polite beep of his horn and drove off.

Sir, I know you’ll probably never see this, but just in case you do, thank you. Thank you for being aware of how your presence might affect a woman walking alone on a dark city street. Thank you for making me feel safe by keeping an obvious and comfortable physical distance. And thank you for going above and beyond to ensure that no other stranger on the street would have an opportunity to steal my sense of safety, for at least that one night.

Most days, I hear things like “Hey baby,” “What’s a sexy little thing like you doing out here all by yourself?” and “you better stop bending over before somebody gets excited.” I can’t describe how refreshing it was to be treated with such consideration and respect by a stranger.

– Noel

Location: Congress Heights neighborhood, Washington, DC

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Filed Under: Stories, street harassment Tagged With: male ally, respectful men, street harassment, success stories, treating women with respect

“His words leave a greasy residue, and we’re supposed to take it as praise”

June 14, 2010 By HKearl

Via google alerts, I came across this fantastic song about street harassment, written & performed by Emily Swashbuckle.

WordPress won’t let me embed the YouTube video. But here are the lyrics:

it’s mid-may; first heat wave
hits me like a brick
grab a friend and go to the lake and
have a quick picnic

sheet goes down, shoes come off
our skirts show our knees
man walks up to ask us
“where are your bikinis?”

after he leaves, we scratch at our arms to scrub off his gaze
his words leave a greasy residue, and we’re supposed to take it as praise

later in that same month
i’m walking down the block
i smile at each stranger
and then one cuts me off.

puts his hand on my arm
says, “you’re why boys like heat—
girls start to look so good
walkin’ down the street.”

i smile and try to walk by
he steps in my path
eyes wandering from my face
down to my exposed calves

i’m thankful it’s daylight
i finally dodge his grasp
look back just one time and—
he’s staring at my ass.

when i first get home i feel stupid for getting so scared
but then i get angry at the fact that that asshole dared
to touch me.

baby, it’s just a compliment!
baby, don’t be scared, i just think you’re PERFECT.
until you reject me— then you’re a frigid dyke
baby, i’ve got free speech, it’s my RIGHT.

WELL, NO.
you don’t have the inalienable right to get up in my face
you don’t have the inalienable right to violate my space
you don’t have the inalienable right to say “hey, nice legs, baby, let’s party.”

fuck
no.

Yeah!

Want to view or read the lyrics to more anti-street harassment songs? Visit the resources section of my website.

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Filed Under: Resources Tagged With: anti-street harassment song, emily washbuckle, song, street harassment

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